Art imitates life as pastor gets ripped off during sermon

Meet Reverend Rob Hamby, a campus minister at Texas Christian University. Last week, he was the visiting pastor at Fort Worth Presbyterian on Sunday where he would preach on showing others mercy.

While stoically delivering the message mid-homiletics, two fools walked into the church, past anyone noticing, into the pastor’s office, STOLE HAMBY’S BAG and went on a $7,600 shopping spree throughout Fort Worth!

The newspaper [Dallas Morning News] reported that about $2,000 in purchases were made on his credit and debit cards before he finished preaching, including the purchase of a $676 diamond ring. In addition to his wallet, Hamby’s computer valued at $2,600 was taken.

Well, that’s sweet because I suppose when you steal a pastor’s wallet, you want to get inspired with your hawk so buy an engagement ring. Why not? I mean, at least this way the man will not forget the anniversary. Good on ya’, girl… out think that dude.

You think Jesus and his turf is exempt from wolves in sheep’s clothing?! Um, ever heard of a fake televangelist? If the flippin’ pulpit isn’t safe, what makes you think demons can’t roam in the back of the house?! Not so much. However, in the event Hamby meets a demon strolling the halls lurking for an open wallet and some unattended bling, he demands manners.

Hamby says he believes in helping those less fortunate – when they ask. “The thing that saddens me is that rather than come to the church and meet face to face about providing for a need that they… they would steal from somebody,” he said.

Makes sense. Because a swarthy spirit likes a little “Emily Post” with his soul- and goods-stealing. Talk about an illustrated sermon, eh?

Pat Robertson earns another distressing distinction

CBN founder, president and resident chieftain, Pat Robertson, did the unthinkable – and for this cat, that’s saying something.

Move over, Lee Marvin, Jim Brown, Charles Bronson and Kojak. Here comes a true false prophet to join the eclectic nouveau “Dirty Dozen” of Papa Bear,  E.T.’s counterpoint, the Hottie Queen of Hot Air and some dude who truly knows the difference between “conservative” and “Republican”.

You see, according to this dubious list from F.A.I.R. (Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting), Pat Robertson joins the latest list of [cue Law & Order doink doink]: Islamophobes, as he continues to proliferate the act of um, “smearcasting”?!

So, why the honor?

Robertson tells the viewers of his signature CBN show, the 700 club, that Islam is “not a religion” but a “worldwide political movement… meant to subjugate all people under Islamic law” (06/12/07). At the same time, he claims Islam is a “bloody, brutal type of religion” (04/28/06) whose followers only “deal with history and truth with violence” and “don’t understand what reasoned dialogue is” (09/25/06).

That’s all it took?! Seriously?! Just look at the picture for crying out loud!

Look here, FAIR, you need to consult your local dictionary because in order to be a “PHOBE” of anything, it must illustrate FEAR. I don’t know if you noticed but this loon ain’t skeered of Islam because he obviously has no clue what it is.

The Nation of Islam is NOT Islam. Terrorists in search of 77 virgins is NOT Islam. Osama is NOT Islam. Dimwits in college clamoring “Assalam Alaikum” is NOT Islam. Listen, here is a non-sequitar analogy for you from HiScrivener:

Jihadist terrorists is to Islam as the KKK is to Christianity.

Does that make any sense? You can’t call some tool “phobic” if they have no “phobe” about being called out. Pat Robertson is definitely one of those people. He has a litany of sound bites to his credit – all disparaging and all embarrassing. In other words, true Muslims claim those crackpots blowing up themselves and everyone within a three-mile radius about as much as true children of God claim this big-eared, open-lipped cold sore on the face of the Church.

If it’s any consolation, FAIR really doesn’t research facts before it bellows out opinion. But then again, isn’t that what journalism has become anyway?!

MOVE 2008: Palin-o-tology puts theology on Alaska’s dime

Sarah Palin was an active child of God, so suffice to say, she enjoyed hearing someone get his or her preach on.

Just as most of us who stop by the Wall, we carry a love for God that supersedes most of what we do on a daily basis.

Most of us have been to a “revival”, a “campmeeting” or went to hear a “featured or guest” speaker at church. They are mostly energizing, inspirational and good to give a fill for the rest of the week.

Sarah Palin is no different, nor should she be. Besides, what else is there to do on a Wednesday night in downtown Wasilla? Hunt moose? Watch Salmon spawn? Shopping for the latest trend in parkas? So, she likes to get her praise on at traveling evangelists’ appearances. Problem?

Well, if you use the hard-earned money of your constituents to travel and tithe, not so much!

What she didn’t tell worshippers gathered at the Wasilla Assembly of God church in her hometown was that her appearance that day came courtesy of Alaskan taxpayers, who picked up the $639.50 tab for her airplane tickets and per diem fees.

Girl, what are you thinking? I realize your state is topographically disconnected from the United States of America, but you are still a part of the United States of America. There is this pesky “church and state” issue sticking his wart-ridden nose in Christian’s business. Maybe you have heard of it?

That said, you are a GOVERNOR of a state. I’m sure you can dish out 640 bucks to not have your church waste the honorarium. Come on!

Since she took state office in late 2006, the governor and her family have spent more than $13,000 in taxpayer funds to attend at least 10 religious events and meetings with Christian pastors, including Franklin Graham, the son of evangelical preacher Billy Graham, records show.

GULP! Well, then again, it is Alaska. It’s not like she is making six figures to do her gig. Right?

For youth groups, Jesus seems to be the only high

Not typically a venerable resource for news, the publication made from hemp paper High Times, wrote an article about Jesus, children and a topic they know much about – hippie lettuce! Huh?!

Evidently, when a young person puffs about Jesus, they pass on the joint.

“Some may think this is an obvious finding, but research and expert opinion on this issue have not been consistent,” said BYU sociology professor Stephen Bahr and an author on the study. “After we accounted for family and peer characteristics, and regardless of denomination, there was an independent effect that those who were religious were less likely to do drugs, even when their friends were users.“

That sound you hear is youth pastors everywhere shouting for joy and praising God. Why? Because young people aren’t just using Wednesday nights to hook up, send text messages and get away from their parents’ house.

Trust me, there are more thugs and punks in high schools who have access to weed than you think. Peer pressure is everywhere, and for Godly youth to “Just Say No” is a refreshing thing.

Despite other folk abusing the Bible to make rolling zig-zags a dogmatic principle, faith in God does make a difference in the lives of these young people. The Bible has truth in it that passes all understanding… and it shows:

“Previously, it was thought that if someone grew up in a religious community and went to church, then the community’s religious strength would make a difference,” Bahr said. “We basically found that this was not the case. Individual religiosity is what makes the difference.”

MOVE 2008: Wall of Doubt

As HiScrivener sits here cramming popcorn, laughing esoterically and waxing philosophical, I have been wondering if this election is a done deal? Has McCain done enough to make himself palatable to Christians? Has Obama done so much to romance the Church? Has it even mattered to you?

Whatever the case, welcome to the “Wall of Doubt”, our new series of polls in here. Enjoy opining and the gaiety. Peace.