Cult leader, “The Ten Commandments Suck”

The only cracked around here is this dude and his point of view

If only I could make this stuff up, wrap it in satire and patent it as “intellectual property,” I would be a star writer on SNL. Ah, the high life.

Back to reality, meet Francis Macnab – a controversial cult leader with a knack for not reading much good religious writ. This dolt decided to “create” a religion the other day that would be “a new faith for the 21st century.”

In order to get his new found, irksome religion off to a good start, he has to make some bold claims including:

• Abraham is probably a concoction
• Moses was a mass murderer
• Jesus Christ was a Jewish peasant who certainly was not God
• The Ten Commandments was one of the most negative documents ever written

According to Dr. Macnab [psychotherapist and executive minister at the generically entitled, “St. Michael’s Uniting Church”], the new faith is a Dr. Feelgood version of the fluff, the non-convicting and the footloose and fancy free of the biggies – Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism and Judaism. Why?

“The old faith is in large sections unbelievable. We want to make the new faith more believable, realistic and helpful in terms of the way people live,” he said.

Hey uh, “Doc”, the next time you are inditing the “new” Ten Commandments and you consider, “Thou Shalt be Lukewarm” to be a big hit for your brainwashed victims… er, followers, consider what the “old God” thought about that word…

So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth (Revelation 3:16)

I’m no expert on swimming in saliva, but I would imagine the G.I. Tract of the Almighty is not a great place to be. So, good luck with that, you turd.

A Texas pastor, his PC and some porn

Meet “Pastor” Steve Richardson from Royce City, Texas.

This is a twisted degenerate of the highest order who apparently didn’t have a great broadband connection at his own den of iniquity, so he decided to use the church computer (yes, where he was senior pastor) for some JPEG exchanges and vagarious chatting.

He’s a “pastor,” how bad could it be?! How does naked shots of children ages 3 – 10 grab ya’ as sick?

Yeah, that’s this guy.

Richardson was busted after he allegedly sent images to an undercover federal agent, who used another child pornography suspect’s identity, authorities said. Graphic online chats between Richardson and the agent are documented in the criminal complaint.

The court documents report when Richardson, under the user name cowboysspades, asked “Vlad,” the undercover agent, about a child’s age, he stated “even more awesome” when the agent responded four.

Listen, folk I work with know I am saved and have no qualms talking about faith. Candidly, I am dreading going to work on Monday because are going to be asking the ubiquitious question, “Why does God allow this?”

I don’t know, but I tell you, when this tool ends up in jail, I hope his new bunkmate wakes him up early in the morning… time and time and time again.

When the melody sings, “Jesus loves the little children,” it wasn’t meant to mean that way… and that little. This is an atrocity, and I don’t know how “Vlad” felt while pegging this guy in a corner, but I can tell you one thing – I would love to see him “impaled.”

OK, OK, I’ll repent after I applaud. Satisfied?

MOVE 2008: What Sarah Palin has that no Democrat does

Experience? Who needs it. Know-how? Who cares. Chutzpah? Who knows.

This election will be the most historic of our generation so why not involve God just a little more. How? Oh, well that’s easy. Ensure the potential Veep is demon-proof and she is protected from witchcraft. No, really.

I mean, when you’re in a pinch against terrorism or any diabolical foreign heads-of-state, a girl has got to get her swerve on against them and the ballyhooed influences that drive them, right?

Check this grainy video for proper documentation of Palin and her superpowers:

Now, while I remove my tongue from its resting place aside my salivary cheek glands, let’s take a stroll down amnesia lane. Remember McCarthyism? The so-called “political witch hunt”? Anyone? Evidently, this 1940s and 1950s metaphorical “witch hunting” is now modern-day reality for the throng of liberal media to feast upon.

You aren’t going to get a member of the media – whether saved or not – who will stand up for this prayer and understand its about metaphysical and spiritual influences, and not physical pitchfork-carrying, red-faced ne’er-do-wells.

But because of the hype surrounding Rev. Thomas Muthee (the witch hunter in question) who brags about chasing away witches and shamans from towns, Sarah Palin gets pulled in this holy hodgepodge and now her intelligence is yanked into the fray for political capabilities. Good times ahead for late night TV.

So, come on media… bring it.

Let’s joke about burning innocent women to the stake in Salem, Massachusetts 300 years ago and how Sarah Palin hates fire. Have some fun about Broom Hilda and ask Sarah Palin to put lipstick on that thing. I can hear the talk shows now putting up images about the medieval days of lore and placing the Palin clan in Druid garb brewing up some human flesh stew over a toasty campfire.

In other words, somewhere… someplace… Barack Obama and Joe Biden are slapping a big high-five and placing Ol’ Rev. Constantine here on their Christmas card list in a couple of months. And John McCain is probably reaching for the Tums.

Ah, elections. Someday, we’ll talk about helping Americans with their livelihoods instead of Hollywood with all these freak movie plots.

Gospel Today publisher fights for tomorrow

A few days ago, we read on the Wall about renowned Christian publication, Gospel Today, getting the heisman from a bunch of good ol’ boys known as the Southern Baptist Convention. What happened?

You can check right here for details, but they – also the owners of Lifeway Christian Bookstores – removed the magazine from its bookshelves nationwide because it had the gall to feature “female pastors” on its cover.

The shame of it all – a Christian magazine thinking to write an editorial story. You know, doing what a magazine is supposed to do?! But after the SBC takes the position of “Big Brother,” Gospel Today publisher Teresa Hairston points a Pentecostal finger at them clamoring in this story from EURWEB.com, “1984 this!”

Hairston, who holds a Doctorate in Theology from the Richmond Theological Seminary, sees it as a matter of sexism. “It’s an insult to women for this story to be suffocated and treated like pornography. It’s insensitive and unjust,” she gripped, adding that the goal of the gospel is to set the captives free.

Why the porn comment? Oh, if you were interested in purchasing the magazine at the store post-edict, the store reps would have to provide you said magazine from behind the counter, as if patrons of a CHRISTIAN BOOK STORE was looking for a copy of [insert any popular smut rag here].

Nice.

And if you think the SBC will have the last word, you don’t know Ms. Hairston like I do (and yes, I do).

Further, the owner of Gospel Today points out, it is hypocritical for the SBC to have endorsed the Republican ticket where the Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin could potentially lead the country, but they can’t entrust a woman to lead a local assembly of believers.

Again, nice. Point. And match.

There are “Growing Pains” in Hollywood

Every weekend, there is another movie trying to get its scrilla and street cred. Be it a thought-provoking preview, a plot with more turns than a NASCAR race or just the typical – eye candy. Hollywood spares nothing to get folk to buy tickets, eat popcorn and watch a flick on its opening weekend.

We’ve all done it. Be it Star Wars, Batman, LOTR or some classy chic flick, we have waited in a line with soft drink smoldering in-hand waiting to get that great seat on opening night.

HOWEVER, would it surprise you that at the time of this post on the Wall, the number one movie in America – by a long shot – is not something by Steven Spielberg. Rather, this week’s mondo film stars former teen hearthrob gone seriously Christian, Kirk Cameron?!

Wha..? It seems to most outside the Church, after “Growing Pains,” Cameron seems to have disappeared down the proverbial toilet like the rest of his career. No? See for yourself. However, inside the Church, Kirk Cameron has become something of a wunderkin of witnessing with his co-founded ministry, “The Way of the Master.” It seems Cameron has a new way with his new movie, “Fireproof.”

The movie about a firefighter struggling in his marriage comes to theaters with more momentum than the Kendricks’ first film: a star in Kirk Cameron; a $500,000 budget; and it’s playing in 830 theaters, more than double their last movie. According to movie ticketing site Fandango.com, Fireproof is accounting for 41% of ticket sales, far outpacing Shia LaBeouf’s Eagle Eye.

That’s 41 percent of all ticket sales nationwide, folks. To use a sports analogy, that’s a butt kicking. But from Kirk Cameron, a man not typically known for box-office domination. So what gives?

Marketing 101: Get a product, build a buzz, deliver to the masses.

It’s what most Christian movies do – market group sales, get churches involved, have friends tell their friends and watch the miracles happen. Oh, you never saw “Passion of the Christ“? Same way. What about “Facing the Giants“? Same guys. Again polarizing, that’s where the explanation stops for those outside the Church. However, for those inside of it, we just call it “God.” When you got him backing your play in Hollywood, who needs an agent. Certainly not, “Mike Seaver.”

The “Way of the Master”? Indeed, young Jedi. Indeed.