Posts Tagged ‘evolution’

Hollywood can put anything into a chic flicker, a love story.

Consider a “Titanic” tugboat sinking in the middle of a freezing ocean. Do you remember the iceberg or two schmucks getting buck wild in Model A Ford?

What about a woman who is haunted by the “Ghost” of her hubby. Do you automatically think about a woman freaking out calling ghostbusters or a schmaltzy pottery barn scene.

Now, add to that a delightful love story between an acclaimed (but slightly off his rocker) scientist and his sanctimonious wife, and then rocked by the loss of his daughter, this scientist decides to blame God and write a book.

That book would be “Origin of the Species,” and that dude would be Charles Darwin.

Yes, his life is now coming to theaters near you. It’s not “The Passion,” but it may be worth the price of admission… you know, if you fancy a witnessing challenge.

“Take a few minutes to give a big ‘God bless ya’ to your neighbors.”

These are some of the most feared words to come from a church pulpit since the Dark Ages when the Papacy would extol, “So, um, indulgences for sale. Anyone a sinner today?”

Men pretend they have to go pee, have a call they immediately have to take for concern of national security or may decide that now is a good time to check on the kids in the nursery. Anything except meet and greet people that may or may not be seen at Luby’s after service.

Maybe it’s an intrusion in private space. Perhaps it’s the swine flu. Or it could just be some fellas aren’t the biggest “people persons.” Whatever this interdenominational plague is, there has always been something to it.

And now, thanks to this story from WOW News’ (and Reuters) Faithworld, we know why:

Men who go to church regularly prefer “proper macho songs” and feel uncomfortable with hugging and sitting in circles discussing their feelings, a survey for Christian men’s magazine “Sorted” has found.

Macho Jesus

I guess this is more of the idea

This UK survey found that men want to worship Jesus as-is: A MAN!

So, uh, what? Right before praise and worship, splash on a little Old Spice to get you in the spirit?

How about before the pastor gets up, all the men count to three and let fly? Sure, that’s macho.

Or possibly – if Christian manly men are slightly more daring – walk up to some dude and ask him to build a confessional on the spot. Now, that’s what real men do, right?

Nearly 60 percent of respondents said they enjoyed singing, but were more motivated by “proclamational” hymns than sentimental-type songs.

Well, it’s not like the band has a Karaoke machine plugged in blaring “Send in the Clowns” or anything by Celine Dion. It’s WORSHIP, you tools.

Men were also uninspired by church discussion groups, with many suggesting that the pub would be a much better place for interacting.

Yeah, because “the pub” is a particularly sweet joint to crush a few Sprites and ensure the smoke in there is actually from the incense you just lit because you invited your priest. Right, macho guy?

Take this virile fellowshipper, who is probably heavily mustachioed and rocking the chest tuft with gold chains:

Jesus recruited a bunch of 12 ordinary blokes before he began his ministry proper. They spent three years together doing stuff,” said Sorted’s publisher and managing editor Steve Legg. “He sat down and ate with them and built relationships,” Legg said, explaining how the church should go about reaching the male congregation.

...Or perhaps this guy?

...Or perhaps this guy?

I guess we should just avoid at all costs those frilly parables about Mary Magdalene, Martha (first to praise a resurrected Jesus), Anna the Prophetess, Priscilla and then there’s that annoying little girl… um, oh yeah, Jesus’ MAMA!

Sigh. I guess I’ll turn in my man card because I see way too many opportunities in the Bible to evangelize that have to deal with those pesky women. Tenets such as faith, virtue, steadfastness, determination and sacrifice.

But who cares as long as I can get my Sunday morning man crush on about Samson, Paul, Solomon (a real ladies man) and Peter (the cutting-ears-off Peter, not the get-thee-behind-me one… big wussy). Good times.

What’s the adage born out of a biblical parable, “Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

Well, someone should have told that to the Robert Schuller clan, party of one… bitter, old man:

Attendance at last week's service? Maybe?

Attendance at last week's service? Maybe?

And now, as if that harangue of family counseling wasn’t enough, comes this story from the AP stating the three-decade old ministry is now $65 million IN DEBT!

The church is in financial turmoil: It plans to sell more than $65 million worth of its Orange County property to pay off debt. Revenue dropped by nearly $5 million last year, according to a recent letter from the elder Schuller to elite donors. In the letter, Schuller Sr. implored the Eagle’s Club members — who supply 30 percent of the church’s revenue — for donations and hinted that the show might go off the air without their support. “The final months of 2008 were devastating for our ministry,” the 82-year-old pastor wrote.

What’s so pathetic about this family affair gone awry is the people who have been faithful to this man’s vision and his ministry know what’s really going on beyond the rouse of blaming the economy and revolving preachers du jour in that glass house:

“They have not been forthcoming at all,” said John Dewart, an insurance agent from New Jersey who’s watched for 30 years. “Why can’t a father and son work together for the glory of God? That’s my big question.”

Good question. I mean you would think being preachers, they would have appreciated the example put forth by that God guy and his son, um, Jesus? I’m just sayin’ maybe they’ll figure it out before their former elite donorser, the economy hurls huge boulders at their crib in Garden Grove, Calif.

Ah, the warmth of the holidays.

Hot cocoa by an open-lit fire. Presents under the tree. Nat King Cole crooning “The Christmas Song”. And a condom handed to you by Santa Claus himself. Yep, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year…er…you say one of those things don’t belong?!

santacondoms2Makes sense to most Canadians who live in Toronto, as Santa was personally invested in who was naughty or nice as the Durex condom company paid perverted St. Nicks to hand out provolactics to passers-by. Stay Classy, Father Rated X-mas.

A press release from the company explained that costumed representatives, dressed as Santa Claus, would be handing out the condoms beginning on Tuesday, December 16. “This holiday season, Durex(R) wants lovers to really feel the Love,” says the release. “Helping Canadians get in the mood to wrap their packages, Durex and Santa will start celebrating the holidays by handing out Love condoms this Tuesday, December 16, 2008 in downtown Toronto. Giving never felt so good!”

Eartha Kitt would be puuuurfectly ashamed, as this gives a completely new and debauched meaning to “Santa Baby.”

It’s bad enough these tools at Durex think this is a kitschy enough idea to do during Christmas, paying no attention to the whole Jesus over tones, but does anyone at that worthless company understand who Saint Nicholas was in the first place?

Despite the ironic fact he looks an awful lot like Charles Darwin, he is a patron saint… as in revered Catholicism… and they may as well be doing this on the campus of Notre Dame for a bigger offense to that group of God-fearing folk. I guess the twisted street team could hae dressed up as priests, but they may have looked too conspicuous, eh?

So, Roman Catholics and all Greek and Eastern Orthodox believers alike, here is my present to you: Durex’s contact information.Forget the raincoat, USE THAT LINK to make a difference! Speech may be free, but I sincerely hope it costs Durex a lot. Hey, we all spend money this time of year. Let’s pray they spend more than most.

Something is stinky in the Church lately. No, it’s not your pastor’s breath or that one dude on the prayer team (woof!) It’s the ill wind blowing of hypocrisy.

Aside from the dolts who plague pulpits nationally with their agendas, instead of discussing the Lord’s; evangelicals just don’t seem to get it – the Bible is a road map for all men to follow, not just those who call themselves, “Born Again.”

Case in point (from Beliefnet): Richard Cizik, now former vice president of the National Association of Evangelicals

On Fresh Air with Terry Gross, National Association of Evangelicals vice president of governmental affairs Rich Cizik admitted that his views on same sex unions are shifting.  While he made it clear that he does not favor same sex marriage, he did affirm the that he favors same sex civil unions.  Cizik also admitted that he voted for Barack Obama in the primary election, although he did not reveal for whom he voted in the general.  As a result of these comments, NAE president Leith Anderson asked Cizik to resign, which Cizik did.

republican-elephantThis is a man, a rebel, who has highhandedly provided more relevance for the “NeoCon” and evangelical movement than anyone, and you want him to split basically because of who his dangling chad favored?! Because make no mistake, that is the epicenter of the boot to his tail.

Since when did caring for the environment become a “liberal point of view”?! I seem to recall something in a Bible I read once about we (that would be Christians, or even evangelicals) are to have dominion in this piece. And why does voting for a Democrat mean you are an atheist?!

Listen, abortion is murder – there I said it. And HiScrivener, being the raging independent, has voted from something other than Republican. Yeah, I said that too. But abortion, or anything cherished “trendy” by the GOP, is not the only reason you should vote for a president, and Cizik understood that which has passed through the ears of so many of his predecessors.

The work Cizik inspired is replacing the old guard of the surriptious and much-maligned “Religious Right,” but now that work is left on the shelf for fear of liking a few trees and God’s people more than he did John McCain.

Brother put himself out there, and should be applauded for it, but since a few crusty curmudgeons and frozen chosen out there think it’s a sin to do anything that the local GOP doesn’t seem worthy. What happened to Richard Cizik wasn’t about salvation and Christianity, it was about business and politics. And if that is what he signed up for, then good thing he split, he will serve the Church much more effectively away from those jackleg fools.