Archive for February 16, 2009

DATELINE: Bloomington, Indiana.

donut-policeThis is the modest hometown of a hankering kleptomaniac and a real dunderhead, Morgan D. Brock, Jr. who was arrested for burglary of Woodhaven Christian Church.

However, he’s not famous because of what he stole… but how he was caught, according to the Indianapolis Star:

Police said a number of musical instruments were taken, but officers found a box of doughnuts in the church’s kitchen and noticed a bite had been taken from one of the doughnuts. Deputies sent the half-eaten doughnut to the Indiana State Police lab for testing. Authorities received confirmation in November that DNA left on the treat matched Brock.

So, this guy is half-baked when he breaks in and what does he see is the proverbial cheese for this mouse. A lovely day-old chocolate twist and just a little smidge of lipstick from “Big Mama” who got the munchies for her solo in the choir.

He couldn’t help it, and who would care. He already snagged the 27″ black and white Panasonic, so why not.

Got milk? Evidently, he did and his tell-all glazed goatee was the only hint police needed when they nabbed young Brock. Nice.

In related news, Woodhaven Christian Church’s donut ministry is now the proud owner of a waiting list, a year’s worth of volunteers and a whole lot of new police type friends. Ironic, eh?

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Who hasn’t been to a state fair, an expo or a traveling circus and not met Vince?

You know, the dude with the cockeyed eyebrow who swallows his headset microphone to sell every schmo who walks by a Shamwow? Oh, you bought one too?

Well, thanks to some genius masonry on the Wall by newly discovered and often visited “Sacred Sandwich,” enjoy this visual and you’ll find Vince has a mini-skree too:

shamwowprayercloth

You know, if the Vatican had a disaster alarm that could sound across Rome, it would be blaring right about now.

Thought I was kidding, didn't you?

Thought I was kidding, didn't you?

Why? It seems, according to WOW News’ Reuters “Faithworld”, that Catholicism’s chief target demographic is considering a wider platitude and a higher altitude:

In Argentina and across traditionally Catholic Latin America, Mormon churches are multiplying and the region boasts the largest Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-day Saints membership outside the United States.

So, Hispanics are being attracted to the home of the Holy Skivvies in droves. Hrm.

For a community that traditionally is eager about the coming of the Lord and worshiping anyone (i.e. mama, saints, friends, folk who have been canonized that thought Jesus was a swell guy, and anyone with a funny, deified reflection of sunlight on their windshield), this is an odd connection.

There is no hope of rapture, the maternal connection to Christ and some of those marriage rites of passage aren’t the most common thing in the Latino world.

Don’t get me wrong. Mormons are great people who work hard to get God to notice them (hence, they are great people). But this is not a distinction you would typically associate with Hispanics.

Besides, have you been to Utah lately? I have… and let’s just say the only thing Latin up there is Yo Quiero Taco Bell. Saints are not allowed to ride shotgun to the Temple. Drop the rosary and enjoy the pilgrimage, gang.