Posts Tagged ‘sighting’

In this month’s ubiquitous and divine hallucinogenic moment in time, we have  our Savior dying for another cause – the cost of terrestrial phone usage.

I know there are much bigger fish to fry, such as the price of gas and just what is “The Event”, it seems people have been praying to the heavenlies about their landlines and cell phones.

As most of us know, the Bible declares in Isaiah 65:24, “Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.”

He gave his all for 500 free minutes of salvation

Evidently, people did call… literally. And the Lord heard. So much so, that he decided to show himself in full glory, and in full support of Thomas Alva Edison, according to the Telegraph (UK).

Rickey Navarre [who testified to someone at Louisiana’s KPLC-TV] did a double take of the pole while driving along Highway 26, and said he sees what appears to be Jesus Christ hanging on the cross.

“It just caught my eye. I said to myself, that sure looks like an image of Jesus hanging from the telephone pole,” said Navarre.

You know, I figure this makes a load of sense because when I am driving along the highway and an unfamiliar road hazard is alongside the road, I usually yawp, “JESUS!”

Don’t you? No? Just me?

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It’s that time of the month again when we scour the Wall for some delusional stigmata enthusiast and post another “God Sighting of the Month.”

Only, it’s been hot this summer and everyone’s hallucinogens are causing different moments of grandeur, like the water tower melting and the refreshing tidal wave is coming toward your house. Anyone? Just me?

And who says bread isn't good for you?

Lord Jesus! That's some good toast.

So we had to find a concocted vision, but this took some daft skill as seen in the UK’s Grimsy Telegraph:

Give us this day our daily bread” – so says the Lord’s Prayer – but in Great Limber, it’s toasted! This stunning depiction of Christ’s Crucifixion may look like it has been painted on tiles, but is in fact made up of 153 pieces of carefully charred toast.

This “artist” is a 33-year-old bloke named Adam Sheldon who felt his calling was to make a sacred illumination of the most hallowed event in history out of something we place sandwich spread upon. And probably with the crusts cut off.

How in the world do you manipulate your toaster to do this with such precision?!

I mean, I put two slices in mine, walk away to go to the bathroom and you would think I put them in the microwave. They eject with the velocity of the space shuttle, completely burnt to a crisp.

And this guy comes off like Da Vinci with the same apparatus? Man, I need to go back to school.

My only theological question about this artistic rendition (and make no mistake, that’s art) hanging in his local church is this: Does this create an entirely new definition for the term “Burnt Offerings“?

Unfortunately, June was a slow month for the spirit of God in the cameo department.

As we have come to notice on the Wall, at least once a month, God, Jesus or even Mary decides to show up in front of some folk in terms of cheetos, bathroom tile or a tub of pizza sauce. Why? Just because they can and it’s good for kicks on home movies.

Jesus as found on Google Earth

On Google Earth As It Is In Heaven

That said, he had to show his face in a big way. I mean, huge. And he didn’t disappoint as we see in the Telegraph (UK) and a fable discussing Google Earth:

The resemblance was found by a 26-year-old man as he used the mapping website to look for holiday destinations. Zach Evans, from Southampton, spotted the outline in satellite pictures of a field on farmland near Puspokladany in Hungary.

“I’m not a religious person looking for images of Mary or Jesus in everything, but this is obvious.”

The aforementioned sightings of deity is easy to point a Pentecostal finger and crack jokes, but this?

Well, let’s just say there are aliens who wish they could Da Vinci crop circles this good.

Cloud shadows? Topography issues? What do you see?

Whatever it is you are looking at, admit it… you’re going to check out Google Earth right after this. Perhaps these oddball sightings create a skosh of faith. Regardless, you’re still looking.

Virgin Mary appears in Daniel Griego's shower

Mary? Um, did you know?

Just in time for Peter Cottontail to come hopping down the Via Dolorosa, um, trail arrives this timely and divine hallucination hailing from Albuquerque, N.M. where the Virgin Mary decided to let the homeowners know after all that traveling from heaven, she was feeling a little rank and needed to take a bath.

I mean, it is Holy Week, so why not a hallowed apparition just beyond the Pantene, weeks-old razor and rubber ducky, right?

It’s timely. It’s sacred. And oh so typical.

Yet, there she is tending to her baby boy Jesus in the stained marble of some dude’s shower. Michelangelo would be so proud.

“We built the house a couple years ago, and we have a stand in the shower and a jacuzzi tub in the master bath,” said Danell Griego, the person who discovered the figure. “We also have a hot tub right outside the master bathroom, so we had not used the tub. I decided I was going to try out the tub since it had been sitting there unused for so long. I got the water and bubbles ready, hopped in and was relaxing and decided to light a candle. When I reached over to grab the candle, right behind it was the image.”

Of course this is a personal moment amidst the flurry of Dora the Explorer bubble bath. Note the statement from the story:

Do not expect long lines of people praying in the Griegos’ home. Besides the media, she said she has only invited friends and family to look at the image.

Love the thoughtfulness there. The Griegos have only invited friends and family. Oh, and the national media throng. Because when you get a pious moment like the mother of our Savior interrupting tub time, it’s always nice to have TMZ on speed dial.

Surely for this avowed Catholic couple, the resurrection of Jesus may not get dibs in worship service, but wowie will these two have a story for their priest about Mary visiting them via the welcoming scent of a strawberry banana flame.

Oh Mary… don’t you know?! Amen. And Hoppy Easter.

As people traipse into Lent, they do so considering a sacrifice. For some, it’s the booze. For others, it’s the smokes. For me, it would have been pizza. I mean, brother is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Hence, it makes sense to me that of all places God Almighty would make a monthly special cameo appearance, it would be in a quaint pizzeria in Scranton, Penn.

Just ask the chosen employee Mary Louise Salerno about it… and surely, she’s United Pentecostal, COGIC or perhaps even Church of God. Yes?

Ms. Salerno was at Brownie’s [Pizzeria] and talking with her granddaughter, 23-year-old Jackie Krouchick, while she made a pizza. Her granddaughter is a single mother who she said is struggling through tough times. Ms. Krouchick told her grandmother she worried she was losing her faith.

As Ms. Salerno poured tomato sauce from a white plastic bucket, she urged her granddaughter to keep believing. That is when she saw it, the image of a man with long hair and a beard in the leftover sauce.

Well, at least Jesus knew to show his mug in the leftover sauce. Surely, our Savior thought to avoid the lunch rush, right? And good for him too because otherwise this sacrosanct meal would have been just another pie. Of course, my initial concern would be for the second coming to not be so messy.

I mean, pepperoni stuck in your teeth as you approach the Pearly Gates is enough to make Peter do a spit-take. Well, maybe that’s just me.

For the viewing pleasure, please enjoy the video… yeah, they took a video of the sauce bucket before Ms. Salerno gave “her permission” more than a day later to clean it out. You know what they say, “Godliness is next to cleanliness.”

Masonry shout out to Another Brick in the Wall, A Little Leaven for the divine inspiration.