Posts Tagged ‘vote’

This is a story with the happiest ending of all.

Once upon a time there was a man named Jesus who came to this jacked-up place to sacrifice his life for mankind.

You see, his Daddy determined a perfect sacrifice is what was necessary to redeem the lives of the rest of us. So, there he was. Resting on the cross, burdened with the sins of every nasty person on earth, asked by the masses, “How much do you love us?”

And he opened his arms t…h…i…s much… and he died.

It was a gift to all of us, but like with any coupon, you have to redeem it in order to reap the rewards. You know, that implies a choice. As in, a choice all of us have to make in order to experience what happened those more than 2,000 years ago.

Fast forward to today and we meet a boy named Barack who completely lied through his grape Kool-Aid stained lips and pearly whites to every child of God he met in order to win their vote. He told them he would go to church for a vote. And that he would talk about Jesus for a vote.

But… not so much. Just ask him, like this chic did.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Seriously. Anyone catch that dazzling epiphany?

I am a Christian by choice,” Obama began, standing beneath a blazing sun, when asked why he is a Christian. “I came to my Christian faith later in life, and it was because the precepts of Jesus Christ spoke to me in terms of the kind of life that I would want to lead,” Obama said.

“Being my brothers’ and sisters’ keeper. Treating others as they would treat me. And I think also understanding that, you know, that Jesus Christ dying for my sins spoke to the humility that we all have to have as human beings.”

Man, that’s deep. He may be calling on Jesus, but I call B.S.

Doesn’t he understand this didn’t fool a soul?! He is a Christian… wait for it… by choice. Oh. Oh. Wait. One other thing. He is also subject to… wait for it… by the forces of gravity.

Yes, sports fans. As much as Barack Obama is compared to the Messiah, he really can’t walk on water, doesn’t encounter stigmata or get offended when folk cuss using his name. Yet when confronted by a mild-mannered victims of his romancing swoons of deceit regarding his faith, he issues two half-baked verses and connected them to some universal thought that would make Carlton Pearson shout for joy.

“This is a country that is still predominantly Christian, but we have Jews, Muslims, Hindus, atheists, agnostics, Buddhists” and others, he said, adding that “their own path to grace is one that we have to revere and respect as much as our own, and that is part of what makes this country what it is.

Country? Yes. Kingdom of God… you know, heaven? No way.

Someone needs to get a memo to our betrothed president and let him know that Jesus Christ is not a politician. In fact, he could care less. So while Barack Obama is wailing on and on about how folk in this country are singing Kumbaya, he still isn’t any closer to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ unless he stops farting around and gets real.

Choose that… then you’re a Christian. And not one second sooner. That’s no story, Mr. President. That’s real life. Brother.

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Thanks to WOW News’ Dan Gilgoff of U.S. News’ “God & Country” fame, we have an interesting Gallup poll result that shows the most supportive and non-supportive religious groups of the BarackStar.

As much as the election cycle hit COGIC churches causing many pastors of the community to drool feverishly like Cujo, you would Protestants would skyrocket to the top of list. Nope.

Evidently, all this ballyhoo about socializeder, universal health care and offering every banking institution in this country a golden parachuteer, part of the stimulus package, it seems Jews heart the president.

Gallup Jews love the president

You do understand the irony here? Right?

President Obama isn’t the most “pro-Israeli” commander-in-chief. No, nothing about the whole “Hussein” thing; it’s his policy. Recently, in his United Nations’ speech, he declared, “Israel has been occupying the Palestinian State since 1967.”

While his ratings were glowing on Al-Jazzera TV, I’m sure there were a few Jews in this country – and their country – that weren’t too entirely thrilled to hear that mess.

Lots of American Jews, according to pollsters, tend to vote Democratic as seen in Florida and Pennsylvania last year. Notwithstanding that, this number has plummeted from 83 percent in January.

It seems all that shmoozing for Iranian favor has a few Jews… well, calling bupkes.

The moral of this poll? Anyone can fake it for a few months but after a while, even those you lie with begin to demand an explanation.

So, in case you live in Michael Jackson’s old hyperbaric chamber (I’m sure it’s on eBay), I’m sure you know someone – if not gotten the cooties personally – who has caught H1N1, affectionately known as “Swine Flu.

Flu in the PewsIt’s so bad out there, there’s a new verb about to be included in the global lexicon – purelled.

I mean, I break wind and grab a bottle of that magical salve in case some of those airborne rockets lands on my fingertips.

You’ve seen that green bottle of gold everywhere – college campuses, office lobbies, restrooms and even football stadiums.

However, this next story from the Pennsylvania Patriot-News gives a fresh and sanitized meaning to “Cleanliness is next to godliness” as holy water is being replaced by… you guessed it, hand sanitizer.

“In an effort to minimize exposure to the H1N1 flu and other diseases, we have joined other Catholic churches in temporarily removing the Holy Water from the entrances to the Cathedral,” the St. Patrick Cathedral bulletin informed parishioners on Sunday.

Apparently, the sign of the Cross isn’t good enough for church-going folk. Now, we will place our flu-ridden bodies in the hands of the Red Cross.

“Please remember that when greeting people before and after Mass and during the Sign of Peace, a simple head bow can replace the handshake and be healthier for everyone,” the bulletin said.

No more shaking hands during service. Keep the flu out of the pews, brothers and sisters! Now, it’s just the knowing nod until further notice.

Hopefully this pandemic will end by 2012. That’s election season. What’s a politician to do when they can’t “shake hands and kiss babies”?! Poor things.

We already know how hard the BarackStar pledged his support to God while courting the hard religious right. (By the way, how’s that commitment card to Christ working out anyway?)

However, there’s been a recent rash of “But I love Jesus too” commentary coming from the really cheap seats. I’m talking about the fools who have soiled their public offices for all the world to see.

God politicsWhy is that every politician wants to hurl their ACLU card in everyone’s faces when litigation shows up, but when scandal comes knocking on their door, they are ready to let us all know how they are a soldier in the army of the Lord?

Thanks to some well-applied masonry by WOW News’ “Bible Belt Blogger,” we have a doltish duo issuing their God card in the press:

In the Washington Times, we see AWOL South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford taking the time to mail in a repentant letter from South America vowing “to fight on for conservative causes and for ‘what God wanted me to do with my life.'”

Yes, Gov. I’m sure shtupping with some dime-store chica you met online is precisely what God wanted for you. And, speaking of Governors who just don’t know when to fish or cut bait:

Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (and his pet hair piece) was once again interviewed and he went all holy saying, “I believe there is a purpose behind all that has happened to us. And maybe God has a plan for me to be an instrument for good. And that the troubles we are facing, the lies, the abandonment, the heartbreak, the pain, are all obstacles in the journey we must make, where like the stories in the Bible, God brings good out of bad.”

After being impeached, failing as your own attorney, parading across the country like a color-blind peacock and later arrested by the FBI, that would be nice to believe. Keep combing it forward… eh, paying it forward, Rod.

And then to make this salt-and-pepper shaker set of dunderheads a nice, sweet troika, should we discuss a former Veep candidate, Former U.S. Senator John Edwards?

Faith was huge on his platform, but his witness kinda went the way of new Coke and the Chia Pet when he decided to cheat on his wife, lie about the paternity of his illegitimate child… and oh yeah, while his wife was fighting for her life with cancer.

Stay classy, holmes.

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life (Galatians 6:7-8 NIV).

I am all for repentance, getting your life right and – in Blago’s case – jailhouse conversions, but don’t speak it if you can’t sell it. Sure, God is love. Yes, he has a plan for your life. But if you are going to use Jesus to keep your 15 minutes alive and kicking, wait a while…

Trust me, you got caught once. It’ll happen again.

Adam Lambert lost!

I know, but if that was a spoiler to you and you’re still jonesin’ for some American Idol, buy the XBOX game.

Idol WorshipIt was stunning when folksy/bluesy Kris Allen won the show because despite how Adam butchered the great Johnny Cash, he still has that voice.

Now, in the HiScrivener household, it was merely a vocal contest… because Adam? Yeah, come on. Those pictures of him with other hims wasn’t just a drunken stupor gone bad.

That said, there arose a loud, boisterous contingency before the grand finale that presumed this contest became “gay guy vs. Christian guy.”

And, according to the esteemed Mark Joseph of BullyPulpit.com (and this interesting story from FOX News), the large Christian viewing audience of Idol thought the return of Clay Aikener, they needed to keep this a family show by making Kris the winner.

“Idol is the No. 1 show on TV at least in part because it’s so family-friendly, and it also appeals to a large demographic of Christian viewers….Many of Idol’s previous winners–Jordin Sparks, Carrie Underwood, Ruben Studdard–are devout Christians. Coincidence? Perhaps. But we don’t know much about Lambert’s faith, and that might hurt him with Christian voters. He could be extremely religious, but he’s kept his religious beliefs quiet.”

And then there was that Danny Gokey, praise leader fella.

Say what you will, but people – by and large – don’t EVER vote for the best… just the closest to them. As Joseph cited, 96 percent of African-Americans voted for Obama. You think all of my brothers and sisteres were studied up on foreign policy?! Probably not.

Much is the same about this talent show. Kris can sing. So can Adam. But… let’s vote for more than the way songs bellow out of his diaphragm because, after all, isn’t that why my lil’ Wall Watchers will buy the winner’s CD?!

Yeah, again, probably not.

So, for those who voted along the man-scara, guy-liner demarcation in this year’s American Idol, here a clip that was set loose after Kris Allen. Had I known this, I would have voted for him… twice. Praise God.