Being gay really is “emergent” in the Church

“Post-charismatic.” “Neoevangelical.” “Modernistic.” “Universal.”

The so-called “Emergent Church or Movement” is called many things – and none of them good. I, for one, completely agree. These milquetoast churches deconstruct everything people consider to be ecumenical – worship, evangelism, homiletics and uh, what’s that basic tenet of Christianity, oh yeah, SALVATION!

So, it’s fairly easy to presume that any leaders of this traveling circus church has a bunch of clowns who will eradicate all conviction from scripture and all meaning from the cross. And now we have the ringmaster of this movement claiming and prosletyzing that being homosexual is indeed biblical.

Huh?!

“I now believe that GLBTQ can live lives in accord with biblical Christianity (as least as much as any of us can!),” writes author and church leader Tony Jones, “and that their monogamy can and should be sanctioned and blessed by church and state.”

[That acrostic is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transsexual and Queer. Which makes me think, is being gay just ‘happy’ while queer is being ‘fab-uuuuuuu-less’. IJS.]

Anywhoo, dude wants folk to stop fighting the confusion and just live out those same sex fantasies because like Prego about homosexuality and the Bible, “It’s in there.”

And why is he claiming heresy and sacrilege? Is it out of love for God’s Word? Etymology and exegesis of holy writ? Nah, just interested in new real estate because that ‘closet’ is wrinkling his clothes.

Despite recounting his earlier days of arguing that “biblical prohibitions to homosexual sex should be taken seriously,” Jones admits his experiences and feelings led him toward a different conclusion. “And yet,” Jones writes, “all the time I could feel myself drifting toward acceptance that gay persons are fully human persons and should be afforded all of the cultural and ecclesial benefits that I am.“

Get that? “Biblical prohibitions”?! Sorry there, er, Pastor. In the real world, we call those commands from God! And not just located in the Old Testament, so not give me that dispensation argument, slick. However, in your myopic universe, those uncomfortable bumps in the spiritual road can be detoured and avoided simply by saying, “If Jesus died for us to be happy, THIS is what makes me… and he… happy.”

So sad. So deplorable. So unfortunate. So today’s Christianity. So in need of an extreme makeover: church edition.

Oh, and just in case, God – or yours truly – has no beef with hating a single person who chooses (get that word there) to be homosexual. Everyone has an opportunity to experience a saving grace moment with God. However, if you choose (there’s that word again) to ignore God all your days and rock it Frankie Goes to Hollywood, you have bigger problems than having the Church accepting you. It’s God I would be worried about doing that.

The Gospel according to Darwin: “I’ll be a monkey’s uncle”

Meet Rev. Michael Dowd.

This is an ordained, licensed minister. One who evidently – by default, no less – believes Jesus Christ rose from the dead and sits at the right hand of the Father. You know, all that “saved and sanctified Christian” mumbo-jumbo.

So, odd that THIS GUY is the same tool who believes – and I quote: one who believes that spreading the word of Darwin is vital to the health of Christianity.

Sorry? How? Is this like that same demented sense of surreality the Church of Satan uses when it claims, “Satan is the best friend the Church has ever had because he has kept it in business all these years.” Let’s see if he is really that kind of a dolt. Mikey?

“God didn’t stop revealing truths vital to human well-being back when people believed the world was flat and religious insights were recorded on animal skin,” Dowd said. “God is still revealing today through the worldwide, self-correcting scientific process.

“Self-correcting”?! You mean, as in that whole biblical declaration of the secret Christians motley crew known as an ichthus actually becoming a real, gill-breathing fish that eventually walks on land, then upright, then grows the ability to reason and have kids? Like that? Noting your cheeky book cover, I would say that’s correct.

So, come on. What’s the real reason for this compromise of theology, chronology and marine biology?

“As long as people think they can praise God and trash the environment or treat others in a disrespectful way, they’re out of touch with reality.”

Ah, there’s the rub. So, Rev. Is your next message going to be at Greenpeace? Al Gore’s next hubbub?

Listen, I get it. The environment’s stability and well-being is crucial to our own, you know, stability and well-being. In six days, God created this thingy we call Earth, and he gave us dominion over it. I know, but there’s a catch: mankind no longer feels the need to carry out that dominion. I guess it’s been watching “The Lion King” and hearing “The Circle of Life” humming in their ears too long. Regardless the cause, its effect is littering, burning toxins and treating our atmosphere like some used bedsheet at a sleazy motel.

But no matter how egregious that gets and how swooned you are by all the “inconvenient truths” in the world, you cannot sell out your incontrovertible truth in the Lord just because you don’t breathe as well in NYC as you would in Billings, Montana.

It’s bad enough we ar so uber-PC, we have an eco-Bible on the market. But hey, maybe there’s a reason they call the mountains “God’s Country.” Either way and either location, your tail needs to get back in church.

The economy hits the Episcopal Church too

Not my idea. I just work here. IJS.

Man, this is a depression. Even the Church can’t stay in business, at least the Episcopal one, which seems to have to more people leaving it than tourists in India and the Middle East.

According to Catholic News Wire, Fort Worth becomes the fourth diocese to get biblical and create a mass exodus from the Episcopal Church.

Why? Is it how eerily closely assimilated they are to the Catholic Church without all those pesky indulgences? Maybe it was the eggheaded marketing campaign about slicing carrots that got more people laughing and pointing than consuming Vitamin C?

No, it was this:

“A husband wearing a dress and skirts to teach Sunday School in church, another pastor wants to perform same-sex unions. Young people crave a safe haven. Bible churches have something steady and secure to hold onto. In The Episcopal Church (TEC) we have shifting sands, relationships of every sort are accepted. We are on a collision mode. The Diocese of Ft. Worth is held in trust for the diocese not beyond to the TEC. The notion of a national church is mythical,” she [some lay chic noted in the story] said, according to VirtueOnline.

Hrm. You mean having a pastor in drag prosletyzing about living a life of righteousness isn’t actually Feng Shui pablum?! Say it isn’t so! When I was seminary, I can’t tell you how many conversations I had with intellectuals and theologians about how I wish I could see two dudes tonguing each other down in a pew and use that for an illustrated sermon on “David loved… and I mean, loved… Jonathon.”

Yeah, I didn’t think so, and evidently, neither did Fort Worth Bishop Jack Iker:

“This diocese stands for orthodox Christianity, and we are increasingly at odds with the revisionist practices and teachings of the official leadership of The Episcopal Church. The Episcopal Church we once knew no longer exists. To contend for the faith as traditional Episcopalians has brought us to this time of realignment in the Body of Christ.”

Here, here. I mean, the Brits aren’t clones of their American cousins across the bay, but when the Anglican Church and John Cabot set sail for a brighter frontier satellite church, they weren’t planning on all this hullabaloo. Who’s next? Probably some diocese in California.

Oh no, not the whole homosexual loves Hollywood uber-tolerance thing. I was talking about carrot farms. Geesh, people!

Walmart: Save money. Live better. My foot.

“It was the economy. Folk wanna save a buck.” Hogwash!

“It’s the highlight of their year.” Only if they are xenophobes and this is the only time of the year these freaks muster up enough strength to face mankind.

Whatever the pathetic excuse, the vitriol communicated by CNN anchor Mike Galanos is perfect. You hear about this cheerful Yuletide story about a Walmart employee trampled to death by these early bird freaks? If not, check it out… oh, and Wall Watchers, listen to the “Ka-ching anti Jesus” remark at 1:35.

You like that?

Why we have be the target of this tragedy? Since when did Walmart ask for Christians to draw the Ichthus with the clove-trodden foot in the sand before they are permitted to come inside?! I don’t know if that tool forensic psychologist knows this or not, but America is full of folk – many not claiming to be Christian who still enjoy the buzz of saving 10 percent on a G.I. Joe with the Kung-fu action grip! You dolt!

It’s shameful that Walmart will get sued for this and have become Public Enemy #1 for this mob scene, because this 4 a.m.-crashing-down-the-doors holiday cheer crap happens everywhere. And if it wasn’t here, this was bound to happen somewhere.

Yes, this happens at concerts, state fairs, sporting events or even church revivals. (Come on, like you weren’t thinking that big mama in a mu mu running down men in walkers so she can “catch a blessing” in the front row). But it’s expected there.

This is Christmas, but this fatal act of dissidence is reflective of what is pervading this most wonderful time of the year. It’s about the sales, not the salvation. The commercials, not the conversions. The kids in the store, not the Christ child in waiting.

“Where has this world gone?” That’s easy.

Find the biggest clearance sale after Thanksgiving. Most of them will be sparing us all to death, screaming giddily because they got the last Wii in sight… at least until the next shipment comes in later that day.

MEMO to Wall Watchers: Getting Salty with It

God deals with me on a frequent basis, as is the case for any Christ-follower who have fellowship with Jesus on a routine.

We all have our own prayer lists, most of which have revolving requests and bites for intercession. However, some items are solidified in cement. For HiScrivener, that is my family, job, et cetera. But it’s also this blog.

“The Writing on the Wall” is a labor of love, more than I can communicate here. And in an effort to be snarky, cantankerous and effective for exposing the muck and mire in the Church, I search for inventive means to create a headline.

You know, puns, analoguous terms, syncedoches and the rest of the stuff I absorbed in collegiate English. One of those things are using symbols for the cheap laugh. You know, “Oh @#$%” and stuff like that.

The thing about being righteous, you have to do what’s right.

And although it may not be a thing for you – and no worries if not, I got mucho convicted over that recently thanks to God and a dear blogospherical friend I’ve discovered.

This is a blog, if anything, about what’s right. And if I plan to get “salty with it”, it should only be to make people thirsty for the knowledge of Jesus we all share. You know?

And that’s where I want to be with the Wall. Oh, don’t get me wrong… what some of these jackleg fools do in the pulpit (and often in spite of it) deserves to be exposed, but we – the many bricks in the Wall, and others whom I routinely enjoy – can communicate it effectively without pushing the envelope and still bust their chops ad nauseum.

I won’t. I apologize. Thank you for your time. Now, back to the news.