Posts Tagged ‘Snoop Dogg’

Listen, before I go on a rant… hey, I’m over here… and sound like I am berating all dog lovers… I said, over here. Yoohoo… I love a good puppy dog as much as the next guy but… YO! Are you listening to me or do I have to remove this picture?!

That’s better.

As reported in the N.Y. Daily News, model Joanna Krupa has been the ire of Christians for her tawdry, sacrilegious pin-up for PETA… and the buzz around the water cooler for dirty old men everywhere.

Rocking angel wings (yeah, those are authentic) and a cleverly positioned Cross, Krupa is the focal point of a new PETA campaign, “Be an angel for animals.”

Needless to say, the Catholic league may have a thing or two to say:

“The fact is that cats and dogs are a lot safer in pet stores than they are in the hands of PETA employees,” Catholic League President Bill Donohue said in a statement. “Moreover, pet stores don’t rip off Christian iconography and engage in cheap irreligious claims. PETA is a fraud. Those who support this organization sorely need a reality check. They also need a course in Ethics 101.”

What’s next? PETCO comes out with some ads featuring a colorful parrot who hates Christians with the “Get your church to stop squawking. Tell them what Polly really wants” campaign?

Perhaps, Petsmart unveils its latest marketing blitz with Snoop Dogg and his female Pit Bull playing in front of a church with the air bubble, “Snoop says, ‘Sit Biyatch’. Jesus loves you and so do I.”

Probably not. Why is it all right to make a mockery of the cross and Christianity. I don’t PETA having Joanna Krupa pose butt naked in a mosque draped in strategically placed slabs of bacon reading, “Fear not, Pigs are our friends too.”

No, because if they did, there would be a Jihad so large, President Obama wold deploy troops to PETA’s headquarters. But, when it comes to the things of Jesus, Christians are church mouse quiet and we have to open the door for the Catholic League and the Pope to defend the rights of all Christians.

Why?

Where is the Christian uproar about this stunt? I realize most shady preachers are too preoccupied with the advertising to worry about the message, but what about the rest of you?! Is this cool with you? Should we not defend the cross, the sanctity of Christ?

No, how does another ad with Krupa naked as the day she was born with a dog in one hand and a rosary dangling in the other grab you?

And that’s supposed to be cool with you? Sure, naked people are Christians too, but do you like you porn with that certain Jesus mystique or regular?

And speaking of Playboy porn starser, contestants from Dancing with the Stars being Christian too, Krupa had something to add:

“It’s understandable that the Catholic League is wary of another sex scandal, but the sex we’re talking about pertains to dogs and cats. As a practicing Catholic, I am shocked that the Catholic League is speaking out against my PETA ads, which I am very proud of. I’m doing what the Catholic Church should be doing, working to stop senseless suffering of animals, the most defenseless of God’s creation.”

Now while, priests everywhere are cheering and feverishly hen-pecking away at their computer figuring out how to spell ‘Chihuahua,’ ‘Dachshund’ or ‘Great Pyrenees’ in hopes of adoption, I call B.S.

MEMO to PETA: You will never see Pope Benedict’s naked behind draped on the cover of AARP with a conveniently located Labrador Retriever saying, “I confess. I love dogs too.” What good does that do other than make millions of people reach for a bottle of Tums?!

Sure, she’s hot. Sure, it will get folks attention. Sure, they don’t care about PR. But stop presuming the Church is stupid. You got a beef against Jesus, and it’s obvious. Wall Watchers, if you care about the cross then say something… or get others to say something.

501 Front St., Norfolk, VA 23510
757-622-PETA (7382)
757-622-0457 (fax)

Ingrid Newkirk, President

I mean, this is a woman who thinks owning a pet is animal slavery so she’s probably not equipped for an intellectual debate about dogma. However, this porn shot should not be tolerable by the Church! The message is fine. The meaning is kind. The method is madness.

And if anyone is wondering, I adopted my puppy, but I assure you I was wearing a good amount of clothing when I did it. Dogs scratch… and bite, you know?

Statistics have shown church attendance is on the decline. People are disengaged with religion. And evagnelism just ain’t what it used to be.

Something has got to be done, but what?

DogsGoToHeaven

Evidently Woof N' Worship is catching on

If you’re the Rev. Tom Eggebeen of Covenant Presbyterian Church, you realize church attendance is going to the dogs. So if you can’t beat it, join it.

So Eggebeen came up with a hair-raising idea: He would turn God’s house into a doghouse by offering a 30-minute service complete with individual doggie beds, canine prayers and an offering of dog treats.

He hopes it will reinvigorate the church’s connection with the community, provide solace to elderly members and, possibly, attract new worshippers who are as crazy about God as they are about their four-legged friends.

Really? Can you imagine. I suppose this helped most of the octogenarians that attend church, but was it really uplifting? And did we discover if all dogs really go to heaven?

Traditionally, conventional Christians believe that only humans have redeemable souls, said Laura Hobgood-Oster, a religion professor at Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas.

“It’s the changing family structure, where pets are really central and religious communities are starting to recognize that people need various kinds of rituals that include their pets,” she said. “More and more people in mainline Christianity are considering them to have some kind of soul.”

There are many people who believe dearly departed puppies will be at the golden gates when they arrive, but don’t we need to jump start the two-legged folk in church first?

Emma Sczesniak came to Covenant for the first time, lured by the promise that she could worship with her black Lab, Midnight, and her wire-haired Dachshund-terrier mix, Marley.“I don’t have any kids, so my pets have always been my children, so it does mean a lot,” she said of the dog-inclusive service. “I haven’t been to church in a long time and this may push me into it. I’m getting older and I’ve been thinking about those things again.”

I suppose whatever works, so good on Eggebeen for thinking of it. My only prayer is that after these aloof church spectators are “pushed into it” they discover the real reason of why they should be there in the first place.

However, in case Eggebeen needs other ideas to trick up service, here’s some suggestions:

  • Announce to the Presbyterian Church that “dogma” is hereby redefined. (Where’s that rim shot?)
  • Present your illustrated sermon series about the Church going to the dogs. Or perhaps “The Stench of Sin.” I think it may be more convincing than you think.
  • Since you have a church full of older people, I’m sure one of the gentlemen in attendance battles a case of the holders during your message. Now, he can have someone to blame it on. (I know, kinda gets ya’ right in the heart, eh?)
  • Petition Pope Benedict for a new assortment of saints that’s sure to get some news: Canonize Lassie, Rin-Tin-Tin, Toto, Duke from the “Beverly Hillbillies”, Eddie from “Frasier” and of course Fang from “Harry Potter”. It is in L.A. after all.
  • Have Snoop Dogg be a guest speaker during a morning homily. It makes sense, and never mind the whole Muslim thing. You’ll diversify your church for sure, my nizzle.

Well, it ain’t their faith in God (as we have posted previously on the Wall). And although, both have a propensity for big pimpin’ clothes, where they fancy to shop isn’t it either.

No, according to this story from USA Today, the Pontiff and the Doggfather are label mates. As in Geffen Records.

The Pope has got almost a lullaby tone to the way he sings,” Geffen’s president Colin Barlow told Britain’s Telegraph newspaper, adding that the album will make a “great Christmas present.”

The Pope + A new CD = Ka-Ching!

The Pope + A new CD = Ka-Ching!

Who is he? The Holy See or Luther Vandross?!

What, someone genuflects to kiss his ring, begging for forgiveness of sins and B16 belts out “Give Me the Reason.” Nice.

And naturally, the record label is shilling for stocking stuffers. What else says ‘Merry Christmas’ in a more festive way than singing yuletide tunes in Santa Claus’ native tongue, German.

Ahh… I can smell the beer-encrusted, pretzel-flavored fruitcake already.

The name of the CD will be “Alma Mater,” which will be “featuring the pope’s chants and prayers along with eight original classical compositions.”

Now I know what I bookend my “Chant” CD collection with the dulcet tones of the Benedictine Monks.

Just be wary, your Holiness. Catholics serve wine and uh… well, just swap tunes with the new family and upload “Gin & Juice” on the iPod. Your labelmate is talking about something else entirely. Just sayin’.

So, mark you calendars, Saints. November 16, the CD hits iTunes and the The P-izzle will “dropping it like it’s hot.” West-Syde!

For those who have been aficionados of Hip-Hop, we now have to add another larger group of acolytes who will pose the universal question, “Who Am I (What’s My Name)?” as some dude named Cordozar Calvin Broadus, Jr. has joined the Nation of Islam.

And he even comes with his own monastic robe. What, no colors?

And he even comes with his own monastic robe. What, no colors?

Who? Oh, you may know Calvin X as “Snoop Dogg.”

According to the BBC of all places, it’s a fact: Snoop has given up bacon and white women for prayer five times daily.

The rapper, who described himself as the “leader of the hip-hop community”, told followers he would share what he learned with other musicians. He told reporters that he joined the group because he was “doing what’s right and representing what’s right”.

To this, I applaud him. All the money in the world can’t buy you a ticket to heaven, only acceptance in Jesus can do that. At least he is in the right direction of godliness and sanctity. I mean, it has to be a lot better than worshiping “Thaa Godfather” and all that “Chronic” of which I’m sure he only inhaled.

However, the story gets a little more bleak as you continue the read. So, Snoop, why are a member of the Nation again:

I’m an advocate for peace, I’ve been in the peace movement ever since I’ve been making music. My whole thing is not about really trying to push my thing on you. It’s just about the way I live, and I live how I’m supposed to live as far as doing what’s right and representing what’s right – that’s why I was here today.”

Listen, we have all had transgressions of which we are ashamed. And God can forgive, deliver and set us all free. But not even Allah is that dumb?!

If you have always been such an advocate for peace, why would you pen a hymn with these lyrics found in your platinum hits like “Murder was the case”, “Gin & Juice” and “Snoop’s Upside your Head.”

That’s like some preacher crawling on the TBN sound stage saying, “Seriously, Paul. I have never sinned, only been in a few minor incidents that didn’t go in my favor.” It’s foolish to think anyone would believe that… namely when all your issues can be found on Google.

So, here’s to hoping this new found faith serves you well and brings you to a place of enlightenment. Hopefully then, you will come to know the saving grace of Jesus in your theological studies. Or at least when researching a new rap lyric that rhymes with “Cheese Us” or maybe a stretch with “Pizza-s”.

I’m sure your fans will follow you “from tha Chuuuch to da Palace” but as they do, O’ Pied Piper of the LBC, just remember they will be looking to hear much more than about your Chucks and creased khakis, they will want to see that new faith in motion. You feel me?

For the young, aimless ones out there, we can only hope and pray you do.