Archive for the ‘Spin Doctor’ Category

According to the generically entitled “theologian” Sam Storms, it is.

And to his credit, he brought up some salient points at Bridgeway Church in Oklahoma City, Okla. about man’s plight into this eternal quest for a payday and the pablum that necessitates it.

“For most professing believers if God is love he must promise to minimize my struggles and maximize my pleasure,” he lamented. “Many believe it’s their spiritual birthright to experience comfort and prosperity and that it’s God divine obligation to provide it.

See, regretfully, this entire doxology has created a distorted view of the love of God. To some who attend certain megachurches or follow particular global ministries, that love is a credit card with no limit allowing God’s children to be footloose and fancy free because whatever happens, “God loves me.”

(NOTE: There is no generalization here. Many big churches and ministries are fulfilling God’s purpose, but it’s the snake oil salesmen that ruin it for everybody.)

It’s a brainwashing tactic, not a biblical exhortation, of which we have become all too familiar thanks to many misanthrope swindlers who have used it to their advantage and not for the benefit of their sheep (i.e. Kenneth Copeland, Rod Parsley, Benny Hinn and now entering the fold, Ed Young).

People give, give and give believing they are doing the right thing (admirable) and that God must give it back so “that I may lack nothing” because he loves me. See, it’s twisted because of three reasons:

  1. God does love us more than can we ever comprehend
  2. We are his children and because of that, why would he ever want us to suffer
  3. There is an enemy and “our Daddy can kick your Daddy’s tail in a minute”

All that is very true. However, what the sheep are not told before they are sheered is they may experience heartache despite the checks they donate. Essentially, God is the mighty purveyor of “Opposite Day” – if Satan wants me to experience lack, then God will cause me to experience abundance.

Yes… and a big no.

The so-called prosperity gospel that teaches wealth and good health is a sign of God’s favor and blessing is prevalent in the church, Storm lamented. Underlining the seriousness of the problematic theology many preachers have picked up, the Oklahoma City pastor called it a “corrosive and disintegrative pox” on the church and “a disease far more infectious and ultimately fatal to the soul than the worst bubonic plague and the affects it might have on the human body.”

Man, and I just want God to help me pay my light bill… now this?!

I see what he is saying. People are becoming sorely irresponsible with accountability, not just the malefactors exhorting but also the men and women experiencing. Aside from having favor, blessing, abundance or whatever words fit from the slimy televangelist thesaurus there, 2 Timothy 2:3 reminds us we still have an enemy because “you therefore endure hardship, as a good soldier in Christ.

The only check that isn’t unveiled at one of these pep rally for Jesus crusades is the reality check.

If you want to sum up this walk with the Lord in one sentence, try this: God hates sin and has provided Jesus to escape it, while Satan hates you and will do everything to make you leave God.

Help us to see what you have for us, oh God.

Raise your hand if you have suffered at all this last year. Well, joy comes in the morning and for many of us, it’s been one long night. We could all use a break, and thanks to God’s grace and mercy, we got more of those than we realize.

The suffering is the clue that a blessing is coming because God works to get stuff to us and the enemy fights it every time. Sometimes the fight is so quick, it doesn’t phase you. Other times, the fight is long because the enemy is real and he fights to win.

It’s a losing battle, praise God, but a battle nonetheless.

I once heard a stoic pastor say, “Good is the worst enemy of best, because anyone can provide good but only God can give you his best.”

The prosperity gospel shows us that you shouldn’t have to wait for that filet mignon God has intended for you because if you eat all that fat-induced ground beef, you still feel full… and isn’t that satisfying? Sometimes Wall Watchers, we have to wait… but it is so worth it.

We will endure hardship while still being favored of God. We will experience a rough patch before things get smooth. We will walk through the valley of the shadow of death… but at least we are walking. We will go through hell to get to heaven.

Use whatever axiom you wish. God is real and you aren’t him, so rejoice that there is a plan and when you give money to a church or a minister, do it not to buy God’s grace but because you have some grace to give to others.

Still don’t believe me? Take it from Peter who incurred a ton of heartache and he walked next to Jesus.

Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.

If you’re abused because of Christ, count yourself fortunate. It’s the Spirit of God and his glory in you that brought you to the notice of others. If they’re on you because you broke the law or disturbed the peace, that’s a different matter. But if it’s because you’re a Christian, don’t give it a second thought. Be proud of the distinguished status reflected in that name!

It’s judgment time for God’s own family. We’re first in line. If it starts with us, think what it’s going to be like for those who refuse God’s Message!

If good people barely make it,
What’s in store for the bad?
So if you find life difficult because you’re doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he’s doing, and he’ll keep on doing it. (1 Peter 4:12-19 MSG)

There are anagrams for Santa that make Father Christmas more of a bastard child at a family reunion in the minds of fundamental Christians.

There are thoughts of the manger that make non-God-fearing folk want to put the holidays out to pasture.

And then there are those who love Jesus and celebrate his birth while propagating subterfuge against their children until the day they figure out that dirty old man with the beefy belly looked familiar for a reason.

The geniuses at have done it again – this time, they tackle the stark differences and similarities between sweet baby Jesus and portly St. Nick. Enjoy this for the HOLY-days and we’ll be back with the news before the New Year.

Peace & blessings to all the Wall Watchers out there. You have blessed this enigmatic pontificate more than you know.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Happy Santa-Baby-Jesus Day“, posted with vodpod

Next up in the “Are you friggin’ kidding me” department, we have this bewildering story from

So, there’s this federal official (John Douglas of the C.D.C. if you need him) who has seen one too many reports about crabs, the clap and that ubiquitous ‘burning sensation’ run across his sterilized desk to know someone has to be to blame for the widespread endemic of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases for those scoring at homeer, I mean, taking notes).

His official arch-nemesis? Abstinence!

Douglas headed up a panel of 15 experts (cough… MDs who are paid too dang much to do too friggin’ little… cough) called the “Task Force on Community Preventive Services. Together, the toolbox analyzed dozens of studies of sex education programs conducted between 1980 and 2007.

Did they find that sex is free; therefore is widely exercised? No. Did they find Bebe Kids rebel from an absent Dad and an absent-minded Mom, so it’s on like Donkey Kong? Not so much.

Johnny, tell them what they have won.

The Task Force on Community Preventive Services concludes that there is insufficient evidence to determine the effectiveness of group-based abstinence education delivered to adolescents to prevent pregnancy, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs),” the recommendations state. “Evidence was considered insufficient due to inconsistent results across studies.”

What happens when a city (possibly yours) bans smoking in public places? Do people stop smoking?You know, do lungers everywhere have this grand epiphany when the law is laid down and suddenly the heat from that light bulb dangling over their crown creates a warm spot, “Hmmm… maybe this cancer stick really can kill you.”

Probably not. So, does the city pull up stakes as if to say, “So much for the smoking ban. These people sure are stubborn.”

Why quit abstinence teaching if it would stop premarital and unprotected sex?! You know it’s what’s better. Kids know if they WANT to be careful and still boink someone, they can go to the local convenience store and steal a condomer, have a friend purchase one.

That’s the problem with government and sex-ed evangelists – you can’t teach emotion, feelings and common sense. That adage, “Kids will be kids” has stuck around for so long for a reason. They’re stupid.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a proud parent of some lil’ Wall Watchers myself, but yeah, when they become tweens… they tap into the “Stupid Zone.” Education on what’s right and wrong begins with counting the costs, not covering the costs with something you can buy in a drugstore for $2.50.

Here’s a stat for those number crunchers at the CDC, as seen in USA Today, January 2009:

“To see 26 states with statistically significant increases [in teen pregnancy] is fairly remarkable,” says Paul Sutton, a demographer with the National Center for Health Statistics, which released the data Wednesday. “We’re seeing increases in both the number of teens having births and also the rate at which they are having births. Both of them are going up.”

So, while you are trying to shoo away causes for clap slap, snow pie and rooster crow, we have babies having babies at an alarming rate. Only prayer to Jesus Christ and faith that it sticks will take care of these meddlesome kids who think there is no recourse to an innocent night between the sheets.

In other words, kids should learn it’s okay to just say no… than to just say yes to a judge for child alimony checks for 18 years. 10 minutes is not worth the next 10 years. There’s my soapbox. I’m off now… all Irish Spring fresh. (Whistle Whistle the theme).

Ted Haggard and his shirt


No, no. I mean starting a new church.

What did you think I meant? You Wall-watching gutter minds. Oy!

Anywhoo, according to the Colorado Springs Gazette, Ted is back with a vengeance and holding a “prayer meeting” on November 12 at… his house.

(Hey, isn’t that how he first got in trouble with his gay-lover-masseuse-meth-dealer-dude in the first place?)

Back to the story:

“We wanted to do something in our house to connect with friends,” said Haggard, whose ties to New Life ended in scandal three years ago with the revelation that he’d been involved with a male prostitute in Denver.

For the record, Haggard began the Colorado megachurch, New Life Church, with 25 people in his basement. The rest is history as he would become a force in ecumenicalism – one of the top pastors in America, voice to the president and leader of the National Association of Evangelicals as his own church surpassed 14,000.

Neither had a comment about Haggard and his new start-up, but suffice to say, I don’t think there is going to be a neighborhood sleep over any time soon.

“For this prayer meeting, I have no goals,” Haggard said. “I have no secret hope that more people will come. I am not driven as I was. Before I focused on the Great Commission. Now I focus on helping other people.”

MEMO to Sweet Teddy: I know you may be a little rusty on the Bible but the “Great Commission” (making disciples and all) is helping other people.

Haggard has been a busy boy since his unceremonious interlude with Mike Jones. He’s been selling insurance, giving “talks” on weekends and, as we posted on the Wall a while back, traipsing his family on national TV to “Divorce Court.”

Still classy after all these months.

And speaking of Mike Jones, the church volunteer Lothario had this to say about Haggard’s interloping with a home church service:

Ted Haggard certainly has the right to do what ever he wants and deserves to be happy in life.  But make no mistake: Ted does nothing by accident. This will be in the press, two months before Gayle’s book is released and then his book to follow.  At this point, publicity is publicity.


But to sum it up, if Ted and Gayle were at Disneyland,they would never leave Fantasyland.  But this time they have Oprah as Tinkerbell to spread the fairy dust.

Crazy, not stupid. Of course, this is about public relations. Ted knows how to work the press, just check Google. It hearts Haggard. Dude needs cash, credibility, and above all, cash.

Having a Tupperware party at his house won’t cut it, but get that on national TV and possibly with a TBN cameo, and it’s on like Donkey Kong.

Question to all of us is: Should he be taken seriously?

forgiveness on the wall

Suitable, it being tagged on the Wall

Before we answer with a diatribe laced with vitriol and expletives, remember Capernaum anyone?

Peter decided he could quantify forgiveness because of the acts aginst him by some schlep he knew. He thought seven was a good number, seeing how he took that numerology class in Temple a few weeks back.

Jesus threw Peter a curve ball saying, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22 NKJV).

Did Jesus wants to give Peter a pop quiz on his times tables, or was that a metaphorical way to say, “Dude, if I had a dollar for every time you screwed up…”

“No one can possibly keep count of such a high number of offenses,” writes John MacArthur in reference to 490 (the result of “seventy times seven”). “But that is precisely the point! Keeping count has nothing to do with true forgiveness. If an offense is sincerely forgiven, it cannot be held against the offender.” (John MacArthur. The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness. Crossway Books, 2009)

I don’t know about you , but I passed 490 years ago. [Shoot, who am I kidding, months ago.] My check would so bounce past food stamps and into welfare. However, God is bigger than that.

Do I think Haggard should be back in charge of a church now? Certainly not. There has got to be work God still has to do in his heart and his family’s life.

Do I think Haggard is forgiven? If he marched up to the throne of Grace – not before he marched up to his wife who is still with him –  and begged for it, you bet.

Do I think this is a great idea? No way… but I do understand. Albeit, a little.

Paula White is no stranger to making a mockery of something – whether that be a marriage, a message or now a press conference where she is supposed to be defending the name of her son.

Television cameras descended on Without Walls International Church on Thursday for back-to-back news conferences about a racial discrimination lawsuit filed against the head pastor’s son.

Nice collection of framed press clippings on the wall. But no son?!

Nice collection of framed press clippings on the wall. But no son?!

Now, let’s get this:

  1. “Back-to-back” press conferences?! Why? One for the secular and one of the sacred? Perhaps, one for the mainstream church folk and then one for the poor hacks she ridicules weekly and they don’t have the intelligence to know the difference?!
  2. Against her son. Not her. This isn’t about her. This is about he son allegedly being a bigot (and for the record, this lawsuit is complete crap and should be laughed out of court). Paula White should be supporting her son, but meh. Back to the story…

So, there sits Paula, ready to support her son and make this case about how she is fed up and not going to take any more. Right? Take it away hired gun and legal pundit Barry Cohen:

Barry Cohen, the church attorney, who described what he called proof that the suit was a “racial con job.” There were standing ovations. There were shouts of praise. There were threats of more lawsuits.

There was no indication this would end any time soon.

At a press conference. About her son. Much ado about nothing.

Gee, I wonder why the Kool-Aid guzzling folk got all lathered up about legal speak at a presser. You think Brandon White is really that charismatic, or was he encountered with “Girl, Interrupted.”

Brandon White, 26, spoke publicly about the case for the first time. He said he can’t look at people without wondering if they believe the allegations. He said he hasn’t been able to sleep. Then, his mother spoke. Paula White said she started the church to promote racial harmony.

“We’re drawing the line and saying enough is enough,” she said. She turned to Cohen and told him, “Use the legal system as far as you can, as hard as you can and as long as you can.”

Meanwhile, you notice what is missing from this story? Anyone? Take your time… wait for it… Randy!

The kid wasn’t found in Paula’s shotty trailer park. He does have a father, but because he probably lost the cash and his dignity in the divorce, he’s nowhere. Pathetic.

And so, we’re back with the former Without Walls youth worker gone rogue civil rights advocate, Josh Randolph, who has decided to continue with the legal proceedings against Paula White’s son.

If you note the link above, this lawsuit was a modest $4,200. And now, it seems the “N-word” means a whole lot more Ka-chinger feeling to him.

“Money never crossed my mind,” he said. “Exposure crossed my mind. I wanted Tampa to know these people are racists. I’m not going to make this a media frenzy.” …his discrimination lawsuit in which he now asks for $2 million.

If there is nothing you can believe that comes out of this dudes’ mouth, believe this, he definitely is cut from the same make-up stained, ballyhooed cloth that Paula is because this is some drama for your mama!

Think we’ll be covering this one on the Wall? I would bet a few extra bricks on that one.