Posts Tagged ‘end times’

So, what are you doing in the year 2050? Plans on playing with your grandkids? Enjoying the twilight years? Appreciating the first Siamese twins as president… s?

Meh? If you said, “Raptured”, you would be right on according to a latest Pew Research poll. As the Daily Telegraph (UK) scribed, it seems more than 40 percent of Americans believe we are outta’ here by 2050.

Yours Truly in 2050... on my lunch break.

Also included in this mid-century pontification poll is:

  • 72 percent believe the world will experience a major energy crisis
  • 71 percent believe cancer will be cured by 2050
  • 89 percent believe a woman will be elected US president by 2050
  • 63 percent anticipate the demise of paper money
  • 61 percent say almost no one will send letters by 2050
  • 56 percent think the U.S. economy will be stronger
  • And 41 percent say Jesus Christ will return within the next 40 years

What’s funny is Gallup did this same poll around the turn last millennium and many folk thought we wouldn’t live to see Leif Erikson discover America. No, really.

Anywhoo… what does this poll really say? Are people viewing world events and the local news as (dare I say) “Writing on the Wall” or is this a bunch of folk seriously jonesin’ for the rapture?

Me? I think it’s a little of both.

That poll is a microcosm of why this blog was created in the first place. Oh sure, I wax snarky about current event and will put a fraudulent televangelist on notice faster than the IRS on the prowl for some cash, but it’s a sick world out there… and most blame God (or get God blamed) for it all.

Why? Because they are looking for the madness to stop and that’s when they decide to give God a chance.

Take a lesson from the fig tree. From the moment you notice its buds form, the merest hint of green, you know summer’s just around the corner. So it is with you: When you see all these things, you’ll know he’s at the door. Don’t take this lightly. I’m not just saying this for some future generation, but for all of you. This age continues until all these things take place. Sky and earth will wear out; my words won’t wear out. But the exact day and hour? No one knows that, not even heaven’s angels, not even the Son. Only the Father knows. (Matthew 24:32-36 MSG)

In other words, folk need to give God a chance… just a chance right now. 2050 could be here tomorrow. Where will you be? If you don’t know, you can know.

Take two seconds to ask Jesus in your heart and accept you as his child. Do that, and we will party like it’s 2050. And oh, what a shindig that’ll be.

Advertisements

It’s been a slow news month in the world of ecumenicism. I mean, if it weren’t for Louis Farrakhan shooting off his lip again, Kenneth Copeland’s jet and Ed Young’s palatial “tax-exempt” estate (wink), I would not have enough spray paint on this wall to fill a huffer’s need to get high.

I mean, slow.

And then I see this Barna survey from WOW News’ Religion News Service (by way of Houston [Chronicle] Belief) that made yours truly want to go to the local CVS and shave the fur off every Peeps in that place with a dull but seasonally festive razor blade.

Though most Americans describe Easter as a religious holiday, less than half of U.S. adults surveyed link it specifically to the resurrection of Jesus, a Barna Group study shows.

Here's your compromise! Oy Vey!

Anyone heard of Passion plays? How about the “Passion of the Christ“? Perhaps those dudes rocking the Birkenstocks and bedsheets who literally and passionately walk many miles in Jesus’ shoes with timber crosses draped across their shoulders… oh you know, around Easter?!

Apparently, no one in this friggin’ survey.

Is this HOLY-day really all about chocolate, bunnies and those stupid eggs? Why would a bunny lay eggs anyway? Because those little buggers are too fuzzy when they come out and it tickles the mama rabbit?

Looking closer at this depressing survey, it seems parents either are straying from religion or young people are watching way too much TV:

  • 42 percent tied Easter to the Resurrection
  • At 73 percent, baby boomers (ages 45 to 63) were the most likely to describe Easter as a religious holiday
  • This, compared to two-thirds of those ages 26 to 44 and Americans 64 and older
  • The youngest group of adults (ages 18 to 25) were least likely, at 58 percent, to use that kind of description

There you have it – kids forget eating your carrots. Why? It isn’t sacrosanct. They are carrots, not communion wafers. So, enlighten us future leaders of tomorrow, how would you describe this amazing day the Lord hath literally made:

  • A Christian holiday
  • A celebration of God or Jesus
  • A celebration of Passover
  • A “holy day”
  • Or a special day to go to church

Classy. At least they didn’t say the day church kids have easter egg hunts… oh, what? They do that?! MEMO to all church folk, even the ones who are appalled by this survey: You do understand the etymology of the word “Easter”, right? Yeah, it’s cultic.

The Teutonic goddess of fertility had a catchy name, “Eoster,” which was derived for the ancient word of “Spring.” Cute, right? So, what about the stupid rabbits? Glad you asked…

Although Easterer, Resurrection Sunday celebrates Jesus Christ from the dead, the rabbit was chosen because it is a symbol of fertility, which is often times associated with the beginning of spring. (Hmmm… where have we heard that before?)

Proving you can go to the well one too many times, the German Catholics wanted to create a mythical figure to reward good kids and humiliate the brats during… Lent. (Yeah, I know, you thought Christmas. God bless the Germans for creativity, but meh?)

Back in the 1700s, Germans were not permitted to eat eggs during Lent, so they had to do something with the overabundance of chickens and their eggs during the Easter season.  In order to use all these eggs, the Germans created the tradition of painting and eating eggs given by the Easter Bunny (Source: My seminary, but here too)

Oh, HiScrivener, it’s okay because I paint only red eggs for the blood of Christ.

You don’t have to justify it – I have babies. I get it, but while you are feeding your kiddos a huge block of sugar and advising some humanistic 8-foot rabbit left it for them, consider what really happened on this day… and then 50 days later. (Hallelujah!)

While this day is about “Christian celebrations” and a “holy day,” the story to tell the kids is not about Peter Cottontail but about Jesus Christ. He may not have left us chocolates, but what he did leave is truly a gift that keeps on giving.

quetzalcoatl

Coming Nov. 13, 2009... I mean, 2012.

Later this month, you know in 2009, a blockbuster is going to hit global screens – 2012.

John Cusack is going to save the world from the “Q Dog” (much to the chagrin of my Alpha Phi Alpha, Inc. ties) and the fact that it’s just a cheap marketing ploy three years early shouldn’t matter. I mean, it doesn’t to Hollywood folk.

However, one organization all this apocalyptic kerfuffle is bothering is NASA. Just ask one of their astrophysicists, David Morrison:

“Calendars, whether contemporary or ancient, cannot predict the future of our planet or warn of things to happen on a specific date such as 2012. I note that my desk calendar ends much sooner, on Dec. 31, 2009, but I do not interpret this as a prediction of Armageddon. It is just the beginning of a new year.”

Can we please stop with the end times theories? The Bible declares it; I believe it; and I wish that would settle it:

Our Lord Jesus told us that when he comes, we won’t go up to meet him ahead of his followers who have already died. With a loud command and with the shout of the chief angel and a blast of God’s trumpet, the Lord will return from heaven. Then those who had faith in Christ before they died will be raised to life. Next, all of us who are still alive will be taken up into the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the sky. From that time on we will all be with the Lord forever. (1 Thessalonians 4:15-17)

I mean, if anyone wishes this mess would stop is the Olympics. After all, in 2012, the Spice Girls are performing! Isn’t that enough of a reason for the half-dog, half-lizard to hold off for a few months?!

Rapture.

It’s a word that instigates much ado about something. People know what it means; yet it is literally nowhere in the Bible. For those scoring at home, “Rapture” is derived from the Latin verb: ‘rapere’, of 1 Thess. 4:17—”we will be caught up,” [‘to carry off’ – or ‘catch up’]).

In other words, whether you can read the word or not in the Bible, when Jesus returns… we’re outta’ here.

Except for the fact, if you see this awe-striking picture from – of all places – Google’s street view, you would swear twice on Sunday that you missed said rapture.

Just look at this thing:

Heaven in Brooklyn

Who ever thought heaven on earth would be found in Brooklyn? Yet, there it is… the Shekinah Glory stepping over the homeless, hot sewage and petrified dog poop.

Ah well, if you can make it there… I suppose even Jesus needs a test run.

(Big masonry shout out to David Weiner of HuffPo).

A bird... a plane... nah, just Obama

A bird... a plane... nah, just Obama

Recently, the BarackStar has been on the biggest world wind tour since a certain mythical figure wearing lovely tights and a cod piece. (Anyone see that movie? Woof!)

MEMO to the President: Stay put and mix in a trip through the heartland.

I get the need to improve on U.S. relations with Muslims overseas and love on them while slapping Al Qaeda in the mug.

I understand the U.S. PR bent to close Gitmo and show we are the world.

And I see your struggles to do something about this country’s abysmal predicament with crazed North Korean totalitarians with nuclear fetishes.

But you are the American President! I could care less about you stamping your passport to all places that hate bacon.

That said, maybe there is pressure to be the global figure of peace… you know, kinda like another guy we know, and uh, worship.

It’s no secret people have placed you on polarizing tangents of theology. First, you are the Antichrist. Then, you are the Second Coming.

And let’s not forget about the time you outranked Jesus in a popularity contest. Keep it classy, America.

Now, it seems you have managed to make it somewhere in the middle, thanks to Newsweek Editor Evan Thomas who decided to confuse everyone in the Church when he called the BarackStar, “sort of God.”

Yeah, because that makes sense.

Dude, either he has stigmata or not. The guy can either feed an entire country with a two-piece from Long John Silvers or not.

So what’s with this “sort of God” mess?! Oh, wait… you’re being interviewed on MSNBC. Well, that makes sense.