Posts Tagged ‘dating’

The adage goes, “If you want something done, you have to do it yourself.”

Well, my hat is off to Pastor Jimmy Evans of Trinity Fellowship in Amarillo, Texas who decided too many folk in his megachurch were shacking up, so he decided to do more than just have a sermon series about marriage (which he did anyway).

According to the story by the Christian Post, at the culmination of his series, “Sex, Love and Communication,” Evans decides to wrangle up all those vagabonds and marry them off – at once. 32 couples in fact. WOW!

“Our goal was pretty simple – we wanted to help couples,” Matt Spears, executive pastor of Ministry Development at Trinity, told The Christian Post. “We believe in marriage – one man and one woman – living in covenant with one another. So many people are living together and having kids together, for whatever reason they are running away from marriage. Many couples are not getting married for fear of failure; others are not getting married simply because they do not have the means to do so.”

Because that's all it is - a habit

Because that's all it is - a habit

Weddings can be ridiculous with cost, I agree but I have never understood why some couples just don’t tie that knot. They already have one hanging around their neck but just living together that long because you cannot fake a covenant. If it’s “no longer having your own life,” sharing bills, an apartment and cooties somehow takes care of all that.

Many folk who shack are simply lazy, by and large. You know, why marry when you have it all anyway? It’s just a license. I like my life the way it is. And buffoonery like that.

Not so much, you big goofy Lotharios you. Sure, marriage is a lot of work, but being single can suck too. I would rather have someone to enjoy life and help me along than do it all alone. Right?

Evans, who is pretty big in marriage with his national ministry, exudes that premise throughout his entire church, which is why this was such a biggie.

As Evans, the senior elder, emphasized to the church, marriage is sacred. It’s not just a piece of paper. And when you’re married “God’s way, it gets better and better, not worse and worse,” he said during the marriage series. The world is hungry to see a healthy and stable – not perfect – marriage, Evans indicated.

No joke. Shacking up isn’t the “dry run” to the real thing. It’s delaying the inevitable. There’s another old saying that makes sense here too:

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

Who is Elsie in your relationship? Whoever it is, one of you need to take a trip back to the pasture. That, or take a trip up to Amarillo. Who knows, maybe Evans will have another of his two-fer sales again. Good on ya’, Pastor.

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Guys… because let’s face it, gals don’t typically forget… if you are rummaging through the aisles of that 24-hour pharmacy searching for your Fair Lady’s gift today, have no fear.

HiScrivener’s got your back thanks to the UK’s Times Online and these gifts certainly to make this Valentine’s Day a memorable one. Now if you want full details, visit the story. But here’s the highlights:

  1. Now, THAT is getting in the spirit

    Now, THAT is getting in the spirit

    Word up – Nothing says love, like… well, the word “love”. Buy it here and experience amore all year long.

  2. Scratch N’ Sniff – You know, that’s not an exaggeration but a better sense of decorum forbids me for embellishing that example.
  3. Tunnel of LoveGo skydiving and grab a kiss for a little more than $100 U.S. (Sorry, I don’t have the pounds symbol. Respect to my British brethren). Question: how in the world can you smooch at 70,000 feet when you are screaming bloody murder?
  4. The Blade of Romance – Imagine giving your woman a real machete over a candlelight dinner. No worries, it has her name on it. Mwah!
  5. The Tree of LifeSupport the environment and your own personal cause at the same time. Boring, but you know they deliver.
  6. Adopt a Book –  How sweet. Buy her Wuthering Heights or Pride & Prejudice, as if it was her own. Just stay away from Lady Chatterley’s Lover. I hear it’s not the best to keep a marriage together.
  7. Tea and whatever else goes with teaRose bud tea. How cute. So does the guy impress her by saying, “Yeah, it’s really oolong too”?!
  8. Chocolate Couture – Guys with bad pick-up lines and even cheesier ways of marriage romance can actually drop, “You’re wearing it. Growl.” And get away with it with this oddball gift.
  9. And For Your Friend Too – This is more for the daters in Christendom. Why stop at buying your betrothed flowers and a card? Buy Fluffy some sustainable kibbles & bits. Yummy.

There’s more, but that’s my community service for the day. Happy heart day, Wall Watchers.

There have been occasion when fugitives or criminals bolt from the law and inside a church claiming “Asylum.”

Possibly a church in Arkansas

Possibly a church in Arkansas

While that is sweet and all knowing God can protect the disenfranchised and downtrodden, evidently there is a small contingency in Arkansas (yeah, I know but wait for it) that believe God needs a little help in the church protection department.

Grant Exton is a gun owner and president of the state’s Concealed Carry Association.  He’s been working with lawmakers on a bill that would allow people licensed to carry a concealed handgun to take their guns to church. Exton says the proposed law’s less about guns and more about property rights.

There are unfortunate tales like when Billy Joe Daughtery met up with an ne’er-do-well at the altar. Sometimes, those stories become tragic. Take this pastor from Little Rock, Ark. quoted in the story:

A gentleman came into the church. He was mentally deranged, and at the end of the sermon, pulled out a gun and shouted something about baptism and proceeded to shoot me in the back a couple of times.  I still carry one of the bullets embedded in my spine.

While that is horrible, this isn’t the Old West. There are very few “safehouses” in this world, and churches should remain one of them. Seriously, this is a terrible idea.

Guns in church or a house of worship?! Sure. Why not. Really, what could go wrong?!

Seriously, what could go wrong?

Seriously, what could go wrong?

Think about it. You are a zit-faced kid hanging out in youth group. You are dating this girl who decides to front you with your friends within ear distance. Embarrassment gets the best of you and BAM! Please, Columbine anyone? It could happen.

How about, Pastor throws down a little conviction from the pulpit, maybe discussing the fiery throes of hell in an effort to fill the altar for salvation. Some tool gets bent about his sin in the closet and starts peeling caps up in a church. Nice.

Perhaps, “Big Mama” in the choir just got done throwing down the solo. She kills and the church goes bananas in the Holy Spirit, but girl works up an appetite. Pastor is feeling it and her tummy is rumbling like Godzilla terrorizing the coast of Osaka. As soon as church lets out, she splits on her way to the buffet at Luby’s shooting at everyone in her way in a fit of road rage. Again, nice.

What’s alarming is this bill could pass… and so the general population of Arkansas will dwindle to the size of a small town. Because, I don’t know about you, if I lived there, I would leave that state with the quickness. Why? Wal-Mart is headquartered there, and have you seen the sales they have on firearms and ammounition? I’m just saying.

No, you read that correctly – this isn’t a story about teen pregnancy or condoms passed out in school.

It’s about what you think should occur when teenagers are serious about their walk with the Lord – they keep their pants on, at least according to FOX News.

Religious teens lose their virginity later than those who are not religious — waiting on average three years longer than their peers, a recent study reported.

abstinenceHuzzah! This “wait until marriage” thing isn’t foolproof, but at least it gives you a goal, right?

According to many, as also noted in the story, virginity pledges don’t matter. Curiosity killed more than the cat, it gave it catnip, caused it walk backwards and act like it has rabies… and then, you know, it died.

Janet Rosenbaum, a post doctoral fellow at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, wrote in this month’s issue of “Pediatrics” that those with strong religious backgrounds became sexually active at about 21 on average —regardless if they took a pledge to remain a virgin until marriage.

Being a teenager is tough enough, then add raging hormones to the mix, and that struggle becomes off the chain. That’s the thing about sex, it’s supposed to feel good and most teenagers think puppy love is the real deal, and as married folk know full well – it sooo is not.

Love, a true agape love, is about sacrifice, honor and selflessness… all of which is not included on a pre-pubescent tryst in the back seat of your Dad’s AMC Pacer. But hey, at least, the Christian teenagers have three more years to reconsider their options for dating, marriage and their profile on eHarmony.

During the HOLY days, I was checking out my favorites online and found a peculiar story on Ima Blogger that tickled me senseless and caused me to troll my TiVo. To further extend the plight of how the Church needs to find an original idea comes “Christian Reality TV”.

The story is from ABC News, which includes a video guaranteed to cause a giggle or two.

“The Uprising,” which launched on the Inspirational Network, features a trio of Christian pro skateboarders who try to convert people on the street. The cast includes Christian Hosoi, who said he got out of prison a few years ago after being locked up for possession of and intent to distribute crystal meth.

Before I get into the ratings coup this is sure to bring in, let’s discuss something that has always puzzled me about good-minded church folk. Why in the world are we the only ones who demand known by a moniker rather than our lifestyle? “Christian pro skateboarders”?

Maybe it’s just me, but I have found in the Yellow Pages, most businesses who advertise with an ichthus are the shady ones with a poor work ethic. [Fighting. So hard. Not to list names. I’ve dealt with. Struggling.] Why can’t we be known as our profession, and just happen to be great Christians in the process?! That’s a testimony – being known by the fruit of your labor. There’s something biblical there, but maybe I’m wrong.

christian-skateboarders

Yeah, it's those guys

So, we have these skateboarders who go to church and love the Lord, and they get a TV show. So, what’s the difference between them and “The Bachelor,” “American Idol” or any drivel stirred up by MTV and VH1?

“I think the difference about our reality show,” cast member Jay Haizlip said, “is that a majority of the ones out there are degrading. They all have a huge element of rejection. It’s all about elimination. It’s all about, ‘We don’t need you anymore so we’re going to dispose of you.'”

As opposed to hell, which will dispose of all sinners, right? Anywhoo… carry on.

“I think there obviously is an element of that, that does appeal to people,” Haizlip said. “But I think the thing that is causing our reality show to blow up to the degree that it is, is because there is that part of compassion that is in people, as well, and watching this program is waking that up in them.”

Listen, I think this is great and will open up their ministries like gangbusters. It takes a special breed to do street evangelism, and these guys have moxie. Good for them… but a TV show? Do we not have any other ideas for Jesus TV? I have a few, for those of you who work for TBN:

  1. 30 lovelorn folk in the same church, all angling to hook up with this youth pastor. It’s up to the pastor to find the scripture quoting – and living – chic in the mix. Call it “Cross my heart”. Nice, eh?
  2. What about a cooking breakfast show? Farm it out to the Food Network about six “Christian Chefs” who discover while they are fighting for the same time slot, they are all from vastly different denominations. Call that “Unequally Yoked.” I got more.
  3. the_monkey_suit1For the educated pundits, we gather a bunch of post-grad theology students in a class room with homosexuals and evolutionists. Best exegisis of Sodom and Gomorrah wins. Call it “Who you calling a Homosapien”?! (Inspired by the Christian parody here)
  4. Maybe a singing contest where all the people involved do nothing but craft tunes about the rapture. Call it “A Pack of Lips” (instead of “Apocalypse“. OK, it’s a stretch).

That’s it. I’m dry. Tip your waiters.