Posts Tagged ‘sin’

Benny Hinn and Paula White red handed, literally

I love my pastor, but I ain't holding his hand!

Sounds so seedy, doesn’t it?

Both went to Rome for a Vatican getaway, allegedly at the Pontiff’s behest (yeah, like he needs her advice).

So when all of the sudden out of the catacombs arrives an ill-mannered paparazzi photographer and snapped the two during their Italian tryst shopping for a glove that fit for two, the evangelical world stopped on a dime.

Naturally, both “independently determined” this report was utter poppycock (although they repeated each others’ press release), and the news kept on coming. From blogs to mainstream Christian media, no one believed them and everyone doubted them.

Hinn is a husband scorned by an ex-wife who thinks her own miniskry is taking off and White… well, she thinks she is at a swap meet outside Compton most of the time anyway so we will just move on.

Indubitably, they both took a hit and considering both are in the news more for what they are not doing for the Gospel, I would say this could create a ripple in the financial blessings of both of their worlds. Something had to be done… and wouldn’t you know it?

Benny Hinn came forward in an exclusive with Charisma magazine. Well, kinda.

Evangelist Benny Hinn recently admitted at a crusade in Oakland, Calif., to having a “friendship” with fellow minister Paula White while he’s still married after a tabloid pictured them holding hands in Rome on July 13. But the well-known healing minister says the relationship is over.

Paula White and Benny Hinn still just friends

Yes, we're single and we like to mingle.

So, here’s a thought:

Brother Benny, what in the world do you call the “things” you have with fellow male ministers in the TBN circuit? Holy Ghost encounters?

No, you call them friendships, you dolt. You know, like the rest of the world.

You may roll with the Holy Ghost a lot more than most of us, but I’m fairly certain that doesn’t mean you are smarter than the rest of us.

Here’s a news flash – I’m married, and I have “friendships”. With women. [Cue scary music]. And guess what, I don’t fly them to Rome to buy Gucci, fool.

But just in case the Church wasn’t on to the rouse Captain Nehru was exhibiting, there’s more to this uh, “confession”:

“A friendship did develop,” Hinn said of White in Oakland on July 30. “Hear this: No immorality whatsoever. These people out there are making it sound like we had an affair. That’s a lie.”

Dude, your wife split and Paula left her man while he was sick and bankrupt. A classy catch she does not make, but meh? Whatever floats your coifed hairpiece… eh, hairdo.

So, you were friends, big deal. MEMO to Benny Hinn’s internal PR-ish department: I have friends and I don’t fly their narrow behinds to Rome and hold hands longingly. Friends don’t let friends get caught by the National Enquirer. Only “Hollywood lite” folks with too much time on their hands. Well, in this case… in their hands. (Thanks, I’m here until Tuesday.)

To wrap up the interview, we have the most real words Hinn echoed:

“I don’t care how strong you are,” Hinn added. “I don’t care if the anointing of God is mighty on you. Nobody wants to be alone. I don’t care who you are. I am a human being just like you.”

Yes, Brother Benny. Yes, you are. You stink like us. You mislead like us. You lie like a dog like us. And you did all of them with this report.
“Birds of a feather flock together” is an old adage for a reason. It’s been true for so many years. You know who marries cops? Lots of other cops. Lawyers? That’s right, attorneys and the occasional paralegals.

So, why is it so hard to believe that national televangelists would not find more than just “common ground” in each other’s company?
That’s understandable… still rather gross, but at least we get it.

Admit that and you gain respect. Admit to a harrowing “friendship” as if you are some eunuch with a slow pulse and people laugh at you even more. Surely, you must have asked the Holy Ghost that one.

Well, then again, maybe not.

And before you ask, yes, this is legit sans photoshop.

That is a Playboy magazine cover with what looks like a silly choir boy depicting Jesus Christ holding hands with a half butt-naked, Portuguese model. And although this is completely blasphemous, you think anyone is raising a kerfuffle about this?

What’s that? Haven’t heard this story on CNN? Didn’t catch wind of this through ABC? Was even a mystery on TBN and Daystar, for God’s sake?

Yeppers.

Why did they do something so heinous, so sardonic and so blatant. ‘Cause they can.

Once again, my theory rings true: Christianity is the world’s only legal prejudice – without reprocussion, without fear.

And add to the list the publisher of Playboy Portugal. Well, former publisher as it seems even porno, viagra should-be spokesman Hugh Hefner has scruples, according to MSNBC.

Theresa Hennessy, who is vice president of public relations at Playboy, told the newspaper, “We did not see or approve the cover and pictorial in the July issue of Playboy Portugal,” adding that “it is a shocking breach of our standards and we would have not allowed it to be published if we had seen it in advance.”

“We are in the process of terminating our agreement with the Portuguese publisher,” Hennessy said.

Ya’ think?! Yes, it would be lovely if Christians everywhere united and got off their blessed assurance to call the publication and demand more than just a slight “termination” (because you know the executives will be given jobs at Playboy Ukraine or something like that). But I enjoy living so I don’t think I will hold my breath.

What I will do is this: groan, kick and scream at anyone who bothers to spread the crap a skosh too thin with the half-baked “It’s freedom of press and speech” argument. Can you imagine if that was Muhammad on the cover? Hell, Louis Farrakhan even?

Hef’s brothel would be carpetbombed within the hour! Yet, here we go, back to church on Sunday, “Gurl… can you believe that cover. Child, please. You know God don’t like ugly.”

“Come on HiScrivener. They are cancelling the publication. What more do you want?”

Yeah, not so fast. Here’s the real reason:

The magazine’s Portuguese subsidiary, Frestacom-Lisbon Media Publishing, reportedly neglected to show the cover to Playboy before publication, thereby breaching the licensing agreement between the two companies.

Ah well. So much for scruples.

Before I delve into this rant that has a brother scalding under the ministerial collar, allow me to share a divine perspective:

These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies and one who sows discord among brethren. (Proverbs 6:16-19 NKJV)

God hates fags is not even close what God wants to say

Sure, they can spell and coordinate colors. But, yeah, still stupid.

Now while others are acting too spiritual, let’s be real. Every one of us has transgressed at least one of these abysmal things that God hates – not feels uncomfortable, not strongly discourages, not doesn’t get a good feeling… no, he HATES these things.

That’s necessary to stress because while it is good for fun and yuks to bash a gay person in order for folk to feel all glorified, God does not hate gay people! Not one bit. If that were the case, it would be listed there.

Apparently, there is one sorely misled and misinformed group of “believers” that love to pray to God and in their spare time, they picket dead U.S. soldiers funerals and blame their death on “fags”. Keeping it classy in the 21st century.

Well, much to their chagrin and the applause of the rest of us, one military dad is taking their heathen behinds to court, according to MSNBC.com:

Hundreds of grieving families have been targeted by the Westboro Baptist Church, which believes military deaths are the work of a wrathful God who punishes the United States for tolerating homosexuality. Most mourners try to ignore the taunts. But [Marine father, Albert] Snyder couldn’t let it go. He became the first to sue the church to halt the demonstrations, and he’s pursued the group farther than anyone else.

I’m flabbergasted it took this long. Those people resemble as much of Christianity as Adolf Hitler did of God’s love. These are vile human beings who believe the Bible is there for them, and them only. They’re not out for witnessing, outreach or the Great Commission. All these troglodytes care about is saying what’s wrong with life and who is to blame for it.

In other words, if I was in the habit of hurling eff bombs like hand grenades, I would unload an arsenal on these tools. It’s shameful what they do… and try to pass it off as God’s will, way and work in this earth.

Snyder’s lawsuit accuses the Topeka, Kan., church of invading his privacy and intentionally inflicting emotional distress. He has the backing of his ex-wife and his two daughters, but Snyder insisted on being the only plaintiff.

Yeah, because that’s how you thank the brave men and women who have fought for our freedom – or worse yet, died for it – by defaming the way in which they did it. MEMO to Westboro: You are in Kansas. The next time there’s a tornado, please take a very close look for Auntie Em twirling in that joker. Please?

If those DBs had done anything in their bible study classes except figure out what catchy headlines to plaster on their Wal-Mart poster boards, they would have read and researched a few things in the bible that may show them how idiotic they are:

“If we give up and turn our backs on all we’ve learned, all we’ve been given, all the truth we now know, we repudiate Christ’s sacrifice and are left on our own to face the Judgment—and a mighty fierce judgment it will be!” (Hebrews 10:26 MSG)

Still not making a dent?

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. (1 John 4:7-9 NLT)

Listen, there is nothing that says love about these signs, actions or people. They are disgusting representations of what Christ demands from his children. And, honestly, the next time it rains in Topeka, I would drive as far and fast down the Kansas turnpike as possible. Things could get a little hot.

Oh, one other thing, if any of these soldiers are British, you’re only telling their parents that God hates cigarettes. In that case, thanks for the public service announcement. Now, you may shut up.

By the way, save your free speech argument. The U.S. Constitution never meant to allow this kind of mental disease, badgering and borderline torture for the parents of dead soldiers who have to endure these attacks.

Privacy is protected, as is free speech. With this being the blurry line between the two, I think we just need to have the pastor of this “church” and old man Snyder rock the Octagon and get down with some MMA action.

That’ll show someone a righteous action – the “laying on of hands ministry” and the “vengeance of God.” Have mercy.

Stealing an offering; Receiving a beating

Perhaps they would not have been caught if they saw CSI?

Just when you thought we were all done with Easter stories and could go back to a shameful televangelist, an abusive priest or even someone actually living for God and for real, we come across two dimwitted broads who evidently didn’t get enough from the Easter Bunny and decided to hop in to holiday yore with their latest stunt.

According to the Sacramento Bee, two women took advantage of being “just a visitor” at the Church of the Nazarene on Arden Way and decided to make their way out the door of the church office with “between $10,000 and $25,000 in cash and checks” before anyone could verify who they were. Classy.

The women – described as African Americans in their 20s – left in a faded black ’80s sedan, Jones said. One was wearing a purple shirt, the other a black shirt, Jones said. No arrests have been made. Church members who made an offering with a check during the early service have been advised to stop payment.

Yes, please stop payment unless you would like your Easter offering to go Ray’s Pawn Shop on the south side for some cheap fur coat, a used Nintendo DS and possibly a pack of Lucky Strikes.

How fast do you have to want to get to hell when you steal from a church on Easter Sunday? I’m sure these women weren’t after money for the rent – they staked the joint and got sticky fingered when no one was looking.

Perhaps the synopsis of this dastardly deed was best summarized by “longtime parishioner and former state Assemblyman Larry Bowler,” whose subjective point of view should be a DVD extra on “Cops” or something:

To steal from anyone is an outrage. To steal from a church is a double outrage and to steal from a church on Easter Sunday – that is beyond outrage,” Bowler said.

Okay, no more Mr. Nice HiScrivener.

The insolent negligence on behalf of the Catholic Church and even His now-apparent-not-so-Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI is overwhelming. Any one seen the latest from the New York Times? No? Here’s the headline:

Vatican Declined to Defrock U.S. Priest Who Abused Boys

Courtesy: New York Times (He's the tool "praying")

Here’s the summary: Reverend” Lawrence Murphy was a priest in Milwaukee, Wis. who apparently had no business being a priest, much less around kids. This sinful derelict was worked as principal at the St. John’s School for the Deaf from 1950 – 1974.

Get that, DEAF kids. Murphy was ousted from that position when he was found as a crooked malefactor who “admitted to molesting at least thirty, and may have sexually abused more than 100 boys at St. John’s.”

He admitted to denigrating the lives of more than 100 boys to solely cop a feel. Priestly, ain’t it?

What happened to Murphy? Apparently no one asked and thanks to the old gray lady, we now know. NOTHING!

Who’s to blame for this unrighteous reprobate getting by for child molestation? Pope Benedict XVI.

Now before you get off claiming I’m a blasphemer and “touch not mine anointed,” this is reporting the facts. And, before you get all dexterous, think about this – some sleazy assistant principal who claims he’s a Christian at your son’s school gets handsy and your kid tells you about it. What do you do? Pray about it because you want to make sure God approves? Uh, not so much.

You grab the closest gun, vial of holy water and march straight to the school.

Now, say that same dude did it to 100, 200 or even 300 boys. Deaf boys. And the principal was told about this heinous act MANY TIMES and still did nothing to his assistant. Who are you mad at now? Hmmm… yeah, that’s what I thought. Back to the story.

The internal correspondence from bishops in Wisconsin directly to Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the future pope, shows that while church officials tussled over whether the priest should be dismissed, their highest priority was protecting the church from scandal.

Classy. 300 kids who already can’t talk have to deal with nightmares of a so-called “man of the cloth” molesting them and these nefarious nitwits are primarily concerned about a negative PR hit.

Seriously!? By the 70s, priest and child abuse were as much of a tandem in the headlines as Sonny & Cher; yet, no calls to parents, no punishment for the priest and no public apology. Nothing. Instead, then Cardinal B16 sat on his blessed assurance and looked for the closest Persian rug to sweep ol’ Murphy under.

Evidently, that broom was busy for the next 20 years…

In 1996, Cardinal Ratzinger failed to respond to two letters about the case from Rembert G. Weakland, Milwaukee’s archbishop at the time. After eight months, the second in command at the doctrinal office, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, now the Vatican’s secretary of state, instructed the Wisconsin bishops to begin a secret canonical trial that could lead to Father Murphy’s dismissal.

Two years later, God finally intervened and Murphy died… still a priest! Good riddance, but as a certain book Il Papa has read declares, “God is not mocked… a man sows what he reaps.”

News came out following this tool’s death that Murphy has been accused of soliciting sex from children in the confessional and in the middle of the night in their dormitory or his bedroom… for more than 20 years.

You cuss at a referee in sports, you will be suspended. You do drugs on the job, you are fired. You molest and abuse more than 300 kids over a span of two decades, no defrocking (removal of priestly duties and that dirty collar), no nothing. If you’re a crook, I know where you can get a gig.

Father Murphy not only was never tried or disciplined by the church’s own justice system, but also got a pass from the police and prosecutors who ignored reports from his victims, according to the documents and interviews with victims. Three successive archbishops in Wisconsin were told that Father Murphy was sexually abusing children, the documents show, but never reported it to criminal or civil authorities.

Did Murphy have pictures of other priests? Something on tape? Tell me he was this master spy who could take down the Papacy with the dirt he had, which is why he went away without a spank on the wrist – much less handcuffs.

As to why Father Murphy was never defrocked, he [Vatican spokesman, Rev. Federico Lombardi] said that “the Code of Canon Law does not envision automatic penalties.” He said that Father Murphy’s poor health and the lack of more recent accusations against him were factors in the decision.

His health?! Who the hell cares about his health after he damaged the mental health of more than 300 kids who, up until Father Pervert got in touch with them, loved God and wanted to worship him. Now how’s their relationship with Christ? You think they blame God for the nightmares? Just a skosh.

His health. Kushite, please!

Listen, as a child of God and someone who works with the media, I clearly understand the Church is under attack. Name the denomination or religion and I’ll show you a story:

  • Catholics – Child Abuse
  • Episcopalians – Openly gay appointed Bishops
  • Baptists – Pastors who make Glenn Beck look tame
  • Mormons – Holy underwear and multiple marriages
  • Pentecostals – Old fashioned and starving kids
  • Evangelicals – Um, Ted Haggard, Benny Hinn, Kenneth Copeland, Pat Robertson and so much more…

What do all of these groups have in common? Jesus Christ! All claim to follow him and none are doing a great job. Every time there is a headline that makes the planet scoffs, who gets the blame? Father Murphy? These idiots in pulpits? Nope. God.

The world is still in God's hands. Praise the Lord.

Ultimately, the question always comes from a good-minded Atheist, journalist or Christian, “Why are these bad things happening in the church under God’s nose, and why does he allow them?”

Answer: I have no clue, but I can assure you for each one of these sinister dealings, there are millions of well-intending, spiritual-living, God-adoring people who negate this news on a daily basis. The only problem is these folk don’t have the headlines so people go on blaming God despite the righteous works of many.

There are wolves in wool everywhere and it is up to us – those who love God unashamedly and unabashed – to stand up, speak out and shut down the negativity with God’s work. Pastors, evangelists, teachers and lay people – we need to unite and crush the works of the enemy. Where is it happening? Everywhere. So how can you help? Fervent prayer.

You know things are getting bad when kids are dying on the inside and the only concern is, “How is this going to affect our reputation?”

Somehow, the Lord is in control and despite the ire of the enemy and the obvious victories he is earning, God will have the final say.

Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and the earth is Yours; Yours is the kingdom, O Lord, and Yours it is to be exalted as Head over all. (1 Chronicles 29-11 AMP).

Until then, let’s do a better job Church and slam the frock out of any demonic force that tries to get in our way. As for the Pope, enjoy the PR. According to Google, you are getting a lot of it.