Posts Tagged ‘Juanita Bynum’

A couple of things actually, but one chief thing in particular:

  1. Both have been accused of investing time in lousy, pitiful men
  2. Each person’s ministries created the sound of thunderous applause at times, and at others, the sound of one hand clapping
  3. AND NOW, both Juanita Bynum and Ted Haggard will appear on Divorce Court to resurrect their careers

Stay classy, people.

First, Juanita “speaks out” about being abused and now Ted is on there to… well, just to make another stop on his whirlwind tour of “Dummies for Christ.”

Another Ted Haggard "ministry" appearance

Another Ted Haggard "ministry" appearance

So, set your calendars evangelicals, blossoming masseurs and drug dealers… your main advocate will appear nationally on FOX’s hit judge show on April 1. And why?

The show’s presiding judge, Lynn Toler, is interviewing the couple about how their marriage survived in the wake of the 2006 revelation that Haggard, founder and former pastor of New Life Church, was having a sexual relationship with a Denver male escort. The Haggards say their marriage and Christian faith are stronger than ever, and they want people to know that divorce is not the answer.

This should be good. What befuddles me is how remarkably unabashed this tool has been since his peculiar way to unwind has been made public, seen here in the aforementioned story from the Denver Post:

Their “Divorce Court” gig is the latest in a series of public appearances that began in January when Haggard made the rounds to promote an HBO documentary on his exile from Colorado Springs, which was part of an agreement with New Life Church following the 2006 scandal. Haggard appeared on such high-profile talk shows as the “Oprah Winfrey Show” and “Larry King Live.” In the coming months, he’s scheduled to speak at prominent U.S. evangelical churches, and is mulling over public speaking offers from secular organizations, but he said he has no plans to start a church.

OK, first: What. Ever. The second some denominational affiliation opens its arms – and doors – to the scorned jowls of Haggard, he is so in there. I think it’s obvious this fool is jonesin’ to get back in the spotlight, so let’s hear it for humility.

Second, it’s the economy people. Brother is going to get paid for his appearance on the show, and why shouldn’t he? FOX is going to get a rating spike because who isn’t setting the TiVO for this gem? And now, Haggard will capitalize on this by leveraging Divorce Court into a few more paid appearances like a State Fair, a car show, a Mary Kay convention and possibly being the opening act for Vince at one of his many ShamWow stops, given its new found sacred positioning.

Finally, the cracked producers of this adoring show can’t get anyone else to discuss the sanctity of marriage?! Seriously? And you wonder why so many people have issues with Christians?

That sound you hear is one large toilet flushing – hopefully with Haggard’s public appearance fee swirling and his mini-skree flummoxing in the process.

(Thanks to Denver’s Westword for that genius image)

It turns out there is a reason why Thomas Weeks and his sorry excuse for a reality show has never really gotten off the ground on the air – fool has no money!

And now we witness how the mighty nasty have fallen, thanks to this story from Atlanta’s WSB TV. It turns out the man who began his 15 minutes by making Juanita Bynum’s face a pinata, has been turned out himself and booted into the street – bow tie and all. Nice.

Sheriff’s deputies carried out the eviction while a church convocation was in progress at Weeks’ Global Destiny Ministries, with congregation members by his side [editor’s license].

“They have been told to leave the property,” said Stacey Bourbonnais, with the Gwinnett County Sheriff’s Office. “We will secure the building, inventory the property, then sell up to the judgment amount.” Documents filed in state court in Gwinnett County showed Weeks and the church owe $511,842 to the owners of the buildings.

I’m sorry. Did you say this dolt owes the state half-a-million dollars?! Meanwhile, he touts fiscal responsibility to God?! But in a particular typical and slimy fashion, Weeks has a spin for this debacle and a source to blame:

We’re not the only church going through this financial situation,” Weeks said. “At one point, it cost $450,000 a month to run the operation. We resized it to about $110,000 monthly,” he said. “We had several pledges coming in the next couple of days and unfortunately they didn’t arrive so we could go ahead and pay the last of what we needed to pay to stop the process,” he said.

I’m sorry. The sounds of this nation sobbing drowning out your pleas of pity. Did you say all of this mess was someone else’s fault and the fact your pledges didn’t come in? Well, that’s uh, sweet.

And if you didn’t get your fill of laughter from this bow-tied twit, we have this masonry on the Wall, and Exhibit B from appreciated blog of HiScrivener’s, “Character Corner“:

Yeah, yeah. You knew HiScrivener couldn’t leave this one alone.

Hey Weeks. The Church is talking to you!

Hey Weeks. The Church is talking to you!

Any story about the sanctimonius schliemiel, “Bishop” Thomas Weeks, and his lustfuler, entrepreneurialI mean, heartfelt exploits to locate Wifey #3 just had to be a “Brickhouse Series.” So, away we go…

Well, “Bishop” Thomas Weeks’ cracked production crew at the ready, scriptures hi-lited ready to twist and a platoon of security guarding the front door in case his formerly battered bride decided to show up to give him the “Juanita Bynum Once-over.”

But Thomas Weeks’ quest for a cover-up and his uh, reality show “Who Wants to be the Next Mrs. Weeks” was for not, as we see in this article from the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

The first full episode of “Who Will Be the Next Mrs. Weeks” was postponed because of incomplete contract negotiations with a reality television producer. Those who logged onto Tuesday saw what seemed like an infomercial about Weeks instead of the lively conversation about dating featured in the reality show’s promo. “The show was modified due to the fact of ongoing talks with network producers and network stations who are ramped up to do the first Christian reality dating program,” Weeks said.

Dude! This is not some act VH1 is taking on the road. This is you pilfering through the personals for the next girl who will catch a beatdown as you “lay on of hands.” All the while, you will work to maintain and offer CPR to your 15 minutes of fame.

So, on we go with the man currently serving three years probation for ADMITTING TO SPOUSAL ABUSE. (Did I mention that yet)? I don’t know what is more hilarious – the fact that he thinks this is a real “reality show”, or that he believes he can use it to preach?!

‘Who will be the Next Mrs. Weeks’ is an open dialogue for us to talk — good, bad or indifferent,” Weeks said. “You know in the church we really don’t talk about hot topic issues, we bury it. We become silent.”

Does he even realize the mockery he is making of marriage, his church, his members, himself… and oh yeah, his GOD!? Of course he does, and has no regard or shame in the matter. This, Wall Watchers, is called a fraud. The only thing this preaches is a means to an end… and infernal one, if he doesn’t watch his step.

“Hot topics”?! I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Uh, yeah!

Uh, yeah! How is that working out anyway?

Due respect to NBC and the weight-watching wunderkin, the headline fits and HiScrivener stands by it. 🙂

Why? Because this sanctimonius schlemiel has decided that although his heralded second marriage to Juanita Bynum didn’t work out too well, “Bishop” Thomas Weeks has decided to live up to his surname once again.

How? Despite all the confirmed wife-beating, rumors of “playing for the other team”, adultery while in the pulpit, going to jail for a parking lot brawl, writing a book about all this tomfoolery, a disgruntled ex airing your dirty laundry on national TV and farce of a relationship, he’s baaaaack.

Mr. Weeks has decided to get back on his bike for a paper route, throw out his resume in hopes of landing another (HIS THIRD) unsuspecting wife to sweep off her feet – via the miracle of a REALITY SHOW!

Only in America, and ONLY in the world of megachurches, could this happen… and what a nicer guy too.

Weeks will document his effort to open his heart to love again in 10 streaming video “Web Episodes” of his reality show “WHO WILL BE THE NEXT MRS. WEEKS,” which airs at noon Tuesday on his Web site The idea came after Weeks was flooded with thousands of e-mails and letters from people offering advice about what to look for in his third wife. Some even offered to be his wife.

Are you serious?! This bow-tie wearing, wife-beating, fake press conference-having charlatan didn’t learn enough after he took on his vows with the TBN-televised pseudo-reality wedding with his televangelist bethrothed? Evidently not.

The group [Thomas Weeks’ uh, aides] concludes the woman should be at least 25 years old but “with special exemptions for 21 and up if they are classy,” Weeks said. She also must want to have children with him. “This woman has to be very discerning, and very intimate, and very social and very sensual,” Weeks says, laughing. “And on the ministry side she has to be very diverse. She can’t be ugly. She has to be easy on the eyes.

Stay classy, you dunderhead.

So, what’s worse? The fact that this fool thinks he can put the televised abusing past behind him and laugh in the face of Christianity or these hapless hos (Come on. Like you weren’t thinking that) will stand in line at a chance to get 15 minutes of fame and 15 whatever of catching a beatdown as the next Mrs. Weeks?!

“What kind of advice would you give me about the new Mrs. Weeks?” he asks on a Web site promo of the episode. “We will probably find in due time who is that perfect woman for me,” Weeks says. “This time I’m not going to limit it just to the local church … It’s a global ministry. We’ve got to have a global search.”

If you mean, “global” as in the entire throng of media (general, viral and social) blowing up typing feverishly in uncontrollable laughter for posts about your next cover up as you enjoy life on the down-lower, conquest as you keep “lookin’ for love in all the wrong places,” then yes, it’s certainly global!

And don’t expect Juanita Bynum to have a comment. Why would she? The girl is having a hard enough time maintaining her image and rebuilding her once-acclaimed ministry. The last thing she needs is a “global” sound bite about this reality-show fiasco.

Well, now that you are “The Bachelor,” enjoy this “Amazing Race.” Oh sure, you will never be known as an “American Idol” and this hunt will do everything but give your tarnished image an “Extreme Makeover,” but who knows? Maybe, just maybe, the next “Survivor” of your stunt will actually become “The Mole” and your narrow behind will end up on the great progeniator of all reality shows, “COPS”.

just cuteNow this is truly ‘writing on the wall‘: infighting among the flock. There’s nothing more appealing to hate-mongers, atheists, evangelical watchdogs or the ACLU than news like this.

You remember the plight of Juanita Bynum? Former noted evangelist gone battered wife, took a detour on Divorce Court and now trying to get people to remember the Bynum of old.

Now, she has to deal with this. Evidently, her raggedy husband who can’t keep his hands to himself, has written a book saying (what else) that he was the victim. Brother, are you serious? First, you were the poster boy of (made up, fyi) and now, you need to be the big boy, get your thumb out of your mouth, unload your hallelujah, bow-tied diapers and let it go.

I guess he is called an “e-STRANGE-d” husband for a reason. Strange, indeed.