“You better watch out”: Christmas brings the worst in people

A rotund belly. Rosy red cheeks. A bellowing “ho ho ho”. And now, a wrinkled and thick middle finger to all the haters out there.

It’s bad enough people want to take the CHRIST out of Christmas with protests at shopping centers, but now those heinous heathens are using holiday jingles to do it, as seen by this story in the Houston Chronicle.

Ads proclaiming, “Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness’ sake,” will appear on Washington, D.C., buses starting next week and running through December. The American Humanist Association unveiled the provocative $40,000 holiday ad campaign Tuesday.

Seriously? In lieu of the economy and despite Yuletide joy, these dimwits get together, sharing their swill and come up with this as an effective ad campaign. Who would get amped up over this bit of advertising genius? I mean this has the sex appeal of a school bus fire. Come on!

Does anyone understand how real Jesus MUST be?!

There are no advertising campaigns to bash the fat belly out of Buddha. No marketing outreaches to reinforce Christ really isn’t part of the season to the Atheist Colony. No grassroots efforts that sheds light upon the reason for cooking ham to the Muslims. So why attack Jesus? He is real. No other explanations, well, unless you believe this tool:

“We are trying to reach our audience, and sometimes in order to reach an audience, everybody has to hear you,” said Fred Edwords, spokesman for the humanist group. “Our reason for doing it during the holidays is there are an awful lot of agnostics, atheists and other types of non-theists who feel a little alone during the holidays because of its association with traditional religion.”

So, wasting your money is to save the self-esteem of a few turds out there vocal about a losing battle?! You know, the holidays are lot like a bad TV show. If you don’t like it, ignore it. Don’t decorate your house. Don’t go to the mall. Don’t watch the Burl Ives classics. Don’t move your calendar until the following year. For the rest of us, we will be enjoying CHRISTmas, singing “Away in a Manger” and invading Starbucks like a holy crusade.

Ah, Joy to the World!

GOBAMA: A vote for the BarackStar is a vote for hell

You have heard the empty claims. We have all seen the puns, pings and purported testimony on his rather unfortunate middle name. And who could forget his pastor, Rev. Wright?

But one Pastor Mark Holick of Wichita, Kansas believes all those who voted for the BarackStar sinned big time and should repent… or else.

“The main point of the marquee is to cause Christians to understand he’s not a Christian,” said Pastor Mark Holick of Spirit One. “They call and tell me he’s not a Muslim he’s a Christian. That’s not the point. The point is he’s not a Christian.”

My point is how in the H-E-double hockey sticks does Pastor Holick know that?!

I realize anyone can quote scripture on a good day, much like Barack Obama did throughout his campaign, but did this super sleuth pastor get some tape of the president-elect selling bean pies on the corner of the downtown square? Did he trip over him and his security detail in the mall because they were prostrate on their prayer rugs?

Seriously, folks. THIS is what is wrong with the Church today.

One fool’s opinion becomes FACT the moment he proselytizes this bigotry from the pulpit. And from there, rumors get started based on ignorace and prejudice. He doesn’t know… nor would know a Muslim if he was handed a pamphlet about the “Five Pillars” during Ramadan. Yet, he has information that has alluded the FBI and is breaking the news from Wichita, Kansas.

Nice. Hey, uh Pastor, instead of asking your church to wish our president straight to hell, you may want to entertain a few prayers for the guy. God knows with the cracked crew of Biden, Pelosi and Reid, he could use all the help he can get. But hey, what do I know, I’m not a pastor of a church. Good on ya’, Rev.

Russian priest: “Someone stole our church brick by brick”

The poor church in the midst of theft. Well, maybe not.

Outside of Moscow, Russia comes yet another strident reason – and this seriously strange story – why the Church needs to employ security guards.

I know it may not look that appealing with people trying to enjoy service while these 6’4″ blockheads guard the altar from terrorist attack, but evidently a staff of armed disciples may prevent theft from the offering plates, the pastor from getting bum rushed and uh, the church being stolen BRICK BY BRICK! Huh?!

The Church of Christ’s Resurrection, in the central Russian village of Komarovo, was built in 1809 but in early October someone took it away brick by brick, Father Vitaly a spokesman for the local Russian Orthodox Church, told Reuters… The church was in an isolated area only occasionally visited by clergymen, so the disappearance was not immediately noticed.

So, that’s how religion is rolling back in the U.S.S.R – sermon by absentee ballot and by-proxy belief?!

Missing a Sunday night service in lieu of football every once in a while, I can understand. Not being at church in so long that some fool with waaay too much time on his hands can steal your antiquitous sanctuary brick-by-brick, that makes me think the pastor may need to find a new line of work.

Scratch that, he probably did, is working the night shift and that’s how it happened! My only hope is Father Vitaly’s congregation figured out the church repossession before this article came out. Talk about a come to Jesus meeting.

30 years! And still we drink the Kool-aid

Just needs some huge shades and mutton chops

November 18, 1978.

That, too, is a date that will live in infamy when 909 people died of cyanide poisoning in the largest mass suicide in recorded history. And for what? A plague that still infects the Church to this very day 30 years later.

Vanity.

It’s a riddle of the universe yet to be mastered, always asked to no one who can answer. King Solomon gave it a shot once, and got really close. Problem with that is his answer is buried in the Old Testament and no one seems to remember it. Here goes:

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter [his quest for all things riches, power and vain]: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

That was the problem in Guyana, and it’s the problem now with all these pulpit pimps, Web charlatans and false ‘profits’. There’s no fear, only vanity. The very rub Solomon found back in his day has scrubbed the hair off the backs of fools like Jim Jones, et al.

And for his narcissism – Jimmy’s not Solomon’s – we have an all-too-familiar catch phrase about a sugary drink of yummyness. If a church staff stops acting like THE Church, they are what? “Drinking the Kool-aid.” If a pastor ceases to act saved and just plays it safe. He is “drinking the Kool-aid.” If dumb sheep… er, followers of a fraud carry out an initiative that is both tomfoolery and shameful, they are “drinking the Kool-aid.”

Well, now that half the body of Christ has diabetes, MSNBC has done a fabulous documentary on the Kool-aid man and we will all remember where the search for vanity began and how dreadfully it ended. Today, although there are no deaths, the ending some naive Christians discover is no more dreary.

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Church of the Holy Sepulcher: Monks Gone Wild!

More unfortunate news from one of the most sacrosanct sites on the planet, as noted by Yahoo and AP.

Evidently, who needs those pesky, ferocious lions? Just let the Christians beat the holy @$#& out of each other [been waiting for the right time for that pun]. Now that’s entertainment, as it was at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. Good times!

So, while you are enjoying the hubbub and ballyhoo, understand the people fighting ARE MONKS! Not prized fighters of puglism. They aren’t even drunk halfwits arguing about O.J. or Rodney King. These are men who have consecrated their lives to poverty, sacrifice and servantitude for Jesus! So why are they fighting?

The clash between Armenian and Greek Orthodox monks broke out in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, revered as the site of Jesus’ crucifixion, burial and resurrection. The brawling began during a procession of Armenian clergymen commemorating the 4th-century discovery of the cross believed to have been used to crucify Jesus.

Isn’t that like two dolts bashing the bejeebers out of each other for a notable home run ball in the cheap seats. With one crack of the wood, it’s carnage! And now, we see the predecessor… the wood of the Cross causing all this havoc. I’m sure this isn’t what Jesus meant as “brotherly love.”

Monks, I implore you, can’t we all get along? In case you haven’t read your theological books lately, Jesus Christ is off that cross and is risen. You know, hanging out in heaven, sitting by the Father’s right hand and waiting to return for his Church on some bold steed.

Seeing how this donnybrook broke out during “The Feast of the Cross,” stay tuned for what’s to come during Thanksgiving when one monk says to the other, “Pass the wooden plate of candied yams.”