“Hour of Power” becomes Amway convention

Recently, a few bricks were hurled at the Wall about a fallout in the noted Robert Schuller camp – well, for both of them. As noted:

“For this lack of shared vision [between Pap Schuller and his grim-lipped kid] and the jeopardy in which this is placing this entire ministry, it has become necessary for Robert and me to part ways.“

As the two Schullers decide who gets the China and who gets the pearls, we discover a new – and quite ridiculous – fashion to pastoring a church: Musical Preachers, thanks to the Los Angeles Times.

The schism between the Rev. Robert H. Schuller and his son at Orange County’s Crystal Cathedral arose over a disagreement about broadening the church’s long-running television show, “Hour of Power,” beyond a single personality — a move opposed by the younger Schuller, pastors involved in the matter said Sunday.

Makes sense, right? Papa Schuller is getting more advanced in years so he can’t read the holy writ like as he accustomed. The kid is younger, a little spry so he thinks, “Shoot, I can rock this joint and ALL those cameras with my dad’s gridiron jaw and uber-lukewarm pablum.”

Eh, not so much, grasshopper. The pebble is still in the old man’s hand.

The show will now be hosted by different pastors, and even businessmen, from around the country and Latin America.

Ah! Nothing says “Salvation” quite like a live infomercial on Six Sigma work efficiencies, promoting those lovely motivational posters and house flipping in industrial markets. In Espanol, no less!

You know, this could be a good thing. If folk don’t get saved in the famed Crystal Cathedral, they will at least walk out with a gimme bag of household products, “As Seen on TV” brochures and some inspirational quotes from Anthony Robbins.

Either way, that’s life improvement. Right?

Cross Eyed: It is the highest form of flattery, after all

It’s a new month, new weekend and a new opportunity for video evangelism.

And THIS is laugh out loud, wet your Depends, my ribs hurt funny. You know, with the exception of the chocolate milk stain on his chin, because believe me the day JOEL OSTEEN grows out that peach fuzz while occupying the pulpit, he hires me as his director of communications.

Guess what? There won’t be any business cards printed with “H-I-S-C-R-I-V-E-N-E-R” on it any time soon. If he did however, these persnickety and pithy videos wouldn’t get quite the pub this does.

So, please enjoy. This video is not “Victoria’s Secret” any longer.

Robert Schuller and the family affair gone terribly wrong

MOST RECENT UPDATE: The Crystal Cathedral has lost its power and filed Chapter 11.

UPDATE: Is Elder Schuller retiring? Don’t call it a comeback… it’s all right here. And then some.

Three years ago the father of the nation’s first megachurch, Rev. Robert Schuller and his Crystal Cathedral, gave up the ghost (metaphorically) and allowed his clone son to take over the pulpit.

But that entitlement was only an experiment as Good Ol’ Dad came back to roost and kicked that hen out of the house, citing a “lack of shared vision”. Oh boy!

“It is no secret to any of you that my son, Robert, and I have been struggling as we each have different ideas as to the direction and the vision for this ministry,” his statement read. “For this lack of shared vision and the jeopardy in which this is placing this entire ministry, it has become necessary for Robert and me to part ways.“

I’m sorry. Did that old codger just chicken peck on his typewriter, “My son and I have to part ways”?! What was his reason, “irreconcilable differences”?! Someone getting half? Was there another woman?

What the …? This ain’t a divorce, dude. This is your son!

You don’t part ways just because the kid doesn’t throw down the theology like dear old Dad. Maybe the other woman is an old – and I mean OLD – seminary professor of yours calling you on the cell (or shouting in the can attached to a string) saying, “Hey Bob. Your boy doesn’t really profess the Divine Command Theory the way I’d prefer so I think he’s got to go.” And if that wasn’t it, this was:

Robert A. Schuller’s major challenge was attracting younger congregants and using the television program to build membership. It is unclear whether he achieved that.

Seriously?! Dude is like 98 and… his dad is older than that! Have you seen the blue hairs this grandiose church attracts? The AARP could hold a convention there and sell tchotchkeys on a weekly basis. The crow’s feet in that place could fill a zoo. That or a cornfield hanging out with the scarecrows.

Still no one knows what happened. And quite honestly, I don’t know if anyone cares. I suppose like the aforementioned disgruntled wife, the “man of the house” just needs to get younger at that position.

To be or not to be… the Church

To be the man, you have to well, be the man!

Small, neighborhood churches can afford to do things in the community that the uberchurches can’t. And vica-versa for the megachurch when it comes to actually PAYING to do things anywhere else.

So you can imagine the surprise to most people who keep with things like this (yours truly included) when the amazing North Coast Church in Vista, Calif. shut down services last weekend to personify the Church [NOTE: Big “C”].

“So many people think of a church as a self-contained religious club – but it’s not,” said Pastor Larry Osborne of North Coast Church. “A healthy church is a community of Jesus-followers who live out their spiritual commitment 24/7.”

Over 6,000 North Coast attendees were expected to live out their commitment over the weekend as they tackled 139 community service projects at 70 sites throughout North San Diego County. On Oct. 25 and 26, the church closed its doors for a “Weekend of Service” and providing churchgoers the opportunity to show the love of Jesus.

Here’s the rub, sports fans… you know why something of this caliber makes news? Because it seems Christians as a whole doesn’t “show the love of Jesus” on a routine basis in droves.

Oh sure, you say “God bless you” at a retail store when someone gives you a receipt or write “Jesus loves you” on the slip near the tip at a restaurant… for uh, those of you who do tip. But this gets national attention. Anyone see an issue with this?!

Don’t get me wrong. What North Coast did is commendable. Imagine the witnessing in the town square when 5,000 happy Christians spread out and spread the message of Jesus. Sweet. And why?

“What we tell people is ‘this week, we’re going to be the church instead of going to church,‘” Osborne commented, noting that critics have become fans of the Weekend of Service and that this year, North Coast has received no complaint.

No complaint. Nice. “Hey Jesus freaks. Next time you come to town, spend money and try to make the world a better place, would you mind not smiling so much. We’re more of a morose crowd here in Boring Dimwits, USA.” Only in America, home of the Megachurch.

The Holy Sepulcher and Musical Chairs

So, an Ethiopian and a Coptic are sitting on top of a roof…

Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke in an African seminary, huh? It’s not. It’s a true story about one of the sacrosanct sites on earth – the Church of the Holy Sepulcher.

For decades, Coptic and Ethiopian Christians have been fighting over the Deir el-Sultan monastery, which sits atop a chapel at the ancient Church of the Holy Sepulcher. The monastery is little more than a cluster of dilapidated rooms and a passageway divided into two incense-filled chapels, an architectural afterthought alongside the Holy Sepulcher’s better-known features.

So where does my folding chair and koozie go again?

And this is why I went to seminary and loved it so – the history.

Jesus was known for rolling with the original “Dirty Dozen”, and among them were a few cats who created global ecumenical movements on their own: Peter, known as the “First Bishop of Rome” (shh… the Pope), Thomas created his own church of MILLIONS in India, John became a revelator and then there’s this Mark fella.

You see, after Jesus ascended to be at the right hand of the Father, Mark wanted a tan. He journeyed south by southwest and ended up in Egypt. The sun, that river, those great pyramids… the only thing missing was a church. So Mark had one built. And that’s where one of those Monks came from. The other? He’s from eh… Brooklyn or something.

Anywhoo, this is how silly religion can be and how absent in the midst of it can become – this century-old polemic is over… wait for it… a chair and whose Arabic behind rests in it.

The quarrel has erupted into brawls — in 2002, when the Coptic monk moved his chair into the shade and too close to the Ethiopians, a dozen people were hurt in the ensuing melee. And today, the Ethiopians claim the fight could result in the monastery’s collapse and even in damage to other parts of the church, one of the holiest sites in Christendom.

Other contentious issues on this sacred site has ignited into fisticuffs from [insert your best game show announcer guy voice here]: who will sweep the steps, what direction a chair should sit, a fire exit and the Church’s favorite, who will take down a ladder. Applause!

And who said Christians didn’t like to have fun?!