Archive for January 15, 2009

Fresh off the heels of Rick Warren being invited to performer, do the prayer at the BarackStar’s inaugural ceremony, he decides to break into his “Greatest Hits” catalog for dimwitted staffers at his church and their offensive sermons like this:

abuse-maybePhysical abuse by one’s spouse is not a biblical reason for divorce, says a pastor at Saddleback Church in southern California. Tom Holladay, teaching pastor at the megachurch founded by best-selling author Rick Warren, says the Bible only gives two cases where divorce is acceptable: abandonment and a physical affair.

Physical abuse, he defined, is someone “literally” beating another person up regularly. “I don’t mean they grab you once. I mean they’ve made a habit of beating you regularly,” he clarified.

But while Holladay believes divorce is not a biblical option in cases of domestic violence, he strongly recommends the couple to separate. During the separation, the couple should undergo counseling and try to mend the marriage, he said.

MEMO to the dunderhead at Saddleback: If some defenseless woman is getting the stuffing beat out of her, and she sees your sage, narrow behind for counsel, she will get separated all right… and change her social security number to permanently separate her face from his fist.

Dude! Are you kidding me?

Consider, in Biblical days, beating your wife wasn’t abuse – it was keeping that woman in line. But hey, I suppose given all those holy matrimony vows are still valid when you aren’t “abandoning” that woman in the emergency room after she caught a beat down amidst a righteous rage. It’s important to support her during recovery.

I suppose the silver lining on this omnious cloud is maybe the high-strung, over-compensating dudes this pastor counsels keeps their fists to themselves and just hurls a verbal onslaught in their wives’ direction. But hey, no hitting, so good times.

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If this cat had an action figure, maybe it would look like this

Man, where can I get me one of these fancy onesies?!

Look! Duck!

Up, up in the sky, probably traipsing from steeple to steeple.

I know it’s not a bird. It’s not quite a plane. It’s…

[Mark] Hyde, 40, who calls himself the Bible Patrol Man, heads out each day with a load of pamphlets about the Good Book and how to contact him… “My schedule is not tied to nine to five,” said Hyde, his Jamaican accent as calm and lucid as a Caribbean tide. “I don’t think the Lord works like that.”

No, not so much. Just ask the 1000s of belligerent drunks in this country on a daily basis who clutch that porcelain god at 3 a.m. looking for some salvation. Not that I know first-hand. I read books you know. Back to the story…

The Bible Patrol Man, who has been living in the United States for 22 years and is rarely without a smile, says he is often told that people are drawn to him. Going door-to-door, he hands out bright yellow cards with his phone number and his free services from Bible study to helping people quit smoking.

“I can’t see anywhere in the Bible the Lord charged anyone for anything,” he said.

That distinction would be reserved for false prophets and sardonic televangelists. As for the real Christians in foreign lands working for Jesus without yearning for headlines and TV cameras, the honor is in doing it – not receiving the honor for doing it.

Servants for the Gospel like Mark Hyde is the real deal, the truth and should be a source of envy and inspiration for Christians everywhere. If only for a while.

Back in days of antiquity, days before the Bible, scribes would follow around the great orators of the day and feverishly quill the words that dripped from their tongues like honey.

It was a better time back then, because if we consider writing more than a check to pay a bill, we whine about writer’s cramp.

Such is life for a bunch of dexterous lads at John Brown University who plan to hand-write the entire NIV Bible, now celebrating its 30th anniversary. according to this story from NWANews.com (Northwestern Arkansas, for those not in the geographic know).

handwriting-bible

Never mind the scorching. That was my hand burning up the quill.

Participants are each given a verse that they are asked to write out twice on specific paper. The papers will then be bound in order, and one copy of the handwritten Bible will be auctioned off to benefit the International Bible Society, and the other copy will be given to a national museum, more than likely the Smithsonian.

The idea is to have people who love the Bible, show up and hand write a few verses for kicks? Not that after a paragraphs of those head-rattling “begats” I wouldn’t be running to turn on my laptop with the quickness. Because I would and probably twist an ankle in the process.

HiScrivener has unique handwriting, which is why I’m grateful I can blog on screen.

If I wrote all my blather in my block script, all caps, no-cursive-having-because-my-lazy-tail-never-learned style, I would have to slice off my hands and pray for my nubs. Aw, it’s horrible. Life without a cyber notepad? The shame of it all.