Posts Tagged ‘tragedy’

Imagine you are warming a pew, the band was on this particular Sunday and you are expecting a nice message from the “Mand of Gawd.”

And then it happens – a moment to make you forget you were in a church and back in the club. No, not that saint in the choir you have been watching too closely. It was something the pastor said:

“We hate (the n-word),” joked [Rev. Jim] Lee while using the actual racial slur. “I would say I don’t eat them either.”

n-wordAccording to this story in the Detroit News, Rev. Jim Lee of Renaissance Unity church decided to rock one of the most offensive words ever more than 30 times in a recent message.

The topic of said sermonette? “Love thy neighbor.”

Yeah, because I want to love on my neighbor in the name of the Lord, I crush terms of endearment from the Civil War era.

Why not, for sake of an illustrated message you dimwit, call your elders the “house Ns” and the lay persons “field Ns.”

“It was design…I knew it would get a reaction,” Lee told the Detroit News.

Well, he’s getting alright and most of those visceral rants have been from fellow brothers.

“He’s using the wrong format. The pulpit is the wrong format to use hate words and that is a hate word,” said Jim Netter, a western Wayne County resident who is African-American. “I’m disappointed.”

To wit, I completely agree.

Use the pulpit to make a point, drive a topic and create an issue for discussion, but “brother”, this is Motown, the same place where the NAACP “buried” the very word you are promulgating like it’s a handout at a local charity.

I don’t know, maybe this just rubbed me wrong but what the hell is this guy thinking?

“Love thy neighbor”? And he delivers one of those words that creates memories from centuries past of doing exactly the opposite.

I don’t have a whimsical ending for this story, but suffice to say, I have another “N-word” for this guy. And I can use it in a message title as well.

“Just say NO.”

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Ever since 9-11, standards for airline security has been acclerated and enforced just a tad. Maybe you heard?

At least this guy was better prepared

At least this guy was better prepared

Well, one thing is for sure, a Bolivian pastor apparently didn’t get the news because he took more on board his flight to Cancun with more than just his carry-on bible.

Mexican investigators are evaluating a Bolivian pastor who hijacked a jetliner for possible mental illness, and trying to figure out how he managed to slip through Cancun Airport security with a fake bomb in his luggage.

Well, at least it was a fake. Just a “juice can with some lights on it.” I mean, he just wanted to put the “fear of God” in people. That’s evangelism, right? Yeah, not so much.

So, tell us Pastor Jose Flores, why the bomb? Numerology, of course.

Flores told authorities that [the recent date of] 9-9-09 is the satanic number 666 turned upside down. Speaking to reporters after he was detained, Flores smilingly told them: “Christ is coming soon.” He said he had received divine revelation that an enormous earthquake would soon strike Mexico and that he hijacked the plane to force a meeting with President Felipe Calderon.

Hey pastor, in lieu of the impending apocalypse, you may want to mix in one of those sandwich board signs telling everyone in Terminal A to repent and seek God’s face. That’s effective… and lawful under the U.S. Constitution.

But this? Suffice to say, I can think of better ways to do an illustrated sermon. Maybe I’ll carry a huge hammer to his jail cell, as an example. Given the fact this guy is a big tool, I think God will give him that revelation too.

(Masonry shout out to Crummy Church Signs for the well, crummy church sign.)

In Memoriam

In Memoriam... into perpetuity

It was one of those days when everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when the World Trade Center towers plummeted to the ground that fateful day on September 11, 2001.

I lost a few friends – both in working circles and a boy in blue. Maybe you did too?

So… have you forgotten?

Many people have opinions, and like a hole in your butt, most stink. Even more people have a story, grueling to tell and chilling to hear.

But do you know, or have your forgotten, the stark numbers behind the day known for only its own numbers?

New York Magazine created the rundown list, which quite honestly, should be the only math people do today.

That amazing list is a stark reminder of those we lost, the pain it caused and the grief that still exists to this day. Again, remember?

When you have time, Wall Watchers. pray – for our great country, our civil servants in uniform who sacrifice their lives daily, our president and leaders of state, and our holistic protection.

And in case, you – like so, so many in this country have forgot – this day shouldn’t spark political debate but moments of silence. Dispel of the pointing of fingers and decide to give someone a hand. Ignore those dolts who find pleasure in controversy and focus on those who are still dealing with the pain.

In other words, never forget. Never. God bless America. Remember?

The 80s were amazing for pop culture – parachute pants, breakdancing, a John Hughes filmography and all those TV preachers falling like the Dow Jones statistics. Thank you, TBN.

Oh? You missed this album on iTunes?

Oh? You missed this album on iTunes?

I know there’s always that little voice in the back of your mind saying… well, shouting actually, “Man! I wish I would have recorded those failed days of Jim & Tammy Faye.”

Well, tell that voice to shut up because happy days are here again, thanks an Atlanta investment banker who is auctioning more than 15,000 videotaped copies of the fraudulent “PTL Club” and James Bond spike eyelashes of Tammy Faye Bakker.

The tapes appraised at $8 miiillllllllllllllllioon dollars (can’t you see my pinkie draped to the corner of my mouth?) have a tale of woe to go with it:

The 15,069 hourlong tapes went to a Charlotte church, then a cable content provider, said Ben Dyer, president of Gospel Properties. The cable provider defaulted on a loan from Dyer’s company and he got the tapes, which he plans to auction in San Francisco on March 27.

Fitting for a ministry that began in the opulence of God, was seen all over TV and ended with the visual of fetal boy taken away sucking his thumb.

These days, the Bakker clan have taken some odd paths to obscurity:

  • Tammy Faye died terribly of colon cancer, but not before she became the patron saint of homosexuality and mascara addiction;
  • Jim, since released from prison and absconded from popularity has found deliverance and redemption through reaching out to the lost for Christ;
  • and Jay Bakker, the tattoo-ridden preacher, has taken the torch to carry from… anyone… yeah, his mother.

Who knows? Maybe Paul Crouch and the TBN gang can buy those video tapes and play reruns. Please, you know that would rock the ratings. And in this economy, anything is possible.

I've heard him called a stiff, but this is ridiculous

I've heard him called a stiff, but this is ridiculous

We know about the ballyhoo between father and the junior Schuller, the depleting real estate of the first-ever megachurch and the ministry’s $65 million in debt… but did you know people are actually dying in the church?

A man shot himself in the head Wednesday morning at the altar of the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove and died at the scene, police said.

Without rhyme or reason, a middle-aged man walks inside stating he wanted to pray. And why not? It’s a church. Makes sense, so an usher let the guy inside… who walked up three steps to the altar, knelt before a gold cross and literally blew his head off.

Um, WOW! As if this church didn’t have enough bad press. We have a truckload of irony to throttle this story clean down our throat…

Six people, including a tourist group from Canada and one or two tour guides, were inside the church at the time. Volunteer Yvette Manson, 76, says she was explaining the church’s suicide hotline with tourists when she heard the shot.

Is God trying to tell Robert Schuller something? Anything? Maybe it’s how to get through what he’s getting through? Well, if that’s the case, he may wanna call his kid. I hear he hasn’t been to church in a while.