Top 100 Movies for Christians… so to speak

It’s been a while, and since summer ir looming, why not? Time for another list. Huzzah!

Only this one may surprise you a skosh. No thanks to ChristianColleges.com, we discover the “100 All-time Best Movies for Christians.”

(Yes… no thanks. You’ll see.)

So, you would think big players would be overtly Jesus-esque films like “The Passion of the Christ.” And then there’s the movies about God’s generals like “The 10 Commandments” and its sister film “The Prince of Egypt.” Biblical tenet flicks have to make the list for those who enjoyed the recent “Fireproof” and perhaps the not-so-recent “End of the Spear.”

However, I’ll give you a blank check if you can name the #1 Christian movie of all time. G’head, I’ll wait. Time’s wasting. Tick-tock.

Thank God for this movie, I guess.

That sound you hear is the pervasiveness of crickets… in a church, no less.

Survey Says: Iron Will. HUH?!

I mean any flick about puppies has to be cute. Use the uh, challenged kid from the Facts of Life and I’ll give you a straight-to-DVD adventure.

So, immediately I would venture to say the validity of this cockamamie list is in question if Mackenzie Astin can whoop up on Sir Charlton Heston and any fart-and-fall-down movie TBN has cranked out.

But, this collection of misfit flicks is, if anything, diverse. Evidently, Rudy’s kid brother needs to challenge the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences about getting duped on all those “Best Actors” awards they hand out annually.You see, the Dog Whisperer here has beat out some of Hollywood’s elite.

Now, I love Jesus but this is ridiculous. Those slammed by the acting savvy of this entertainment wunderkind are:

• #4 – Chariots of Fire. Followed by…
• #5 – Woman, Thou Art Loosed. Um, I’m pretty sure “Chariots” soundtrack outsold this epic
• #13 – Dead Man Walking. Because riding a dog slams what Sean Penn did in this dopey movie
• #21 – The Matrix. Sounds like the authors of this list took the blue pill
• #41 – Ben-Hur. Astin was an Iditarod gladiator, somewhat
• #46 – Schindler’s List. Holocaust. Sad Puppies. Sure, I would sway one way over the other for sure
• #51 – Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Which beat out…
• #54 – The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Well, it was a golden ticket. Come on.
• #59 – The Passion of the Christ. Yeah, I thought this cheeseball movie sucked too.
• #95 – It’s a Wonderful Life. You realize, my eyes are full of tears of laughter now
• #100 – The Muppet Christmas Carol. Blasphemous, ain’t it?

You know, I am anonymous for legal reasons but suffice to say, my name is not Roger Ebert, Leonard Maltin or some ne’er-do-well staffer from Rotten Tomatoes. But even I would have done a better job than this half-baked, without sleep and possibly illiterate. I’m just saying.