Posts Tagged ‘Bugs Bunny’

I’m so glad to be a Christian. You know, worshiping a living God, following biblical tenets and not serving cows and dolled-up three-year old girls!

Meet Matani Shakya, newly “appointed” kumari, or living goddess.

Nepal Living GoddessAin’t she cute? All that divinity and still digs Dora the Explorer.

Hey, at least she is creating some semblance of religious universalism because Hindu and Buddhists priests hooked up and determined she passed the “God” test and dubbed her a living goddess. (Granted it happened in October, but hey, news doesn’t travel fast from Nepal).

OK, I’m game. Let’s say my career doesn’t work out. What do I have to do to be considered a deity? [And I may have some ruminations in here as well].

A panel of judges conducted a series of ancient ceremonies to select the goddess from several 2- to 4-year-old girls who are all members of the impoverished Shakya goldsmith caste. [Ah, rich girls gone wild. Nice.]

The judges read the candidates’ horoscopes and check each one for physical imperfections. The living goddess must have perfect hair, eyes, teeth and skin with no scars, and should not be afraid of the dark. [Yeah, because when you are sitting alone on a mountaintop, you don’t want to be caught screaming out to yourself for protection. Folk may have to sedate a goddess.]

As a final test, the living goddess must spend a night alone in a room among the heads of ritually slaughtered goats and buffaloes without showing fear. [Because if the fear doesn’t kill you being thrown into a bad scene from “Pet Cemetery”, the rabies might.]

Having passed all the tests, the child will stay in almost complete isolation at the temple, and will be allowed to return to her family only at the onset of menstruation when a new goddess will be named to replace her. [No comment necessary, is there?]

But hey, after she goes through her Bugs Bunny, Toon Disney and Hannah Montana phases, she flies the coop and ready to filter through the line of eligible suitors. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hook up with a deified feminista?

Nepalese folklore holds that men who marry a former kumari will die young, and so many girls remain unmarried and face a life of hardship.

Ah well, she will always have a loka. And if not, reincarnate into a cow. Good times, unless of course you are slated for hamburger.

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Not my idea. I just work here. IJS.

Man, this is a depression. Even the Church can’t stay in business, at least the Episcopal one, which seems to have to more people leaving it than tourists in India and the Middle East.

According to Catholic News Wire, Fort Worth becomes the fourth diocese to get biblical and create a mass exodus from the Episcopal Church.

Why? Is it how eerily closely assimilated they are to the Catholic Church without all those pesky indulgences? Maybe it was the eggheaded marketing campaign about slicing carrots that got more people laughing and pointing than consuming Vitamin C?

No, it was this:

A husband wearing a dress and skirts to teach Sunday School in church, another pastor wants to perform same-sex unions. Young people crave a safe haven. Bible churches have something steady and secure to hold onto. In The Episcopal Church (TEC) we have shifting sands, relationships of every sort are accepted. We are on a collision mode. The Diocese of Ft. Worth is held in trust for the diocese not beyond to the TEC. The notion of a national church is mythical,” she [some lay chic noted in the story] said, according to VirtueOnline.

Hrm. You mean having a pastor in drag prosletyzing about living a life of righteousness isn’t actually Feng Shui pablum?! Say it isn’t so! When I was seminary, I can’t tell you how many conversations I had with intellectuals and theologians about how I wish I could see two dudes tonguing each other down in a pew and use that for an illustrated sermon on “David loved… and I mean, loved… Jonathon.”

Yeah, I didn’t think so, and evidently, neither did Fort Worth Bishop Jack Iker:

“This diocese stands for orthodox Christianity, and we are increasingly at odds with the revisionist practices and teachings of the official leadership of The Episcopal Church. The Episcopal Church we once knew no longer exists. To contend for the faith as traditional Episcopalians has brought us to this time of realignment in the Body of Christ.”

Here, here. I mean, the Brits aren’t clones of their American cousins across the bay, but when the Anglican Church and John Cabot set sail for a brighter frontier satellite church, they weren’t planning on all this hullabaloo. Who’s next? Probably some diocese in California.

Oh no, not the whole homosexual loves Hollywood uber-tolerance thing. I was talking about carrot farms. Geesh, people!

Kill the Wabbit!Bet’cha didn’t know that one?

You may have grown up watching Warner Bros. cartoons. Your kids have seen “Space Jam.” But evidently, throughout the decades, Mr. “What’s up, Doc” was laying the groundwork for the worst advertising campaign in the history of the Church.

In a moniker, the Episcopalian Church (U.S. spin-off of the British Anglican practice) has daftly developed, “Get closer to God. Slice carrots.” Read it again. It doesn’t help. It’s just that harebrained (Yeah, pun intended. I’m here all week and twice on Sundays).

Did I miss something? There have been HiScrivener stays at Seminary, Church, on-air and my own prayer closet and I don’t believe this revelation of Vitamin C has ever thundered against my medulla. OH! I get it. Carrots will help your… wait for it… vision. (Man, I’m on fire today. Whew!)

That’s gotta be it. I have to believe the house that unveiled C.S. Lewis has a tad more intelligence and acuity for multimedia interest than this brilliance. You know, if the leaders of the Episcopal Church paid top dollar for this ballyhoo, I have dibs on sending these nimrods other e-mail campaigns for cash. Such as:

Thanks, Wall Watchers. Oh, and please pass this on to 13 of your closest friends or you’re just not cool.

Now, for your viewing edification. A stroll down Amnesia Lane.

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