Posts Tagged ‘revival’

It has become a Pentecostal mantra, a beatitude for the spirit-filled, a calling card for Holy Ghost believers ready to wage war on the devil – “The anointing destroys the yoke!”

“And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing.” (Isaiah 10:27 KJV)

With that being said and the Church saying, “Amen” can someone please explain what in the Huckleberry Finn is going in this woman’s hen house?! I mean, if what you see in this video is “from God” then isn’t this yoke pretty outstanding?!

This month’s “God Sighting of the Month” comes to us from a quaint farm in Burleson, Texas where the visionary in question probably hasn’t come close to quoting this verse in Isaiah’s book of prophecies because I’m afraid to see what kind of “Shando Shando” moment you would need to obliterate this yoke.

You be the judge. Glory!

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In our days of church visitation, membership and revivals, I’m sure we have seen our fair share of traveling evangelists.

You know the type:

  1. Sweaty Weight Watchers Guy – This is the dude who sounds like he is snoring in his sleep while very much awake. I mean, if he inhaled any deeper the choir loft drapes would be down his gullet.
  2. Theological Big Wig Guy – He’s typically a pastor with alphabet soup after his name and delivers that perfect homiletical sermon that will either inspire you quietly or put you to sleep like Sominex.
  3. Famous Just Got Saved Guy – Usually an athlete that TBN traipses out on TV like a prized Lipizzaner stallion. All he has to discuss is his testimony (meh) but hey, he’s famous so it’s good for ratings and attendance.
  4. And there’s this guy… er, kid. For my entertainment and ecumenical value, I’ll take this toddler any day. He preaches with more fire than I have seen in quite a while. Enjoy.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Cross Eyed: Toddler gets his preach on!“, posted with vodpod

Ever since 9-11, standards for airline security has been acclerated and enforced just a tad. Maybe you heard?

At least this guy was better prepared

At least this guy was better prepared

Well, one thing is for sure, a Bolivian pastor apparently didn’t get the news because he took more on board his flight to Cancun with more than just his carry-on bible.

Mexican investigators are evaluating a Bolivian pastor who hijacked a jetliner for possible mental illness, and trying to figure out how he managed to slip through Cancun Airport security with a fake bomb in his luggage.

Well, at least it was a fake. Just a “juice can with some lights on it.” I mean, he just wanted to put the “fear of God” in people. That’s evangelism, right? Yeah, not so much.

So, tell us Pastor Jose Flores, why the bomb? Numerology, of course.

Flores told authorities that [the recent date of] 9-9-09 is the satanic number 666 turned upside down. Speaking to reporters after he was detained, Flores smilingly told them: “Christ is coming soon.” He said he had received divine revelation that an enormous earthquake would soon strike Mexico and that he hijacked the plane to force a meeting with President Felipe Calderon.

Hey pastor, in lieu of the impending apocalypse, you may want to mix in one of those sandwich board signs telling everyone in Terminal A to repent and seek God’s face. That’s effective… and lawful under the U.S. Constitution.

But this? Suffice to say, I can think of better ways to do an illustrated sermon. Maybe I’ll carry a huge hammer to his jail cell, as an example. Given the fact this guy is a big tool, I think God will give him that revelation too.

(Masonry shout out to Crummy Church Signs for the well, crummy church sign.)

Adam Lambert lost!

I know, but if that was a spoiler to you and you’re still jonesin’ for some American Idol, buy the XBOX game.

Idol WorshipIt was stunning when folksy/bluesy Kris Allen won the show because despite how Adam butchered the great Johnny Cash, he still has that voice.

Now, in the HiScrivener household, it was merely a vocal contest… because Adam? Yeah, come on. Those pictures of him with other hims wasn’t just a drunken stupor gone bad.

That said, there arose a loud, boisterous contingency before the grand finale that presumed this contest became “gay guy vs. Christian guy.”

And, according to the esteemed Mark Joseph of BullyPulpit.com (and this interesting story from FOX News), the large Christian viewing audience of Idol thought the return of Clay Aikener, they needed to keep this a family show by making Kris the winner.

“Idol is the No. 1 show on TV at least in part because it’s so family-friendly, and it also appeals to a large demographic of Christian viewers….Many of Idol’s previous winners–Jordin Sparks, Carrie Underwood, Ruben Studdard–are devout Christians. Coincidence? Perhaps. But we don’t know much about Lambert’s faith, and that might hurt him with Christian voters. He could be extremely religious, but he’s kept his religious beliefs quiet.”

And then there was that Danny Gokey, praise leader fella.

Say what you will, but people – by and large – don’t EVER vote for the best… just the closest to them. As Joseph cited, 96 percent of African-Americans voted for Obama. You think all of my brothers and sisteres were studied up on foreign policy?! Probably not.

Much is the same about this talent show. Kris can sing. So can Adam. But… let’s vote for more than the way songs bellow out of his diaphragm because, after all, isn’t that why my lil’ Wall Watchers will buy the winner’s CD?!

Yeah, again, probably not.

So, for those who voted along the man-scara, guy-liner demarcation in this year’s American Idol, here a clip that was set loose after Kris Allen. Had I known this, I would have voted for him… twice. Praise God.

For years, certain megachurch pastors – event planners of the lukewarm pablum, if you will – have monochromatically aligned their proselytizing with about as much fervor as choosing the right socks to wear with an Italian suit.

You know, no passion but concerned with the aesthetics of it all.

PD*28795882Anywhoo, a big huzzah to the seeker-sensitive pastors of the world because all the cheerleading you do for a “good life” and a “better you” and the “best energy” God can muster has finally paid off.

Jesus caved in, left the right hand of his father, dawned some Levis and has become your official mascot thanks to bronze statue outside an East Sussex church in England and this story from The Telegraph (UK).

Here hangs our Lord, ravishing with some designer beach-bummin’ threads, hair flailing in the wind and rocking a major three-o-clock shadow.

Looking hot, J.C. Now, that’s my kind of Savior.

[Snap. Snap. Go in a circle. Snap.]

Father [David, of the Our Lady Immaculate and St. Philip Neri Catholic Church in Uckfield] Buckley said: “You are always looking for new ways to enrich people in the experience of Christianity and it is good people can be open-minded to appreciate it.

Sounds like a life preserver of spin control out of a reputation downfall to me.

Contemporary clothing. fresh locks, no grooming issues. Ah, there’s the rub.

People are in such a frentic rush to ensure Jesus can relate to modern-day issues that we push the envelope of sacrilege to present a Jesus is feeling a 21st century vibe.

NOW LOOK AT HIM?! Is that how he looked like carrying his hoist beam on the Via Dolorosa? Probably not, but I’m sure folk were complimenting his stylish Birkenstocks along those cobblestone streets.

No, that’s not in the Bible, but then again, neither is most of the drivel the aforementioned Kumbaya Klan shells out on Sundays. I’m just sayin’.