Archive for the ‘Denominational Fun’ Category

The P.C. Express continues in an concentrated effort to rid the world of a God that spoke his mind back in the day, had any sort of opinion of social issues or you know… could have a gender.

Forget the family. Make it one room fits all.

And to save space, the Scottish Church now has one bathroom

First, there was the “Genderless Bible,” which started the debate that Jesus died for all kind – not mankind, just all kind. Ridiculous. And now, we have the deranged actions of the Scottish Episcopal Church in which the slew of female priests are getting miffed about all the personal pronoun usage going one-sided when discussing God as a “he”.

The Telegraph (UK) discusses this new – and mildly defective – form of worship, which removes words such as “Lord, he, his, him” and “mankind” from services, has been written by the church in an attempt to acknowledge that God is “beyond human gender”.

The controversial changes were discussed at the church’s General Synod recently. The minutes of the synod reveal that female priests had asked why God was still referred to as a man. The altered version of the 1982 Liturgy sees masculine pronouns removed when they refer to God and the new approach has even been extended to humans. For example, the word “mankind” has been taken out and replaced with “world”.

Man. Woman. Pat from SNL?

I suppose Pat moonlights in Scotland as a priest.

Seriously?! This milquetoasting of the Scriptures is allowed to exist. I get a slew of politicians doing their best not to upset their constituents, but to have this bastardization of deity to exist within the walls of the Church is appalling. It’s heresy.

And guess what female priests of Scotland? This is going to put quite an increase in his testosterone. There’s more…

Direct quotations from the Bible have been spared change, because of a reluctance to interfere with the word of God. However, the blessing at the end of services has been changed by some ministers from “Father, Son and Holy Spirit” to “Creator, Redeemer and Sanctifier”.You know, I once heard that if someone performs a task, they liked to be thanked for it. Tsk. Tsk.

“The changing of God language is a little tricky,” admitted Rev Darren McFarland, convener of the church’s liturgy committee. “We are not saying God is not masculine. God is also feminine. The problem is trying to use human language to describe the indescribable.

What’s interesting is he could be right… but I am fairly certain they are not that smart to be this mischievous. The Hebrew and Christian scriptures have  traces of maternal imagery that have not been overridden by the patriarchs. This includes breast and nursing imagery, of which even the title of God used in Exodus 6:2-3.

Did you know (because I know these old sods didn’t) that El Shaddai is traditionally interpreted as the Almighty, but may be interpreted as the Many Breasted One from the Hebrew word shad, meaning breast, instead of using the Akkadian word shadu meaning mountain.

See, how can God send his son here to be touched with all of our feelings, if men and women feel differently?

Maybe, because HIS characteristics are to fully understand both men and women. We are made in HIS image, after all… or should we redefine that one as well?

Some churches have realized what TBN declared a long, long time ago – let’s just make Christianity one big clique and only talk to other Jesus thinking folk.

I suppose that way, they know they won’t have to roll up their sleeves, get caught up in a biblical debate and won’t get any of that sinner schmutz on their shoes.

A message for all militant Christians

Just Sayin

Such is life for the Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Fla., which is the same church that got in trouble for posting a “No Homo Mayor” sign against an openly gay mayoral candidate.

Keeping it classy!

Yep, this is a church whose touchy-feely approach to witnessing has propelled them in headlines because of the huge ‘Islam is of the devil’ sign in their front yard. And to further the conversation of most loving church ever, the pastor, Terry Jones, has a book with the same name.

Theological opinions aside, I’m going to go out on a limb and presume this is not how to change lives and influence people for Jesus.

Anywhoo, this same church has increased their affinity for local Muslims over their plans to host the International Burn a Koran [sic] Day, according to WOW News’ Pew Forum.

We feel, as Christians, one of our jobs is to warn,” said Jones. The goal of these and other protests are to give Muslims an opportunity to convert, he said. In response to the posting of the event on Facebook a little more than a week ago, Jones said that people have been mailing Qurans to the church to burn. He said organizers got the idea, in part, from another Facebook page, called “Everybody Draw Muhammad Day.”

To warn? Seriously? That’s our number one calling in life. And even if it was, pastor, what Muslim is going to listen to that “warning”?! Name one… I’ll wait.

No one – Muslim, Buddhist, Mormon, et al – wants to be classified as a borderline Satanist. There’s no warning there. That’s antagonism. And then to burn their holy writ? What is this, a filming of “Footloose“?!

Where’s the warning and love of God in that? It’s not there, and although the flame consumption is a skosh prophetic, what affect do you really think you are having on the Body of Christ or the population of heaven with this marshmallow roast? Because the answer is zero.

You are a twit and you’re setting the entire Church look like troglodytes, Pastor Jones.

Don’t believe me? Watch what happens the next time I witness to a Muslim. “So, would you burn my book?” Instead of a chance to pierce someone’s soul with the life-changing word of God, we have to do triage PR because of this dolt’s stunt

Imagine if some Imam were to have a fish-fry with a few dozen Bibles, and then thought to witness to Christians passing by about the love of Muhammad. Who in their right Jesus-loving mind would listen to that guy without pummeling him in the name of God first?

Answer: No one. Which is about how many people this will reach for the benefit of the kingdom.

Neither is there salvation in any other; for there is none other name under heaven given among men whereby we must be saved. (Acts 4:12)

One way to heaven, as we can see. Unfortunately, this pastor hasn’t figured out how to drive any one there or even give directions. Pity.

I have often uttered a phrase of resolution, and typically it is directed at apathetic Christ followers (or those who say they are… but meh?) for their lack of commitment:

Get off your blessed assurance and do something!

Jesus in an orange

Jesus? Orange you glad something is being done?

How can you expect God to work through you if he can’t get to you? (MEMO to all pastors: You may use that free of charge, but uh, source a brother).

Many Christians are faced with the dilemma on a frequent basis.

It’s no secret most folk walk their walk in their pastor’s shoes. Regardless of the size of his feet, at least he is doing the walking… and that is quite okay for those lethargic slugs.

Now, that pandemic is being addressed through the “Orange Movement.” Yeah, the “Orange” movement:

At a time when an estimated two-thirds or more of the younger generation is walking from the Christian faith after high school, churches (yellow for light) and families (red for heart) are realizing the need to become true partners.

Oh, I see. The red… and the yellow… carry the one… get orange… yeah, moving on:

Todd Clark, founding pastor of Discovery Church in Simi Valley, Calif., contends the Orange philosophy combats what he calls “surrogate faith.” Just as a surrogate mother carries a child that is not her own but for someone else, there are many Christians who are carrying a faith that is not their own, Clark explained at The Orange Conference.

Oh, testify my brother! Ain’t that the truth? How many Christ followers end up broke, busted and disgusted because their faith level can’t exceed John 3:16? And that is because they watch a lot of football?

There is something to this color coding of faith. We are to be the light of the world, and we are washed by the blood of the lamb. But what happens when they can’t get through us to see Jesus?

We have to meet them in the middle. And trust me, if you suck as a witness for Christ, then they will blow right by you who should be all orange and miss the scarlet red love of Jesus.

Pastor Clark is on to something, Wall Watchers. Something we should all mind closely.

“They (parents) want us to do baptism to them (children) and not with them; they want us to basically program out the child’s life to where the church is responsible for their faith rather than the parent and that way the parent never has to go to God. They can get everything through their favorite book,” Clark lamented.

However, what happens to that lazy Christian when that lukewarm pablum book is out of reach? How does this person walk on the water when he hasn’t spent time in the Bible long enough to know how to swim? How can a child become a child of God when the only father he knows doesn’t introduce him to the father in heaven he should know?

Evidently, the answer is somewhere between red and yellow.

Jesus. In Orange.

Orange Jesus is watching you.

Home and church are two crucial links to someone’s walk with Christ. And if the homelife is rocky, church isn’t going to be a picnic.

Also, is church folk act like – well, you know – church folk, then meditation with God at home is going to be about as long as Wilt Chamberlain’s… well, his mama’s… pinkie.

Very few things in life are really as they same, but most of can rely on the colors of the rainbow. The prism of which we use to look at life is about as real Jesus wants us to be.

Providing we are not color blind or so completely desensitized from the light of God that all we see is black, then we should understand what it takes to be effective for Christ.

We are far from perfect, so being red is obviously out. And unless you represent the entire body of Christ (and by the way most of you drive… and still have an Ichthus on the ride, you do not), then I would suggest avoid yellow and working out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

Because, quite honestly, as long as you are sitting on the couch praying and wishing for more Christians to do your jober, something, the only thing you will be working is my last nerve.

Lord, hear my orange prayer.

The real Iron Man? (Courtesy: AP)

Just in the nick of time, heeee’s baaaack.

I was getting concerned Jesus didn’t have enough airline miles to make it to Earth for a cameo, but as always Wall Watchers (say it with me)…

He may not be early, but he’s always right on time. Amen!

Meet Mary Jo Coady from Methuen, Mass.

Coady, a recently separated (put a pin in that) and heavily Catholic mother of two college-age daughters, was tiding up around her home when suddenly she noticed an awkward steam impression illuminating from her iron.

I mean, plug it in and it would have been the burning bush.

The smoky residue from her GE iron created a deified image that is reminiscent of the Shroud of Turin. Or, in this case, of Methuen?

“I’m not telling people they have to see what I see, or believe what I believe,’’ Coady told the Globe today. “They are entitled to their opinion. There’s nothing wrong with that.’’ She added, “but I also know that there are people out there like me that believe and have faith. And this is a good thing.’’

That’s good because she has been plastering the steam-pressed Savior all over her Facebook page asking for everyone else’s entitled opinion as well.

Coady, whose husband recently split causing her faith to wane a skosh, says that the dry clean deity reassures her that “life is going to get better.”

Hey, if that’s what it takes, then God bless her. The only sad thing is noting she was recently separated… and for those who don’t agree with her on Facebook, now they have an idea as to the cause.

Today… well, scratch that… TONIGHT is when many families gallivant from house to house begging for candy. Others, more paranoid, go to malls or the ubiquitous “Fall Festivals”. Safer, but no more of a beating.

And then there are those fools who use this night to express misguided angst under the cloak of religion. That’s about all it gets credited as… the vandals, the criminal activity, the sacrifices. Oh, did I get your attention now?

The point is this is a real day, one not granted for peace and love. Rather, the rumor mill is a little more of a fact clearinghouse. The witches, the skulls, the dismay – all there, all true.

I have lil’ Wall Watchers, so I give them some fun and not play the legalism blues. However, what they know and what I know are two different things. What do you know? Check the video… a little Cross Eyed evangelism early, if you will.

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more about “Halloween and the only Ghost to care …“, posted with vodpod