Flames of hell put out by Canadian firefighter

Meet Jim Brayshaw, a lifelong Canuck, firefighter, apparent universalist and now budding theologian and novelist?!

Evidently, when you are surrounded by snow 24/7 in Saskatoon, Canada, there’s not much fire to fight so a guy has got to find something to do with his free time. Some cook, others grow vegetables.

Not Jim. Nooooo. He has written a 500-page diatribe that expresses, well… here:

The idea of a fallen angel who rules an afterworld in hell is a manmade construct, Brayshaw argues in his book, Satan: Christianity’s Other God Vol. I: Legend, Myth, Lore or Lie.

This loose-fitting ideology would be different if it was a five-page pamphlet, but this is a manifesto!

Dude has much angst against the fire and brimstone proselytizing. What’s funny is he sounds like he is convinced about his new found faith. I wonder if there is a local Vicar who could slap some demonology his way:

“Satan was invented so man had someone other than God or himself to blame evil on,” he said recently. “I was ambivalent at the outset when I considered writing this book. I realized I can’t write it as a diatribe against Christianity because I know and love a lot of Christian people and have learned so much from the Christianity I was involved in my whole life.

But?! 500 pages later, we have the newest theological rant proving the liquidation of Christianity thanks to the abhorrent lack of conviction and sin awareness in today’s pulpits.

That sound you hear is Carlton Pearson giggling and singing, “I’ve got a feeling…” Um, fellas, wait until rapture. Things may not be alright.

Victoria’s Secret: Joel Osteen Fights Back

Public Relations 101: Never start a whizzing match with the media.

Apparently, while Victoria and Joel Osteen are “loving their life” and boring people to tears with sanctified psychopablum, no one ever told them that.

The two latest non-fans of New York TV

Check out this interview with Rochester, NY reporter Evan Dawson who apparently had a serious weed to yank with one Vicky Osteen. You will gleefully note she could have answered his question, “Evan, you are a lilliputian twit who can’t say my name right.” And dude would have sped on by with his line of vitriol.

Personally, I’m still full of giggles. Thank you, Evan.

And to maintain my cachinnation, first-class dolt Donald Iloff, Jr., chief of communications from Lakewood Church, thought it would be a good idea to scribe a snarky retort to one Mr. Dawson. Um, bad move. Yeah, he printed it:

I read your interview (one of several she did that day via satellite) and I was struck by your depth of insight.  After all, I have been with the ministry since before Joel was the pastor and I have never once heard him say God wants us to be rich.  Yet, you seem to have found it.  You are surely destined for a national network gig.  They are looking for smart guys like you.  God bless. –Don

To which, young Evan, replied… and posted it online. If you want to experience the same joy I have, please visit the link on WHAM 13 to read whimsical jibes like:

I assume you didn’t appreciate the interview. Let me assure that your judgement [sic] of me – as an anchor angling for some national gig – is incorrect. I feel very fortunate to be here in Rochester, and my wife and I plan to remain here.

Well played, sir. Keep us posted and maybe it will be Donald looking you up again… for a job. You see, thanks to Donny boy’s dimwitted e-mail, the Osteen’s armor has a few more chinks and that life wasn’t as enjoyable, if only for a while.

92-year old “Sister” Soldier taking “nun” of your crap

Meet Elizabeth Mott, one committed sister!

But not “sister” as in fine and full of attitude Missus Foxy Brown. I mean “sister” as in woman of habit, solitude and perpetual penance.

And evidently, lots of Brits in her hometown across the pond tell her she should give up the ghost because her one-woman order is defunct. Um, not so much.

“I’m alive and kicking and so is the Community of the Epiphany,” she said. “It makes me really cross when people say it is defunct. How can that be true when I’m still here?”

“Alive and kicking”?! How many nonagenarians have that kind of spunk? Not to mention, tenacity. She is a gang of one and likes to keep it that way.

The order was founded in 1883. Sister Elizabeth joined it in 1952 at the nubile age of 36, when she helped manage the Sunday School program. In the late 90s, only a trio of nuns remained – one passed in 1999 and the other last year at the spry age of 96!

The Bible tells us if we love God and obey his commands, we shall have a long life. Man! Sister friend here must have a truckload of love for Jesus. Sister Elizabeth: You go girl!

Maybe God doesn’t care about public transportation

Just when you thought public transportation was an answer to prayer in lieu of the gas crisis, comes this ri-dork-ulous story about Atheism, advertising and all things wrong with true free speech out of London.

Evidently, there’s this dolt – Professor Richard Dawkins – who is backing the advertising play of the British Humanist Association to plaster those iconic double-decker buses (among others strolling downtown London) with the following slogan:

“There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.”

Right. Because when I am trying to get to work, collect my check and get there on time, God is usually top-of-mind.

Hanne Stinson, chief executive of the BHA, said: “We see so many posters advertising salvation through Jesus or threatening us with eternal damnation, that I feel sure that a bus advert like this will be welcomed as a breath of fresh air.”

Oh yeah. Anyone care to tempt fate? Ride this friggin’ bus! There you are – finger to the world, nose in the air and heart closed to the heavens – and get caught in traffic damned to be late to work. What happens? “Oh God, help me not get fired?!”

Believe me Hanne, the only fresh air you will be breathing when one of those buses break down is the smell of those riders messing their britches when they worry about how they are getting to the job without the boss thinking they are playing hooky.

As for me? If HiScrivener was based in London, I would be checking out a carpool from my church. At least then, I wouldn’t be a hypocrite when the check engine soon light comes on.

There was a blue God out last night

For those Christians who were baying at the moon watching the sensory overload, 12-headed punditry on any national network watching the presidential-elect coverage noted a slight blue tint in the sky.

The man in the moon was visible from the plains here on earth and seen carrying a “Yes, we can!” sign while illuminating the evening sky. And to capture that is a brilliant post by Beliefnet.com founder Steven Waldman (from whom I snatched a blog title).

In this, he clearly lines up just how Barack Obama was able to win the vote from the Christian nation and even the religious-not-so-right. Here are a few utterings:

• There’s now a bridge on that “God Gap”: McCain only beat Obama by 10 points, as opposed to Bush impaling Kerry on a steeple 61% to 39% in 2004.
• Catholics have done a Mea Culpa: 54% of Roman Catholics voted for… Obama?!
• Protestants and Evangelicals realized there is more to an election than a conservative face: Obama won 61% of folk who call themselves “religious”, 25% of saved and sanctified folk and saw a little smile from Protestants too.

Waldman goes on to opine of Obama’s strategy to reach out to the Church (all plastered on the Wall as well) and even the rise of oddly-dubbed “Religious Left”. So, if you are praying for answers, you couldn’t do worse than to start here.