Posts Tagged ‘Paula White’

So, yesterday was an excruciating day – hot, stressed and full of angst.

I’m at work and get in what seems to be a weekly exploration by this one brother-in-the-making about “Why does God allow this?” You know, I’m planting seeds and God is blessing. Avoiding the obvious potholes and reeling in a big fish.

And then, without reservation or concern for Christianity, the most terrible thing happened – one of the frauds known for televangelism run-a-muck, promoting and prostituting stereotypes, and evenhandedly keeping Mary Kay consultants in business rears her Medusa-like head.

No, that's not an epiphany from God. It is actually an idea she had for another cash-grab.

No, that's not an epiphany from God. It is actually an idea she had for another cash-grab.

That’s right, kids. Paula White is back.

Fresh off the road from her world tour at “life coaching” (how’s that working for you, anyway), comes the opportunistic Paula to kick the dust of her ex-hubby’s bankrupt and destitute church, Without Wall-ets.

One week after her ex-husband resigned as senior pastor of Without Walls International Church, Paula White plans to take the pulpit Sunday as the church’s new leader, the Whites said in separate interviews late Friday. White, who held her first staff meeting Friday and spent time looking for a place to live, said she will officially take the reins when she preaches at its two morning worship services. The services will also honor Bishop Randy White, who founded the church with her 18 years ago.

Now, a few other Bricks on the Wall have opined wonderfully about this travesty, but here’s my two cents – spend them wisely.

  1. One week after” – The body wasn’t even cold, and there she is, ready to propagate living in a trailer park squandering gub’mint cheese to make it to where she is today. Keep it classy, Paula.
  2. She is going to lead… a churchDon’t you have to have some sort of pastoral calling to do something like that? I know she isn’t that familiar with the Bible. Sorry, not that familiar with properly applying the Bible. Nonetheless, pastoring is much different than life coaching. You have to you know, love the people… not just look for an opportunity to fleece the sheep and make a sweet Kashmir sweater for the trying winter months in frigid Florida.
  3. Can anyone say career change? This is a woman who decided after her marriage and all that Jesus stuff didn’t work out, she would hit the talk show circuit and leave TBN in the dust. Sure, a few of the mainstream folks were interested in her drivel, but when they realized her act, she was sent packing. Heck, even Tyra Banks kicked her pimped-out self to the curb! And now, suddenly, she has a heart for her nightclub… er, church once again. That’s Paula White if you need her.

“Did I see it coming? … I can say that Without Walls has never been out of my heart or my being, and I’ve never been out of theirs,” she said. “But I have stopped trying to figure out sovereignty and destiny.”

Well, of course she has stopped. She was doing it on her own, and realized she ain’t that bright!

He who trust in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf (Proverbs 11:28 NIV).

You know, when a notable person in – or despite – the Church makes a fall, it really makes a thud, huh?

And now, she went back to the only thing she has going for her in life (cough… to pay for all that Botox… cough). A bankrupt church full of innocent, mindless sheep waiting to be sheared.

And why did she have this abrupt change of heart? It seems Randy is ill, seriously. Now, while that is sad to hear, he had a real opportunity to take of his people… and didn’t. Stunning, right?

Instead, he does what regretfully most charlatanseh, pastors in his mega-position do – looks for the easiest transition and kickback for payola.

MEMO to said sheep dangling for a wool-cut, huddle up:

And that is what you want for a pastor?!

I just have one question, you know where a brother can get a smooth Kashmir sweater for the winter months? I get cold really easy.

I once heard a pastor extol some genius when discussing some inane practices of certain legalistic denominations, “Ladies, I have a prophecy: If the barn needs painting, paint it!”

Oddly enough, the people who laughed the loudest were the women who looked like TBN rejects. Nice.

A "cut" below the rest

A "cut" below the rest

So, I took a stroll down Amnesia Lane when I read this story about some tool who did a little more than painting his own barn.

Meet William Blasingame – a 66-year-old Episcopal priest from Staten Island, a tool whose mid-life crisis came late and a fool whose tail is on the line for the big house as he stole almost $85,000 from his church for… wait for it… paint, er… plastic surgery and botox!

As the lovely story in the New York Post gets nice:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the cutest clergyman of them all…

Blasingame is busted by the Staten Island D.A. for his vanity run-a-muck and jonesin’ for botox, plastic surgery and some sweet duds like gold-embossed suits and leather shoes imported from London.

So, for his quest for the needle of youth, Blasingame could face up to 15 years in prison if convicted of second-degree grand larceny and possession of stolen property.

And look at him. Who’s the cute priest? Who’s the cute priest? It ain’t you, holmes.

Can you imagine warming a pew at the historic St. Paul Memorial Episcopal Church and Sunday after Sunday, the Rev. looks more and more surprised by standing still. He starts coming to the pulpit with his own soundtrack, “Send in the Clowns.” And then there’s the appearance of his eyebrows going north until they meet his receding hairline?!

Since Blasingame isn’t a big fan of biblical truth and spiritual dogma, allow me to crack open my KJV66:

Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase. (Proverbs 13:11)

plastic-surgery-demotivational-postRegretfully, this is a scripture not many sideshow televangelists recollect during their weekly pontifications. You have to work at everything, including looking young.

But, in the event of keeping one’s ministry relevant, these Ponce de Leon groupies [COUGH… like Paula White… and her ex-hubbie… GAG] become Blade Runner and go under the knife.

The question is Why? People get old, it’s a fact of life. I understand surgery after pregnancy. I get physical deformity. But lypo or getting a face lift so tight that if you sneeze, your ears would clap, I no comprende?!

We are supposed to be living epistles, not walking edifices. We are to be witnesses for God’s glory, not a testimony for man’s genius. Where’s the rub? TV preacher, you come across as a fraud to what you are proselytizing. How can attest on how God “accepts you the way you are,” when you can’t even accept the way you are?!

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m old-fashioned. But at least I’m in my own skin and not some plastique counterpart that forces God hand to play peek-a-boo and guessing who I am. And then when you are so addicted to it that you begin fleecing your sheep to make Armani sweaters, Houston we have a problem.

It’s time for this week in video evangelism, and I have been waiting a while to play this famed clip from “Good Times” about the corrupt, trendsetting “Reverend Sam” (played by the great Roscoe Lee Browne).

You know, if you look hard enough, you will see bits and pieces of Carlton Pearson, Fred Price, Creflo Dollar and the gang. (Maybe not Paula White because the folk on Good Times don’t even act that black).

Maybe the only prophet we should be talking about is Norman Lear, the show’s creator?! IJS.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I once heard a pastor, whom I greatly admire, say something that made the “Great Commission” make all the sense in the world:

“The number one reason for Atheism in this country is the actions of most people who call themselves Christians.”

Amen! And evidently, a recent survey noted by USA Today suggests that to not only be prolific, but also prognostication.

A new survey of U.S. adults who don’t go to church, even on holidays, finds 72% say “God, a higher or supreme being, actually exists.” But just as many (72%) also say the church is “full of hypocrites.” Indeed, 44% agree with the statement “Christians get on my nerves.”

prayer-2You know, I should write this in ALL CAPS (and in bold) so you could hear my voice reverberating on these walls as I shout and yawp about the need for the whole Church to wake up, stand up and man (or woman) up!

And for the rest of us, we just need to pray like life depended on it! And it does.

There is no greater pool of humanity where the rotten apples spoil the proverbial bunch than Christianity, which is why the zealots, the realists, the devoted and the public need to be the best witnesses possible…

…and the televised, the cults, the sects, the fake, the rich and famous and the uh, “prosperous” need to realize the error of their ways.

Why? This is all your fault!

Huh?!

What does it say that “more than one in five” Americans would rather not go to church and humanistically believe in God than act like some of the fools and charlatans seen on a religious TV broadcast near you?! Don’t get me wrong, I thank God for Christian television – its premise, not what it’s become.

What it needs to be is a beacon of hope, the salt of the earth, a light in the darkness, a city set on a hill. It’s not.

Why? Consider the string of stories seen on TV that best represent God to the common person, the average believer:

Jim Jones, Robert Tilton, Warren Jeffs, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Pat Robertson, Earl Paulk, Paula White, Todd Bentley, Carlton Pearson, David Koresh, Oral & Richard Roberts, Michael Guglielmucci, Mike Murdoch, Paul Crouch, Benny Hinn, Creflo Dollar, Kenneth Copeland, and on… and on… and on… and on… and on.

There’s a lot of faith in that dank room, a lot of influence and notoriety, and a lot of serious issues! However, these are some of the collective misfits folk call to memory when asked, “Who represents the Body of Christ?”

wwjd-for-realRight, wrong or indifferent: it’s always the vocal minority, the swarthy tail that wags the dog all day long. And they are it. To that end, it’s the mission of the real Christians, the living epistles to change those unfortunate and misguided perceptions.

It’s a dubious task, but if you’re up to it, our work could pay big dividends for the persecuted, the passionate and the pronounced in a world of people who really can’t stand us. Sure, we are nice people and folk in the workplace like us, they really like us.

But they watch us like hawks waiting for us to plummet in a whirlwind of sin that would take out a small village in Indonesia. And they would applaud all the while chalking up our names to the growing list of noteworthy evangelists and “other prominent folk who call themselves religious” all in the name to say, “I told you so.”

In other words, their actions aren’t doing us any favors. God is faithful but some of those who pass themselves off as “his people” are not so much.

God blesses us with money and sustenance, but those folk are chock full of greed. God gives us grace, but those nitwits with false humility ball that gift up and hurl it back into our faces. And what we have been attempting to tell the throngs quoted in this pathetic survey: God’s son is the way, the truth and the life but regretfully no one is coming to the Father because of “them.”

Most of the unchurched (86%) say they believe they can have a “good relationship with God without belonging to a church.” And 79% say “Christianity today is more about organized religion than loving God and loving people.”

Pastors and parishioners alike, if you don’t read a forsaken, plotted word I type, please read this: there is a distinct and incontrovertible reason why churches tend to be emptier these days… it’s the nasty church folk running all the good, unsaved folk out the door in the name of “being spiritual.”

Ever hear the adage, “You can be so spiritually minded that you are no earthly good”?

Yeah, neither have the people who have caused the 72 percent exodus of potential believers. Get real, Church. We have a job to do. You up to it? If so, see you in the trenches. Trust me, there will be plenty of room!

Peace.

“If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience.”

George Bernard Shaw (1856 – 1950)

Ah, man. Where’s a good playwright when you need one to talk to the Church? So, did TV land hear that adage? TBN? Daystar? Someone? Anyone?

It’s important to ask the two big faith-based networks because it’s their clientele pulling back the curtain and their shows for network TV.

Need I say more?

Need I say more?

Go ahead, name the preacher… to whom you used to give offerings? Jakes, Parsley, Meyer, White, Hinn, Robertson, Dollar, Long, Dobson, et al. According to this story in the USA Today, even the celebrities of Christendom are feeling the pinch in this economy.

The industry shows signs of contraction at a time when its future is fraught with uncertainty. And it’s not just the economic downturn that is causing turmoil: last year, a study found that the percentage of megachurches with a radio ministry dropped from 44% in 2000 to 24% in 2008. Likewise, the percentage with television ministries dropped from 38% to 23%.

When Christian television was created, its premise was to exalt God and see people edified. Nowadays, that formula for success is a bit askew as money seems to be exalted and preachers are deified.

To save on production costs and those picturesque, on-location remotes, these folk have made fewer shows for broadcast, which means the networks don’t get their coin.

See, it’s cyclical – you payer, donate to the ministry, they pay the network and a star is born.

In this economy, you don’t… and they don’t… and Christian television becomes a black hole.

You see, when folk presume you are dripping with cash, hand-made suits and all that bling, they keep their cash and you get stuck with a larger bill. MEMO to the megachurch megaminister: If perhaps you appeared more modest, people would find more than lint in that piggy bank bellybutton to give you. Just like it used to be. However…

“The industry is at a crossroads,” says Paul Creasman, associate professor of communications at Southern Wesleyan University in Central, S.C., and a former Christian radio personality and producer. “The audience is dwindling, and they have to figure out what to do. But the Web is not the answer because older audiences don’t use the Internet… and younger audiences will go to the Web for content, but they’ll probably be less likely to donate.”

Moving content online may be broadcasting’s future, but it’s a nerve-wracking endeavor that doesn’t necessarily pay the bills of the present. “Everyone (in religious broadcasting) is doing it,” he said. “And everyone is asking each other: ‘Are you making money at it? Because we’re not.‘”

Listen, in case it’s a news flash to some folk, ministries have to ask for money to survive. They rely on the kind hearts, open minds and yielding spirits of the Body of Christ to give. If the world can uphold causes like breast cancer, the MDA, HIV, Katrina and a tsunami, certainly a ministry shouldn’t be that far out of reach?!

The problem is that people don’t see the ministry being blessed, it’s the ministers. We have all seen the stories and heard the tales of woe. When those cease, despite the beneficence of some on TBN and Daystar who are doing it right, money will drop.

Kinda like pennies from heaven, and wouldn’t all of that be an experience man could learn from?

(Masonry shout out to Another Brick in the Wall, “Get Religion” for the nice magazine cover).