Pope Benedict tries to hook a “brother” up

Boy, he tiptoed around that persnickety issue, eh?

Pope Benedict XVI – “B16” to the wayfaring evangelicals out there – keeps a busy schedule.

Proclaiming world peace from the Basilica in Rome, fighting against genocide in Rwanda and traipsing down marble-laden staircases in those fancy-shmancy shoes from the “Wizard of Oz” (see the cute picture)… and that’s just the first week.

Well, this week, B16 (oops, did I give it away about HiScrivener) finds himself in front of 300 of his employees – Catholic Bishops – speaking at a mass to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Pope Pius XII’s death, as penned by the AP.

So. Right? Not so much.

This is a big deal because for those not familiar with Yom Hashoah, Zionism or the Holocaust, Pope Pius XII was basically considered to be stuffing his face with pasta while more than six million innocent Jews were being killed by the Aryan nation in Germany.

Pope Benedict XVI gave World War II pontiff Pius XII a push toward possible sainthood and defended his memory from accusations that he did little to spare Jews from the Holocaust. Benedict contended that Pius XII acted silently to save as many Jews as possible and expressed hope that efforts aimed at beatification would proceed smoothly.

Ah, there’s the hook-up. B16 wants P12 to become a saint. In the evangelical world, eh. In the Catholic world, sweet. In the Jewish world, WTF?!

This mild-mannered man who would be Pope shortly before WWII has been called many other things than “Saint Pius.” Monikers that have stained his grave have been: “a man with a blind eyes toward the Jews,” “A Germanophilist”, and of course, “an accomplice to the Fuehrer.”

Um, something tells me the black smoke expelling from the Papal conclave maybe weren’t the burnt ashes of votes but rather the brimstone of hell. Geesh, those sentiments were harsh, but when dealing with harsh reality like this, people aren’t that becoming with praise. Except Pius’ homeboy who took a spin-doctorizing turn on things:

Pius “often acted secretly and silently because, in the light of the concrete realities of that complex historical moment, he saw that this was the only way to avoid the worst and save the largest possible number of Jews.”

Man, sounds like Pope Benedict is running for president and someone just asked him about the bailout. Regretfully, sainthood is something in the Catholic Church that requires phenomenon, not pretermission. Don’t believe me? Meet the well-quoted Rabbi Shear-Yashuv Cohen of Haifa, the first Rabbi to address a Vatican Synod.

“He should not be held up as a model because he did not raise his voice, even if he tried to help us secretly; the fact that he did not speak remains, perhaps because he was afraid… and we can’t forget that.“

Billy Graham: So much for not supporting your own movie

There comes a point in life for those special people when your “legend” outlives – and outdates – your life. The distinguished and amazing Rev. Billy Graham is one such man.

For weeks, the Writing on the Wall has seen inscribed stories about Billy Graham and his biopic hitting screens soon. And thus, the theory.

This is a legend that demands to be put on the big screen, and it so happens that legend knows a guy who has experience putting great Jesus movies in theatres, so you know it’s coming. Only problem with that divine set-up… the “life” doesn’t want this particular “legend” movie. DOH!

But hey, who cares, because the legend lives on, as seen in this loooooong story by the AP.

You see, in PR-speak, if the AP does a story that requires even a single page scroll, it’s hoo-ge. Notes?

“I was attracted to this project for, I think, all the right reasons for me, and spiritually, the things I believe in,” [Director Robby] Benson said. “To me, young Billy is just such a good, decent human being. I wanted to make a movie — this sounds trite — but I wanted to make a movie about goodness.”

You know, Robby. I’m sure old Billy makes a fairly OK one as well. I’m just saying. Yet, the struggles continue in the Graham camp. “Legend” and “Little Legend” (Billy and Franklin to me and you) still don’t want the movie made, but one of the youngest Grahams – Gigi – is an avid supporter and will be probably sitting front row at the premiere.

“Most people know him as a counselor to presidents and addressing the nation, a man with beautiful, silver hair,” said Graham’s daughter, Gigi, who endorses the movie and has spoken at churches where the movie is screened. “They don’t realize he was a tall, gangly fellow who just accepted a call to preach.”

Remarkably, the man’s calling has allegedly gotten the best of him – people. Folk want to see this movie because it’s of him. They want to talk about this movie because it’s of him. And so, the life and legend will merge at a theatre near you.

Gigi Graham said her father at first didn’t want to see the film, but following the visit with [producer Larry] Mortorff at his home, the evangelist asked when he would be able to watch it.

Sweet. A story-book ending to yet another Brickhouse Series. Tweet, tweet, tweet.

God Sighting of the Month: Who is that lady in the window?

Mary, Mary, why you buggin

Another Brick – and resident caterwaul – on the Wall, Kwesi, called it… where is the God Sighting this month?

Evidently, Jesus was too busy with the economy, the war and other prayer necessities, but without fail… his mama showed up in a Springfield, Mass. hospital. The only problem with her visitation is that she is causing quite the hubbub in hospital operations, so as immaculate as she is, she’s got to go.

Only in America.

Hospital officials released a statement Wednesday saying they would remove the window, but would continue to study it over the next few months and may put it on display. Hospital spokesman Mark Fulco said the hospital believes the image is “unique,” but removing the window “is necessary for returning to normal operations.”

Oh, did I mention this is a CATHOLIC hospital?! Yeah, I think the hospital chief of staff will have to say some Hail Mar…er… um… well, never mind. Just call the Vatican. I’m sure there’s an indulgence you can use to get out of this.

Joel Osteen wants to own the air

You know, a guy needs his challenges. Sir Edmund Hillary had Mount Everest, Roger Bannister had the four-minute mile and now this… a megachurch pastor with a slight God complex wants to rule the air no one else has claimed.

As seen in this story from the Washington Post,  a real preacher – Joel Osteen – has chosen to address the “Prince of the Power of the Air.”

Oh wait! Not that guy. The other PPA – the Federal Communications Commission. And why? So he can hold squatter’s rights over white spaces. This should be good…

Joel Osteen sent a letter to the Federal Communications Commission today in protest of the proposal by tech giants Google and Microsoft (among others) to use the unlicensed airwaves, known as white spaces, shared by wireless microphones to provide wireless broadband. The makers of wireless mics are concerned that sharing the airwaves will interfere with their signals and knock their productions off the airwaves.

Can you blame him? Here is Joel discussing how this is (yet again) your best day yet in front of a packed house of 20,000. His drawn-out twang can be heard echoing off the rafters through the stadium’s PA system, then without a moment’s notice, a hip-hop Tejano station interferes with the frequency and folk begin dancing the Samba!

Orale!

All pastors proselytizing in warehouses rock the wireless so they can be further animated with their hands in their pockets because you know they aren’t flipping through any pages in the Bible. What’s odd is how come he is the only griping about this? Either he is the only on-top-of-the-news pastor out there, or other folk just don’t care.

Anyway you look at it, he’ll get his way. Why? He probably sent his lovely wife Victoria to hand-deliver the message, she reminds folk at the FCC what she is capable of doing in close spaces (like an airplane) and they give in out of fear for their own breastseses.

Oh no! I don’t think this milquetoast preacher is looking for the one thing he doesn’t have enough money to buy. But it sure is ironic that he is after “White Spaces“. Huzzah!

Pope B16’s Border Protection Plan

Being a Texan, I hear “Border Talk” almost weekly in this state. Governor Rick Perry wants to throw so much money at the Texas/Mexico border, you’d think the fence was going to be gold plated and diamond encrusted.

And speaking of megalomania, the Pope raised a royal Ruby cradled scepter in the air to declare his own border protection plan, you know, for the entire country. And what is it?

Appealing on behalf of the world’s migrants, Pope Benedict XVI said Christians should put their faith into action and give priority attention to refugees and immigrants. The pope said St. Paul – a “missionary to migrants – should inspire Christians to show solidarity with the diverse world of today’s migrants, including the “victims of modern forms of slavery” and human trafficking.

Migrants have insurmountable hardships, yes. They come to this country looking for a better way of life, true. But, shouldn’t we place a priority on our own land and our own people, Il Papa? Because if we allow ourselves to go to hell, what good will those migrants have over here when we become the Children of the Corn?!

The Apostle Paul was a great example of loving people from all walks of life, but let’s not make the author of 2/3 of the New Testament the patron saint of tourism. You already have a cat for that gig, right?

OK, if this is your campaign now, just own it. Let’s take down all the walls around the Vatican, just in case a migrant wants to make a 1,000-year old basilica his home. Get rid of those Nancys in those striped, fluffy suits that look like gay Spanish conquistadors. And for Pete’s sake, turn over the keys to that Popemobile because a brother from Kuwait wants to take that hooptie out for a spin.

So, in other words, “Mr. Ratzinger, tear down that wall!” Maybe?