Archive for April, 2009

pussinbootsSad, doe-eyed stare should be inferred, but in case you need some help of how sad I stand in the shadows…

I mean look at me… er, that picture. I establish “HiScrivener Is Me” and no one. Not a peek. Not a bug. Nada. Nolo Contendre. Sniff sniff…

Feel free to check out the Facebook (or even become a fellow Twit) pages.

You know, if you have nothing better to do. 🙂

100 days. Oh, how fast they have gone. And what do we have to show for them?

Well, in case you have no clue, our President will be reminding you of those accomplishments with tonight’s news conference (except on FOX – gee, ya’ think that’s not a political “bite me”? Shameful).

Perhaps, the two things you won’t hear our fearless leader discuss is “What the eff was that fool doing with his plane buzzing the tower at Ground Zero?!” (I mean, stupid!) and anything about his faith.

obama_matrixAfter all, he did go out of his way to court the Christian vote, so at least we should be kept apprised of his ecumenical exploits as he dodges every vitriol-ridden bullet in the media (note the picture). So, thanks to U.S. News & World Report, we have the Top 10 Obama Faith Moments.

[Cue timpani drum roll and away we go… until the next 100 day countdown is over]

10. Faith Round Table at the Inauguration – Although Rick Warren really shined during his inauguration prayer, others representing “faith” did not so much including Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal church. You know, he believes in the entire Bible… save a few scriptures found in the Old Testament. Too-mato, Toe-mah-to. Meh?

9. Saving his First Presidential Interview for an Arabic Network – I’m thinking he would like a redo on this, because his communications team took a beating for this faux-pas. He became a pugilist fighting the rumor mill about Barack Obama beginning life as Barack X, and then he does this?! I get his heritage, but you have 300 million people who hold that part of you with complete subjection. Even CNN & MSNBC wanted to cuss him out.

8. Lifting the Ban on “Family Planning” Groups South of the Border – Otherwise known as the “Mexico City Policy” (get it?), Obama went straight after the scowl of anti-abortion groups. Evidently, his “new Democratic tack on abortion” had nothing to do with Democracy. I didn’t get a vote. You? And he even did it on the Roe V. Wade anniversary. So sweet.

7. Praying with the Troops – This is highly commendable. Although it’s outside D.C., when Obama shows up at a mucho vetted and notably commissioned rally, it opens in prayer. Now, granted, if Bush would have done this, it would have been the Apocalypse, but eh… at least God gets his props, so it’s a wash for me.

6. Faith-based Office Redux – Bush created it. Obama obliterated it. The Office of Faith Based and Community Initiatives, um… Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships is our President’s take on what this sacred seat should be. Oh sure, his goal is to make churches hire ANYONE outside of faith, but hopefully activist groups will stand up. Oh… they’re still sitting down on this issue… OK, well, enjoy your new, interesting cube mates at your church gig.

obama-change5. Faith-based, Non-surgical Enhancements – So, after he dumbed down the Faith-based office to focus on Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood and singing Kumbaya with Imams, Rabbis, Kohens, Buddhists Monks and those fools selling insurance in airports, Obama decided to create a “Faith Advisory Council.” This group of esteemed, ecumenical insiders would basically do the same job the aforementioned choral group would do. Only know, they have their own stationery. At least they feel important, which is why we really use taxpayer money. Isn’t that what really matters?

4. Joe Biden Gets Ashy – Catholics around the world observe Lent, not just out of necessity, but it’s sarcosanct. They don’t need a presser, news conference or the like, but good ol’, train-driving Joe “Veep” Biden had to make his trip to the conclave a photo opportunity (and don’t think it was anything otherwise). Faith is important, even in the White House. But isn’t there a scripture or two about putting your alms before men? Maybe it’s just me. Good thing his lotion was handy. That stuff is a pain to get out of freshly copied confidential memos, or so I’ve heard.

3. Petal Up for Those Stems – It was expected, but not so soon after Obama took his oath, he reversed Bush’s limits on federal funding for embroynic stem-cell research. See, people equate offering up stem cells for “research” as granting access to a womb of an eight-month child in utero. Legalistic for some. Malevolent for many. But prayerfully, God’s Word prevails here: “As for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” If there is a sacrifice to be made, let it count for something.

2. Catholics Fight for their Nourishing Mother – Many presidents have given commencement speeches, but when Obama made public he was jet-setting to Notre Dame, the Catholic Church freaked out. He may be the nation’s president (yes, whether you voted for him or not… so please stop with the anti-American drivel), but he is not going to win a “Papal Favorite Guy” contest any time soon. Pity. I’ll bet Obama would rock the Papal robes and bling.

1. Jive “Turkey” – Not only was his first TV interview reserved for a Muslim network, but his first presidential appearance in a foreign land was in a Muslim nation. Don’t get me wrong, and I have argued many times that Muslims – although we differ theologically – are wonderful, amazing human beings. However, look at this from a Judeo-Christian, we-hate-terrorists-and-lump-them-into-the-global-Muslim-gene-pool perspective. If I have learned anything in my craft, it’s “Perception is reality.” No, it’s not fair, but you can’t tell 300 million people what they see isn’t actually what they think. The longest 18 inches in the world is the path from someone’s brain to their heart. You “feel” me?

Meet Joe Lepore, a dedicate guitar maker – and obvious misanthrope stricken with glaucoma – from New Glouster, Maine.

jesus-on-a-guitarDude makes himself a gee-tar, and four days later, Jesus makes a special appearance on the headstock.

No? You don’t see him? Look at the etchings that appears to have bolted from the set of “The Blair Witch Project.” See it?

Yeah, that’s our risen Savior spooking out all music and worship aficionados.

Of course, I would have been more impressed if the guy etched… er, if Jesus appeared on this tool’s Les Paul with the markings he endured en route to the cross.

At least then, it would have looked authentic.

I insist, it’s nothing to fret about. (Thanks. I’m here all week and twice on weekends).

[Breaking linkage about this story: As of 9/14/09, this story has been linked in many national hot beds. Regretfully, not because of the content, but rather the picture. My source tag vanished but this was indeed lifted from Promise Keepers’ footage in 1997, “Standing in the Gap.” Thanks all for the link love and hat tips. Peace.]

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

NEWS FLASH: The economy sucks.

I know, breaking news, but hey, we’re here for you.

Some of the most affected businesses during these tumultuous times are faith-based and non-profits. Many are cutting corners, getting things on the cheap and dawning the sackcloth & ashes for donations just to “arrive” at the front door.

Before...

Before...

In the heyday of ministry outreach, people would fill stadiums and give $1000s without flinching for the betterment of the Gospel.

One such ministry was Promise Keepers. Actually, it was more like a movement in the 90s.

One that moved upon the men of this nation with brilliant marketing, highly respected leaders and a niche message for men… by men.

Fast forward to the Oughts. No more stadiums. The speakers have checked out. And Coach McCartney even came out of “retirement” to energize the base.

What? You haven’t heard? Yeah, that’s how good the marketing has been these days too.

So, the Colorado-based ministry needed a spark to light the fires of revival again. And, according to the story in Yahoo!, they named that spark, “Woman.” Huh?!

After 20 years of men-only events, Denver-based Promise Keepers is urging men to bring “the women in their lives” to a July 31-Aug. 1 conference marking the group’s anniversary. “It’s time for Promise Keepers men to step up and honor women,” Raleigh Washington, the group’s president, said Monday. “We’re going to heal the gender divide that exists in America. What better way to challenge a man than nose to nose with his wife, his mother, his sister?” he said.

Well, that’s uh, sweet. But riddle me this: Do you really expect us to believe it 20 years for some dude to think up that gem? Out of all the man-law meetings the PK executives have had in the Mile High city, not one guy has thought, “Um, can I invite my wife?” No? Oh, well then perhaps you wouldn’t mind this:

Promise Keepers filled football stadiums and boasted a $117 million budget in the mid-1990s, but has struggled to find an identity since. Revenues declined for several years to about $10.9 million in 2007, according to its tax forms. This year’s budget is $7.5 million, Washington said.

Let’s see, what do men have in common with women? Gender? No. Temperment? Nah. Spirituality? No way. Wait! Money? We have a winner.

...and after

...and after

Forgive the snark, but if you would have just come out and said, “We’re looking to expand our horizons as a means to capture the audiences we had back in the day,” we could respect that. But to church it up with the P.C.-gender divide talk, and keep N.O.W. off your case (because, let’s be honest, NOW doesn’t care unless you are in the news), is foolish at the very least and hypocritical at the most.

And, did anyone catch who’s actually coming to the party? “The women in their lives.”

What used to be about “Men of Integrity” is now open for “men who are shacked up”, “baby daddies” and “fellas who just want to bring a date.” Classy.

Maybe the PK events will be back to where they used to be and the economy will stop being the final determinant. And maybe then, they can go back to the original idea of “Promise Reapers”. If you have a gripe about the focus, let them know. Since its all about integrity, they should respond. And if not, holler at these guys… it’s where the spin came from in the first place.

Memo to PK (and your PR team): It’s not the gender divide of which you have to worry; it’s the divide among men who used to call themselves Promise Keepers thanks to this jackleg move.

obama-jesus-and-satan

Who knows?!

We all remember the Barackstar’s rally cry of “Yes, we can.” If you had a pulse and didn’t subscribe to the Aryan Nation newsletter, it gave you chills.

It was the gathering of all countrymen. It was a microcosm of unity. It was the culmination of a dream. But did you know, it was also Satan worship?

Oh sure. While the Obamas traipsed out on stage to accept the presidency in Chicago, and the throngs collected in Grant Park, there was a pentagram spray painted in the grass and a freshly dawned goat skull where back in the Expedition.

What? You didn’t know?

Listen, the dude gets on my nerves as much as the other common man who has no more money to give to big business who has no accountability and spends our cash like they are at a swap meet (oh, did I say too much?), but this video causing many with a weed to believe the satire above is hilariously ridiculous.

Seriously, someone has too much time on their hands. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a child of the glorious 80s when backmasking was awesome, but this is something.

So, turn up your speakers, grab that funny liquid thing by your Velvet Elvis and black light, and prepare to get the munchies. Enjoy.