God Sighting of the Month: A Toasty Revelation

You know, it’s the middle of the month and payday is here.

Which is a good thing because I need to go grocery shopping and – thanks to this story from Pompano Beach, Fla. – I can get my Willy Wonka on, find some Wonder bread and search for that “golden loaf.”

Call me inspired, but what else do you expect when this surf boy, Troy Eckonen, masticates his breakfast and discovers JESUS IN HIS FRENCH TOAST!

And his last piece, no less.

Good thing Troy stopped to belch up all that syrup because we would have been cheated out of a sighting this month, Wall Watchers. And that would been a travesty, but then again, next month is December so you know we will check out Jesus hanging out in the mall, winter parks and Christmas tree displays.

The ironic thing is that ‘Toast Jesus’ is missing his abdomen because Troy just about devoured the syrup-covered Savior. Somewhere, the Pope, those crashing at the Vatican and uber-devout Roman Catholics are complaining about transubstantiation – and we know how sticky that argument can get.

Good times this coming Sunday at mass.

GOBAMA: So much for race and religion becoming BFFs

A stoic and bludgeoned philosopher once orated, “Can’t we all just get along?”

Meet the cross section of Christianity

If only he was talking to pastors and politicians – as noted in this AP story – we may be able to sing Kumbaya and look like a diverse nation doing it. But apparently – much to Dr. King’s chagrin – this was an election based on the color of someone’s skin and not of the content of someone’s character.

While nonwhite Christians voted overwhelmingly for Obama, most white Christians backed John McCain, according to exit polls. Several black clergy said that criticism of Obama by some white Christians over his religious beliefs and support for abortion rights crossed the line, hurting longtime efforts to reconcile their communities.

And there’s going to be the largest problem with this administration – the dolts who support it. Did anyone bother to see his acceptance speech?! When the BarackStar walked on the stage, there was a sea of Americans – not just black ones, brown ones or whites, but all ones. However, it seems that the militant (and curmudgeon) sect of black America has claimed this victory for itself. Namely in the black church.

“What they [the aforementioned militant folk] did is insult our biblical understanding,” said Hutchins, who voted for Obama and has backed Democrats in past presidential elections. “The white religious right-wing determined that if you didn’t vote for McCain, you were not meeting a standard of the Bible.”

Yeppers. You see, if you are white and bicker about Obama’s politics, be prepared to be called a racist because people are so used to the white Bible thumper being a gun-totin’, dog-cussin’ SOB when that is totally not the case! While you are whining about the only issue of the Bible the BarackStar clearly ignores (the unborn life), consider his empathy for the downtrodden and beatdown. You know, typically the Democrat playbook.

This is the power of stereotypes and every sect, creed and gender has them. You see one overweight, beer-swillin’ white dude with a wifebeater on and instantly, “Ah, trailer park trash.” Maybe he has diabetes, loves his brew and has a propensity to sweat a lot?!

So, black church, this is not YOUR president. Conversely, white church, whether you like it or not, he is YOUR president. In other words, if you live in this God-blessed country, Barack Obama is YOUR president. I don’t care if you didn’t vote for him or sang his name in a church hymn before November 4. What matters is that pray for him because any cat in this position needs it. Why? Just maybe we should have hit the altar for the last guy in the White House. You saw how good he did.

Sarah Palin: Bye, Bye Miss American Pie

The dust has settled. The crowds have faded. The BarackStar has entered the building.

And now, there is nothing to the Republican ticket but a shell of the structure that held intact the swelling ego of one Sarah Palin.

Before the campaign, she was an enigma. During the campaign, she was an anomaly. NOW, she is a wart on the butt of the media… and they are so feeling it! Have you Googled her lately?

John McCain couldn’t pay this woman to do an interview DURING the presidential veepstakes. She was either too busy at LensCrafters creating another optical trend or somewhere in the universe getting trained for another public appearance that may actually be recorded.

But now, she has transformed from “Miss Congeniality” to “Miss Availability” and preaching all the while. Note this “exclusive” interview with FOX News. But first this… is it really exclusive if everyone else has gotten an interview as well in a span of six days?! That’s like having girlfriends in Canada. I’m just sayin’. Carry on.

This is what I always do. I’m like, “God, if there is an open door for me somewhere”–this is what I always pray–“don’t let me miss the open door. Show me the open door and even if it’s just cracked a little bit, maybe I’ll plow right no through that, maybe prematurely plow through it, but don’t let me miss an open door.” And if there is an open door in ’12, or four years later, and if it’s something that’s going to be good for my family, for my state, for my nation, an opportunity for me, then I’ll plow through that door.

Wall Watchers, if she is the future of the conservatives in this country, I am seriously looking to selling stock at a blistering rate. It’s bad enough Mr. Uber-Liberal is sitting at the Resolute Desk, but now we have a threat of the other extreme balancing this fulcrum of death?! Where’s my open door? Anyone?

Time magazine also covered this quote and her self-aggrandizement as of late in splendid fashion.

Ah well, that sound you hear is the strike of midnight looming and Cinderella racing to kiss Nanook of the North so she doesn’t turn into a pumpkin. Maybe that headline should read, “Miss Pumpkin Pie”?! At any rate, her 15 minutes are almost up. Enjoy the ice caps.

For our Veterans

Today is a proud day, an amazing day of remembrance and inspiration – Veterans’ Day.

If there is any day that has to deal with Jesus, it’s this one. Don’t believe me? Imagine what this world would be like if God in his sovereignty had not blessed us all with the brave men and women who have fought, sacrificed and even died for this country – and your rights in it.

From Krispus Attacks to the young ones we applaud on the plane sitting across the aisle, those soldiers are the reason we are here. As a son of a retired Naval man, I am proud to say, “God bless America.”

Now shut up and take a few moments to catch some inspiration with Ray.

Jesus blamed for rolling $45K fatties

It only took six long years, only $45,000 in settlement, hundreds of $1000s in legal fees and several embarrassing punch lines later, but Morse v. Frederick is much ado about nothing, thanks to this story from FOX News.

So what, right?

Well, note the picture and you may remember this frivolous law suit – the “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” banner during the Winter Olympics torch relay through their friendly burgh in Juneau, AK that year.

[Insert your own obscure Sarah Palin reference here]

One of these tools in the Polaroid is Joseph Frederick (hence, the whole Morse v. Frederick legal line), the ringleader of dolts who made this sign, which was proudly displayed.

Once discovered, Frederick was called out, suspended from school and yet another fun-filled fight over the First Amendment was kicked-off. Sigh!

Perhaps what was inane was he was suspended for “violating the drug policy on campus.” (No kidding!) Or maybe it was once Frederick complained, his suspension was beefed up to 10 days. Regardless the spark, the lighter fluid trailed all the way to the Supreme Court. And this was its theorem:

Chief Justice Roberts, writing for the majority, concluded that the school officials did not violate the First Amendment by confiscating the pro-drug banner and suspending the student responsible for it. The opinion first concluded that Frederick’s “Bong Hits” banner was displayed during a school-supervised event, making this a “school speech” case rather than a normal case of speech on a public street. The opinion then concluded that although the banner’s message was “cryptic,” it was undeniably a “reference to illegal drugs” and the principal reasonably concluded that it “advocated the use of illegal drugs.”

Ya’ think? What on earth else would “bong hits” reference? Quasimodo bashing his pretty head against the church brass upstairs to make a sound? Probably not. But then again, for the rest of his shameless life, whenever Frederick hits another pot party, his face will ring a bell.

HA! Get it? Quasi… er… bong… um… bell… oh, nevermind! Disregard. Abort! Abort!