Ruth Graham is cracking off looking for s’more

Graham… chocolate… S’mores… is this thing on?

OK, OK, so the headline was a tad sparse and a bit of a stretch, but really, she’s a GRAHAM. As in, you know, this dude?

So, it’s a teensy bit strange you find the third of his kids angling for a familiar line of work – ministering the Gospel and creating another ministry touting the old man’s name, according to the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette.

Evidently, her focus for ministry is speaking out for those who won’t speak on the “unspoken issues” plaguing the Church today like a child’s teen pregnancy, drug use and eating disorders, infidelity and suffering through a loser spouse’s “rebound marriage.” And from the story:

These low points eventually led her in 2004 to form a ministry, Ruth Graham & Friends, that helps others address problems that she said are too often ignored in the Christian community. “Once we’re in the church, we pretend all the sinners are on the outside. We want to keep the rules, and when we can’t, we become shameful and pretend we have it all together,” Graham said in an interview. “The world is tired of plastic Christians,” she said. “I was tired of being a plastic Christian. I told everybody I had it all together, and I was falling apart. And I was scared to death to tell somebody.”

The Grahams: No woman, no cry.

Nice, nice and again I say, nice!

Aside from a casual read-over on a biography of the grand Billy Graham, I have never heard of the third of his kiddos. And now I know why. Amazing how a skilled public relations team can keep issues like this out of the ire of a sneering press and few psychotic ne’er-do-wells who loathe God.

But with snappy, transparent quotes like that, who needs ’em?!

That was beautiful! Forget the pews… the pulpits are chock-full-o’ Barbie & Kens and it’s because of THEM hurting and scorned sheep can’t locate safety and solace in the arms of a neighborhood church for fear of being judged and marked for jokes and condemnatory fingers.

It’s shameful that a ministry like this is necessary, but it’s also about time. Oh sure, your church and mine has its local, congenial ministries but nothing carrying this kind of name power dealing with those sins bustled in the closet in quite some time.

Here’s to hoping she keeps bashing those thunder sticks together to scare the roaches out from under the rocks instead of creating another speaking opportunity for rather noteworthy brother. Ruthie, you go girl! Just go fast… the Church needs you.

How would Jesus drive?

We have spray painted this topic twice on the Wall already – secondhand witnessing.

I love Christian shirts and jewelry. I enjoy carrying my Bible around. But my car? That’s a world untouched by the marks of religion, CCM radio stickers or the friendly ichthus, because even I drive like a bat of hell at times and don’t want people to think, “Christians. Geesh” as I scream by running late to work. Hey, it happens.

Well, in the aforementioned post, we discuss a tool of a man, a pastor and driver’s safety class nightmare – Thomas Howell.

Ol’ Rev. here was a little terse at a young lady on the road, cuts her off, pulls out a GUN and threatens to make her meet Jesus personally by shooting her. Keep it classy, Pastor.

Today, we read in this AP report, his case went to court and the verdict is in…

A 71-year-old Cincinnati preacher convicted of waving a gun and threatening another driver won’t be going to jail. A Hamilton County judge on Thursday sentenced Thomas Howell to two years’ probation and 100 hours of community service on his conviction for aggravated menacing.

Well, I wasn’t looking for this guy to lose his life over the awful witnessing and horrendous act of kindness. His job on the other hand? Ah well. Live and learn. Hopefully he did.

More proof to send the Ichthus back to sea

This has already been a fun post on the Wall, but it begs repeating, what’s the use of the Ichthus?!

I understand its creation in the early Church and how it was subterfuge for believers who would drag their feet a certain way, but today, it’s more “Secondhand Witnessing” as stated so well in this blog post on “Today’s Christian Woman.”

“HiScrivener, it’s an expression of my faith and everyone on the freeway can see I love Jesus.” I get that, but you ain’t perfect, leadfoot. Folk get on our nerves driving such as blue hairs in the fast lane, people on BIKES in the slow lane and what seems to be the visually impaired driving big pick-em up trucks who can’t decide what lane they want to be in at all. I’m just saying your nerves are the devil’s playground too, Mister and Missus Fishy Driver. Be mindful.

What brings this up? Meet Thomas Howell, pastor of the First Commandment Church of the Living God in East Walnut Hills (outside Cincinnati, Ohio).

This spry 71-YEAR OLD preacher hearts Jesus on the freeway too, but in a moment of vehicular reality (and an apparent fit of rage), he was caught. You know, being a deranged, psychopathic human on the road with a fish behind the wheel.

Howell was driving his car from his College Hill home to his church the morning of June 23. He turned at the intersection of Burnet and Forest avenues when, he testified, a car cut him off. The other car was driven by April Evans, a cook at two local restaurants. She testified the preacher pulled up alongside her car, pointed a gun at her, called her a name and asked if she knew who she was messing with before threatening to shoot.

Stay classy, Rev. Wall Watchers, this would indeed be a really bad example of witnessing on the road. Why not, run her off the road, get her to hit a stop sign and then get out and pray for a healing? It could be a revival service at the local Conoco. Man, that’s church, right Rev.? Just make sure you are being transparent. Take it away, Tommy:

Howell denied to police and at Monday’s trial that he ever pointed his gun at her. In fact, he said he never removed it from his holster that day. Then how, the judge wondered, did Evans know that Howell – a man she’d never met before – had a gun. “I think that the only reason Ms. Evans would know that (Howell) had a gun in the vehicle is that he pointed it at her,” the judge said in finding Howell guilty.

DOH! Maybe that Ichthus should have been left in the Christian bookstore in the first place? You just aren’t that great at this “extemporaneous preaching” are you? My sole prayer is that you didn’t have a WWJD bumper sticker. I mean, you wouldn’t want people to think you were actually following heavenly orders, right? Oh yeah, you already screwed that part up. Oh well, enjoy your prayer services in the clink.

MEMO from God: “What’s wrong with this picture?”

Meet spare professional tennis player, Ashley Harkleroad, to find out.

Evidently, her game blows and she is tired of… well, pick your favorite woman’s tennis player and put her name here because I’m drawing a blank… getting all the news and decided to make headlines another way.

That’s right, sports fans. She posed in Playboy.

So, why is it on the Wall and not some mechanic’s bathroom stall?

Because she was adamant about showing off AN ICHTHUS ON HER NAVEL IN THE SHOT. Click on the link and answer God’s memo.

Lady, Christians are FAR – almost circumnavigate the globe – from perfect. Regretfully, we all have issues, but you don’t see the hypocrisy here?

Listen, here’s a quick history lesson for you: the word “Fornication” is something the Church knows way too much about because it usually leads to much more. However, the word in Greek is something you know way too much about, “porneo” – a derivative of many sleazy, dirty old men that will learn to appreciate the aforementioned tattoo more than you care to know… er, the word “pornography”.

So, your quote really doesn’t inspire many little girls wearing the promise rings they got in youth group:

“I still believe in God, but God made female athletes beautiful and sexy, and I want to represent that.”

Then how about winning a match or a Grand Slam, get the trophy and thank God… and look good doing it?! Just a thought.

Hey Christian Fish: See ya’ in court

Well, I knew it was too good to be true.

You post something that shows true equality for the Body of Christ, and someone gets curt, offended and just saucy.

And here it is… those South Carolina license plates that read, “I believe” may not happen after all because some folk not really appreciate proselytizing doing 75 MPH in a school zone.

They claim the Christian themed license plate — stating “I believe” and bearing a cross and a stained glass window — gives preferential treatment by the government to one faith.

You have to laugh. Some people in this world [COUGH…founding members of the ACLU…COUGH] are so harrowing toward God because of some unfortunate incident in Sunday school that they have made it their life’s mission to ensure no one gets to play Jesus kickball either.

So, I suppose all those “Love your dog” plates I see staring back at me in the HOV lane is because of some PETA-respecting member of Congress?! What about the college fanfare plates? You gonna gripe that the NCAA is taking over the world? Seriously, what’s next people? I never thought I could get road rage sitting down in front of a computer, but it just happened.

Well, South Carolina Christians, in the stoic words of that noted urban philosopher, Chuck D, “Fight the Power!” Plaster your bumpers with ichthuses (or would that be ‘ichthi’), bumper stickers and the phone number of your local church. That’ll fix ’em.