Posts Tagged ‘Amish’

When people think of the Amish, ideas of horse-drawn carriages, carpentry and homemade clothes come to mind.

While having a good trade to fall back on is a good idea in this economy, driving your buggy and steed in the middle of rush-hour traffic can usually get your traded into jail for moving (or lack thereof) violations.

They’re simple people – living on the farm, ignoring the things of this world like electricity and modern technology and avoiding the government at all costs. Only now, it’s at a cost… and a lot.

Because even they get tired of cheese and wheat

Because even they get tired of cheese and wheat

You see, people aren’t driving to their remote farms to buy handmade chairs and freshly spewed milk like they used to do when things were booming.

So, according to this story in Los Angeles Times, the Amish are reconsidering their stance on Uncle Sam and taking the handout – unemployment checks cometh.

Why the change of heart over government aid? The recession is sticking everyone in their blessed assurance, and since it’s there… meh?

It’s remarkable how subjective folk get about the Bible. Some people are so ensnared into legalism, live without a TV and only listen to Christian radio, but that refrigerator is stacked with Coors Light.

Others are liberal with their theosyncratic ways but are vociferous about political issues like abortion. Huh?!

You don’t go to church but on Mother’s Day and Christmas, yet there you are on the street corner quoting scripture about pro-life louder than James Dobson? I just don’t get people sometimes.

I’m not saying the Amish shouldn’t do what it takes to feed their families, but if you are going to be committed… stay that way. Don’t make an exception on your ethical and biblical principles and ask for repentance later. That’s not stewardship. That’s hypocrisy.

Better yet, you’re Amish… only when it comes to keeping up with Ye Ole’ Joneses, and then magically, you’re a Mennonite. I know, I know, you all look alike so why not act like your sect allows car travel so brother can get a job off the range? Dude, shave the beard, keep the Bible and get up to date. Like past the 18th century.

I pray that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers (3 John 2)

You can do that without going to the club and acting the fool. So why wax the colonial period and swear off technology? God still blesses my family like he would any Amish one. Women can wear jeans without looking like harlots (just don’t watch MTV), so why not join the revolution and stop getting nice with the to-the-ankle drapes… er, dresses?

Let the Lord be magnified, who has pleasure in the prosperity of his people (Psalm 35:27)

amish-gone-wild2If you’re Amish or Mennonite or just tore up, good on ya’ for the strong foundation and keeping it really real. And this is not a “name-it-and-claim-it” starter kit, but if you need to take care of your family, consider the many ways God can help you to do so.

As long as you admonish the Lord in all you do, you are living a life of sacrifice and humility. You will love your neighbor as you love yourself. And, you will love the Lord with all your heart, soul, strength and mind.

Looking homely or not. Rocking the Abraham Lincoln or not. Isn’t that was God really wanted for his children anyway? It’s just a question… but then again, who am I talking to?!

They’re Amish. Like they have a computer. Ah well, maybe they can buy a laptop with that unemployment check.

Humor me, Wall Watchers.

I have been waiting a while to post this. I have searched for high and low for this being fraudulent. I have exhausted every opportunity and turned under every rock.

Jesus NEEDS to take the wheel

Jesus NEEDS to take the wheel

Instead, I remember the faction between Jesus and jovial insanity is… the people. And then, I got it. Soooo, here we go:

Meet Bill Henderson of Fort Morgan, Colo.

Billy Boy decides he needs a filler and goes to a revival meeting and get his Holy Spirit on.

On he did, as he drove off from the church gathering and drove on the curb, on the grass, on the median… anything but driving on the road. And so, he gets pegged by the local finest and off to jail he goes.

“He was swerving all over the road, and laughing and staggering around when we got him out of the truck,” says an officer. Henderson could not stand on one leg, nor walk a straight line, and was thrown into the city jail for the night, where he giggled and spoke in tongues.

This has routinely been an obstacle in my own spiritual nourishment. I have attended megachurch revivals that have rocked the house (of God) for more than six weeks. I have sat front row during faith healing crusades and seen God in action (as well as some salty professionals, I might add). I have been to the “old rugged cross” type and seen the “Old Landmark” personally.

Despite the size of the fellowship, God can show up in a majestic fashion and rock your world.


While the Spirit of the Lord longs for us to draw near, does he indeed make us act like dorks who have completely lost their God-loving mind?!

I am a loud and proud Acts 2 | Joel 2 child of God, but the day I am so sauced by the Holy Spirit that I can’t drive my car, I’ll find a Satanist (or at least an Atheist) to become my designated driver.

Seriously? And apparently, people who allow that flesh to get in the way and drive out the spirit post-Azuza-esque meetings are a frequent fishing post for local police.

Police perch near revival meetings to hand out tickets to erratic drivers. The city is also considering a law against “spiritual drunkenness among young people” which could land pastors and visiting evangelists in hot water.

Let’s keep it classy out there people. But just in case you’re too scared to have Jesus juice and drive, enjoy the beloved Rev. Cleophus James! Shat-ta! Haa-to-be-the-glory!

Maybe it was the deplorable State of the Union. No, not the speech… the country. Perhaps it was recent outbreak of superhero movies to hit – and dominate – the big screen. Or possibly people are tired of attributing the “hero” tag to fictional people.

Whatever the case, this is an Apocalypse Watch! Much like the TV show, meet the next “Greatest American Heroaccording to this latest Harris poll that says the BarackStar is this nation’s idea of a hero. Here is this messed up nation’s Top 10, in reverse to add to the drama:

obama-superman10. Mother Teresa (who outranks… GOD at a close #11. And she ain’t even canonized!)

9. Chesley Sullenberger (Hero, yes. Creator of the Universe, not so much.)

8. John F. Kennedy (Probably just for the whole Marilyn Monroe thing.)

7. John McCain (More like a tragic hero, if you need him.)

6. Abraham Lincoln (End a war. Free the slaves. Rock the Amish look for your entire presidency.)

5. Dubya (Hrm. Oh-kay. Next?)

4. Ronald Reagan (Well? You thought that was good. Wait until you hear my Mr. Ed.)

3. Martin Luther King (I know the next two. It has to be…)

2. JESUS CHRIST (#2. Seriously?)

And yes, in the words of the aforementioned failed TV show, “Believe it or not”…

1. Barack Obama

Incidentally, only one of those have actually walked on water and healed the sick. But eh, who’s counting miracles. Now, if the BarackStar takes care of the economy, now that’s a miracle!

But I probably still wouldn’t ask him to sign my Bible. No matter how cute he looks in that leotard and cape.

Meet Gloria Jones, a devout Pentecostal (like UPC Crystal Gayle hair) and an apparent habitue of Gloria Steinem.

You know the type? Burning the bra. Men suck. Refusing to wear deodorant… er, lipstick. Well, it’s all obvious because this UPC She-Ra won won a religious discrimination suit against her employer, the Washington (D.C.) Metropolitan Area Transit Authority. Why? She wanted to rock the denim, floor-length skirt and whistle while she worked.

A Pentecostal woman who refused to wear pants as part of her bus driver uniform has prompted the region’s transit system to implement new policies to accommodate employees’ religious practices. Jones met the qualifications for the position; however, she declined to wear the pants required for the uniform because of her Apostolic Pentecostal faith. She made a verbal request to be allowed to wear a skirt, and Metro terminated her application.

upcNow, the UPC takes legalism to a whole new level. But we’ll get to that in a minute. For her troubles, and this is a bad economy so come on, she got paid:

On Tuesday, the U.S. Department of Justice announced a settlement between Jones and the transit agency, which agreed to pay her more than $47,000, according to the Associated Press. The agency also agreed to pay $2,500 to two others who said Metro didn’t accommodate their beliefs.

47 LARGE?! For what? Because homegirl didn’t get the gig? Maybe this could have been a blessing in disguise. Perhaps modeling was around the corner? Who knows. Whatever the reason, they just didn’t understand you. So, let’s try, shall we?

They have a oneness theology, and if you were baptized in “the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost,” we’ll see you in hell. No really. Among the other legalistic extremes are:

  • If men are mustachioed, they’ll take a hacksaw to his lip
  • If women cut their hair… even the dreaded split ends, ladies… it’s curtains in the Church
  • Neither gender can wear sleeves above the elbows. So, UPC churches aren’t a big player near the equator.
  • TV is not allowed (Note the picture). Not because they are Amish, but rather the tube is a pipeline from hell into the home. Nice.

These are the hallowed “Holiness Standards”. Huzzah!

Ladies, claim all the scriptures and twist them until you make pretzels, but here’s a prophecy: If the barn needs painting, paint the sucker! But hey, you got $47,000. I’m thinking since you aren’t buying make up, designer clothes or you know, a car… maybe you can use all that money, and buy yourself a Bible not all marked up by your “saints”.

You just might learn something about being baptized in the Holy Spirit while still experiencing “liberty in the Spirit.” At least, I have.

Meet Pastor Rob Wegner of Granger Community Church.

He has a novel approach to stimulating the economy, at least in the Church – share! He understands everyone these days are regressing to an infantile state stinking up the room in their diapers shouting, “Mine!”

But according to this story in the Christian Post, Pastor Wegner thinks the only way to get out of this mess is to do something completely different.

“What’s common is to say ‘it’s mine.’ What’s uncommon is to share,” Wegner told hundreds of Christians at the second annual Generosity Conference, hosted by Community Christian Church in Naperville, Ill. “We live in a culture [where] there’s this hidden curriculum that’s taught day after day – that you are what you own,” Wegner said at the one-day event this past Saturday.

Art Imitates Life. Nice.

Art Imitates Life. Nice.

Citing statistics all too familiar to pastors across the country these days, Wegner reminded people to you know, tithe.

I know, I know. But if Barna is right, and only “9 percent of all born-again adults gave 10 percent of their income to churches and charitable groups,” we have MUCH room to improve folks.

According to Ron Sider, president of Evangelicals for Social Action, if Christians all tithed, it would result in an additional $143 billion to what is currently being offered. Half of that additional sum could educate and provide healthcare for all the poor in the world, Wegner pointed out. “And we’d still have $70 billion left over just to spread the good news of Jesus Christ,” Wegner highlighted.

Staggering. What’s even more moving is that number of 9 whopping percent will probably decrease in lieu of this economy. Yet, the world will continue to look to faith-based organizations for benevolence in times of crisis, and like the Savior they worship, will continue to be benevolent despite those who give them the Heisman.

There isn’t a bailout coming for churches, so maybe Pastor Wegner is on to something here. We don’t have to give until it hurts… but a little sting wouldn’t kill us, would it? It’s not like we are going to stop using technology and become Amish. Well, expect for the Amish, but they are off churning butter, so they are not reading this article.

We have to act together, act soon and act often in order to help the Body of Christ become healthier, smarter and wealthier.

Nothing seems to unite denominations these days, so perhaps this economy will?! Miracles never cease, you know.