Guess who else believes the devil is stealing his money?

Answer: Rick Warren.

"Psst. Yo, brother. Can you spare some of that stimulus money?" (Source: AP)

Despite what popular opinion is about the guy’s psychopablum and mushy mandates of the Gospel, I really have never heard of this guy beg for a dime.

What with the books, the appearances (presidential and every other type) and his sizable bank account, I thought at least he was above this.

Perhaps he was inspired. Hmmm… [cue harp music]:

Not too long, we tagged the Wall with the bemoaning of one Rod Parsley who believes Satan is stealing his cash.

Now while I firmly believe Ol’ Slewfoot is fully capable of such a diabolical act, we discovered this $3 million beg was not the case.

Turns out some “teacher” at World Harvest Church’s baby sitting factory for BeBe’s kids… er, daycare pummeled some kid, the parents sued and oh yes, won $3 million from Parsley!

Spare the Rod, spoil the child, I say. State of Ohio – 1. Devil – 0. You twit.

Fast forward to the aforementioned (and linked) story from the New York Times and we find a destitute and dang near poverty-stricken Rick Warren [honestly, I'm surprised].

In an urgent letter posted on the Saddleback Church Web site on Wednesday, Warren says expenses are up because parishioners are out of work and ”the bottom dropped out” when year-end donations dropped dramatically. He asks parishioners to donate $1 million before the new year to keep the Orange County church out of debt.

This is a pill, albeit horse-sized, that’s much easier to swallow. It’s no secret the economy blows and people are praying for God’s understanding and mercy as the tithe stays in the storehouse from it which it resides for now.

The slightly shady part is Warren knows the press monitors his Web site as much as his church members do. And to put that up online, you don’t think somewhere in the recesses of his mind there was a thought, “You know, this could become a national story. Sweet.”

Here’s an idea, mands of Gawd (shout out IST): Exercise the same faith you espouse when praying for the throng of folk who, you know, are near poverty, have no money to tithe because they need to keep on the lights and are believing God for more than just you staying on T.V.

If the Lord is big enough to answer their 911 calls to heaven – and he is – then he “sho’nuff” can answer yours.

However, forgive our Savior if he’s a little preoccupied with those who probably can’t get a loan and doesn’t have the cache reserves that you two have. Happy New Year.

Welcome to the house that Jesus built… well, not him per se.

Christmas is a time to gather with family, eat like a glutton, think about the Christ child… and how he lived. How many Jesus movies did you watch this past week?

Me? 516. At least it felt that way with every church party I visited. I enjoy them wholeheartedly but after the 200th time, maybe its claim to the “Greatest Story Ever Told” wanes a skosh.

Anywhoo, during those wonderful films, I began thinking of all the people who claim they don’t believe in God; yet, they can be heard referring to “Jesus’ day.” How do they really know anyway?!

A Jewish home in the shadows of the Church of the Annunciation. Ironic. (Source: Dan Balilty, AP)

Then, this story from USA Today comes out and I now have a referral point to that ubiquitous time in history.

Archaeologists said Monday that they unearthed remains of the first dwelling in Nazareth that dates to Jesus’ era, a simple structure of two rooms and a courtyard, said Yardenna Alexandre, excavations director at the Israel Antiquities Authority.

I love how the aforementioned folk who don’t believe in Jesus of Nazareth are fascinated by everything else in Nazareth.

While these diligent archaeologists are not claiming it is the house where Jesus lived specifically, a young Jesus may have played around the house with cousins and friends, Alexandre said.

MEMO to the Pulpit Pimps and False ‘Profits’ out there: it’s okay to admit Jesus didn’t come from riches, but rags.

This was a modest community – you know, living in dirt homes, wearing tattered tunics and driving camels. And for many in Christendom, that now visual fact could bring healing to the millions who feel a seed here and keeping up with the Joneses there have done nothing but destroy their credit… and their faith.

Yes, later in life, you can argue the Christ-child wasn’t doing that bad financially.  Spare the doxology and psychobabble, this isn’t that kind of post.

My prayer is we can all take from this discovery and confirm where the Gospel message’s focus should be – it’s about who you are and are destined to be, not what you have and what you are determined to get.

That… or call Hollywood and claim we have the makings of a new movie, “Jewish Boyz in the Hood.” Nice.

Meet a college professor who compares the cross to swastikas

So, I had a fabulous Christmas (and I pray you did as well). Stockings are down. The fridge is replenished. My family is content. And then I read this crap.

According to WOW News’ World Net Daily and Dallas‘ WFAA-TV, Liberty Legal Institute sent a Dec. 15 demand letter on behalf of Joe Mitchell, a retired General Motors employee, Dallas resident and student, to Eastfield College in the Dallas County Community College District.

This is actually a Navy Seal training center in Coronado, Calif. Nice architecture, das dunderheads.

The complaint accuses the school of an “unconstitutional attack on religious expression in the classroom.”

This story is painstakingly lodged itself in my blessed assurance for many reasons, but here’s the once-over.

Mitchell adores to make ceramic crosses as gifts. It’s more than a hobby for the guy; it’s a business in his twilight years. He’s in ceramics class for the third year where he encounters a tool professor named James Watral, chair of the ceramic department at Eastfield College.

Yeah, “CHAIR of CERAMICS!?”

Isn’t that like… well, I just don’t have an apt analogy for this.

“As Mr. Watral was giving students a tour of the pottery department, he took them to a shelving area where ceramics pieces are stored prior to being fired in the kiln,” the complaint states. “Mr. Watral then pointed to a cross and stated in front of the entire class with contempt: ‘I don’t like that.’”

To which, I say, “Big. Deal.” But wait, there’s more.

During the fall 2009 semester, Mitchell said he was constantly asked by his instructor whether he would be creating religious projects. He created a ceramic Israeli Coat of Arms, including a Menorah, to give to a Jewish friend. After the piece had been fired, he said his instructor, Chris Blackburst, asked if she could take a look at it.

“She then proceeded to compare the cross to a swastika,” his complaint states. “She stated that many individuals view the cross as an offensive symbol in the same was that many people are offended by swastikas, and that his crosses would therefore not be fired by the department.”

Ah, there’s the rub. Seriously?! A swastika. I get what our apparent devoid-of-a-heart nitwit is trying to say. The cross is offensive… to anyone with a death wish hating God for no apparent reason other than because of campy Christians they have encountered.

But to compare it with arguably the most recognized symbol in the world for hate, vitriol and bad facial hair is asinine.

What’s more daft is this guy is actually suing the college. Why? Because someone hurt his feelers?

There isn’t a week that goes by where I don’t get offended in some fashion because of some misguided comment, divisive statement or godless misanthrope just trying to get under my skin.

I call B.S. and here’s why: This whole law suit is over the fact dude is no longer allowed to fire his crosses – his merchandise – in the school’s kiln. He’s been doing this for three years and now the school is taking a harsh stance against his crosses – his meal ticket.

What the school said was completely out of line and at the very least, this “chair of ceramics” deserves a nice kick in his jingle bells. However, I’m sure the school said it at the beginning of the year.

Don’t stand in the shadow of the cross crying religious discrimination when you’re just too cheap to buy the cornerstone of the company business.

Dude has had ample time to deal with his grievances but not with his pocketbook. Orders are slow. The economy sucks. And Mr. Mitchell ain’t getting paid as he is accustomed, so he sues. You know, instead of buying his own kiln at the house.

My question is why does it take a lawyer to review the policy when this guy should have done before he took the class? Again?

My angst with anti-Jesus organizations like the ACLU are well-stated and numerous. However, what’s equally as multitudinous is my lack of empathy for folk who make Christians look worse than we already do.

This law suit is exhibit A because the amount of intelligence it takes to see through the paper-thin visage of what’s really behind this legal recourse can be found somewhere in between Tiger Woods’ belief he could ho around in private and one of those crooks in need of a disguise so instead of panty hose grabs a roll of duct tape. (Yeah, really happened.)

The chic who compared the cross with the swastika needs to have her blood stream hurled in the kiln for warmth. As for Mr. Mitchell, he just needs his law suit thrown in there… along with his tuition.

In the words of a few billion people who hate the swastika, “Oy Vey!”

Happy Santa-Baby-Jesus Day

There are anagrams for Santa that make Father Christmas more of a bastard child at a family reunion in the minds of fundamental Christians.

There are thoughts of the manger that make non-God-fearing folk want to put the holidays out to pasture.

And then there are those who love Jesus and celebrate his birth while propagating subterfuge against their children until the day they figure out that dirty old man with the beefy belly looked familiar for a reason.

The geniuses at IgniterMedia.com have done it again – this time, they tackle the stark differences and similarities between sweet baby Jesus and portly St. Nick. Enjoy this for the HOLY-days and we’ll be back with the news before the New Year.

Peace & blessings to all the Wall Watchers out there. You have blessed this enigmatic pontificate more than you know.

more about “Happy Santa-Baby-Jesus Day“, posted with vodpod

Rod Parsley: “The Devil is stealing my money”

This story takes us waaay behind the scenes into his empire (Courtesy: Breakthrough)

And yes, Wall Watchers, this cat is serious.

At least, that his latest pitch to get your hard-earned money this holiday season. Here’s the story according to the Columbus Dispatch by way of Charisma:

Evidently, televangelist extraordinaire and international huckster Rod Parsley has taken to the airwaves pleading for money – your money – that the devil has stolen from him.

As seen on his Web site, a brazen banner ad reads, “CRISIS: Will you help me take back what the devil stole?”

The Rev. Rod Parsley has issued a desperate plea for money, telling his flock that he is facing a “demonically inspired financial attack” that is threatening his ministry. Parsley is asking for donations by Dec. 31, calling that date an “unavoidable deadline” during an episode of Breakthrough.

Yeah, because he has never used the big, bad wolf in the candy red suit to earn money for marketing purposes before. Only this time, if you look under his mattress, we discover a crisis – a PR source for this ballyhoo.

When asked to comment yesterday, Parsley’s World Harvest Church issued a statement saying the recession caused a decline in member giving in 2009, which has led to a fourth-quarter deficit of $3 million despite a 30 percent reduction in the budget.

A deficit of $3 million. That is almost insurmountable these days. But it’s that specific figure. Why is that monetary value so peculiar. I think I’ve heard it before [Cue harp music].

This year, the church settled for $3.1 million with a family whose son was spanked at its day-care center in 2006, to the point his buttocks and legs were covered with welts and abrasions.

And so, there you have it. “Breakthrough” is about to break down and it’s all his fault.

MEMO to Rod’s daycare workers: That’s not corporal punishment; that’s a beating!

Welts. Abrasions. And not even on the child’s behind? This church would have sued me for manslaughter or something because I would have gone postal up in that piece so fast. Lord have mercy.

In an online message titled “Crisis-Urgent,” Parsley said ministry friends have agreed to match the first $500,000 in donations. Well, that’s nice. Apparently, your hallowed brethren doesn’t watch the news because if I could do that math that easy, I would sit you down on your plush King’s chair and ask you, “What up!”

Dude, you were liable. Pay it, shut up and move on.

That wasn’t the devil. That was your lack of supervision and guidance at the daycare. You hired thugs and hoodrats (not all of them, but come on, I have seen the inner workings of several church daycares. Anyone say “lowest common denominator”?), pay them a paltry fee of $10 an hour, no benefits and still expect them to rear someone else’s child in the way of God?!

Kushite, please!

Parsley is a piece of work. Instead of manning up and finding a way  to pay this $3 million back in the community the right way, he will shill and kowtow to his global viewing audience to get his back yet again. Good luck with that. You have 10 days left.

And to make matters even more cantankerous, we have Parsley promising a troika of blessings – in exchange for a sizable love offering – on his show: God’s favor, good health and stress-free homes.

To which I have only one thing to say, it looks like your 15 minutes may be up. And if this is how you ran your entire ministry, I believe the devil isn’t stealing from you… he’s just taking back his investment.

Former KKK Leader now an ordained COGIC minister

Is THIS what's next? Stranger things have happened.

I have heard of the pot calling the kettle black, so what in the world does this newly ordained minister for a COGIC church call his followers?

Meet Johnny Lee Clary, a good ol’ boy from Oklahoma, proud white boy who is a minister for a black denomination… and oh yeah, a former imperial wizard for the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.

This should be good.

“Bishop [George] McKinney and I both felt like racial reconciliation was needed now more than ever,” said Clary, who befriended McKinney in the early 1990s when the two spoke during a Promise Keepers event. “We feel like it makes a huge statement that the former national imperial wizard of the Ku Klux Klan would join the Church of God in Christ and reach out with the Church of God in Christ to bring racial reconciliation to America.”

In case you haven’t read your bible recently, this is called f-o-r-g-i-v-e-n-e-s-s and r-e-p-e-n-t-a-n-c-e. WOW!

You know God truly had to yank the scales from Clary’s eye sockets for him to see the error of his ways and make good on a promise to God to be “all he could for Jesus Christ.”

The word “kyklos” is Greek for circle and in the reconstruction era of the 1860s, a “circle of friends” decided to cleanse the south and then the only circle they used was the noose placed around 1000s of necks. And yet, they use the Bible for the terrorism.

Bishop McKinney knows this… and still accepted Clary into the fold, with open arms. That’s God.

“I know the answer to racial reconciliation, and that’s Jesus Christ,” he said. “They all come to me, even secular people are saying, ‘What changed you?’ I tell them, ‘The only thing that changed me was the Word of God.’ Because when I accepted Christ … I had to get my mind renewed, and that was through God’s Word.”

It’s no secret racial reconciliation still needs to improve, but stories like this really help folk answer the Rodney King rally cry.

Why can’t black men and white men preach the red-stained words of Christ together? The fact that Clary dawned a hood and burned the same cross he professes now is the headline of this story, but the heart of it is a man with a vision [McKinney] who reached out to another man with some victory [Clary].

There is not one scripture in the Bible that says God chose one race over another. People get out of the Bible what they bring to it in the first place. You get a cowardly bigot – black, white or any other hue – reading the Word of God, somehow that filter will let some of that dirt through.

I know for a fact these two brothers-in-arms are reading this one:

Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other. (John 13:34-35 MSG).

There’s hope yet, people. And in the words of a dude who can’t decide if he wants to be a white politician or a black civil rights activist, “Keep hope alive!”

Something I heard a priest say once…

I couldn’t sleep last night so I was trolling the millions of extraterrestrial channels I have piped into my TV. For some reason, I was fascinated by this documentary on EWTN (basically, The Catholic Channel).

Suddenly, I remembered something I heard a priest say:

Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress.

At which point Jesus looked over and said, “Mother!”

Where’s my rim shot when you need it. I’ll be back with the news this week. Peace.

God Sighting of the Month: Holy Egg Nog

It has become a Pentecostal mantra, a beatitude for the spirit-filled, a calling card for Holy Ghost believers ready to wage war on the devil – “The anointing destroys the yoke!”

“And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing.” (Isaiah 10:27 KJV)

With that being said and the Church saying, “Amen” can someone please explain what in the Huckleberry Finn is going in this woman’s hen house?! I mean, if what you see in this video is “from God” then isn’t this yoke pretty outstanding?!

This month’s “God Sighting of the Month” comes to us from a quaint farm in Burleson, Texas where the visionary in question probably hasn’t come close to quoting this verse in Isaiah’s book of prophecies because I’m afraid to see what kind of “Shando Shando” moment you would need to obliterate this yoke.

You be the judge. Glory!

Because even Muslim girls want a Barbie for Christmas

Like, Assalamu alaikum. Totally.

Unsure to get that special Muslim in your life for Christmas? No, not him… I mean a six-year old Muslim girl.

Well, fret no more as the wunderkinds at Mattel who brought you the lead-filled Cars memorabilia and the “American Girl” doll who sleeps in cars and is dealing with abuse (No. Joke.) proudly brings you:

Burka Barbie! (Masonry shout out to the National Post)

A Barbie collector attending the exhibition from England opined: “Bring it on, Burka Barbie … I think this is really important for girls. Wherever they are from, they should have the opportunity to play with a Barbie that they feel represents them.”

That makes sense because in the 50 YEARS of Barbie, I know many six-year-old girls whose measurements are 36-24-36. You bet, all girls who play with Barbie are thinking, “Hmmm. Girl, I know I look this good and like, I’m a ditzy bimbo too.”

As Mattel gets all P.C. with their Barbie’s, I love the National Post’s take on this fundamental fashion faux-pas:

I have seen some pretty tawdry advertising campaigns in my time, but I must say this one takes the cake for insensitivity. What’s next in dolls that are “important for girls” to play with? “Illiterate Barbie”? “Forced-Marriage Barbie”?

Genius. I’m just waiting for bin Laden’s concubine Barbie, than I think my Christmas shopping plans are complete. Thanks, Santa!

PETA gets Christians barking mad and butt naked with Jesus

Listen, before I go on a rant… hey, I’m over here… and sound like I am berating all dog lovers… I said, over here. Yoohoo… I love a good puppy dog as much as the next guy but… YO! Are you listening to me or do I have to remove this picture?!

That’s better.

As reported in the N.Y. Daily News, model Joanna Krupa has been the ire of Christians for her tawdry, sacrilegious pin-up for PETA… and the buzz around the water cooler for dirty old men everywhere.

Rocking angel wings (yeah, those are authentic) and a cleverly positioned Cross, Krupa is the focal point of a new PETA campaign, “Be an angel for animals.”

Needless to say, the Catholic league may have a thing or two to say:

“The fact is that cats and dogs are a lot safer in pet stores than they are in the hands of PETA employees,” Catholic League President Bill Donohue said in a statement. “Moreover, pet stores don’t rip off Christian iconography and engage in cheap irreligious claims. PETA is a fraud. Those who support this organization sorely need a reality check. They also need a course in Ethics 101.”

What’s next? PETCO comes out with some ads featuring a colorful parrot who hates Christians with the “Get your church to stop squawking. Tell them what Polly really wants” campaign?

Perhaps, Petsmart unveils its latest marketing blitz with Snoop Dogg and his female Pit Bull playing in front of a church with the air bubble, “Snoop says, ‘Sit Biyatch’. Jesus loves you and so do I.”

Probably not. Why is it all right to make a mockery of the cross and Christianity. I don’t PETA having Joanna Krupa pose butt naked in a mosque draped in strategically placed slabs of bacon reading, “Fear not, Pigs are our friends too.”

No, because if they did, there would be a Jihad so large, President Obama wold deploy troops to PETA’s headquarters. But, when it comes to the things of Jesus, Christians are church mouse quiet and we have to open the door for the Catholic League and the Pope to defend the rights of all Christians.

Why?

Where is the Christian uproar about this stunt? I realize most shady preachers are too preoccupied with the advertising to worry about the message, but what about the rest of you?! Is this cool with you? Should we not defend the cross, the sanctity of Christ?

No, how does another ad with Krupa naked as the day she was born with a dog in one hand and a rosary dangling in the other grab you?

And that’s supposed to be cool with you? Sure, naked people are Christians too, but do you like you porn with that certain Jesus mystique or regular?

And speaking of Playboy porn stars… er, contestants from Dancing with the Stars being Christian too, Krupa had something to add:

“It’s understandable that the Catholic League is wary of another sex scandal, but the sex we’re talking about pertains to dogs and cats. As a practicing Catholic, I am shocked that the Catholic League is speaking out against my PETA ads, which I am very proud of. I’m doing what the Catholic Church should be doing, working to stop senseless suffering of animals, the most defenseless of God’s creation.”

Now while, priests everywhere are cheering and feverishly hen-pecking away at their computer figuring out how to spell ‘Chihuahua,’ ‘Dachshund’ or ‘Great Pyrenees’ in hopes of adoption, I call B.S.

MEMO to PETA: You will never see Pope Benedict’s naked behind draped on the cover of AARP with a conveniently located Labrador Retriever saying, “I confess. I love dogs too.” What good does that do other than make millions of people reach for a bottle of Tums?!

Sure, she’s hot. Sure, it will get folks attention. Sure, they don’t care about PR. But stop presuming the Church is stupid. You got a beef against Jesus, and it’s obvious. Wall Watchers, if you care about the cross then say something… or get others to say something.

501 Front St., Norfolk, VA 23510
757-622-PETA (7382)
757-622-0457 (fax)

Ingrid Newkirk, President

I mean, this is a woman who thinks owning a pet is animal slavery so she’s probably not equipped for an intellectual debate about dogma. However, this porn shot should not be tolerable by the Church! The message is fine. The meaning is kind. The method is madness.

And if anyone is wondering, I adopted my puppy, but I assure you I was wearing a good amount of clothing when I did it. Dogs scratch… and bite, you know?

Wanna leave Scientology? Tom Cruise would like to beat you now.

Cult [kuhlt] – noun - an instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, esp. as manifested by a body of admirers: the physical fitness cult; a religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.

Often, this is the magic word reserved some of the most dastardly organizations and diabolical people to come in contact with the Body of Christ. Often, this is the word reserved for L. Ron Hubbard’s concoction, Scientology.

And for its most wide-mouthed, dimwitted focal point, Tom Cruise? He gets the booby prize for stirring the pitchers of Kool Aid. No one hearts Thetans like this dude, and according to this story by the N.Y. Daily News, he is willing to abuse the living @#$%… er, fight you for it.

A former high-ranking Scientologist official says he “documented” that church leader David Miscavige once asserted that Cruise would lend his “Top Gun” muscle to do just that. Marty Rathbun, once one of Miscavige’s most trusted lieutenants, tells us he has a witness who can corroborate his account of a bloody beating at the church’s 500-acre compound in Hemet, Calif. Furthermore, he’s brought it to the attention of Cruise’s attorney, Bert Fields.

In a previous – what appears to be prophetic – tag on the Wall, we noted Cruise was “America’s favorite couch-jumpin’, no-Prozac-takin’, psychiatrist-hatin’, vertically-challenged havin’ basket case, Tom Cruise, is now the “Godfather” of Scientology.”

Guess what? If you got something to say about this whacked-out humanistic drivel, all five-foot-nothing of Maverick will spike a volleyball down your gullet (that is, if poor guy can find a net low enough).

Apparently, for those dolts who have forgotten their way across the “Bridge to Total Freedom” (and their credit card), the kooks in the Hollywood Hills have something called “The Hole,” a prison of sorts in the national headquarters. And it’s there where Cruise learned to act the part of his movie, “Valkyrie.”

Miscavige said that Tom … had vowed to come to the Hole and personally ‘beat the living [bleep]’ out of Yager, Leserve and Mithoff [three insubordinate officials who are a skosh too lenient about folk thinking L. Ron Hubbard was a tool] if the managers failed to do so themselves.

Well, that’s one way to witness. Demented and sad, but it’ll do.

It amazes me the mind-melding these D-bags in Hollywood undergo to be so blindly devoted to a man who simply wanted to make a quick buck [note picture]. Hubbard writes a book to bash modern psychology and then, he gets an epiphany.

“If I make this a non-profit organization, I may get a tax break on these simpletons who buy my book. Brilliant!” And so, Scientology was born and Hubbard gets rich.

The guy has been dead a few years, but that doesn’t stop his drivel playing the tunes of the Pied Piper. And evidently, Tom Cruise blows it the hardest. And it’s not like Scientology is some “offer folk can’t refuse.” This is nothing more than a Ponzi scheme on crack.

The only truth you get out of Scientology is the truth you put into it. If you want to see what you end up worshiping, that would be that collagen-filled, botox-riddled muttonhead staring back at you in the mirror. And just because your mirror is gold-encrusted and bedazzled and I got mine from Wal-Mart doesn’t mean the image is any worse than you.

We are all flawed humans in need of a Savior. We are all twisted people in need of divine truth. We are all damned for hell in need of Jesus.

So, whether it takes an isolated biblical verse or someone draping his MMA gloves, one day we will all accept one religion or another. Which one is totally up to you, but anything called “The Hole” is definitely a place I know I won’t find my religion.

However, when I heard about Tom and his panache for a Napoleon syndrome, I thought of another verse:

There are people in this world who go about demanding to be killed. You must have noticed them. They quarrel in gambling games. They jump out of their automobiles in a rage. They humiliate and bully people whose capabilities they do not know. These are people who wander through the world shouting, kill me. And there’s always someone ready to oblige to them. (Vito Corleone, “The Godfather”)

Man, these two things really are mirror images of each other, aren’t they?

Cross Eyed: What if God disappeared?

This week in video evangelism, we have a harrowing video that may cause you some pause before you hit the streets for your daily errands.

I suppose I’m struck by the deluge of post-apocalyptic films I’ve seen in theaters recently. Perhaps, I’m trolling my own decaying humanity thinking of what Jesus has saved me from and what disasters he prevents into going daily.

Whatever it is, I am amazed by his grace and mercy. Again, daily.

I once heard a preacher say, “If Jesus were never real, my life is still better believing he was all this time.” Think about that the next time you are shouting with fist clinching to the skies, “Where are you, God?”

He’s there – always watching, always waiting, always willing.

We’re not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, “I believed it, so I said it,” we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God’s glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! (2 Corinthians 4:13-15 MSG)

Enjoy the viewing pleasure, Wall Watchers, and your weekend. Peace.

Junior Schuller walks in his Dad’s footsteps

It's a new day for the Cathedral and the dude who used to run it

Wall Watchers, we finally have another intoxicating episode in the Robert Schuller saga.

It’s been a while since we heard a peep from the chisel-jawed son-of-a-preacher man. After he got the boot from dear old Dad for not being a pastor in his old, shriveled image, he took a sabbatical to find his ministerial roots.

He did – right back to broadcasting as he and Chris Wyatt (co-founder of GodTube or Tangle or whatever they are calling that now) purchased AmericanLife TV with plans to make it “the destination for family values.”

Personally, I don’t get channels on my trusty satellite network that requires aluminum foil and a stiff northern wind to pick up programming, so I’ve never heard of AmericanLife TV. But there it is, and Junior Schuller snatched it for his own means.

I suppose it was learning from experience because Dad’s network is now broadcasting static and prior to that, church at the Crystal Cathedral was a MLM convention instead of ministry.

Hey, Junior Schuller, revenge really is a dish served cold… unless it’s a TV Dinner, which is where we find you. It seems the now “Chairman of ALN” took it to the airwaves this past weekend with “Everyday Life”. How’s that working out?

“This is a story of redemption,” said Schuller, ALN’s chairman.

The show is a scripted one with actors and Schuller as the narrator, telling the story of a man who has lost his way spiritually and then realizes what the important things in life are.

“Jesus taught us by telling parables,” Schuller says. “And if he were among us now, he would use video and film, which are the most powerful media available to us today. We present these ideas to our viewers. I’m telling a story here and it’s up to people to put the pieces of the puzzle together.”

Cryptic, ain’t it? The son is forced to become a prodigal by his father – one who was leading others to Christ and serving God better than most of us – and then decides to keep on walking and find his own path.

Redemption. You think?

The line about Jesus using video was probably taught to him while on his father’s knee, but now the son is becoming the teacher.

Good on ya’, Junior. We’ll all be willing for that olive branch to be extended and have ALN begin broadcasting services at the Crystal Cathedral. Wouldn’t that be rich? Dad paying Junior to be on air.

Ah, ministry. Bless the Lord.

What’s the cause for STDs among teens? Abstinence.

Next up in the “Are you friggin’ kidding me” department, we have this bewildering story from CNSNews.com.

So, there’s this federal official (John Douglas of the C.D.C. if you need him) who has seen one too many reports about crabs, the clap and that ubiquitous ‘burning sensation’ run across his sterilized desk to know someone has to be to blame for the widespread endemic of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases for those scoring at home… er, I mean, taking notes).

His official arch-nemesis? Abstinence!

Douglas headed up a panel of 15 experts (cough… MDs who are paid too dang much to do too friggin’ little… cough) called the “Task Force on Community Preventive Services. Together, the toolbox analyzed dozens of studies of sex education programs conducted between 1980 and 2007.

Did they find that sex is free; therefore is widely exercised? No. Did they find Bebe Kids rebel from an absent Dad and an absent-minded Mom, so it’s on like Donkey Kong? Not so much.

Johnny, tell them what they have won.

“The Task Force on Community Preventive Services concludes that there is insufficient evidence to determine the effectiveness of group-based abstinence education delivered to adolescents to prevent pregnancy, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs),” the recommendations state. “Evidence was considered insufficient due to inconsistent results across studies.”

What happens when a city (possibly yours) bans smoking in public places? Do people stop smoking?You know, do lungers everywhere have this grand epiphany when the law is laid down and suddenly the heat from that light bulb dangling over their crown creates a warm spot, “Hmmm… maybe this cancer stick really can kill you.”

Probably not. So, does the city pull up stakes as if to say, “So much for the smoking ban. These people sure are stubborn.”

Why quit abstinence teaching if it would stop premarital and unprotected sex?! You know it’s what’s better. Kids know if they WANT to be careful and still boink someone, they can go to the local convenience store and steal a condom… er, have a friend purchase one.

That’s the problem with government and sex-ed evangelists – you can’t teach emotion, feelings and common sense. That adage, “Kids will be kids” has stuck around for so long for a reason. They’re stupid.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a proud parent of some lil’ Wall Watchers myself, but yeah, when they become tweens… they tap into the “Stupid Zone.” Education on what’s right and wrong begins with counting the costs, not covering the costs with something you can buy in a drugstore for $2.50.

Here’s a stat for those number crunchers at the CDC, as seen in USA Today, January 2009:

“To see 26 states with statistically significant increases [in teen pregnancy] is fairly remarkable,” says Paul Sutton, a demographer with the National Center for Health Statistics, which released the data Wednesday. “We’re seeing increases in both the number of teens having births and also the rate at which they are having births. Both of them are going up.”

So, while you are trying to shoo away causes for clap slap, snow pie and rooster crow, we have babies having babies at an alarming rate. Only prayer to Jesus Christ and faith that it sticks will take care of these meddlesome kids who think there is no recourse to an innocent night between the sheets.

In other words, kids should learn it’s okay to just say no… than to just say yes to a judge for child alimony checks for 18 years. 10 minutes is not worth the next 10 years. There’s my soapbox. I’m off now… all Irish Spring fresh. (Whistle Whistle the theme).

God Sighting of the Month: Ironing out your salvation

The real Iron Man? (Courtesy: AP)

Just in the nick of time, heeee’s baaaack.

I was getting concerned Jesus didn’t have enough airline miles to make it to Earth for a cameo, but as always Wall Watchers (say it with me)…

He may not be early, but he’s always right on time. Amen!

Meet Mary Jo Coady from Methuen, Mass.

Coady, a recently separated (put a pin in that) and heavily Catholic mother of two college-age daughters, was tiding up around her home when suddenly she noticed an awkward steam impression illuminating from her iron.

I mean, plug it in and it would have been the burning bush.

The smoky residue from her GE iron created a deified image that is reminiscent of the Shroud of Turin. Or, in this case, of Methuen?

“I’m not telling people they have to see what I see, or believe what I believe,’’ Coady told the Globe today. “They are entitled to their opinion. There’s nothing wrong with that.’’ She added, “but I also know that there are people out there like me that believe and have faith. And this is a good thing.’’

That’s good because she has been plastering the steam-pressed Savior all over her Facebook page asking for everyone else’s entitled opinion as well.

Coady, whose husband recently split causing her faith to wane a skosh, says that the dry clean deity reassures her that “life is going to get better.”

Hey, if that’s what it takes, then God bless her. The only sad thing is noting she was recently separated… and for those who don’t agree with her on Facebook, now they have an idea as to the cause.