Archive for February 2, 2009

What’s the adage born out of a biblical parable, “Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

Well, someone should have told that to the Robert Schuller clan, party of one… bitter, old man:

Attendance at last week's service? Maybe?

Attendance at last week's service? Maybe?

And now, as if that harangue of family counseling wasn’t enough, comes this story from the AP stating the three-decade old ministry is now $65 million IN DEBT!

The church is in financial turmoil: It plans to sell more than $65 million worth of its Orange County property to pay off debt. Revenue dropped by nearly $5 million last year, according to a recent letter from the elder Schuller to elite donors. In the letter, Schuller Sr. implored the Eagle’s Club members — who supply 30 percent of the church’s revenue — for donations and hinted that the show might go off the air without their support. “The final months of 2008 were devastating for our ministry,” the 82-year-old pastor wrote.

What’s so pathetic about this family affair gone awry is the people who have been faithful to this man’s vision and his ministry know what’s really going on beyond the rouse of blaming the economy and revolving preachers du jour in that glass house:

“They have not been forthcoming at all,” said John Dewart, an insurance agent from New Jersey who’s watched for 30 years. “Why can’t a father and son work together for the glory of God? That’s my big question.”

Good question. I mean you would think being preachers, they would have appreciated the example put forth by that God guy and his son, um, Jesus? I’m just sayin’ maybe they’ll figure it out before their former elite donorser, the economy hurls huge boulders at their crib in Garden Grove, Calif.

Doritos. Hyundai. Coca-Cola. Budweiser. And a hilarious one from These were the nice ads during yesterday’s Super Bowl (despite the $3 million price tag). If you missed any of them, AdAge has the full dossier.

However, the one not on that list – and the one destined to never see a whiff of television broadcast – was from Fidelis, a Chicago-based Catholic organization that was given the Heisman from NBC when told, “Yeah, we aren’t airing advocacy ads.”

The advertisement in question? A :30 animated sonogram of a baby with a story, and who would be president. Yeah, they thought it would be catchy to use Barack Obama’s story as the epicenter of this ad. Think they want a redo on this one, or was this by “intelligent design”? After all, just consider what they can do with that truckload of cash not spent; yet, they are still getting all this press.

The focus is for people to imagine the potential of every human life; however, do you see potential or just a cheap advertising ploy to get folk talking about an age-old agenda? You be the judge, click on the TV below and enjoy:

For all those Wall Watchers who adore the popular “God Sighting of the Month”, this one’s for you.

paredolia-and-a-graphIt’s a public-relations-in-a-pinch story from the UK’s own Daily Mail, by way of the Vatican. We all get an enormous guffaw out of the dolts who flock to a local hardware store to check out Jesus window shopping, or the lonely baffoons who want to call Frito Lay and shout, “Praise Cheesus!”

Either way, this series was made to give a forum for all the sacrosanct people living in very rural trailer parks or remote barrios. Evidently, the fun made its way to the Pope who has “declared a holy war against people who claim falsely that the Virgin Mary is appearing to them.”

Question: If they are fake initially (save this one, which just got to me), how do you know they are false? Wouldn’t that be a double negative or something?

On with the show…

Benedict XVI plans to publish criteria to help them distinguish between true and false claims of visions of Jesus and the Virgin Mary, messages, stigmata – the appearances of the five wounds of Christ – and weeping or bleeding statues… The Pope is said to be deeply concerned by the explosion in the number of pseudo-mystics who, claiming a direct line to God, set themselves against the bishops and lure the Catholic faithful out of the Church and into cults.

Who is she? Just some chic window shopping

Who is she? Just some chic window shopping

Yeah, you’re right Il Papa. When I read the story about Joaquin Garcia who ran to the press with a picture of his baby’s sonogram – plus a certain Savior we all know, I totally thought, “Yeah, that flippin’ nurse purposely got a bad angle of this lady’s uteran wall just to get this acolyte to fly out of the belfry.”

Likewise Pontiff, when I doodled a little ditty about Troy Eckonen who experienced a visit from the Lord ala his french toast, I considered, “What good is transubstantiation without a soothing maple syrup taste anyway.”

Now, that B16 is cracking the whip o’nine tails, there is a three-step process before we can determine the difference between sacred vision or delusion of grandure:

  1. Shut up. Basically, if the crackpoter, individual can’t keep his or her mouth closed long enough from their friends (or you know, the press) then it’s “obviously” not true. Yeah, right.
  2. Straighten up. Continuing my flub of lunacy, said devotee will be visited by Papal psychiatrists. Right, because nothing says, “We love in Jesus name” like “Get your tail on that couch, and um, can you try on this jacket that buckles in the back?”
  3. Smarten up. This is a direct quote: The third step will be to investigate the person’s level of education and to determine if they have had access to material that could be used to falsely support their claims.

So, if you don’t mind your Holiness, allow me to summarize. According to the Vatican, the only way visions of the Virgin Mary or her Son are even plausible are if said divination occurs to mute people with the intelligence quotient of a pre-schooler and you don’t mind a routine Rorschach test, then enjoy making the Pope smile.

Otherwise, you created a holy kerfuffle, are full of poppycock and will probably be excommunicated. Either way, we’ll see you on the Wall once a month. Kudos.