Benny Hinn admits his “relationship” with Paula White

I love my pastor, but I ain't holding his hand!

Sounds so seedy, doesn’t it?

Both went to Rome for a Vatican getaway, allegedly at the Pontiff’s behest (yeah, like he needs her advice).

So when all of the sudden out of the catacombs arrives an ill-mannered paparazzi photographer and snapped the two during their Italian tryst shopping for a glove that fit for two, the evangelical world stopped on a dime.

Naturally, both “independently determined” this report was utter poppycock (although they repeated each others’ press release), and the news kept on coming. From blogs to mainstream Christian media, no one believed them and everyone doubted them.

Hinn is a husband scorned by an ex-wife who thinks her own miniskry is taking off and White… well, she thinks she is at a swap meet outside Compton most of the time anyway so we will just move on.

Indubitably, they both took a hit and considering both are in the news more for what they are not doing for the Gospel, I would say this could create a ripple in the financial blessings of both of their worlds. Something had to be done… and wouldn’t you know it?

Benny Hinn came forward in an exclusive with Charisma magazine. Well, kinda.

Evangelist Benny Hinn recently admitted at a crusade in Oakland, Calif., to having a “friendship” with fellow minister Paula White while he’s still married after a tabloid pictured them holding hands in Rome on July 13. But the well-known healing minister says the relationship is over.

Yes, we're single and we like to mingle.

So, here’s a thought:

Brother Benny, what in the world do you call the “things” you have with fellow male ministers in the TBN circuit? Holy Ghost encounters?

No, you call them friendships, you dolt. You know, like the rest of the world.

You may roll with the Holy Ghost a lot more than most of us, but I’m fairly certain that doesn’t mean you are smarter than the rest of us.

Here’s a news flash – I’m married, and I have “friendships”. With women. [Cue scary music]. And guess what, I don’t fly them to Rome to buy Gucci, fool.

But just in case the Church wasn’t on to the rouse Captain Nehru was exhibiting, there’s more to this uh, “confession”:

“A friendship did develop,” Hinn said of White in Oakland on July 30. “Hear this: No immorality whatsoever. These people out there are making it sound like we had an affair. That’s a lie.”

Dude, your wife split and Paula left her man while he was sick and bankrupt. A classy catch she does not make, but meh? Whatever floats your coifed hairpiece… eh, hairdo.

So, you were friends, big deal. MEMO to Benny Hinn’s internal PR-ish department: I have friends and I don’t fly their narrow behinds to Rome and hold hands longingly. Friends don’t let friends get caught by the National Enquirer. Only “Hollywood lite” folks with too much time on their hands. Well, in this case… in their hands. (Thanks, I’m here until Tuesday.)

To wrap up the interview, we have the most real words Hinn echoed:

“I don’t care how strong you are,” Hinn added. “I don’t care if the anointing of God is mighty on you. Nobody wants to be alone. I don’t care who you are. I am a human being just like you.”

Yes, Brother Benny. Yes, you are. You stink like us. You mislead like us. You lie like a dog like us. And you did all of them with this report.
“Birds of a feather flock together” is an old adage for a reason. It’s been true for so many years. You know who marries cops? Lots of other cops. Lawyers? That’s right, attorneys and the occasional paralegals.

So, why is it so hard to believe that national televangelists would not find more than just “common ground” in each other’s company?
That’s understandable… still rather gross, but at least we get it.

Admit that and you gain respect. Admit to a harrowing “friendship” as if you are some eunuch with a slow pulse and people laugh at you even more. Surely, you must have asked the Holy Ghost that one.

Well, then again, maybe not.

Benny Hinn and Paula White respond to the Roman Holiday rendezvous

It was only a matter of time… and that lasted all of a few hours before both Benny Hinn and Paula White denounced the National Enquirer story about those two practicing confidentiality in a confessional and brushing it off as “We just friends.”

Would be cool if these were outside a Benny Hinn crusade though?

First, let’s take Brother Benny from his website. Wait… I’m sorry? You say he took the response down from his site? Oh, that’s a shame! It’s almost as if he wants us to forget how he dropped the monogrammed Nehru for an open-collared, silk button down freshly exposing his tuft of love and gold chains.

Come on, man! It’s the Internet:

The publication, which is known for its bias against religious figures, misleads readers regarding the ministerial friendship I have had with Paula White for over 20 years… Although I had not seen her for years, she was an encouragement to me and shared helpful advice out of her own painful experience. As a result, I will not deny that the friendship has strengthened, and, while it has remained morally pure at all times, I have enjoyed the company of someone who has also gone through the trauma of a painful and public divorce.

Let’s break this down the preacher-speak for the kids scoring at home:

1. “The ministerial friendship.” So, let me just tell you that had it not been for TBN, I wouldn’t have dropped two bits of government cheese on her plate. Since she is in my ilk, I’ll let her hang with me.
2. “While it has remained morally pure at all times.” She’s not my type. I likes my women chubby and really dumb (Exhibit A here). And Paula is nowhere close to being chubby (Exhibit B here).
3. “The trauma of a painful and public divorce.” Let’s not let the smooth taste fool you, brother. Public, yes. She wanted it that way. Painful, not so much. She dumped Randy’s behind for life coaching. And while he was sick.

And for more from Brother Benny:

And so I am writing to tell you today that I forcefully, categorically, and absolutely renounce the lies that have been spread about me and want to set the record straight with you. There is nothing inappropriate or morally improper about my friendship with Paula White… Paula and I also recognize that being seen in such settings is unwise, and we have independently determined that we will have no further social relationship until such time as my divorce has concluded and only if we feel direction from the Lord to do so.

1. “Forcefully, categorically and absolutely.” I love it when people put strong superlatives in a written statement, as if the oafs like me who read will put any different tense on the poppycock we are reading. “Oh, he said categorically. I guess I need to grit my teeth.”
2. “Being seen in such settings is unwise.” You mean, in public, holding hands? Then yes, you’re right. That spirit of discernment is strong.
3. “We have independently determined that we will have no further social relationship.” Don’t let the scrupulous masses who want more out of their preachers than shady Roman getaways get in your way. You are your own people as you can ‘independently determine’ to do anything. You know, like post statements of apoplexy on the same day, around the same hour. Tell me, do you make a sound when you back up that fast? BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

I always tell women, "Till death do us... oh, nevermind!"

Now that we have discussed slapping someone’s weave, Sister Paula, what say you?

The National Enquirer released the misguided and untruthful article, which falsely characterized my friendship with Pastor Benny as being something that is morally and spiritually inappropriate. The article goes on to suggest that we were having an improper intimate relationship, which is categorically false… As someone who also endured a painful and public divorce, I was able to offer him insight and spiritual encouragement.

1. “My friendship… intimate relationship.” If they ‘falsely characterized’ your friendship, then saying they ‘suggested an intimate relationship’ goes without saying. But hey, thanks for saying it anyway.
2. “Painful and public divorce”. Hmmm… where have I have ‘independently determined’ that I heard that before?!

Next?

I publicly profess and forcefully renounce assertions that the recent trip to Italy to meet with Vatican officials suggests that the friendship is in any way improper or morally impure. We traveled independently to the region for respective ministry duties and, while there, spent time together along with others. We were never alone and were in the constant company of staff and other associates.

1. “Publicly profess and forcefully renounce.” Seriously? Speak simple. You want to sound smart? How about “Brevity is the soul of wit”? A guy named Shakespeare said that. Just sayin’.
2. “To meet with Vatican officials.” Um, Benny Hinn? I can believe that. In fact, I have no problem believing that. The dude holds global crusades everywhere! Paula White on the other hand? The lady who has a hard time debating a theologian about real biblical issues goes to the Vatican at the Pope’s behest?! Pat, I’d like to buy a clue please.

Anyone can lie about the Word of God. Anyone. To most who don’t read their Bible faithfully (and regretfully), the Scriptures become subjective. In fact, people have become so detached from the Bible that they live vicariously through faith… and through their pastor.

For them, anyone saying “Touch not mine anointed” will cause people to scurry. However, if you read the second part of that verse, “or cause my prophets any harm.”

Here’s the thing: We – the bloggers and journalists that expect way too much out of those manning a pulpit – are not causing them any harm. Their actions do it. Their mouths do it. Their “independent determinations” do it.

This blog was birthed on the premise of the Church needing to read the “writing on the wall.” And if you want more voices to echo that sentiment, may I introduce you to the “Another Brick in the Wall,” “The Acme Arena” and “WOW News” contributors.

There would not be sentinels screaming in the darkness if there were not shady people doing shady things in the name of God. May the ones full of light shine bright, dear Lord Jesus. And may the ones who are just shady stay in the dark. Too many people are hurting because of clandestine preachers who think they can get away with anything.

Those times need to stop. And if you don’t believe me, ask the cracked crew at the National Enquirer. Believe me, there are more of us than you think. How’s that for categorical weave slapping?

Are Benny Hinn and Paula White sitting in a tree? You know, K-I-S-S-I-N-G?

BREAKING NEWS 07/27: Benny and Paula respond via website to this story.

BREAKING NEWS 08/15: Benny Hinn admits to an elicit “friendship”?! Enjoy.

Once upon a time, there were two well-known preachers found anywhere on Christian TV.

The first, a rococo guy from out of town who had a flair for the garish and flamboyant in terms of preaching and healing. The second, a confused, opprobrious white girl twice-removed from a trailer park who perfected a panache for ministering to those she considered ‘like-minded’.

Both were married and enjoying making a living on the backs of Christians in need. Life was good. A lot of television. A skosh of megalomania. And egos the size of Solomon’s Temple.

They couldn’t be touched… until their reality check bounced and both were divorced.

He was stunned that this woman that he had grown to adore and tolerate would ever leave him and his Nehru suits. He was internationally regaled, the TBN poster boy and was constantly in the headlines thanks to swindling the IRS out of its cash. What’s not to love?

In fact, he was so perturbed that his betrothed of 30 years would hit the bricks that he made a public plea for understanding, which is so unlike him anyway.

Her story is a little different in that while she was plying her craft to women with “weaves, government cheese and jheri curls” (three words you can hear in any message she delivers), her Camelot was crumbling as the church was very much in debt, her son was following in mom’s footsteps offending intelligent black folk and her husband just didn’t get her act anymore.

Then, word comes out that she is gallivanting around the chitlin’ circuit with a man who truly understands her – Rick Hawkins.  This self-appointed ‘Bishop’ from San Antonio, Texas whoops and hollers just like her and just to a crowd that they are so not like.

They get each other. They find rest in each other. They dig each other… until … (the video is great):

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Both preachers were wandering on TBN and Daystar aimlessly in need of a connection. Not the one they daftly exploit with Jesus Christ. No, I mean one of a worldly sense.

And now, reports are they found one… in each other’s arms. Yeech!

Thanks to the (are you ready) the National Enquirer, we find Benny Hinn and Paula White are rumored to be dating! What the what?!

(Courtesy: National Enquirer)

Hurting. Jaded. And alone. These two dolts find a way to seek God while traipsing off to Rome and playing ‘laying on of hands ministry’?! Seriously? So says the gossip rag:

In a shocking revelation sure to rock millions in the Christian community Hinn,57, recently sneaked off to a romantic Roman holiday in the Eternal City – with another beautiful blonde evangelist!

Well, tap the brakes on the “beautiful” but I get the point.

It’s a proven fact that people in similar industries discover love only there. Be it police officers, lawyers or media types, the intermingling there goes well beyond the water cooler. And now, add to the mix fraudulent preachers?

Let’s keep it classy, gang. America is watching okay?

Now before you go off and tell your pastor of the smut I am extolling, I understand this is the same publication that prides itself on pictures of celeb bumps and stretch marks. However, it is also the sleazy publication that broke a few things you may regard as “news”.

The National Enquirer discovered that Rev. Jesse Jackson had an illegitimate child, that Rush Limbaugh had a painkiller addiction, and most recently that Tiger Woods was having an affair or two. And oh yeah, John Edwards and his love child? Yeah, they broke that too.

So, spare your world the drama of “Oooooo, God’s gonna get him” and stop to consider what if this is legitimate?

Is it so difficult to imagine that two ignominious messengers of God would feel that they are like a castoff from Survivor, banished from the island of all things televangelical, and have no one to preach at that would understand?

Surely, they would call each other and discuss how they are both being investigated for IRS fraud by the government and both have been dumped by their spouse. There’s a common bond there, no?

One thing leads to another and Paula places her “life coaching” on hold to fly around the world with Benny and his sexy coifed hairdo. She needs his attention being twice-scorned herself (and still recuperating from Pastor Handsy noted in the aforementioned video). Benny is an agape wound and Paula’s presence is the Hello Kitty band-aid he so desperately needs.

I’m getting misty just thinking about it.

And before you cast this off without a respected source, The Toronto Star is covering it as well.

Neither Hinn nor White could be reached for comment Friday.

That’s an attempt to uncover a source. As Another Brick on the Wall, Get Religion notes: “There’s a big difference in most people’s minds over ‘reports suggest’ and ‘the National Enquirer reports.'”

Yes, there is. So as many of my beloved colleagues “suggest” better than most, I’ll keep watching the Enquirer’s report until a more respected source follows suit.

Odds are they will be reporting to Benny and Paula “This Ain’t Your Day” again.

Paula White accuser gets busted for probation violation

It seems a pathetic example of our justice system known as “Joshua Brian Randolph V. Paula White, Her “Vanilla Ice” son and Without Walls International Church” is about to take an abrupt right turn.

The hand gesture must be his fake gun. Pow!

According to the St. Petersburg Times, Randolph turned on his TV and noticed how the cameras love Paula White but him, not so much.

So, he leaves his home state of Georgia and organizes a press conference on the church’s doorstep telling everyone how he was called the “N-word” more times than he could count by Paula’s son (and that of the forgotten father, Randy… just saying).

Only one issue with that presser in Florida, it seems the compulsive full-of-crapper Randolph is on probation… for impersonating a police officer. No, really.

Randolph previously pleaded guilty in 2007 to impersonating an officer in Hall County. He is on probation until January 2011, records show.

Amazing. It seems the only person in this world with less credibility than Paula White… has managed to sue Paula White. Genius. Now, this dolt is on the run as probation officials have a Dimwit Alert out for Randolph’s arrest.

“He is not to leave the state without permission from his probation officer. It has now been verified that he did so,” [Sharmelle from the Georgia Department of Corrections] Brooks wrote in an e-mail to the St. Petersburg Times.

Watch it, Joshua. When Po-Po gets a hold of you, they will certainly call you worse than Brandon White did. Allegedly.

Paula White makes getting sued into a sideshow sermon. Figures.

Paula White is no stranger to making a mockery of something – whether that be a marriage, a message or now a press conference where she is supposed to be defending the name of her son.

Television cameras descended on Without Walls International Church on Thursday for back-to-back news conferences about a racial discrimination lawsuit filed against the head pastor’s son.

Nice collection of framed press clippings on the wall. But no son?!

Now, let’s get this:

1. “Back-to-back” press conferences?! Why? One for the secular and one of the sacred? Perhaps, one for the mainstream church folk and then one for the poor hacks she ridicules weekly and they don’t have the intelligence to know the difference?!
2. Against her son. Not her. This isn’t about her. This is about he son allegedly being a bigot (and for the record, this lawsuit is complete crap and should be laughed out of court). Paula White should be supporting her son, but meh. Back to the story…

So, there sits Paula, ready to support her son and make this case about how she is fed up and not going to take any more. Right? Take it away hired gun and legal pundit Barry Cohen:

Barry Cohen, the church attorney, who described what he called proof that the suit was a “racial con job.” There were standing ovations. There were shouts of praise. There were threats of more lawsuits.

There was no indication this would end any time soon.

At a press conference. About her son. Much ado about nothing.

Gee, I wonder why the Kool-Aid guzzling folk got all lathered up about legal speak at a presser. You think Brandon White is really that charismatic, or was he encountered with “Girl, Interrupted.”

Brandon White, 26, spoke publicly about the case for the first time. He said he can’t look at people without wondering if they believe the allegations. He said he hasn’t been able to sleep. Then, his mother spoke. Paula White said she started the church to promote racial harmony.

“We’re drawing the line and saying enough is enough,” she said. She turned to Cohen and told him, “Use the legal system as far as you can, as hard as you can and as long as you can.”

Meanwhile, you notice what is missing from this story? Anyone? Take your time… wait for it… Randy!

The kid wasn’t found in Paula’s shotty trailer park. He does have a father, but because he probably lost the cash and his dignity in the divorce, he’s nowhere. Pathetic.

And so, we’re back with the former Without Walls youth worker gone rogue civil rights advocate, Josh Randolph, who has decided to continue with the legal proceedings against Paula White’s son.

If you note the link above, this lawsuit was a modest $4,200. And now, it seems the “N-word” means a whole lot more Ka-ching… er feeling to him.

“Money never crossed my mind,” he said. “Exposure crossed my mind. I wanted Tampa to know these people are racists. I’m not going to make this a media frenzy.” …his discrimination lawsuit in which he now asks for $2 million.

If there is nothing you can believe that comes out of this dudes’ mouth, believe this, he definitely is cut from the same make-up stained, ballyhooed cloth that Paula is because this is some drama for your mama!

Think we’ll be covering this one on the Wall? I would bet a few extra bricks on that one.