Posts Tagged ‘security’

Times are tough. People are getting two jobs to make ends meet. Some are changing careers for signing bonuses. But there are the few who dare to invest in the future.

Meet this tool: Joshua Witter, avowed Atheist and Orlando financial madcap.

You see, he’s got this cracked idea to scam Christians out of these cash in lieu of the rapture. Uh yeah, as in cashing in on being left behind.

About 70 people have paid the Orlando man about $5 a piece to get their messages to those doomed to face the plagues, pestilence and darkness of Armageddon.

Rapture carNo one knows the time or the hour, but hey, give this dolt your money to tell Mom an’dem your dancing in the heavenlies while they are wondering how they ended up on the movie set of “I Am Legend.”

Witter, who has professed “he’s screwed anyway,” has guaranteed these people who are so heavenly minded that he’ll deliver fond good byes to loved ones who will be no earthly good.

Here’s a thought: While these God-fearing people are busy digging under their pillow in the “Apocalypse Travel Fund” for this dude, anyone thought of possibly witnessing to the guy?!

I’m pretty sure we can all presume he’s on a one-way ticket to hell, so um, how about being a real Christian and try to derail his train ride to the pit?

While these buffoons are missing the mark, Witter is stretching his entrepreneurial wiles and marking a big fat “X” with his Web site, Admittedly, it began as a joke but what’s that Mr. P.T. Barnum? More than every minute?

Since 2005, Witter said he has sold more than 200 items, most of them T-shirts and coffee mugs, and many of those (he admits) to friends and fellow atheists. Among the best sellers are the line of I-Told-You-So cards, which sell for $8. Some of those who ordered the cards — Witter suspects they are not true Christians — are willing to pay extra to have them sent early as Christmas cards.

What’s that? When you care enough to send the very least?

Witter has read all the “Left Behind” books, is convinced he ain’t going anywhere when Jesus comes to get all of us and is already planning on dealing with locusts in his Wheaties, bumping into walls because he can’t see a thing and trying not to sit with all the boils on his butt.

So, why not? Get paid while you are still here, right? At least, the dude’s got a brand promise:

“Your hope lies with me. I am your mailman,” he vows. “I’ll do my best come Hell or high water to deliver those letters.”

And I guess if Jesus doesn’t return while he is alive, all that money will act as a love offering. Ah, nice how things come full circle, eh?

When people think of the Amish, ideas of horse-drawn carriages, carpentry and homemade clothes come to mind.

While having a good trade to fall back on is a good idea in this economy, driving your buggy and steed in the middle of rush-hour traffic can usually get your traded into jail for moving (or lack thereof) violations.

They’re simple people – living on the farm, ignoring the things of this world like electricity and modern technology and avoiding the government at all costs. Only now, it’s at a cost… and a lot.

Because even they get tired of cheese and wheat

Because even they get tired of cheese and wheat

You see, people aren’t driving to their remote farms to buy handmade chairs and freshly spewed milk like they used to do when things were booming.

So, according to this story in Los Angeles Times, the Amish are reconsidering their stance on Uncle Sam and taking the handout – unemployment checks cometh.

Why the change of heart over government aid? The recession is sticking everyone in their blessed assurance, and since it’s there… meh?

It’s remarkable how subjective folk get about the Bible. Some people are so ensnared into legalism, live without a TV and only listen to Christian radio, but that refrigerator is stacked with Coors Light.

Others are liberal with their theosyncratic ways but are vociferous about political issues like abortion. Huh?!

You don’t go to church but on Mother’s Day and Christmas, yet there you are on the street corner quoting scripture about pro-life louder than James Dobson? I just don’t get people sometimes.

I’m not saying the Amish shouldn’t do what it takes to feed their families, but if you are going to be committed… stay that way. Don’t make an exception on your ethical and biblical principles and ask for repentance later. That’s not stewardship. That’s hypocrisy.

Better yet, you’re Amish… only when it comes to keeping up with Ye Ole’ Joneses, and then magically, you’re a Mennonite. I know, I know, you all look alike so why not act like your sect allows car travel so brother can get a job off the range? Dude, shave the beard, keep the Bible and get up to date. Like past the 18th century.

I pray that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers (3 John 2)

You can do that without going to the club and acting the fool. So why wax the colonial period and swear off technology? God still blesses my family like he would any Amish one. Women can wear jeans without looking like harlots (just don’t watch MTV), so why not join the revolution and stop getting nice with the to-the-ankle drapes… er, dresses?

Let the Lord be magnified, who has pleasure in the prosperity of his people (Psalm 35:27)

amish-gone-wild2If you’re Amish or Mennonite or just tore up, good on ya’ for the strong foundation and keeping it really real. And this is not a “name-it-and-claim-it” starter kit, but if you need to take care of your family, consider the many ways God can help you to do so.

As long as you admonish the Lord in all you do, you are living a life of sacrifice and humility. You will love your neighbor as you love yourself. And, you will love the Lord with all your heart, soul, strength and mind.

Looking homely or not. Rocking the Abraham Lincoln or not. Isn’t that was God really wanted for his children anyway? It’s just a question… but then again, who am I talking to?!

They’re Amish. Like they have a computer. Ah well, maybe they can buy a laptop with that unemployment check.

“Everything’s bigger in Texas.”

Who hasn’t heard that adage? Evidently, megachurch pastors in the Lone Star state as they have spawned the trend of bigger churches, just in smaller and several locations.

Rather than make their [megachurch pastors] voluminous auditoriums even bigger, they are creating smaller, community-based congregations. These offshoots help relieve crowded sanctuaries, shorten members’ commutes and spread church ministries into untapped territories.

megachurch_poster_seats“Offshoots”?! Try more like adorned buildings with a big TV screen. I don’t get the “satellite church,” people. Am I missing something? Going to church… to watch TV? Is TBN so bad that you have to decorate a media room with crushed velvet, high back chairs, offering boxes and the choir?!

But, like the croup and the flu, this stuff is catching.

The trend from mega to mini has gained momentum nationwide. An estimated 22 percent of U.S. megachurches — those with 2,000 or more at weekly services — started or were considering satellites in 2000, according to a megachurch study by the Hartford Institute for Religion Research and Leadership Network. Last year, that percentage grew to 59 percent.

So, here’s a thought: is this being responsible to the needs of the environment or just a clash between vanity run-a-muck and multiple personality disorder?

Sure, these multiple “churches” are saving time on traffic, but it’s still all going to the same trafficker. Listen, if you have a following and the throng just has to see you in the moment, I’m not mad at ya’. Good on ya’. But what happens if pastor isn’t on his game? Or there’s a guest speaker?

What, does the on-location host pastor change the channel? Maybe they plug in the XBOX 360 and play “Halo,” you know, to keep it heavenly minded.

Unfortunately, it seems there is no happy medium with these bustling churches – either they go “big box” and become Wal-Mart’s inner court or they cash iner, reach out to its multitudes and create more geographically centric “minichurch” locations. What’s a pastor to do?

God is omnipresent and churches are becoming very savvy at marketing, public relations and technology. Praise the Lord for that, but what are they doing that the other churches on the corner not doing?

Maybe instead of holding $400 per ticket conferences to teach monkey-see-monkey-do, these innovative, jean-wearing preachers should leave their plush, tuck-and-roll office chairs once in a while to teach the lesser-thans how to earn enough money to buy a TV, much less broadcast from it. Just a thought.

To include "repositioning yourself" on the couch and catch "Return of the Jedi"

To include "repositioning yourself" on the couch and catch "Return of the Jedi"

It was a day of pomp, circumstance and about two million of the Obama’s closest friends. But none of that hullabaloo stopped the BarackStar and family from going to church for the first time as the first family.

So, off they went to St. John’s Episcopal Church, better known as “The Church of the Presidents”, to hear the dulcit tones of “America’s Best Preacher,” Bishop T.D. Jakes… because when you want to kick things off, a brother has to go all out. Right?

According to Time magazine, his message for concise and was the polestar of the day’s festivities:

Dallas pastor Bishop T.D. Jakes offered a warning as well as a blessing: “You cannot change what you will not confront,” he said. “This is a moment of confrontation in this country … The problems are mighty and the solutions are not simple, and everywhere you turn there will be a critic waiting to attack every decision that you make. But you are all fired up, sir, and you are ready to go. And this nation goes with you. God goes with you.

I’m sure there was more homiletics involved, but he was personally asked by the president to preach, so what do you expect? A fire and brimstone message of how sinners will burn in hell, even those with a peculiar middle name that sounds remarkably Muslimer, anti-Christian?! Not so much.

However, if the mand of Gawd (S’up ST) was fallible in any area of his fecund message was his small talk and proclivity for pop culture references, according to the great Jeffrey Weiss of the Dallas Morning News:

According to the media pool report of Barack Obama’s Inauguration Day Prayer Service, Bishop T.D. Jakes messed up on his pop-culture science fiction… and ended his prayer with: I say to you as my son who is here today, my 14-year-old son – he probably would not quote scripture. He probably would use Star Trek instead, and so I say, ‘May the force be with you.”

“Keep it real.” I love it when that phrase sticks close to the vest… or the collar. Nice, indeed.

2008 brought us “Iron Man,” “The Incredible Hulk,” and the masterful “The Dark Knight.”

Summer blockbusters. Much ballyhooed films. And 2009 proves to be no different. But here is a movie preview you may not have seen that involves the Terminator.

No, not that one about “salvation.” This one seen below. Enjoy.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Cross Eyed: The Greatest Action Story…“, posted with vodpod