The 12 Days of Christmas now has a price tag

[Cue harmonica tone] “On the first day of Christmas, some goofball gave to me, blah blah blah… and a tree”.

We all know the song, and ofttimes have to consult Wikipedia for what is involved during those 12 Yuletide Days; however in lieu of this tumultuous economy, have you stopped to consider what in the world that infamous near two weeks can cost a brother or sister?

Yeah, me neither… BUT IF YOU HAD… there’s an answer thanks to this press release I noticed from the PNC and their brilliant, tongue-in-cheek “Christmas Price Index.”

Hold on to your hats, Christmas shoppers. Because if you are still looking for that certain memorable gift for your loved one, as in each one of those capricious items noted for each day, it’ll run you a cool $86,609!

That is for the birds! Well, a partridge to be exact. (Yeah, I know. I moaned too but come on.)

The PNC Christmas Price Index increased by a lavish 8.1 percent over last year, the second biggest leap in the history of the whimsical economic analysis by PNC Wealth Management based on the cost of gifts in the holiday classic, “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

I’ve had it. First, gas prices were making me pray for one of those baroque and rococo Star Trek transporters to get to work. Then, energy costs have me wearing a parka… in my own home. Now this!

You know, I support Zionism. It’s time to make the leap, because please, I know a menorah, latkes and chocolate gelt doesn’t cost this much. And there’s only seven of those days. Take that, U.S. government. That’s cost cutting!

New Survey: X-Files more popular than X-Mas

Well, kind of a survey, according to Yahoo…

Instead of it being a “national poll”, it was 3,000 dorks fresh out of a Sci-Fi convention. Instead of this being a global representation of religion, it was a remote, dank section of Manchester.

But for what it’s worth, Britain’s Daily Mail cheeky marketing survey to promote the puerile X-Files movie got enough love to go on the Wall. So, good on ya’.

That said, the poll of 3,000 people found that 58 percent believe in the supernatural, including paranormal encounters, while 54 percent believe God exists. Women were more likely than men to believe in the supernatural and were also more likely to visit a medium.

Well, I have an example for the latter: Oprah! Next?

So, what’s the deal with these 3,000 dolts who think E.T. is more viable with faith than J.C.? I just don’t get it. There has never been proof about life on Mars, and century-old debates about life in heaven, yet slimy invertebrates are slightly more realistic?!

Ooooo K. Anyone from the story provide a talking point?

“While it is difficult to know for certain, the tendency to believe in the paranormal appears to be there from the beginning,” said Christopher Bader, a Baylor University sociologist. “What changes is the content of the paranormal. For example, very few people believe in faeries and elves these days. But as belief in faeries faded, other beliefs, such as belief in UFOs, emerged to take their place.“

I suppose that makes sense. While most of the Church doesn’t seem to grasp personal evangelism like back in the day, we always have TBN to fall back on, right? Anyone? Is this thing on?

The Fountain of Youth Discovered at Church

It seems people aren’t scared of Jesus any longer. And because of that, pastors are dreaming of different ways to get folk in the house of Gawd.

Let’s see… not going to heaven doesn’t seem to get people walking into church these days, so what about this novel marketing tactic: “Go to church every week. Live until you’re 130! No… really.”

Going to church every week can help you live longer, say scientists. In fact, attend two services a week and you can cut your chances of dying by 20 per cent.

Quick! Someone bring back tent revivals, Rodney Howard Browne six-week extended church services, Billy Sunday and Jonathon Edwards preaching for hours on end on street corners. Something? Anything?

Who needs fantasy movies like “Highlander” and whatever dimwitted vampire movie is Feng Shui now? You got church!

What does it say about a religion that extols a God who invites his followers to come into his assemblage, worship at his feet and gets to live much, much longer with him.

Hrm… wait a second… that’s sounds like something I read once. Maybe this is a church marketing scheme that doesn’t suck after all. Ah well, all I know is that I will make it a point to sit on the front row now. Just in case a chorus of “Who Wants to Live Forever” breaks out.