bong-cum-laudeIt only took six long years, only $45,000 in settlement, hundreds of $1000s in legal fees and several embarrassing punch lines later, but Morse v. Frederick is much ado about nothing, thanks to this story from FOX News.

So what, right?

Well, note the picture and you may remember this frivolous law suit – the “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” banner during the Winter Olympics torch relay through their friendly burgh in Juneau, AK that year.

[Insert your own obscure Sarah Palin reference here]

One of these tools in the Polaroid is Joseph Frederick (hence, the whole Morse v. Frederick legal line), the ringleader of dolts who made this sign, which was proudly displayed.

Once discovered, Frederick was called out, suspended from school and yet another fun-filled fight over the First Amendment was kicked-off. Sigh!

Perhaps what was inane was he was suspended for “violating the drug policy on campus.” (No kidding!) Or maybe it was once Frederick complained, his suspension was beefed up to 10 days. Regardless the spark, the lighter fluid trailed all the way to the Supreme Court. And this was its theorem:

Chief Justice Roberts, writing for the majority, concluded that the school officials did not violate the First Amendment by confiscating the pro-drug banner and suspending the student responsible for it. The opinion first concluded that Frederick’s “Bong Hits” banner was displayed during a school-supervised event, making this a “school speech” case rather than a normal case of speech on a public street. The opinion then concluded that although the banner’s message was “cryptic,” it was undeniably a “reference to illegal drugs” and the principal reasonably concluded that it “advocated the use of illegal drugs.”

Ya’ think? What on earth else would “bong hits” reference? Quasimodo bashing his pretty head against the church brass upstairs to make a sound? Probably not. But then again, for the rest of his shameless life, whenever Frederick hits another pot party, his face will ring a bell.

HA! Get it? Quasi… er… bong… um… bell… oh, nevermind! Disregard. Abort! Abort!

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