The Biggest Loser: Weeks in debt, on the street and under the bus

It turns out there is a reason why Thomas Weeks and his sorry excuse for a reality show has never really gotten off the ground on the air – fool has no money!

And now we witness how the mighty nasty have fallen, thanks to this story from Atlanta’s WSB TV. It turns out the man who began his 15 minutes by making Juanita Bynum’s face a pinata, has been turned out himself and booted into the street – bow tie and all. Nice.

Sheriff’s deputies carried out the eviction while a church convocation was in progress at Weeks’ Global Destiny Ministries, with congregation members by his side [editor’s license].

“They have been told to leave the property,” said Stacey Bourbonnais, with the Gwinnett County Sheriff’s Office. “We will secure the building, inventory the property, then sell up to the judgment amount.” Documents filed in state court in Gwinnett County showed Weeks and the church owe $511,842 to the owners of the buildings.

I’m sorry. Did you say this dolt owes the state half-a-million dollars?! Meanwhile, he touts fiscal responsibility to God?! But in a particular typical and slimy fashion, Weeks has a spin for this debacle and a source to blame:

“We’re not the only church going through this financial situation,” Weeks said. “At one point, it cost $450,000 a month to run the operation. We resized it to about $110,000 monthly,” he said. “We had several pledges coming in the next couple of days and unfortunately they didn’t arrive so we could go ahead and pay the last of what we needed to pay to stop the process,” he said.

I’m sorry. The sounds of this nation sobbing drowning out your pleas of pity. Did you say all of this mess was someone else’s fault and the fact your pledges didn’t come in? Well, that’s uh, sweet.

And if you didn’t get your fill of laughter from this bow-tied twit, we have this masonry on the Wall, and Exhibit B from appreciated blog of HiScrivener’s, “Character Corner“:

“Terror Bible Stories” just in time for the Holidays

If you have studied the Bible for any amount of time – or read this dude’s cyber musings –  you know there are a few exotic and striking stories that don’t really speak to devotion of God, but rather “these are the days of their lives.”

But since they are in the Bible, the condemnatory finger of an atheistic and paganistic public gets pointed in our direction. And Christians are left explaining religion through the fodder of sundry tales. Such as:

• Genesis 30:37-39. Cloning, well in a paint-by-numbers kinda way.
• Matthew 21:18-20. Jesus using powers for not-so-good. You know, because we all get a little persnickety when we don’t have breakfast.
• 1 Samuel 18:20-30. Murder via Circumcision. Because when you are trying to get a hot woman’s attention, who the heck needs flowers?!
• Genesis 38:1-10. Sperm banking and spillage. Masturbation isn’t good, but not using every bit to impregnate one’s sister-in-law is even worse. Good to the last drop, the ad-slogan says.
• Leviticus 20. Law & Order before TV. Just pick one of the Levitical Laws to bemuse. You die if: you are a female sorcerer (the first fight for women’s suffrage), you get buck wild with a… well, a buck, you marry both a mother and her daughter (as if that wouldn’t be punishment enough), and of course having sex during that “special time of the month” is not good.

There are many not-so-boffo stories in the Bible as well, which is where this disturbing story from Yahoo! News by way of Iowa college takes us.

This place of higher education in Orange City, Iowa has decided a perfunctory role for its students’ path is to take six stories of cannibalism, rape and others heinous acts found elsewhere in the Old Testament and act them out in a play called “Terror Texts“… wait for it… A MUSICAL! What the…

Imagine the theatrics: Actors decked out in Goth attire, a rock band and a mosh pit. Oh, and the Bible.

“We believe we have discovered something that has been lying dormant for many, many centuries,” said Barker, who created and directs Terror Texts… “I was looking for terror text, stories I can say are thematically tied together because they are frightening and mysterious and terrifying,” Barker said. “That’s part of what we’re saying with this whole project that life and God himself are mysteries.“

Well, yeah. I guess. But I prefer to believe those “acts” are people being people. If you want a play about God being God, give a Passion Play a try. Or watch “The Passion of the Christ.” Now, that’s entertainment and reality TV all rolled into one – without the ear-bleeding soundtrack.

Mormon Porn Calendar guy wants his LDS education

Remember Chad Hardy?

No? Well, the LDS Church sure does. He was that snarky yet adventrous entrepreneur from Las Vegas with six generations of allegiance stored up for the Mormons; however, he thought it to be a good idea to make a missionary beefcake calendar.

Well, long (and amusing) story short, some of the elders at “Supplement to the Bible Central” considered the calendar promoting a “Few Good Men” sacrilege and proceeded to excommunicate his tail from the church.

And to best illustrate the cultic owens of the LDS church, Chad Hardy was attending Brigham Young University (Mormon U.) and now – according to the Salt Lake Tribune – his kick in the pants made him ineligible for graduation.

In a letter sent Friday to the office of Norman Finlinson, executive director of BYU’s Student, Academic and Advisement Services, Salt Lake City attorney Stephen C. Clark demanded the school award the diploma or hold a formal appeals process, which Hardy never had. Failing to give Hardy a fair hearing could prompt legal action, Clark’s letter said.

Ya’ think? But where is that ‘fair hearing’ going to take place? Provo? Hyde Park? Brigham City? Because that freakish school is not going to let Chad be given a fair trial. Why? Because this will be cast in front of a jury of his “peers”.

You know, all of them wearing holy skivvies, reading a fake Bible, believing what “God know is, man can become” and having no clue of the fate that awaits them if they don’t get their crap… er, theology straight. Yeah, those peers.

Dude has an affinity for time and dates, trying to get a college degree and a bunch of curmudgeons seal his fate because they aren’t fond of Chad’s idea of business development. Ah well, maybe he can transfer to the University of Utah. Now, that’s irony at its finest if you know anything about college football.

GOBAMA: BarackStar looking for a stage on “God’s Avenue”

What’s it say about the nation’s capital and our untrustworthy government needing so much prayer that the church footprint is so multifarious, it requires a nickname for the street?

See “God’s Avenue”.

And even though there is no more real estate for Jesus’ excavation crew, there are many churches on the aptly dubbed boulevard doing a heckuva lot interior decorating for one particular family new to the area.

The choices are abundant. Numerous, thriving congregations are an easy walk from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Just across Lafayette Square from the White House is St. John’s Church, an Episcopal parish known as the “Church of the Presidents,” where presidents as far back as James Madison have worshipped. St. John’s has a standing invitation: Pew 54 is the President’s Pew, reserved for the nation’s leader…

Whatever choice the Obamas make, it is sure to be analyzed through the prism of Obama’s relationship with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who was Obama’s pastor for 20 years at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.

And there’s the rub. Choosing a church should be a prayerful consideration – not a political one. But since Obama and his nefarious former pastor entered the news cycle, the President-elect must consult his PR team before he talks to a pastor. Sad, but true.

Dude has to go to church. After all, he practically promised Christians everywhere that God would be on his short list for Vice President. However, where does he go? Let’s see if we can help by denomination:

• 

  Truer words were never spoken in this instance

  Baptist – The word is sound, but if he goes to a Baptist church in “Chocolate City”, the Obamas will feel like a bastard child at a family reunion. Next?

• Catholic – Tradition. Regalia. Pomp. Circumstance. And in this town, Latin. Yeah, not so much for the first daughters.
• AME – This is where church shopping becomes unfair. This denomination is rooted deeply in the black community, but if that man… with that name… with that church past… goes to that church… all the moderate Obama lovers out there will go berserk.
• UMC – It’s “church”. They have “women” pastors. But this church has split over foundational tenets more times than a big girl’s panty hose. Maybe not.
• UCC – Seriously? Even though there are a few in the town that would love to have the first family rejoicing in their pews, the first country still hasn’t forgotten what your last UCC pastor did. Move on.
• MCC – Uh-huh. You know those multi-colored unity flags are flying high in an attempt to attract the wandering eye of the BarackStar, but let’s get real. If they go here, that won’t be a pot o’gold at the end of the “rainbow,” that will a Pandora’s box of expletives hurled in their direction.

With a seemingly no-win situation, I would recommend having a Bible study at the White House, prep your communications team for the much-ado-about-nothing “Church and State” arguments and rotate the heavy air-quoted “spiritual counselors to the President.”

Ah, that sounds like a political church service to me. Lovely. Only one caveat to the BarackStar, when you are tithing at your backyard service, be sure to pay in cash. I’m just sayin’.

Salvation Army tries new ring-ring to hear “Ka-ching!”

An ad worth considering

So, you are walking up to your favorite store and hear the familiar “ching ching” of a bell. If you have half a heart – and a little bit of spare coin – you reach in your pocket past the lint and day-old gum to drop in the red bucket of the Salvation Army.

The ringing may get on your nerves, and walking penniless past those friendly volunteers may plague you with guilt, but they are there for a reason. Well, fret no more. The red kettle club has a solution to rid you the anguish for giving your nickles and dimes away – credit.

This season, five bell-ringers in El Paso County, Colo., will be the first to accept debit and credit cards along with spare change and bills. Salvation Army officials say the kettle tradition needs to be tweaked as consumers increasingly carry only plastic.

Yeah. About that? If some people are so self-entitled during the chaos known as “Xmas shopping” (because that part has nothing to do with Christ) and believe they can’t afford to lose a minute to dip into their pockets to you know… help the homeless, what in the world makes you think they are going to stand there and get the card approved?!

It’s an admirable try, but I just don’t see it working. And good thing because when the IRS shows up at a kettle near you, they may have an inkling to wonder just how much of that mysterious plastic money they get… to er, uh, you know, feed and clothe the homeless IRS agents across America. Poor babies.