Posts Tagged ‘baptist’

Go straight to jail

There is no go for them to pass

Ofttimes in the world of law enforcement, the bad guys get away. Then, with some due diligence, the bad guys gets caught and are thrown in the pokey.

And then there are cases like this one that make you scratch your head, scream out loud and wonder, “If I was God, I would so hurl a lighting rod straight up his blessed assurance.”

Don’t believe me?

Dateline: Concord, N.H. where we are introduced to a girl who loves Jesus, goes to church and is active in her youth group. That is until she was raped by a jackleg perverted fool more than twice her age who went to church with her.

Then…

After being raped and impregnated by a fellow churchgoer more than twice her age, a 15-year-old Concord girl was forced by Trinity Baptist Church leaders to stand before the congregation to apologize before they helped whisk her out of state, according to the police.

It’s not like she was the town hussie and wore a scarlet letter embroidered on her ‘Hello Kitty’ shirt. This was a girl victimized and assaulted by some guy that if “vengeance was mine” would be looking at a gang of convicts on death row. Daily.

According to the story, this girl was sent to another church member’s home in Colorado, home-schooled and “not allowed to have contact with others her age.” Because when you are scarred in every way, that’s great love resembling Christ.

It wasn’t until this past February that Tina Anderson, who is now 28, decided to come forward after reading about other similar cases, “realizing for the first time it wasn’t her fault that she had been raped,” she told the police.

Psychology aside, don’t you think the so-called Christians she was forced to live with had a little… well, a whole heaping lot to do with her believing what that twisted and sardonic troglodyte did to her was her fault? Moving on…

Ernest Willis should have been caught 13 years ago.

Public Enemy #1... for now. (Courtesy: AP)

The silver lining? Meet Ernest Willis, 51, the man who did it and someone I hope learns how balmy the climate of the underworld really feels like.

However, there is a little stain to that cloud. It seems, according to an AP report, the girl’s former pastor Chuck Phelps may have been responsible for throwing her in a U-Haul halfway across the country.

Evidently, the “leaders” of that “church” had a ringleader (who is no longer “pastor” at said church).

Police have said their 1997 investigation was shelved because they could not locate the victim, and they are now investigating how much church leaders knew about the allegations.

Phelps said Anderson’s mother made the decision to move her to Colorado, while his role consisted of helping to find a family for her to live with. And of course, if you are buying that, then I happen to be in the market for some sweet real estate in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Call me?

You know, I know what this world is coming to. My only prayer is that I will be going much sooner than this mess will be coming. Thank you Lord Jesus, and please place your anointed Holy Spirit around that woman today.

More happy stuff next time, Wall Watchers. Peace.

I once heard a sage pastor, who was a bit of a chauvinistic dinosaur, say when “edifying” the ladies on dating:

I have a prophecy – if the barn needs paint, break out a coat and get busy!

While the gasping and swooning was inaudible, many men were sitting in their seats and biting their lip until blood came out their nose. Ah, church. Ain’t it grand?

Look Ma, no swine. (Courtesy: AFP)

Look Ma, no swine. (Courtesy: AFP)

I was reminded of that rotund pearl of wisdom when I read this atypical story on Yahoo! about “religiously correct” make-up and a possible spiritual conversion.

For Muslim women who feel they are violating Islam’s teachings by using skin creams with alcohol and pig residues, Layla Mandi [pictured] has the answer: religiously-correct “halal” cosmetics. The Canadian makeup artist who converted to Islam is marketing cosmetics called OnePure, which she says have the luxury feel of international brands minus the elements banned under Islamic law.

For those not in the know, Kosher is to Jewish what Halal is to Muslim. It’s more than preference; it’s dogmatic law.

That said, why for, Mandi? (By the way, is it just me, or does this Muslim adherent look like some hottie outside of any beach town in the states?)

“Muslims don’t want to go around and pray five times a day having pork residues on their body,” said Mandi, in her early thirties and swathed in a slim black abaya, or cloak, with wisps of blond hair sticking from under her head scarf. “I came to the Middle East to learn more about people’s needs. Most were pretty shocked when I told them there were pork products in their skin care items so they were very interested.”

I realize it seems like she is saying there are Muslim women bathing in pickled pig’s feet, but to them, it’s the same as some Quranic women who just feel the need to douse a little foundation underneath her Hijab.

Suffice to say, this is big news in the world of marketing to Muslims, and considering the economy, good times for make-up manufacturers and the aforementioned direct sales syndicates. Again, what took so long?

I have been cooking with Morton’s Kosher salt for years, but I don’t think My Fair Lady smells bacon when she dabs on a little lipstick.

Moreover, how long is it going to take all those home-schooling mamas at church peddling Mary Kay and Avon on the side to start adding “We’re little piggy free” to all their make-up baskets?

And then there is the issue of yet another ridiculous, and soon-to-be-waaaaaay-overused PC term. Anyone catch that diabolical moniker? “Religiously Correct.” Oh. God. Help. Me. Please.

You know, let’s not stop there. In the spirit of dare not offending any religious follower, adherent or believer, how about:

  • Bovine-absent hamburgers for your favorite Buddhist. Sure, they call those vegans but let’s not worry about that right now.
  • Tantric-lite sleeping aides for that slumbering Hindu in your family. Let him or her get that Yoga on and feel refreshed once euphoria is reached. Namaste.
  • Something all of us could enjoy for a week or two, the acclaimed demon-free days. That’s right, just live without the temptation to visit ne’er-do-well Web site or charge the emergency credit card into a third-world credit rating.
  • For your friendly neighborhood Rastafarian, try the latest in marijuana-free brownies. Because when you need to cram for the next exam, why just have hippie lettuce rolled up in a fatty when you can tap into your inner Betty Crocker and get your baking on?

And for those of you needing something a little closer to the vest, wait… there’s more:

  • Condemnationally correct Baptists
  • Alcohol-correct Catholics
  • Musically included Church-of-Christs (real word?)
  • Follically and hairstyling correct Pentecostals
  • Financially correct Evangelicals (with a special emphasis on megachurch pastors and televangelists)
  • And for a bonus, just in time for Christmas, Universalism… with limits! Go figure?!

In April, we posted on the Wall the plight of Mr. Thomas A. Rich… or as he is known to the Christendom blogosphere, FBC Jax Watchdog.

In that heralded post seen here, I hurled this visceral harangue about free speech, not acting like a pastor and potential bruising a man’s walk with God by confirming his fears about the eye of his defection.

Although Mr. Rich has been sniffing around and not barking much, he is taking a huge bite out of Pastor Brunson’s tail with… wait for it… a law suit.

The blogger, Tom Rich, claims his identity was unfairly revealed by JSO and church officials after he posted “critical articles on his blog called FBC Jax Watchdog about Pastor Mac Brunson of First Baptist Church of Jacksonville in 2007.”

Michael Roberts, Rich’s lawyer, told First Coast News the blogs were not threatening. Roberts said Rich was basically banned from the church after church officials learned his identity and filed a trespass warning with JSO.

All he needs is to be mustachioed

All he needs is to be mustachioed

Okay, we have some ill-wind blowing here. Evidently, our fellow blogger of the cloth got a bit too up-close-and-personal with the rotund reverend and now Mr. Rich isn’t welcome in Brunson’s church or those in the greater Jacksonville area thanks to his vitriol.

Hrm. Nowhere, seriously? I know there is a smaller pentecostal or evangelical church that could use the press.

MEMO to the Dog: Mix in something other than a Southern Baptist church where Mac doesn’t have the pastor on speed dial. The dude is uber-connected. Just sayin’.

Back to the show…

So, why sue to get back in church? Why make a mountain range out of the molehill known as a blowhard pastor doing what his ilk does… whatever the heck he wanted and not a “Yes Man” in sight to tell him erstwhile.

Rich declined on camera interview but said on his blog, “I desire through this lawsuit that an equally powerful message will be sent to influential church trustees and powerful pastors who seek to squelch dissent of their members through unbiblical bullying and intimidation tactics.

Please, visit the Other Bricks in the Wall. Perhaps, the ACME Arena. Or even, WOW News

Every blogger perched high atop the Wall are purveyors on a mission. Some discuss theology. Others rant about life and God. Most unveil the muck and the mire inside the pulpit. All are church-going, Jesus-loving folk.

I have a dollar that says Mr. Rich is as well, but he – like most of us – had some grievances with the goings-on in the pulpit so he exercised his freedom of speech to say what he wanted, when he wanted. And proceeded to do so with the thunderous yawp of, “You’ve been served.”

Much could be said of Mac Brunson.

After he crawled off the floor and got his thumb out of his mouth (you see, his feelers were hurted), he used his free speech to throw out an edict that Mr. Rich was banned from his church… and then got really juvenile by text messaging all his homiletical homies to be on the lookout for this dude who talks … eh, types smack.

Sure, what Mac did was not pastoral. What he did was class-less. What he did was waaay below what he is capable of doing (I know that first-hand). What he did was not in the WWJD mold. But, what he did was served lawfully.

So, whose side am I on? God’s.

As I channel the spirit of all Southern Baptist preachers out there, allow me to give you the three steps to not going this far, as told to us in Matthew 18:15-18 (CEV).

If one of my followers sins against you, go and point out what was wrong. (1.) But do it in private, just between the two of you. (2.) If that person listens, you have won back a follower. But if that one refuses to listen, take along one or two others. (3.) The Scriptures teach that every complaint must be proven true by two or more witnesses. If the follower refuses to listen to them, report the matter to the church. Anyone who refuses to listen to the church must be treated like an unbeliever or a tax collector.

In Mr. Rich’s opinion, there was sin, so point it out he did. Technically, it was private because “FBC JAX” was anonymous, that is until Mac went snooping. Did Mac listen? Of course not, so the now unveiled Mr. Rich made it a little public, or created witnesses.

So far, so good. Right?

Here’s the rub: “If the follower refuses to listen to them, report the matter to the church.” Um, Mac is that church, so who is Mr. Rich going to tell? God… or some other judge? Yeah, he hollered at Judge Mathis, or whatever TV judge is on in Florida.

You see, is it really what church was designed to be if you have to take legal recourse to get your blessed assurance back in the house? Not so much. Wouldn’t you have no other choice than to “forsake the assembly of the saints together” if you go this route? Then why do it?!

Thank you FBC JAX for the post office shot

Thank you FBC JAX for the post office shot

Ego and mean mugging is not worth this, Thomas. Mac will win this match and you will get throttled by other like-minded pastors. That’s just how certain pastor folk are – cliquish, insular and aristocratic. We can’t change it, we can only hope to contain it.

Wall Watchers, let’s pray for Thomas Rich. I don’t know him, but I would imagine deep down in places he doesn’t talk about at parties, he’s hurt.

Thomas, go back to God on this one, keep uncovering the unhallowed preacher folk, find another house of worship and keep on writing… because, quite frankly, we need more of you than we need more of them.

Thanks to a masonry shout out to Another Brick in the Wall, Polycarp [AKA MultiTilapia, PluristicFish, MultiplePersonalityDisorderStryper, et al] by way of Politico and AmericaBlog (the supreme scooper of this… er, uh, story), we have a fascinating story of hyperbole, science fiction, religion, the occult and half-baked folk who seriously need to seek professional help.

Oh yeah, and the BarackStar’s mama. Thought that would get your attention…

Obama Mama DramaSo, the Mormons have this quirky practice where they believe they can baptize a living person on behalf of a corpse.

This way, any breathing person who in fact doesn’t possess the soul of the dead one can be the baptisee by proxy.

Yeah, perfectly normal.

However, as bananas as this practice is (which uh, completely slaps this Apostle Paul guy in the mullet, so says 1 Corinthians 15:29), the Latter-day Saints are “investigating a ‘serious breach of religious code'” for the baptism (vicarious, temple baptism) of Stanley Ann Durham, the deceased mother of President Barack Obama.

Should be another normal post on the Wall, eh?

Thanks to this screen grab from the registration-only, Mormon-only Web site, FamilySearch.org, we see the LDS church snagged the soul of the President’s mother – fresh with her new posthumous baptism date?! No, you haven’t seen this on MSNBC? Don’t fret… you probably won’t.

But, as we see on the dates given, the Mormons (who honestly can – and will – do this to anyone) baptized President Obama’s mother amidst the election.

Why is this news to me? Two words: Proposition 8

The LDS Church took on hell to combat gay marriage in California. The money, the advocacy, the mission against – in their words – a liberal agenda. Well, who heads up said “liberal agenda”?!

That would be the son of whose mother you just tried to snatch from death’s grasp to baptize – only to use another person in her stead.

There is a reason they do it in secret. Look at that thing?!

There is a reason they do it in secret. Look at that thing?!

What the…

I didn’t see the Pope asking for former priests to be taken out of purgatory thanks to the long arm of the Mormon law. I don’t believe Billy Graham called up the temple lords looking for Baptist legends to be resurrected.

You see, both know the rapture of the saints will take care of that ballyhoo. But while the Mormons have their eyes set on extraterrestrial lands of beneficence, children of God KNOW their Daddy and how he would act.

My father ain’t a monkey and he dang sure ain’t E.T. This is not a political story, this is a theological story. It just so happens that leader of the free world is thrust in the middle of this boondoggle. My only question is if someone tried dragging my mother through some muck and mire, I would expense everything I had to open a can of whoop @$$.

He is the president… and what’s he doing about this?! Only time will tell. Well, unless the Mormons get involved.

If there is one thing that chaps my hide more, it’s folk who dub themselves “Christian” yet use Jesus Christ’s name as an expletive.

Many people around the world call themselves Christian, but only act like it one day a week – if that often.

“God” is such a ubiquitous term these days, you know:

  • “I believe in God… she is great for my life.”
  • “I believe in God… praise be to Allah.”
  • “I believe in God… but there is no need to get involved in organized religion.”

toleranceBlah, blah, blah. Whatever the excuse, when it comes to faith, God’s name is passed around like a cheap coaster on some old woman’s antique coffee table.

So, imagine my surprise when I read this USA Today article and discovered 11 percent less folk even bother calling themselves a Christian.

The faithful have scattered out of their traditional bases: The Bible Belt is less Baptist. The Rust Belt is less Catholic. And everywhere, more people are exploring spiritual frontiers — or falling off the faith map completely.

The perfunctory question is Why?! How was that found in this American Religious Identification Survey (ARIS) referred in the article? Easy… no one cares.

  • So many Americans claim no religion at all (15%, up from 8% in 1990), that this category now outranks every other major U.S. religious group except Catholics and Baptists. Is that really a group, or just a collection of dimwits who have been scorned by the aforementioned groups?!
  • Catholic strongholds in New England and the Midwest have faded as immigrants, retirees and young job-seekers have moved to the Sun Belt. It’s coooooooooooold up there. The chill gets to those osteoporosis bones. Besides, there are more Ruby Tuesday’s and Furrs down there.
  • Baptists, 15.8% of those surveyed, are down from 19.3% in 1990. That’s easy. They’re dead… all the young people want to wear jeans, so they rock the “Community Church,” which is Baptist-lite.
  • The percentage of Methodists, for example, dropped from 8% to 5%. COUGH… gay marriage… COUGH… lesbians in the pulpit… GAG, COUGH!
  • Jewish numbers showed a steady decline, from 1.8% in 1990 to 1.2% today. Again, simple. It’s the economy. Well, it is, right?

Sure, there’s more. But why go into it? The math is there. The results are staggering. And the reasons are obvious.

There’s no privilege to being a Christian in the public eye. And in this world of “WIIFM” (marketing lingo: “What’s in it for me?”), churches are stooping to any level to put butts in seats.

They take steroids and HGH to grow, talk about sex… a lot, cuss in the pulpit… also, a lot and when things are particularly carefree, these megachurches (Catholic, Baptist, Pentecostal or indifferent) are considering cutting on the advertising budget, and having the show in-house?!

Once we get back to realizing the splendor and majesty of God, we will get this Church back on track. Once folk stop realizing that Church is not supposed to be dog & pony show, but rather about a man who rode in on a donkey, we can get back to evangelism, reaching the lost and being the living epistles we’re supposed to be.

Ah, conviction, hellfire and brimstone. Those were the days, no?