Happy 2009 Wall Watchers

I’m closing this ghastly laptop for the rest of the year now. I know, so fatalistic, but I’ll be back.

If you have to be out tonight, leave early or stay wherever you are late. I’m sure you are a responsible person on the roads this evening. It’s the other boneheads of which I would be concerned. If you have plans for 2009, cancel them. If you have a resolution, be resolute enough to know you won’t do it.

Take control of 2009 and don’t leave it to fate. The only thing you are predestined is life everlasting with Jesus… everything else is up to you. Sage counsel: The most magnificent and powerful thing God ever gave us is the power of choice. Think about it. God so loved the world, right? But you still have to choose his sacrifice on the cross and apply the blood to your life.

Consider that as the ball drops and the clock strikes midnight. Choose wisely and see the riches God has in store for you in 2009. Choose like a dunce who has no clue about the Word of God and see pretty much the same you had in 2008. Either way, God is waiting on you. He trusts you. Make him proud next year. Be blessed and tune in for more bountiful bricklaying and majestic masonry next year.

Peace.

Christian reality shows are “Uprising” on TV

During the HOLY days, I was checking out my favorites online and found a peculiar story on Ima Blogger that tickled me senseless and caused me to troll my TiVo. To further extend the plight of how the Church needs to find an original idea comes “Christian Reality TV”.

The story is from ABC News, which includes a video guaranteed to cause a giggle or two.

“The Uprising,” which launched on the Inspirational Network, features a trio of Christian pro skateboarders who try to convert people on the street. The cast includes Christian Hosoi, who said he got out of prison a few years ago after being locked up for possession of and intent to distribute crystal meth.

Before I get into the ratings coup this is sure to bring in, let’s discuss something that has always puzzled me about good-minded church folk. Why in the world are we the only ones who demand known by a moniker rather than our lifestyle? “Christian pro skateboarders”?

Maybe it’s just me, but I have found in the Yellow Pages, most businesses who advertise with an ichthus are the shady ones with a poor work ethic. [Fighting. So hard. Not to list names. I’ve dealt with. Struggling.] Why can’t we be known as our profession, and just happen to be great Christians in the process?! That’s a testimony – being known by the fruit of your labor. There’s something biblical there, but maybe I’m wrong.

Yeah, it's those guys

So, we have these skateboarders who go to church and love the Lord, and they get a TV show. So, what’s the difference between them and “The Bachelor,” “American Idol” or any drivel stirred up by MTV and VH1?

“I think the difference about our reality show,” cast member Jay Haizlip said, “is that a majority of the ones out there are degrading. They all have a huge element of rejection. It’s all about elimination. It’s all about, ‘We don’t need you anymore so we’re going to dispose of you.'”

As opposed to hell, which will dispose of all sinners, right? Anywhoo… carry on.

“I think there obviously is an element of that, that does appeal to people,” Haizlip said. “But I think the thing that is causing our reality show to blow up to the degree that it is, is because there is that part of compassion that is in people, as well, and watching this program is waking that up in them.”

Listen, I think this is great and will open up their ministries like gangbusters. It takes a special breed to do street evangelism, and these guys have moxie. Good for them… but a TV show? Do we not have any other ideas for Jesus TV? I have a few, for those of you who work for TBN:

1. 30 lovelorn folk in the same church, all angling to hook up with this youth pastor. It’s up to the pastor to find the scripture quoting – and living – chic in the mix. Call it “Cross my heart”. Nice, eh?
2. What about a cooking breakfast show? Farm it out to the Food Network about six “Christian Chefs” who discover while they are fighting for the same time slot, they are all from vastly different denominations. Call that “Unequally Yoked.” I got more.
3. For the educated pundits, we gather a bunch of post-grad theology students in a class room with homosexuals and evolutionists. Best exegisis of Sodom and Gomorrah wins. Call it “Who you calling a Homosapien”?! (Inspired by the Christian parody here)
4. Maybe a singing contest where all the people involved do nothing but craft tunes about the rapture. Call it “A Pack of Lips” (instead of “Apocalypse“. OK, it’s a stretch).

That’s it. I’m dry. Tip your waiters.

Can’t sell your soul even if you wanted, at least not on eBay

So, the economy is in a recession and alternative modes of selling has gone rococo – pawn shops, garage sales and layaway has even made a strong comeback.

I can imagine people are looking under the bed and in-between couch cushions for extra change, so naturally, this bizarre story would be the next progression of things from the Independent in England.

A musician fed up with his life was today barred from selling his soul to the highest bidder. Dante Knoxx, 24, offered the “used” item for a starting bid of £25,000.50 or a buy it now price of £700,000 on the internet auction site eBay. But eBay pulled the listing today with about two hours to go and no bids because it breached one of the firm’s policies.

Evidently, you can’t sell items that are not “physical” on America’s fun loving home office Web site.

Despite the obvious concerns about theology, evangelism and salvation, this dude seriously needs to get his tail into Church!

Here is a guy who has no care for what exists a spiritual battle thundering in the skies above all in an interest for a quick buck to make his rent and keep his Star Wars DVD collection in tact. Huh?

“Unfortunately where I live there are hardly any jobs to keep a creative person like myself employed in anything other than boring, mundane office jobs.” Mr Knoxx was planning to use the money to get his experimental music group, Paradigm, which he created with his friend Zakk Altair, up and running. He quit his “shoddy job” as a laptop repair technician and said: “I leave it to you, the denizens of Earth, to purchase my actual soul and in return allow me to acquire some tasty capital.”

So, this fool has a hankering to not make a decent living in an effort to get the band back together? Seriously? Man, give up the Fender strat and pick up the classifieds. Maybe your soul is worth a little more if you have a career plan. Just a thought.

Apocalypse Watch: The Pope can’t pack ’em in like he used to

Maybe some slick political advertising would help?

Not so long, the man who occupies 1 Vatican Circle at St. Peter’s Basilica could really pack in a portico. The throng of Catholic devoutees hurling their Papal foam fingers in the air just to catch a glimpse of Il Papa fanning a blessing downward.

But alas, those were the good John Paul days. Today, a new regime of Benedict looms and the people… well, they seem to have scampered according to this story from Reuters.

Data out this week shows that 534,500 people attended his 42 general audiences in 2008 — or about 12,726 people each audience. That compares to 729,100 people at his 44 audiences in 2007 – or about 16,570 people per audience. More than a million people attended his general audiences in 2006, his first full year as pope.

So, you don’t think the ECONOMY has anything to do with this, do you? Regardless of how little people spend on a round-trip ticket to Rome, it’s still five hundred friggin’ dollars. You know how much gas and groceries that’ll buy?!

MEMO to all Roman Catholics in this country: Make it a “stay-cation“. These are usually terms reserved for those who don’t have the discretionary income to travel to a resort or, you know, the homeless. Make the best of it in your own backyard.

So make it a day – get all lathered up, dawn your bleached robe, bling out your rosary, visit your local diocese and have a “Get to know your Bishop day”. That’ll put some fun back in the Catholic Church, right? Ah, good times.

The Amish takes building codes back to the 90s, the 1890s

Yawn and stretch! Fresh from a luxurious Christmas getaway, I was looking around my own humble abode thinking if I had the rich crown molding in here that was in my hotel room, my resale value would go through the roof (ok, pun intended). But I’m not the most handy person in the world, despite whether they can help or not,

So, here I troll the Intertube finding a story in the Town of Franklin, Wisconsin that makes me green with envy, and a little red from laughing out loud.

Daniel Borntreger’s home looks like hundreds of other Wisconsin farmhouses: two-story A-frame, porch, clothes on the line. But his home could cost him thousands of dollars in fines. Borntreger, an Amish farmer, built the house himself according to Amish tradition—but without a building permit.

His case is among at least 18 legal actions brought against Amish residents in Wisconsin and New York in the past year and a half for building without proper permits, according to court records, attorneys and advocates for the Amish.

So, these persnickety Amish building homes according to codes. Of course, the only boorish codes they are familiar with is the pesky Hammarabi code of “an eye for an eye” fame and choose to rest on their laurels. You see, to obey the laws of the land is sacrilege to them.

It’s understandable to stand firm on religious conviction, but when you do it by breaking the law, is it biblical?

“They just go ahead and don’t listen to any of the laws that are affecting anybody else. It’s quite a problem when you got people next door required to get permits and the Amish don’t have to get them,” said Gary Olson, a county supervisor in central Wisconsin’s Jackson County, where Borntreger lives.

Yeah, and then there’s that whole witnessing thing of which to be concerned. Amazing how God just gets in the way all the time. Sigh.