Posts Tagged ‘mormon’

Watch it and that mark may end up on your forehead

The Pew Forum has done it again with their latest in a series of polls that show the dumbification of America.

Just when we think this country is full of Kumbaya singers, universal proselytizers and everyone reading the same page on religion, we discover that people of faith, in essence… can’t friggin’ read!

Or if they can, their rote memory skills need some serious prayer, as seen in USA Today by the great Cathy Lynn Grossman.

The new U.S. Religious Knowledge Survey, released today by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, finds that although 86% of us believe in God or a higher power, we don’t know our own traditions or those of neighbors across the street or across the globe.

There lies the rub. The words “God” and “Christian” are about as homogenized as anything on the dairy shelves. Any schmo with a lick of scruples and an inkling of interest in you know, not burning in a liquid furnace of lava, hell flames and demonic drones, says they believe in God.

And that, by proxy, makes them a “Christian.” Unfortunately, it means nothing to more than half of the people with that card in their pockets. More about that in a moment. First, the key findings from the 3,412 dolts surveyed who know nothing about religion:

Doctrines don’t grab us. Only 55% of Catholic respondents knew the core teaching that the bread and wine in the Mass become the body and blood of Christ, and are not merely symbols. Just 19% of Protestants knew the basic tenet that salvation is through faith alone, not actions as well.

Basic Bible eludes us. Just 55% of all respondents knew the Golden Rule isn’t one of the 10 Commandments; 45% could name all four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John).

World religions are a struggle. Fewer than half (47%) knew that the Dalai Lama is a Buddhist; 27% knew most people in Indonesia are Muslims.

This is a problem. You have to study for a drivers license, to pass a spelling test and to learn how to operate any one of your kids’ toys, but anyone can be a “Christian.”

There’s no connection to Christ, no relationship with the Lord and absolutely no personal zeal to tell people about why being a Christian is so important to them. And why? Because they aren’t one.

What would happen if God has a computerAnd that’s why them taking this test is stupid. Where’s the litmus test? Oh yeah, in the answers of this survey.

Moreover, it’s the who in the survey that’s more telling. It seems if you have an angst against this “God” guy everyone loves to follow like some hack on Twitter, you research the most about him to debate his sheep. Example A: Atheists and agnostics did the best on the survey with 20.9 correct.

There’s more than power in the blood of the Lamb, there’s a lot of ignorance too. Example B: Black Protestants only got 13.4 correct, second to last to… wait for it… Hispanic Catholics at 11.6 percent.

But Jesus told him, “No! The Scriptures say, ‘People need more than bread for their life; they must feed on every word of God.'” (Matthew 4:4 NLT)

Sure, it’s nice to go to church and see your friends then go to Luby’s. But there is a world dying out there while some of us are busy taking surveys. What happened to the passion of learning God’s Word? How far have we departed from the Bible and into the country club known as “Church Lite”?

I suppose as long as there are surveys, we will continue to find out. Unfortunately for those of us who mean it when we follow… um, what’s his name again?


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I said it once, and now I get to say again… anyone remember excommunicated Mormon Chad Hardy?

Hardy is an entrepreneur from Las Vegas who had an epiphany that, if directed to a niche audience, would cause him a winfall of cash money. The idea was a Missionary Beefcake calendar of all those hottie LDS door-to-door salesmen.

And it worked. So much that he was excommunicated from Utah. Yeah, he was a 6th-generation Mormon. Nice.

RNS BYU CALENDAR

Meet Miss May and Cover Girl. I'm sure she's a great cook.

Well, sad for the Mormons, it seems sex really does sell because Hardy is baaaack with something a little Oedipus complex-ish.

TheHot Mormon Muffins: A Taste of Motherhood calendar features 12 mothers who claim membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in vintage pinup picture poses. Each month also has a muffin recipe.

Genius. “Also has a muffin recipe.”

That’s like finding a dirty old man at the magazine rack in a truck stop. Of course, he reads that magazine just for the articles. And by the way, yes, he is just happy to see me.

This “muffin” calendar is the latest in the series of Mormon in print. The problem is that Hardy got the boot from the church, so you know Missus January through December could be next? Was it worth it? It is to Hardy. Just ask him.

“For Mormons, the most holy calling next to missionary work is motherhood,” said Hardy. “But they’re not all the subservient housewives that people think they are.

What? Did someone hurl a Ron Jeremy movie in the DVD player? What’s that mean?

The “Men on a Mission” calendar may have been done with tongue firmly planted in cheek, but this is done with a motive… and a bent. Dude is on a mission to make Mormons look foolish, but this could backfire because how many Atheists will consider flying to Utah just to get a calendar?

The funny thing about this imbroglio is considering the questionable marriage practices in the LDS church, does each month contain the multiple mothers of the same household?

Tami Roberts (seen pictured above) has three girls and is raising them to be devout Mormons.

“I also want them to be open, accepting of other people, know that everybody is not the same and that it’s OK to make your own choices,” said Roberts, who works as a restaurant server and confessed to having a few tattoos, generally considered taboo among Mormons.

Yeah, because having a tramp stamp in the middle of a baptism for some dead guy could be a skosh distracting.

No word from LDS central but something tells me you won’t see Hardy’s calendar on sale in Salt Lake anytime soon at Borders.

 

There are many ways to answer that question, but one in particular, look at growth of the church body.

For instance, if you are still bumping into church members at the club, liquor store or the adult shop, both you and the “other dude from bible study” need to reconsider that whole membership thing and work on the salvation part of things.

Another is check the childrens ministry. Are the kids happy? Are they engaged? Or, if they are slightly more daring, are they bolting out the back and stealing Dad’s car making the getaway!? Yeah, that happened. Check the video, we’ll be back.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

A person considered to be a “very small driver” trolling through traffic would get my attention as well. Did you see that kid trek out of the car? That boy needs to holler at the U.S. Olympic Track & Field committee. He’s got a future.

And all because he didn’t want to go to church?! That’s sad. Granted, it’s in Utah, so there’s no telling what kind of church little man is petrified of visiting, but it begs the question… what makes it so bad?

Is the puppet show that awful? I know some folk just have smoker’s cough and thinks that’s a great character voice, but I wouldn’t tell the old man’s car because it blows that bad.

Maybe the children’s pastor is one of those retiree volunteers who obviously hasn’t had a kid in about 25 years? You know the type, balding, rotund and breath that could stop a Peterbilt in its tracks? That combination does not make a lovely church experience for the kiddos.

Or if it was a LDS church, maybe all the talk of the holy underwear spooked him out a little? I mean, freshen it up, Mormons. Put some Super Heroes on that handmade stuff. Maybe some sweet “Hello Kitty” bonnets for the girls and Mormon bloomers with the “Batman” insignia across the tail.

Anything, but just don’t let this happen again, because that’s not a shining indictment on any pastor.

“Ooooooh. You’re THAT church.” Yeah, not so much.

Please. You think I'm going to use a beefcake picture?

Please. You think I'm going to use a beefcake picture?

[Editor’s Note: Now work with me, Wall Watchers]

It’s baffling how Americans – nee, the new politically correct Christian-Americans – idolize anyone solely because they put out a decent movie every couple of years.

Take Mr. Angelina Jolie, otherwise known as one Brad Pitt.

Sure, there’s the greatness of “Se7en,” “The [severely underrated] Assassination of Jesse James” and the great “Fight Club” (“With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.” Classic.)

But then there’s bewildering moments on film such as “Meet Joe Black,” “Cool World” and “Freddy’s Nightmares.” (Yes, he was in this miserable flop.)

But now, we have the reason why he should not be exalted above anyone or anything – or anyone in Hollywood for that matter – because he is one seriously flawed individual in need of a Savior, like us all.

BILD: Do you believe in God?
Brad Pitt (smiling): No, no, no!

BILD: Is your soul spiritual?
Brad Pitt: No, no, no! I’m probably 20 per cent atheist and 80 per cent agnostic. I don’t think anyone really knows. You’ll either find out or not when you get there, until then there’s no point thinking about it.

Okay, unbeknown to him, this isn’t that funny. And what’s with that jacked-up spiritual math?!

So, he basically could care less if there is a God, but when really pushed to talk about 20 percent of the time, Brad isn’t quite convinced God exists?! Huh?

This sad commentary (as he was ironically shilling for his latest flick… as in the real meaning of the word, Man without a father, as in God.” It’s a blog, you never know what you have to explain these days… but there’s your payoff) creates one question for me.

Since Brad is apparently open to all religions, how come a Mormon missionary, J-dub and his Watchtower pamphlets or a tempered street corner, pentecostal preacher hasn’t gotten a hold of Brad by the nap of his neck?!

If that happened, he would be surprised to find out he and Jesus could be “Friends” after all. (Thought I forgot about that one, eh? Thank My Fair Lady for that lovely pop culture reference.)

Okay, okay.

Surely, we jest with the Mormons because of their insatiable need to earn their way into heaven, rocking the holy underwear and belief that God and the Virgin Mary actually hooked up, thus a Savior was born.

I don’t know… call me cynical.

However, the traveling missionaries who don’t know any better are among some of the most dedicated people “of faith”. And when they are not trying to memorize biblical replacements like “The Pearl of Great Price,they eat up the Holy Bible in a way that should make most Christians envious.

That said, may I introduce the “Holy Bible in 60 Seconds… rapping by two pasty white LDS missionaries, no less.” Enjoy!

Masonry Shout Out to WOW News’ Idol Chatter.