Posts Tagged ‘Testify’

It seems one of the Ten Commandments was "Thou Shalt iPhone"

Possibly not an actual picture

Ever since Steve Jobs and the iPhone posse came down from on high and delivered to us common folk his revolutionary technology, people have been looking like Cujo for the latest in “apps”.

It’s now an advertising pop culture reference but seriously, regardless of what inane need you have… hit it… “there’s an app for that.” Thanks to an oddball list in Fortune, here’s a few of the dumbest:

  • iNap – Need that power nap, then use this to play stupid noises like PC typing as your cover. As if your boss couldn’t look over your cube half wall to tell you are counting sheep.
  • Fat Burner – Can’t get rid of that spare tire, then use this app closely located above your bellybutton and watch your phone vibrate the pounds away. Suck it “The Biggest Loser.”
  • Flick a Booger – Never understand all the hubbub about “being mature” and “growing up”? Then this app’s for you.

And now, thanks to a story in the New York Times, apps have pressed an all-time low:

For religious skeptics, the “BibleThumper” iPhone app boasts that it “allows the atheist to keep the most funny and irrational Bible verses right in their pocket” to be “always ready to confront fundamentalist Christians or have a little fun among friends.”

Quite naturally, not to be outdone, some preacher’s kid living in his dad’s garage made a retort version:

Publishers of Christian material have begun producing iPhone applications that can cough up quick comebacks and rhetorical strategies for believers who want to fight back against what they view as a new strain of strident atheism.

How some real apps for thatNever mind all that Bible rhetoric and silly memory verses. Let’s make witnessing rely on straight technology. Forget all that “your word never returns void” mess. This makes preaching very… well, user-friendly.

With this dazzling display of “Wait, hold that misguided and sardonic thought” happening on any street corner near you, it seems these apps aren’t only for snarky comebacks, but the rules of engagement. Like they need that explained:

In a dozen new phone applications, whether faith-based or faith-bashing, the prospective debater is given a primer on the basic rules of engagement — how to parry the circular argument, the false dichotomy, the ad-hominem attack, the straw man — and then coached on all the likely flashpoints of contention. Why Darwinism is scientifically sound, or not. The differences between intelligent design and creationism, and whether either theory has any merit. The proof that America was, or was not, founded on Christian principles.

What kind of dolt needs a software program for the perfect bite-sized nugget in God’s Word in retort? Not this guy. Can you imagine you have that chance to lead someone to Christ on a street corner or in a restaurant, he or she is a little hostile what with all the hurting in the world and you say, “Um, hold that thought… Dear? Where’s my iPhone? I need to preach.”

Or on the other hand this bitter dude is so ready to give you the business about ‘If God is so good then so why do many bad people exist’ but first, find the app to hate on Christians because your debate skills aren’t quite what they used to be in high school.

Whatever happened to good ol’ Tetris?! Pac Man to help the time go by? Donkey Kong to assist you during those long bus ridge? Regardless, someone please stop the madness. I need to get off.

All I know is these apps are becoming a sincere pain in my Asteroids.

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Due to exploration and bad stewardship, the Jordan River could dry up in 2011

Pictures could be all we have left of the Jordan (Courtesy: Ivan Makarov)

From Genesis to the Gospel of John, Christians have become infatuated with the River Jordan. And rightly so.

This river has majestic meaning to the Body of Christ. From being parted for Joshua, Elijah and Elisha to Naaman being cured of leprosy, the Jordan River has been home to some of the most memorable and miraculous events in the Bible.

However, the most famous Jordan River marvel was the baptism of Jesus Christ by John the Baptist:

Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan to be baptized by him. And John tried to prevent Him, saying, “I need to be baptized by You, and are You coming to me?” But Jesus answered and said to him, “Permit it to be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he allowed Him.

When He had been baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:13-17 NKJV)

Glory to God! See there, that’ll preach. Needless to say, even if you are not an aficionado of Southern or Urban Gospel, this river is sacrosanct to the Church.  And so, when I read this story in Treehugger.com, I was highly perplexed:

Even the most famous and admired places aren’t immune to the problems of abuse and pollution – the Jordan River being a prime example as it’s expected to run dry by 2011 due to overexploitation, pollution and lack of regional management, according to Friends of the Earth, Middle East (FoEME).

Get that… Jesus’ river. Dry? To environmental stewards (of which, the entire Body of Christ should be), this is a harrowing story because this is another mighty body of water that has been destroyed because man was too lazy to care. This isn’t some “liberal rant”; this is ecological fact.

Not only is it historically significant but the river valley is also one of the world’s most important crossroads for migratory birds, with 500 million birds migrating twice a year.

The story continues to inform us that more than 90 percent of the river’s water has been diverted by Israel, Syria and Jordan, and what’s left is an unappealing mix of sewage, saline water, and run-off from cropland. Yet, we still go to the Holy Land in throngs recreating the aforementioned baptism of Christ unaware of this lamentable situation.

In 2011, that will no longer be possible so this is on your bucket list, call your travel agent today. However, there is a glimmer – albeit a miraculous ray – of hope:

According to FoEME, the river once had a flow rate of of 1.3 billion cubic metres a year, but now it trickles at less than 100 million cubic metres. The organization says that a rush of fresh water released into the river could save it.

This is how the Jordan River could end up if we don't act.

All it takes is a seed of faith. I've heard that somewhere before.

Is anyone preaching ahead of me here?

Wall Watchers, we are vessels of living water. And if we utilize the power of the Holy Ghost inside of us, why can’t we pray for that rush of “living water” (approximately 400 million cubic metres annually worth) to flow back into the same river that brought a well of God’s spirit to us?

On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” (John 7:37-38 NKJV)

Why couldn’t this happen? Why wouldn’t this work? We have seen the Lord do so much more with so much less.

Sure, it may seem like an asinine thought, but the FoEME is devising a water management plan to help save the River Jordan. Why can’t Christians help? God did give us dominion over this earth; we can exercise it here in the Holy Land.

Still thick in vegetation, the Jordan River was more than a lifesource for people to eat, bathe and drink. It was a barrier of protection and a divine source of inspiration. Today, after this clarion call, helping restore this river should be our obligation.

It descends into the Sea of Galilee. From there, it travels 65 miles to the Dead Sea, but because of its meandering path, it travels 104 miles to get there. That’s a lot of space to cover, but nothing is too impossible for God (Luke 1:37).

I’ll get back to fun, yuks and fresh tags, but this distressing tale is certainly Writing on the Wall.

Pray to become better stewards of this planet. Pray to be mindful of ways to conserve our resources. Pray to exercise that dominion more actively. And pray for the restoration of the Jordan. Selah. Peace.

Before I delve into this rant that has a brother scalding under the ministerial collar, allow me to share a divine perspective:

These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies and one who sows discord among brethren. (Proverbs 6:16-19 NKJV)

God hates fags is not even close what God wants to say

Sure, they can spell and coordinate colors. But, yeah, still stupid.

Now while others are acting too spiritual, let’s be real. Every one of us has transgressed at least one of these abysmal things that God hates – not feels uncomfortable, not strongly discourages, not doesn’t get a good feeling… no, he HATES these things.

That’s necessary to stress because while it is good for fun and yuks to bash a gay person in order for folk to feel all glorified, God does not hate gay people! Not one bit. If that were the case, it would be listed there.

Apparently, there is one sorely misled and misinformed group of “believers” that love to pray to God and in their spare time, they picket dead U.S. soldiers funerals and blame their death on “fags”. Keeping it classy in the 21st century.

Well, much to their chagrin and the applause of the rest of us, one military dad is taking their heathen behinds to court, according to MSNBC.com:

Hundreds of grieving families have been targeted by the Westboro Baptist Church, which believes military deaths are the work of a wrathful God who punishes the United States for tolerating homosexuality. Most mourners try to ignore the taunts. But [Marine father, Albert] Snyder couldn’t let it go. He became the first to sue the church to halt the demonstrations, and he’s pursued the group farther than anyone else.

I’m flabbergasted it took this long. Those people resemble as much of Christianity as Adolf Hitler did of God’s love. These are vile human beings who believe the Bible is there for them, and them only. They’re not out for witnessing, outreach or the Great Commission. All these troglodytes care about is saying what’s wrong with life and who is to blame for it.

In other words, if I was in the habit of hurling eff bombs like hand grenades, I would unload an arsenal on these tools. It’s shameful what they do… and try to pass it off as God’s will, way and work in this earth.

Snyder’s lawsuit accuses the Topeka, Kan., church of invading his privacy and intentionally inflicting emotional distress. He has the backing of his ex-wife and his two daughters, but Snyder insisted on being the only plaintiff.

Yeah, because that’s how you thank the brave men and women who have fought for our freedom – or worse yet, died for it – by defaming the way in which they did it. MEMO to Westboro: You are in Kansas. The next time there’s a tornado, please take a very close look for Auntie Em twirling in that joker. Please?

If those DBs had done anything in their bible study classes except figure out what catchy headlines to plaster on their Wal-Mart poster boards, they would have read and researched a few things in the bible that may show them how idiotic they are:

“If we give up and turn our backs on all we’ve learned, all we’ve been given, all the truth we now know, we repudiate Christ’s sacrifice and are left on our own to face the Judgment—and a mighty fierce judgment it will be!” (Hebrews 10:26 MSG)

Still not making a dent?

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. (1 John 4:7-9 NLT)

Listen, there is nothing that says love about these signs, actions or people. They are disgusting representations of what Christ demands from his children. And, honestly, the next time it rains in Topeka, I would drive as far and fast down the Kansas turnpike as possible. Things could get a little hot.

Oh, one other thing, if any of these soldiers are British, you’re only telling their parents that God hates cigarettes. In that case, thanks for the public service announcement. Now, you may shut up.

By the way, save your free speech argument. The U.S. Constitution never meant to allow this kind of mental disease, badgering and borderline torture for the parents of dead soldiers who have to endure these attacks.

Privacy is protected, as is free speech. With this being the blurry line between the two, I think we just need to have the pastor of this “church” and old man Snyder rock the Octagon and get down with some MMA action.

That’ll show someone a righteous action – the “laying on of hands ministry” and the “vengeance of God.” Have mercy.