Christian reality shows are “Uprising” on TV

During the HOLY days, I was checking out my favorites online and found a peculiar story on Ima Blogger that tickled me senseless and caused me to troll my TiVo. To further extend the plight of how the Church needs to find an original idea comes “Christian Reality TV”.

The story is from ABC News, which includes a video guaranteed to cause a giggle or two.

“The Uprising,” which launched on the Inspirational Network, features a trio of Christian pro skateboarders who try to convert people on the street. The cast includes Christian Hosoi, who said he got out of prison a few years ago after being locked up for possession of and intent to distribute crystal meth.

Before I get into the ratings coup this is sure to bring in, let’s discuss something that has always puzzled me about good-minded church folk. Why in the world are we the only ones who demand known by a moniker rather than our lifestyle? “Christian pro skateboarders”?

Maybe it’s just me, but I have found in the Yellow Pages, most businesses who advertise with an ichthus are the shady ones with a poor work ethic. [Fighting. So hard. Not to list names. I’ve dealt with. Struggling.] Why can’t we be known as our profession, and just happen to be great Christians in the process?! That’s a testimony – being known by the fruit of your labor. There’s something biblical there, but maybe I’m wrong.

Yeah, it's those guys

So, we have these skateboarders who go to church and love the Lord, and they get a TV show. So, what’s the difference between them and “The Bachelor,” “American Idol” or any drivel stirred up by MTV and VH1?

“I think the difference about our reality show,” cast member Jay Haizlip said, “is that a majority of the ones out there are degrading. They all have a huge element of rejection. It’s all about elimination. It’s all about, ‘We don’t need you anymore so we’re going to dispose of you.'”

As opposed to hell, which will dispose of all sinners, right? Anywhoo… carry on.

“I think there obviously is an element of that, that does appeal to people,” Haizlip said. “But I think the thing that is causing our reality show to blow up to the degree that it is, is because there is that part of compassion that is in people, as well, and watching this program is waking that up in them.”

Listen, I think this is great and will open up their ministries like gangbusters. It takes a special breed to do street evangelism, and these guys have moxie. Good for them… but a TV show? Do we not have any other ideas for Jesus TV? I have a few, for those of you who work for TBN:

1. 30 lovelorn folk in the same church, all angling to hook up with this youth pastor. It’s up to the pastor to find the scripture quoting – and living – chic in the mix. Call it “Cross my heart”. Nice, eh?
2. What about a cooking breakfast show? Farm it out to the Food Network about six “Christian Chefs” who discover while they are fighting for the same time slot, they are all from vastly different denominations. Call that “Unequally Yoked.” I got more.
3. For the educated pundits, we gather a bunch of post-grad theology students in a class room with homosexuals and evolutionists. Best exegisis of Sodom and Gomorrah wins. Call it “Who you calling a Homosapien”?! (Inspired by the Christian parody here)
4. Maybe a singing contest where all the people involved do nothing but craft tunes about the rapture. Call it “A Pack of Lips” (instead of “Apocalypse“. OK, it’s a stretch).

That’s it. I’m dry. Tip your waiters.

GOBAMA: Back in the “Saddle” again?

Evidently, Barack Obama didn’t loathe Rick Warren too bad after the much-maligned and -celebrated “Saddleback Forum”, because they are still BFFs… or are they?

According to CNN, President-elect Obama is making tidal waves instead of smooth ripples for his historic inauguration by selecting a friendly face to kick it all off in prayer:

Prominent liberal groups and gay rights proponents criticized President-elect Barack Obama Wednesday for choosing evangelical pastor Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at the presidential inauguration next month.

What cracks me up is the uber-liberals are swooning because they think they voted for the wrong guy. Additionally, the mega-conservative is calling up their friends asking, “Is this the same guy we couldn’t stand?”

So, what’s the explanation behind the BarackStar’s actions? Campaigning!

He campaigned for more than two years for the office, and once he got it, he began jocking for the seat in four more years with his cabinet posts, and now this?!

The cat’s a machine – you know, soulless, automated and constantly looking for a power source?

Trust me, Body of Christ, there is nothing sincere about having Rick Warren at that lectern other than the fact Obama will use B-roll in four years to tout his commitment to evangelicals. And it will probably work among the sheep. Obama knows it, Warren knows it and the respective folk’s PR guys know it too.

“[It’s] shrewd politics, but if anyone is under any illusion that Obama is interested in advancing gay equality, they should probably sober up now,” Andrew Sullivan wrote on the Atlantic Web site Wednesday.

Oh, for these four years, sober up indeed. But the next four years, unless the Republicans come up with some wunderkind candidate (or you know, unify behind a cause) then sobering is out the window because they will party like it’s 1999 – and drink like the booze costs that much too.

So, um, is there a petition to pray for gout or some such? If so, I may sign that thing.

The Church of England decks the halls with boughs of P.C.

May as well throw employment in there too

What the heck is going with the Anglican Church in Jolly Ol’ England? Extreme Makeover: Christmas Edition?!

When I think of Christmas, I envision three wise dudes bearing gifts, angels with clarion messages and sweet baby Jesus. However, some priests in the Anglican Church have decided to create a new Christmas story, one more to their sardonic liking:

But now Hindu snowmen, a Chinese dragon and a Jewish temple are also to be included in an attempt to make the celebrations more inclusive of Britain’s diverse communities. Westminster Abbey will unveil life-size snowmen that Anglican clergy hope will help to improve relations and dialogue between other faiths. Dressed in turbans, with bindi dots on their foreheads, they are intended to demonstrate that Christmas should not be exclusively for Christians.

The Rev Jane Hedges, a canon at the abbey, said that it was important to encourage people from other faiths to join in the celebrations. “We’ve done this as it creates a good opportunity for Christians to meet and hear about the stories of people of other faiths,” she said. “Christmas is an opportunity for everyone to stop and think and is a great opportunity for the different faiths to talk to one another. “Wherever you’re coming from there should be something to celebrate at Christmas.”

Christmas is the most beautiful time of the year… namely for CHRISTIANS! Why is that so difficult to decipher?!

People don’t buy Hindu trees, Muslim presents or a Buddha ornament for said twig and garland. Now there is that thing about Santa Claus being an anagram for Satan… well, Claus, but I don’t hear that being brought up in “Universalism 101 Bible Study”

MEMO to Rev. Jane of the Apes here: Any day is a good opportunity for different faiths to talk to one another, it’s called work. However, if you are so consumed with homily that you can detect the right time to actually live one out, then there is a lot more you should be doing to discuss Christ than a stupid celebration round the old oak tree.

However the smarmy side of me wonders what Easter would be like at this dumb chic’s church? What, a rabbit being lifted out of the earth, with a halo taped to its ears and then every Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu and Atheist can take turns in punditry debating the bunny’s existence.

Good times.

Junior Schuller makes an exodus to find his own “power”

...open up the door and where's all the people? Junior?

You know, life must be interesting at the Robert Schuller household around the holidays this time of the year.

It’s horrible being unemployed during Christmas, but even worse when your own father is the one who gave you the boot, as posted on the Wall last month.

But buck up Junior Schuller, you’re still a pastor at your old man’s church, aren’t you? Well, aren’t you?

Yeah, about that… if he can’t be TV pastor, he doesn’t want to be pastor at all, so the Junior Schuller handed his curmudgeon father his resignation to make his own ministry, according to the L.A. Times.

And evidently, the “Amway convention” motif (also posted on your friendly neighborhood Wailing Wall) is the cause behind all of this ballyhoo.

Church founder Robert H. Schuller removed his son as the sole preacher on the 39-year-old television show after the younger Schuller, three years into the job, refused to rotate his role with other pastors, the church said. “We know he’s been working diligently on plans. It’s probably a bit premature. We’re giving him plenty of time,” [some dude with the Crystal Cathedral] Mysse said. “It’s just a question of when he wants to announce it. Frankly, that’s his business.”

Sorry, Holmes. See those 10,000 people who call this church “theirs”? It’s their business too. See, if they didn’t tithe, you would be putting your Benz on hawk and settling for a Yugo like the rest of us these days.

Junior Schuller was popular – well, as popular as that boring telecast could be. But because he wouldn’t allow other people speak in his pulpit, the old man got persnickety and gave him a pink slip.Can you blame him? What pastor shares his pulpit on a bi-weekly basis with evangelists?! Once every other month, sure. Bi-weekly, no chance.

And so he’s off to find his own “Hour of Power” – scorned, hurting and free from dear ol’ Dad’s ire.

I’m sure they will be back on speaking terms by next Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I’ll tell you this. When Junior Schuller does strike his own TV deal, don’t be looking for Dad to grace that pulpit anytime soon. I hear Junior just doesn’t roll that way, regardless the coot who wants to speak.

Latin American Irony: “Aging happens only to old people”

Dateline: Latin America

You have seen the country, whether live or on TV. You know the stereotype. Heck, forget the stereotypes… I would like to see someone that looks like me build a house that quick, that well for that little. What. Ever.

So, suffice to say, you want to keep that population as active as possible because the states wouldn’t be half as developed as it without these guys making up the labor force. Well, you would, right?

Apparently not if you ask – you know – Latin Americans, thanks to this story from Catholic News Wire.

In a country where half the population is under 30 and it is common for help-wanted ads to state that no one over 28 need apply, older adults are not a priority for politicians and services are scarce… Throughout Latin America, societies, governments and even the Catholic Church tend to think of older adults as a burden – when they are considered at all.

I’m not poly-lingual, own Rosetta Stone or am all that enlightened, but I believe you say “retirement” in Espanol as “tren-een-tah”.

There is a common belief that “aging only happens to old people,” said Ximena Romero, coordinator of the Latin American Gerontology Network.

Yeah, about that? DUH! So, why is this a deified issue on the Wall?

Considering that Latin America is the region with the widest gap between rich and poor, Christian communities are called to “promote solidarity between generations,” Romero said.

How are we supposed to do that between generations when we can’t even do that between denominations?! Folk in different churches argue over bake sales and baptisms, being filled with the Spirit and being full of spirits. What in the world make you think we will get along to discuss antediluvian riddles of moth-eaten bottles of Ben Gay?

Now, that’s an age-old question right there. Wake me when there’s an answer. In the meantime, I’m calling this seasoned guy I know to mow my grass. Peace.