Archive for December 17, 2008

...open up the door and where's all the people? Junior?

...open up the door and where's all the people? Junior?

You know, life must be interesting at the Robert Schuller household around the holidays this time of the year.

It’s horrible being unemployed during Christmas, but even worse when your own father is the one who gave you the boot, as posted on the Wall last month.

But buck up Junior Schuller, you’re still a pastor at your old man’s church, aren’t you? Well, aren’t you?

Yeah, about that… if he can’t be TV pastor, he doesn’t want to be pastor at all, so the Junior Schuller handed his curmudgeon father his resignation to make his own ministry, according to the L.A. Times.

And evidently, the “Amway convention” motif (also posted on your friendly neighborhood Wailing Wall) is the cause behind all of this ballyhoo.

Church founder Robert H. Schuller removed his son as the sole preacher on the 39-year-old television show after the younger Schuller, three years into the job, refused to rotate his role with other pastors, the church said. “We know he’s been working diligently on plans. It’s probably a bit premature. We’re giving him plenty of time,” [some dude with the Crystal Cathedral] Mysse said. “It’s just a question of when he wants to announce it. Frankly, that’s his business.”

Sorry, Holmes. See those 10,000 people who call this church “theirs”? It’s their business too. See, if they didn’t tithe, you would be putting your Benz on hawk and settling for a Yugo like the rest of us these days.

Junior Schuller was popular – well, as popular as that boring telecast could be. But because he wouldn’t allow other people speak in his pulpit, the old man got persnickety and gave him a pink slip.Can you blame him? What pastor shares his pulpit on a bi-weekly basis with evangelists?! Once every other month, sure. Bi-weekly, no chance.

And so he’s off to find his own “Hour of Power” – scorned, hurting and free from dear ol’ Dad’s ire.

I’m sure they will be back on speaking terms by next Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I’ll tell you this. When Junior Schuller does strike his own TV deal, don’t be looking for Dad to grace that pulpit anytime soon. I hear Junior just doesn’t roll that way, regardless the coot who wants to speak.

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Too bad this wasn't a permanent thing

Too bad this wasn't a permanent thing

Pop music came and went – abysmally. Then, the nation learned just how dumb a blonde could be (thank you, MTV). A few bad movies, followed by a tryst with a Dallas Cowboys quarterback (yes, she is Yoko Romo!) and now she is a country singer?!

In summation, Jessica Simpson is all over the map – and all in an effort to keep stretching that 15 minutes into the time/space continuum.

And now, we have this lovely story from the Christian Post and Extra TV: Jessica Simpson wants to study religion.

It’s appropriate this dunderhead was not influenced by her family (her mega-creepy, dirty-old-man father was a Baptist preacher), but rather by a completely misguided movie, “The Da Vinci Code.”

“I’ve been contemplating taking a college course in religion,” the pop star-turned-country singer told Marie Claire magazine. “I love religion.” Simpson said she was especially drawn by the Discovery Channel feature “Da Vinci’s Lost Code,” which aired ahead of the theatrical release of “The Da Vinci Code” starring Tom Hanks. “I remember whenever the book ‘The Da Vinci Code’ came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I TiVoed and then watched eight times,” she said.

So, she watches a movie that stains religion, unlocks her own cerebral codifier and now decides to pursue a course (surely not a degree) in religion. Nice. Hey, I don’t know about you but I’m just impressed she remembered to count that high. And didn’t even have to take off her shoes to do it.

From Idol Chatter, a fave from the Beliefnet-work and “Another Brick in the Wall”, has posted something about the holy writ that leaves a certain unsavory and unpious taste in HiScrivener’s mouth.

Anyone interested in the uber-pro-homosexual ‘Princess Diana Bible’?! No, seriously.

Now, you may be thinking the psychogenic princess gathered together a bunch of biblical scholars in jolly ol’ England, maybe in the hallowed halls of Buckingham Palace, to discuss hermaneutics and apologetics of the word of God, right?

people-diana-revenge

Maybe this was her reply to the Anglican Church?!

Uh, not so much.

The upcoming “Princess Diana Bible” will be a pro-gay translation bible from authors who claim “there is solid evidence that Adam and Eve were both women” and whose current movie has been banned by at least one movie theater chain.

The name of the group says it all: “Revision Studios” will be the publisher of the new book that will say that “gay is better than straight” according to a press release drawing attention to Director Max Mitchell, the writer and producer of “Horror in the Wind.” There will also be a new part mini-series: “The Gay Old Testament” and “The Gay New Testament.”

Does this madness ever stop? Is no one scared of God any more? You know, if you were acosted by some dude and now you find solace in the arms of another woman, I get that. If you just never fit in the locker room, so now you are at ease with your man crush, I get that too. It’s a sin, but I understand.

THIS maniacal behavior I don’t get, and am so waiting for a lightning bolt to shock the bejeebers out of that “studio”. And just to add testosterone to their misguided, sardonic libido, we have a preview of Genesis. Interested?

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Aida, and she slept: and he took one of her ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from woman, made he another woman, and brought her unto the first. And Aida said, ‘This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of me. Therefore shall a woman leave her mother, and shall cleave unto her wife: and they shall be one flesh.’ And they were both naked, the woman and her wife, and were not ashamed.”

I am rarely a man sorely searching for words, but I got nothing – no quips, no biting humor, no snappy wit. I am bone dry on this. All I know after reading Lady Di’s “Genesis” is another memoir I read in Revelation:

For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.

God may have saved the Queen, but your jacklegged tail is fresh out of hope. Much like those books were hurled in the movie “Footloose,” Burn Baby Burn!