Guardian Angels? Please. With this board game, I can be a god.

"Vengeance is Yours." That's not what my "instruction manual" reads.

Not having omnipotence getting you down? Think you are awesome, but tired of people saying, “Yeah, but you can’t walk on water.” Well, stick it to the haters and purchase “Playing Gods: The Board Game of Divine Domination.”

Thanks to WOW News, “Faith and Reason”, the great Cathy Lynn Grossman depicts what this “game” is really about… well, depicting.

Three-inch plastic figurines include Jesus bashing people with a cross, Moses slugging away with the tablets of the Ten Commandments, the Buddha with a machine gun, and a turbaned fellow with a bomb and a dagger vaguely hinting at Mohammed, all to be set loose to “force the people of the world to worship you.”

And you wonder why HiScrivener’s number one working theory is “Christianity is Legal Prejudice.”

Let this game come out about a race of people or a “preference” of sexuality and all hell would break loose. But, having Jesus mash the cross into a some fictional dude’s medulla? Ah, that’s just all fun. And the Church is strangely quiet once again.

But just like sexy magazines on a family news stand, the most potentially offensive cards come in a separate wrapper. “Overemphasis on guilt drives millions to depression and suicide. Kill three Christian sects,” it says under the image of the wrathful Jesus.

Sure, that’s classy. And why? Because all religious people are misguided zealots. Just ask the founder of the game, who was probably quoted for this story while in his footie pajamas hanging out in the dank basement of his mommy’s house while playing a blistering game of Final Fantasy 27 online.

I’m sure he meant this as satire, and good for giggles while cashing in profits, only it’s not and he shouldn’t. I’m just saying.

Bart Simpson and Tom Cruise are BFFs. Doh!

This story from Religion News Blog is not only whimiscally written but unbelievable to read.

It seems there is a big networking, glad-handing soiree called the “Scientology Flag World Tour,” which of course will be held in the nestling bosom of the Hollywood Hills.

Anyone remember being a Cub Scout and then an uncomfortably named, “Webelos”? Before you are ready to become a Boy Scout, you perform a ceremony where you receive the “Arrow of Light”, cross a bridge (supposedly into manhood) and ta-dah, dawn the khakis.

OK, now that you have the visual…

The Scientologists took on that ceremony – only a bit more cultish, a lot more secretive and just flat-out weird. Evidently, the “Flag Tour” is nothing more than a membership drive for those who are just enamored by the Hollywood celebs acting like they go to church, and allows them to get really baked and brainwashed.

So, they need a recruiter. Someone to spark an interest in the feeble-minded. A notable celebrity, but who… [cue harp music and click play]

Yeppers. That’s Nancy Cartwright, voice of Bart and all-around dunderhead shilling for Scientology over the phone and online.

When the message leaked out on the internet yesterday, Ms Cartwright’s bosses at The Simpsons had — as Bart might say — a cow. Although the details of the actor’s contract are not known, it is thought that the copyright of Bart’s voice is owned by Twentieth Century Fox, part of News Corporation, parent company of The Times, and therefore cannot be used without permission.

She is trying to get folk on the Dianetic mailing list interest in going through the study and ritual of becoming an Operating Thetan VII (which she, Tomcat and Travolta is), and can “operate independently of her body.” Yeah, Dianetics. It really is science… FICTION!

Meet the Holy “Ghosts of Mississippi”

Recently, Gallup came out with an interesting poll that rates the importance of religion per state (and shout out for the masonry from WOW News’ “Times Online” from the UK).

So, word of warning to all those who think the union is actually color coded thanks to those political telestrators, there apparently is a real reason why all those red states are still south of the Mason Dixon line.

According to the poll, a whopping 85 percent of the state of Mississippi consider religion to be an important part of daily life.

That’s more than four out of five folks hanging out in “The Hospitality State” at least show God that very thing.

So, what state just shows God the door? That would be due north to Vermont. The state known for its huge surplus of maple syrup doesn’t lay it on so thick for Jesus. Pity.

Oddly enough, where does “Palin land” splash on this list? Fifth from last at 51 percent. Ah well, Sarah. You still have time to carry the state, what with your 24 clock beeping stealthy backward to 2012 and all.