Homophonic Pastor gets almost fourscore for a score

The Minnesota “Profit” of God, Fraud Neulan Midkiff, climbed his pyramid scheme as high as he could sans the yodel from that Cliff Hanger dude on “The Price of Right”.

Last Thursday, he was unceremoniously toppled over the edge – again like Bob’s spelunker here – and flung into the federal big house for 15 LONG YEARS.

What’s even better, some other fool, Terrence Correll who was considered the architect of the sham that bilked 519 people of up to $390 million, received a 12-year term.

This was not just folk and the ubiquitous “Mom an’ Dem”. Midkiff, 66, convinced his family, friends and his entire church that his pyramid scam was from God and took almost every dime they had for his own diabolical undertaking.

Midkiff wept as he apologized for his part in the scheme, although he said that he did not realize at the time he was committing fraud… Midkiff was convicted in August of 21 counts of mail and wire fraud and tax evasion. His partner Jerry Watkins has pleaded guilty to fraud and testified against Midkiff.

Oddly, the aforementioned story from the Minnesota Star-Tribune is about the judge who was incensed and heartbroken about sentencing a near septuagenarian with more time in the pokey than those evil ingrates at Enron.

Regretfully, there’s not a lot of pity I have reserved for this tool. Nor many others. Enron scammed and maneuvered cash through inside trading, and for that, they should burn in prison. Midkiff STOLE cash, and for that, he should be their bunkmates. Who knows, maybe with all that time in jail, Midkiff can build himself a sarcophagus – fitting cloak for a man who should perish in a “pyramid,” huh?

New ACLU president believes her organization is misunderstood

Good afternoon, Wall Watchers. Now is time for “What’s My Line?”

It seems the most anathematic and atheistic organization on earth – the dreaded ACLU – has a new sheriff in town, and her name is Susan Herman. Her first public statement wasn’t about another Ten Commandments tablet needing removal from a remote courtroom, it was something you would never gander… ever… to come from the ACLU.

[According to the Christian Post], the newly elected president of the American Civil Liberties Union says the organization plans to reach out to communities where it is not well-known or not well-understood.

Sorry? The ACLU? Not well understood? Isn’t that like saying Pope Benedict may be swinging a little to the left? Billy Graham really isn’t that effective at public speaking? Or perhaps thinking the Apostle Peter should have skipped his calling and wrote a series of anger management books.

Not well understood, my blessed @$$urance! Puh-lease.

Sure, your name states America and Civil Liberties, but it’s really an affront to rid this country of anything Christian like prayer, sacrosanct symbolism and that Jesus fella. So, Herman continues with her drivel:

Since its establishment in 1920, the ACLU has set out to preserve First Amendment rights, the right to equal protection under the law, the right to due process, and the right to privacy. Its stated mission is “to defend and preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed to every person in this country by the Constitution and laws of the United States.”

That is, unless of course, you believe Jesus Christ is the only begotten son of God who died and resurrected for the forgiveness of our sins. If that’s you, the ACLU did not set to preserve diddly-poo for you.

So, uh, good luck with all that “misimpression” offal and ballyhoo. Because I think the only misimpression you will get at the end of this media campaign is the monstrous retainer some uber-fortunate PR firm will get trying to get the public to buy that line.

MOVE 2008: The Preacher and the Plumber

Initially, what’s up with former Republican presidential candidate Gov. Mick Huckabee?! Dude left the campaign trail, signed on as a political hack for FOX News and now has parlayed that into a full-time gig with his own show.

Yes, Mike “Baptist pastor gone Arkansas governor funny guy” Huckabee!

And he scored a coup that no one else in America did – an exclusive interview with the ubiquitious and awfully-maligned “Joe the Plumber”. All nine minutes are below, and it’s worth the listen while gnawing on a sandwich during a lunch break:

MY TURN: This is a man who bowed up and asked Sen. Obama a question regarding an economic plan that has small business owners perplexed and irascible. In short, he wanted to know how he could have the money to afford to keep his business open while his profit is being “spread around” like fertilizer on the plains. Fitting because this fact that Joe is as famous as he is would be considered poo-poo anyway!

That one question has made him the poster boy of the GOP and the public enemy #1 of the DNC. Joe… meet politics.

This dude has been vetted more than Sarah Palin! Now – thanks largely to the uber “we loathe Bush” publication New York Times – we know he has no plumber’s license (which is not needed until employ), owes some cash on back taxes (um, and the NYT doesn’t?!) and doesn’t belong to a union (AND?!).The guy can’t even walk outside in his skivvies to get the morning paper without 10 TV cameras judging the brand of his whitie-tighties.

Are liberal parvenus so timid and insecure that when an outsider dominates headlines that you have to impale him above the fold? Leave the guy alone! When this becomes a country where are not permitted to ask our representatives questions without fear of reprocution, then I’ll become like Michael Jackson and beat it in some other country.

But wait! There’s more… Here’s Part Deux:

And so, this is a tragic microcosm of politics and the voting process in this country. Who cares about issues?! That’s boring, so let’s drum up drama and dig up some dirt on the candidates and the many brainwashed devoutees who support them. Right? Just ask Joe. The man will probably be skiddish to vote from now on, and all because the national media ran out of monkey feces to fling against the wall.

All I know is if Joe can’t parlay all this attention into a ramp-up for his business, forget the tax break Obama’s plan may stick him with… he may need to get a loan to support his staff. All things happen for a reason. Maybe the media camped out on his lawn will settle him for life.

So, to use a line from Joe, “Hey media. Stick all that in your pipe and smoke it!”

Ray Boltz is Gay: And storming out of the closet

No wonder this happened. Look at that hair and mustache. Oy!

A popular brick on the Wall is our unfortunate story about Ray Boltz, who continues to butter churn that knife thrust in the Church’s back with stark reminders of his “Coming Out” party.

Thanks to trolling and hooking up with like-minded and -spirited folk, I find gold like this from “Another Brick in the Wall,” Chrystal and the Slaughter of the Sheep.

You see, that gay parade of Boltz’s has a soundtrack, according to the Washington Blade.

Gospel singer Ray Boltz, who came out in the Blade’s Sept. 12 edition, gave a mini concert Sunday afternoon at Metropolitan Community Church in Washington and wowed attendees with a batch of new songs that proves the gay experience has been on his mind for awhile.

Nearly all the new material Boltz unveiled in his roughly 75-minute set addressed the gay experience. He joked that “Don’t Tell Me Who to Love,” an up-tempo dance number he sang to a pre-recorded track, might sound a bit too much like a Cher cut, but he said a producer he’d been working with in Los Angeles encouraged him to try it.

This is one polarizing story that has the Body of Christ torn like the veil Boltz walked through as he traipsed out of his closet saying, “I wouldn’t go back“… except this time, he was snapping while flailing his arm in a circle. OK, OK. I’m upset about this. I admit it. Cut me some slack. This is man whose music I not only enjoyed, but played on-air during my radio days and was used as a point of ministry and connection with Christ. And now this…

Musically speaking, that song was the exception though. Most of the new material was performed with Boltz accompanying himself on acoustic guitar. Even though the audience was hearing these numbers for the first time, their accessible, uncomplicated lyrics made them easy crowd pleasers. The cleverly crafted “I Will Choose to Love,” ominous, jangly “Swimming Hole” (about a hate crime) and emotionally bare “God Knows I Tried” were the standouts.

The Bible declares the gifts and callings of the Lord are without repentance – and yes, that means Ray Boltz. His gift will continue bless those attending MCC churches, although most of the Body of Christ is feeling a little territorial about said gift and want to pee on his anointed vocal chords to stake their claim. But since they can’t, we have stories like this and the ever-growing notion of “Wha’ Happened?!”

Whatever it was – and is – the Church continues to wonder where this thinking is going to take Ray Boltz because many believe “Heaven is STILL counting on you,” Ray.

Christians, the media and a new trend in the newsroom

Tomorrow, we will discuss more about former gubernatorial and presidential candidate, Mike “I roll with Chuck Norris” Huckabee”. In that post, something is sorely understated and begs a cacophonous “Huzzah!”

Evidently, Mike Huckabee in a newsroom is starting a new-fangled – and alarming – trend… the stereotypical “liberal media” becoming more conservative, not as in redneck but as in Christian (thanks to Yahoo!).

Since the 1980s, when the Christian right emerged as a powerful force in American culture and politics, evangelicals have made significant inroads in law and government by training believers to work inside secular institutions. But while the same universities that helped students launch careers in those fields are offering similar programs in journalism, they haven’t been as successful at changing the nation‘s newsrooms.

Here’s a simple question: “Why?”

Is it because they get sick and tired of the age-old mantra, “If it bleeds, it leads,” so they traipse on over to a Christian publication? What about HiScrivener’s “legal prejudice” theory – where hatred for Christians is not only permitted publicly, but welcomed. You think that wears on a Christian in the throes of a newsroom? Perhaps they’re just not cut for it.

I know, “How dare you?” Well, look. Examine Christian… anything… corporately. From marketing to music, sales to securities, if anyone hands me a business card with an ichthus, I typically think, “Uh yeah” and begin searching for my Yellow Pages. Take this quote:

“They have to be journalists first,” Mattingly [Terry Mattingly, director of the Washington Journalism Center for the Council for Christian Colleges and Universities] said. “You don’t need more Christian journalists. You need more journalists who happen to be Christians if they’re going to contribute to any real diversity in newsrooms.”

AMEN TO THAT!

MEMO to Christian media members and business owners: The cache an ichthus had is seriously impacted by recession these days. That, or the generic scripture, located near the business name is almost as effective as hanging a neon sign around your neck illuminating, “Hi. Don’t do business with me. I’ll argue daily, Take shortcuts. Demand money early. And then try to lead you to Jesus.”

Not so much. Hey Christian [enter your profession here], consider the waiter/waitress during a SUNDAY BRUNCH. Did you know that this sacred shift is the most contested, traded and skipped… from restaurant staff? Wanna’ know why? Christians. Hey! Don’t shoot the messenger folks. It’s a fact, which is why that quote is so pertinent. Forget being a Christian businessman. Trade in your handy Bible for life application of biblical grace, mercy, truth and love and become a businessman that just so happens to be a Christian!

If that happens in a news room, you would be amazed the “Good News” that shows up at 5, 6 and 10.