Just when you thought we were done with the Ted Haggard saga, this story gets… well, a little more haggard. Oy!

A day at the Haggard Household

A day at the Haggard Household

As if the media tour and family harangue wasn’t enough for this guy, who is officially a tool, we have this unfortunate story from CNN stating where there is smoke, a brother is bound to get burned.

And so, not to bury the lede…

A megachurch paid a 20-year-old man to keep silent about a sexual relationship he had with disgraced evangelical pastor Ted Haggard, a senior church pastor said.

This tragic story gets seedier by the minute. Boy, when some skeletons come out of the closet, they really can punch you in the mouth with some humerus (get it? Humor, as in this mess is hilarious. Humerus, as in bone… Skeleton? Ah, never mind. Sigh.)

So, thanks to this story, we discover the acolytes at New Life Church “agreed to pay the man in exchange for his pledges” to not rat out the dude who was, you know, the most powerful evangelical on the planet! And so they paid the “man’s” moving expenses, college tuition and just to keep it on the up-and-up, his counseling. Thinking sexual abuse could cause scars, regardless what slug caused them.

Peep the brilliant (uh, not so much) public relations here:

This was compassionate assistance. It was to help him move forward, not a settlement to keep him quiet,” said [Rev. Brady] Boyd, senior pastor at New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Are you kidding me?! Listen here, bub. Forget the stain your ilk have placed upon that once thriving church in Colorado, the evangelical movement and the Body of Christ as a whole (because, believe me, WE ALL take a beating for this in the workplace). Let’s just focus on one person – this “man”.

Imagine the irrefutable anguish your Keystone Cops approach to sweeping sin under the rug caused him. He may have serious issues reaching salvation, all because your boss was horny and handsy and you didn’t have the temerity to bust him in his grill and say, “Hey, uh, pastor. I know you are the man of Gawd and all, but this mess really isn’t right. Maybe you should have yourself checked.”

ted-haggard-loserBut no, this is a microcosm of most of the megachurches in America – no accountability! These charlatans are permitted to exercise their autocracies as theocracies and do whatever they want to whomever they want. It’s… well, an atrocity! And it’s shameful.

No wonder atheism is so rambit in this country! If I didn’t dearly love Jesus, I would cash in my Christendom for a Ginsu knife collection or something just so people I know wouldn’t come back at me with bewilderment and vexation asking, “Does everyone you know act like the fools on TBN and those in the news?”

Wall Watchers, we need to pray for the countless Christians in megachurches. People need to worship the living God, not some dimwitted man with a bad haircut. People need to serve Jesus, not the “vision” or “mission” of some tool with his eyes set on that gated community in the sky.

You know, Ted. You once called yourself a “loser” and yours truly defended you in several forums. Because say what you will, this man did mighty exploits for God. However, you cashed all that in for a cheap massage, an ugly dude, a movie deal… and this?! No, maybe – just maybe – you were right all along. Loser.

  1. johnny says:

    Well. its a shame for Pastor haggard to fall BUT i think GOD allowed this to happen for 3 main reasons, 1- so we can keep our eyes on JESUS CHRIST 2- we should remember to pray for one another especially those who helped us along the way. satan hates them. 3- finally so when we stand before the LORD and he says to some” depart from me you workers of evil. when i was hungry ( for compassion), you didnt feed me. when i was thirsty ( for help) you gave me no drink. when i was sick and in prison ( sin sick and in bondage) you didnt visit me but threw me out!. we as believers need to remember the church is a hospital for sin sick souls .not rock slinging self rightous on our way to a uncommpassionate hell type of people. REMEMBER PAUL said ” CHRIST JESUS CAME TO SAVE SINNERS” ,THAT MEANS EVEN PASTOR TED HAGGARD.

  2. steve trent says:

    for someone who condems gays and such like i feel sorry for him . ok no one is perfect but the yearning for a male member inside him surely he could have done those things with his wife taking the male role . this and other sort of thing happens all the time in christedom which is why i left christedom and now study the truth . no doubt this will be swept under the carpet at some point and hopefully he has learned his lesson

  3. Great article HS. I have literally been waffling on doing a post on Ted Haggard for the past 3 weeks now. Of course I was familiar with his story and wrote him off as a hypocrite just like everybody else.

    His story tugged at my heart abit after reading the Newsweek article on him a few weeks ago – detailing his life in exile and his contrition. I thought this would be a good story to use to highlight repentance in church leadership. Pulpit pimps steal with brazen disregard, so it was a bit refreshing to see a guy struggling with his sins withouth the fluff.

    I even watched the HBO special on him and wondered if his story is worth taking another look at. After reading your article, however, I’ve decided to let ol’ Ted be – even though I had a pithy title, graphic, and everything. It seems as though Ted still suffers from the same degenerative condition that most mega-church pastors (pimps, et al) suffer from – Me-itis (where the spotlight must simly shine on them).

    Oh well, the pimps keep me busy anyway so this just clears the pipeline a bit.

    • hiscrivener says:

      Thanks, brother.

      Yeah, this was my last straw. It took me a lot to just come out swinging given who he is… er, was. The man did mighty exploits for the Lord, so why he is doing this to his family, his church and all those who have espoused his greatness for years?! It’s just depressing to see a pimp beneath all that tailored sheep’s clothing.


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