Archive for December 1, 2009

Next up in the “Are you friggin’ kidding me” department, we have this bewildering story from CNSNews.com.

So, there’s this federal official (John Douglas of the C.D.C. if you need him) who has seen one too many reports about crabs, the clap and that ubiquitous ‘burning sensation’ run across his sterilized desk to know someone has to be to blame for the widespread endemic of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases for those scoring at homeer, I mean, taking notes).

His official arch-nemesis? Abstinence!

Douglas headed up a panel of 15 experts (cough… MDs who are paid too dang much to do too friggin’ little… cough) called the “Task Force on Community Preventive Services. Together, the toolbox analyzed dozens of studies of sex education programs conducted between 1980 and 2007.

Did they find that sex is free; therefore is widely exercised? No. Did they find Bebe Kids rebel from an absent Dad and an absent-minded Mom, so it’s on like Donkey Kong? Not so much.

Johnny, tell them what they have won.

The Task Force on Community Preventive Services concludes that there is insufficient evidence to determine the effectiveness of group-based abstinence education delivered to adolescents to prevent pregnancy, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs),” the recommendations state. “Evidence was considered insufficient due to inconsistent results across studies.”

What happens when a city (possibly yours) bans smoking in public places? Do people stop smoking?You know, do lungers everywhere have this grand epiphany when the law is laid down and suddenly the heat from that light bulb dangling over their crown creates a warm spot, “Hmmm… maybe this cancer stick really can kill you.”

Probably not. So, does the city pull up stakes as if to say, “So much for the smoking ban. These people sure are stubborn.”

Why quit abstinence teaching if it would stop premarital and unprotected sex?! You know it’s what’s better. Kids know if they WANT to be careful and still boink someone, they can go to the local convenience store and steal a condomer, have a friend purchase one.

That’s the problem with government and sex-ed evangelists – you can’t teach emotion, feelings and common sense. That adage, “Kids will be kids” has stuck around for so long for a reason. They’re stupid.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a proud parent of some lil’ Wall Watchers myself, but yeah, when they become tweens… they tap into the “Stupid Zone.” Education on what’s right and wrong begins with counting the costs, not covering the costs with something you can buy in a drugstore for $2.50.

Here’s a stat for those number crunchers at the CDC, as seen in USA Today, January 2009:

“To see 26 states with statistically significant increases [in teen pregnancy] is fairly remarkable,” says Paul Sutton, a demographer with the National Center for Health Statistics, which released the data Wednesday. “We’re seeing increases in both the number of teens having births and also the rate at which they are having births. Both of them are going up.”

So, while you are trying to shoo away causes for clap slap, snow pie and rooster crow, we have babies having babies at an alarming rate. Only prayer to Jesus Christ and faith that it sticks will take care of these meddlesome kids who think there is no recourse to an innocent night between the sheets.

In other words, kids should learn it’s okay to just say no… than to just say yes to a judge for child alimony checks for 18 years. 10 minutes is not worth the next 10 years. There’s my soapbox. I’m off now… all Irish Spring fresh. (Whistle Whistle the theme).