Posts Tagged ‘Sarah Palin’

Recently, Gallup came out with an interesting poll that rates the importance of religion per state (and shout out for the masonry from WOW News’ “Times Online” from the UK).

mississippi-god-plateSo, word of warning to all those who think the union is actually color coded thanks to those political telestrators, there apparently is a real reason why all those red states are still south of the Mason Dixon line.

According to the poll, a whopping 85 percent of the state of Mississippi consider religion to be an important part of daily life.

That’s more than four out of five folks hanging out in “The Hospitality State” at least show God that very thing.

So, what state just shows God the door? That would be due north to Vermont. The state known for its huge surplus of maple syrup doesn’t lay it on so thick for Jesus. Pity.

Oddly enough, where does “Palin land” splash on this list? Fifth from last at 51 percent. Ah well, Sarah. You still have time to carry the state, what with your 24 clock beeping stealthy backward to 2012 and all.

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I understand being passionate about politics and real issues, not the psychotics rambling on about some talking point seen on paraphernalia or “Conspiracy Theorism Today” [made-up publication]. But then there are the dimwits who always seem to take it way to far.

What happened to Sarah Palin’s church epitomizes that salient point. In a word, arson!

A Friday night fire at Gov. Sarah Palin’s church caused an estimated $1 million in damage, and investigators say it could be the work of an arsonist. Firefighters were called to Wasilla Bible Church about 9:40 p.m. and found flames and smoke coming out windows at the back of the three-story structure, said James Steele, chief of the Central Mat-Su Fire Department.

Tragic, completely asinine and indicative of the kind of idiots who feel this is “their voice of disapproval.” Think about what just happened. People are out of a church home because some schizoid really digs that Tina Fey impression he saw on SNL. There is no ministry at the moment in Wasilla because of a crackpot who thinks Obama would have liked this blaze.

And ever being the lady (regardless of how you feel about her), Gov. Palin issues this statement:

“Gov. Palin stopped by the church this morning, and she told an assistant pastor that she apologizes if the incident is in any way connected to the undeserved negative attention the church has received since she became a vice-presidential candidate on Aug. 29. Whatever the motives of the arsonist, the governor has faith in the scriptural passage that what was intended for evil will in some way be used for good.”

To which I say, “Amen, Gov!” Note the TV clip below, but ask yourself, “Um, anyone seen John McCain lately?” IJS.

For the past few months, the Writing on the Wall was illuminated with an LED on the Republican Party basically showing if John McCain didn’t bother to entertain the Church like his competition, he would be bothered to keep his tail in Arizona.

Thanks to the Pew Forum, we find that was the case as more than 53 percent of the headlines were aboutany-candidate-will-do Barack Obama’s faith – some about him being a Muslim, others about him being the Antichrist, but all of it about Christians discussing him… and not John McCain.

The “culture war” issues that have been prominent in past elections, such as abortion and gay marriage, received minimal attention in 2008. The coverage they did receive tended to come in the form of reaction to statements by the candidates and quickly receded without generating any sustained narrative.

Why? Because we – in a word – are meddlesome. And instead of people wanting to discuss the wiles of most on each coast legalizing gay marriage or the intricacies of late-term abortion, we choose to hear the gossip surrounding Nostradamus possibly foretelling Obama as the son of Lucifer or, even worse, the second coming!

Now, that’s politics. And that’s also why the Church was so focused on the BarackStar and not McCain. How could the old man hold a candle to that kind of pub?!

more-story-lines-from-the-electionWhat made the news cycle spin wasn’t the winds of change. It was the old fashioned rumor mill. Check this graph out:

Issues were scarcely what entertained the Church. It was the misguided, haphazard passer-by traffic of the BarackStar’s middle name.

Way to go, Christians! And then to prove how inquiring minds just had to know… you made Sarah Palin’s baby mama issues a strong #2.

You know, the GOP will have a LOT of time to sit back, recollect and reconsider the many ways it lost this election. Among them are:

  • Cease & desist with noted evangelical endorsements. If they aren’t calling for the death of all Muslims, they were calling all Catholics whores. Neither are that endearing to swing voters, I don’t think.
  • Get younger at that position. Be an old man with a fat wallet in a mid-life crisis. The next time you want to trot out an septuagenarian for cross-country campaigning, make that person has already been president.
  • Don’t underestimate experience. Yeah, yeah. Obama didn’t have “experience”, but at least he can handle his own on friggin’ Katie Couric! The one thing he did have experience at was public speaking. You don’t have to be the next “Great Communicator” to sway indie voters, just able to speak in coherent sentences.
  • Don’t overestimate one side of a two-sided ticket. No, we don’t vote for the Veeps. But yeah, we kinda do. Biden was a good choice, because he was everything in foreign relations the BarackStar wasn’t. [Then, of course, he hires HER as Secretary of State. Did I miss something?!] Palin? Well, she was an executive… hot… loves the snow… hot… family woman… hot… evangelical… and um, oh yeah, HOT. In short, she was a few fries short of a happy meal, and in this economy, it’s about the whole value meal! And folk get angry about their food. graphs-middle-finger1
  • Do your homework. McCain wasn’t the country’s first choice. Heck, he wasn’t even the GOP’s first choice. But of course, he wins the nod through politicking and a whole lot of money… and loses his shirt. You see, straight-ticket GOP die-hards, if you don’t wake up and smell what the Barack is cooking, there will be another graph developing (seen pictured here) and that will be reflective of what the country thinks about your and the elephant you rode in on. I’m just sayin’.

palinotologyThe dust has settled. The crowds have faded. The BarackStar has entered the building.

And now, there is nothing to the Republican ticket but a shell of the structure that held intact the swelling ego of one Sarah Palin.

Before the campaign, she was an enigma. During the campaign, she was an anomaly. NOW, she is a wart on the butt of the media… and they are so feeling it! Have you Googled her lately?

John McCain couldn’t pay this woman to do an interview DURING the presidential veepstakes. She was either too busy at LensCrafters creating another optical trend or somewhere in the universe getting trained for another public appearance that may actually be recorded.

But now, she has transformed from “Miss Congeniality” to “Miss Availability” and preaching all the while. Note this “exclusive” interview with FOX News. But first this… is it really exclusive if everyone else has gotten an interview as well in a span of six days?! That’s like having girlfriends in Canada. I’m just sayin’. Carry on.

This is what I always do. I’m like, “God, if there is an open door for me somewhere”–this is what I always pray–“don’t let me miss the open door. Show me the open door and even if it’s just cracked a little bit, maybe I’ll plow right no through that, maybe prematurely plow through it, but don’t let me miss an open door.” And if there is an open door in ’12, or four years later, and if it’s something that’s going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I’ll plow through that door.

Wall Watchers, if she is the future of the conservatives in this country, I am seriously looking to selling stock at a blistering rate. It’s bad enough Mr. Uber-Liberal is sitting at the Resolute Desk, but now we have a threat of the other extreme balancing this fulcrum of death?! Where’s my open door? Anyone?

Time magazine also covered this quote and her self-aggrandizement as of late in splendid fashion.

Ah well, that sound you hear is the strike of midnight looming and Cinderella racing to kiss Nanook of the North so she doesn’t turn into a pumpkin. Maybe that headline should read, “Miss Pumpkin Pie”?! At any rate, her 15 minutes are almost up. Enjoy the ice caps.

bong-cum-laudeIt only took six long years, only $45,000 in settlement, hundreds of $1000s in legal fees and several embarrassing punch lines later, but Morse v. Frederick is much ado about nothing, thanks to this story from FOX News.

So what, right?

Well, note the picture and you may remember this frivolous law suit – the “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” banner during the Winter Olympics torch relay through their friendly burgh in Juneau, AK that year.

[Insert your own obscure Sarah Palin reference here]

One of these tools in the Polaroid is Joseph Frederick (hence, the whole Morse v. Frederick legal line), the ringleader of dolts who made this sign, which was proudly displayed.

Once discovered, Frederick was called out, suspended from school and yet another fun-filled fight over the First Amendment was kicked-off. Sigh!

Perhaps what was inane was he was suspended for “violating the drug policy on campus.” (No kidding!) Or maybe it was once Frederick complained, his suspension was beefed up to 10 days. Regardless the spark, the lighter fluid trailed all the way to the Supreme Court. And this was its theorem:

Chief Justice Roberts, writing for the majority, concluded that the school officials did not violate the First Amendment by confiscating the pro-drug banner and suspending the student responsible for it. The opinion first concluded that Frederick’s “Bong Hits” banner was displayed during a school-supervised event, making this a “school speech” case rather than a normal case of speech on a public street. The opinion then concluded that although the banner’s message was “cryptic,” it was undeniably a “reference to illegal drugs” and the principal reasonably concluded that it “advocated the use of illegal drugs.”

Ya’ think? What on earth else would “bong hits” reference? Quasimodo bashing his pretty head against the church brass upstairs to make a sound? Probably not. But then again, for the rest of his shameless life, whenever Frederick hits another pot party, his face will ring a bell.

HA! Get it? Quasi… er… bong… um… bell… oh, nevermind! Disregard. Abort! Abort!