Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

The real Iron Man? (Courtesy: AP)

Just in the nick of time, heeee’s baaaack.

I was getting concerned Jesus didn’t have enough airline miles to make it to Earth for a cameo, but as always Wall Watchers (say it with me)…

He may not be early, but he’s always right on time. Amen!

Meet Mary Jo Coady from Methuen, Mass.

Coady, a recently separated (put a pin in that) and heavily Catholic mother of two college-age daughters, was tiding up around her home when suddenly she noticed an awkward steam impression illuminating from her iron.

I mean, plug it in and it would have been the burning bush.

The smoky residue from her GE iron created a deified image that is reminiscent of the Shroud of Turin. Or, in this case, of Methuen?

“I’m not telling people they have to see what I see, or believe what I believe,’’ Coady told the Globe today. “They are entitled to their opinion. There’s nothing wrong with that.’’ She added, “but I also know that there are people out there like me that believe and have faith. And this is a good thing.’’

That’s good because she has been plastering the steam-pressed Savior all over her Facebook page asking for everyone else’s entitled opinion as well.

Coady, whose husband recently split causing her faith to wane a skosh, says that the dry clean deity reassures her that “life is going to get better.”

Hey, if that’s what it takes, then God bless her. The only sad thing is noting she was recently separated… and for those who don’t agree with her on Facebook, now they have an idea as to the cause.

This week in video evangelism, we have a stark reminder of someone we have all met – that one legalistic blowhard for Christ who, in a dire attempt to witness with every waking moment, turns off every individual within throwing distance.

This hilarious video beautifully illustrates those dense folk. I knew a guy that I actually attempted to discuss the previous Sunday’s festivities on the gridiron at church one day.

To wit, he responds, “Football is great to see John 3:16 on TV, but I prefer to be outside the stadium preaching it. Amen?” People moaned. Some brothers passed gas. And everyone in the circle gave the obligatory “Well, uh yeah” while rolling their eyes back in their medulla.

This one’s for each of you.

Let’s keep it real, Wall Watchers. You would be surprised the kind of fish you catch without all that stink on your bait. Just sayin’.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Cross Eyed: Witnessing Metaphorically“, posted with vodpod

 

Oaths.

Funny things, aren’t they?

People take an oath when they get married, and how’s that working out for half of this globe? Oaths are performed when swearing someone into office, and that seems to be for show. And then, there are those oaths that a witness takes when they are about to lie their tail off about the plantiff.

You know, it’s a good thing those don’t mean a thing to God; otherwise, he would smoke some fools like Zeus with a lightning bolt.

Those are most of the examples of which I can imagine. That is until Acme Arena member Bene Diction decided to challenge meer, request I write about this Holy Ghost hullabaloo.

Brian TamakiNow I will warn you, this story hails from the New Zealand Herald. You would expect praise heaped upon Kiwis (quite honestly, some of my fave Wall Watchers are Aussies and Kiwis), but this fool is one big pitted-out prune.

Meet Brian Tamaki, leader of one of New Zealand’s largest megachurches, Destiny Church.

Evidently, he liked the view from his pulpit, peering over his serfdom, so he decided it would be a good move to promote himself from pastor to bishop and insist the male members [only them] of the church were his “spiritual sons”. That’s sweet, namely around “Father’s Day.” Good times, uh, Dad?

However, during that same service, the adoption became indoctrination as:

At a special service during the church’s annual conference in Auckland at the weekend, about 700 male members of the church swore a “covenant oath” of loyalty and obedience to Mr Tamaki and were given a “covenant ring” to wear on their right hands.

Look, dude. You call it what you want, but that is a Promise Ring! As in what I gave my 5th grade girlfriend back in the day. (Then, when that relationship didn’t work out, I gave it to what was behind Door #2).

According to the story, these men were former addicts, criminals and all-around bad seeds made nice. So, what a better way to welcome these emotionally challenged boys than make them wear slightly eerie promise rings and signed oaths that read:

“To you Bishop we pledge our allegiance, our faithfulness and loyalty. We pledge to serve the cause that is in your heart and to finish that work. Success to you and success to those who help you – for God is with you.”

That sound you hear was a mighty rushing wind… of me, dashing to the bathroom. Please, I think I have a little throw up in my mouth.

Remember Jonestown

Courtesy: Covertress. Peace.

People, that is not a church service. That is a cult warm-up session.What’s next? A nice, refreshing glass of Kool Aid?

Now, Bene clearly dissects that oath, which is worth the paper it was printed upon, but for grins here are some low-lights:

  • How to act toward dear ol’ Dad: The “sons” are told that “Bishop is the tangible expression of God”, so they need to understand how to properly approach their man of God “to protect the anointing and not transgress this special relationship”. They must ensure that Mr. Tamaki and his wife are both honoured, cared for and given appropriate respect. “Bishop is a people person. Often it is better we offend others than him.”

That’s sweet. However, if Dad were to instruct all his Bebe Kids to actually read the Bible, they would discover:

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you (John 14: 16-17 KJV).

The day some greasy haired toolbox takes the place of my Jesus, I’m checking out of this place with the quickness. Next?!

  • How to act around Daddy Dearest: Don’t start talking or gesturing to somebody else while Bishop is speaking. The “sons” must never openly disagree with Mr. Tamaki in front of others and must “be careful not to become familiar (which can lead to contempt)” with him “due to his friendliness and openness”

I love the trend here. Here’s “Dad” demanding to be called “Mr. Tamaki” in a legal-ish contract. What? Are these 700 men the bastard children at your family reunion? Moving on.

  • How to act around those not digging Dad’s get-up: They must never tolerate anyone (regardless of who they are) speaking or talking critically of Mr Tamaki and his wife/family or the church. “You are not only to stop them in their tracks but warn them that they criticise you when they criticise Bishop.”

Brother, you have one of your goons touch a serious brother, he’ll show what the “laying on of hands” is all about. And trust me, he will stop that dead in its tracks.

When did Jesus ever demand this of his disciples, much less the rest of throng who followed him? Never. Outside of the Sermon on the Mount, the only oath he made them take was this:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:36-40 NIV)

Now, that’s telling it like it is. Problem with Tamaki is he can’t love his neighbor like himself because he apparently doesn’t like himself that much. How else would you explain this self-deified regimen? He heard from God this would be a swell idea. I don’t think the Lord’s voice could penetrate all that hair product personally.

start-your-own-cult-today-how-to-religion-funnyThe word is out on this cult-figure tool. He knows it, so he decides to send the goon squad over to the local news station for a nice talk.

In a statement today, Destiny Church objected to what it alleged was inaccurate commentary by an “unidentified” individual in the TV3 news item, and the hidden camera footage. The statement said Destiny Church “had always had an open-door policy towards the media and general public and believes this trust has been breached by TV3 in their covert approach in this instance”.

The statement also said “a number of comments made by the individual (in the Campbell Live item) were grossly inaccurate” and questioned the credibility of its source, “which the programme fails to identify”.

It wasn’t like TV3 hired James Bond to go in there cloaked in subterfuge and yank the mystery out from the man. A reporter got a copy of this inane oath and told the world. Tamaki is eating a lot of crow, so he’s a skosh tweaked.

This isn’t biblical, but MEMO to Brian Tamaki: You can only put cologne on without taking a shower so many days in a row. After a while, that stink is going to be detected.

In other words, this story reeks to high heaven and Tamaki’s tail end is at the front of it. This is not of the Lord. Jesus is not pleased with you trying to make involuntary robots out of these people. You should be ashamed of yourself, but that will happen the day we get raptured.

Oh, and the worst part…

Oath takers paid $295 – plus a $5 administration fee – for the ring symbolising their loyalty to Bishop Tamaki. Some were given the option of paying the ring off over time. Members were also asked for $10 to fund the Destiny School building extension, and a gold-coin donation to Destiny Television Ministries.

After reading that, I have another saying… but um, I’ll just keep that to myself.

Hulk and his bookRecently, we posted on the Wall the trials, tribulations and tumultuous love gone awry in the life of Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea.

Back then, we read his ex-wife and wanna-be reality starlet, Linda, had gone cougar and began shtupping with one of her incarcerated son’s buddies. Classy.

Since then, the divorce proceedings have reeled this family, no one has a TV show and the only people left dealing with this drama are the family involved.

However, ever-clamoring for the elusive limelight, Hulk Hogan found a way to crawl back into our line of sight.

He’s got a tell-all memoir making national news because he admits he considered suicide after the divorce was final.

In his new book “My Life Outside the Ring,” the former wrestler describes how he hit rock bottom after breaking up with his wife of 23 years, Linda, and coping with his son Nick’s accident in which he lost control of Hogan’s Toyota Supra.

The odd thing is while the lights, camera and action was breaking loose in the Hogan/Bollea household, it was the daughter of another iconic sports figure who saved Hulk’s life – Lalia Ali.

I know… really?!

Hogan said Ali, the daughter of boxing great Muhammad Ali, prevented him from committing suicide after he had downed a cocktail of Xanax and rum. She called after noticing he had been looking distracted at work.

“Work” being a sidekick on the redux of failed sports show, “American Gladiators.” The moment she called, his hand was reportedly on the trigger; thus, the catalyst of his “spiritual awakening.”

According to PopCrunch.com, he continued to forget his Hulkamaniacs and focus on his own despair:

Hulk writes: “There were times when I thought that a whole bottle of pills would go down easy . . . Then I noticed the gun in my hand. I was careless with it . . . I kept my finger pressed right to that trigger . . . and if I moved that finger an inch in the right direction . . . I would have blown my brains out.”

I know when we see people larger than life, it’s difficult to remember these Hollywood types are just people – real feelings, real emotion, really jacked up.

God’s got your attention now, Hulkster. Forget the pythons. Ignore the vitamins. This is about your prayers. What’cha gonna do?

Keep on rollin'

Keep on rollin'

A little more than a year ago, I was in a dark and dreary place.

Unemployed. Beat down. And alone… at least it felt that way. I had this cushy office. Huge window overseeing downtown and all the world was my stage.

Then, the floor opened and swallowed me whole. The industry I cherished stuck a rusty hacksaw blade square between my shoulder blades.

That, while my former boss left her swanky and pretentious designer shoe in my behind as I was leaving the office.

Sure, “cutbacks” was the answer, but when you have a family months later looking for food, toys and a brave “man of the house,” I can’t really sell them with “Well, I really didn’t do anything wrong.”

Online searches, headhunters and going to network meetings with all my church and media friends wasn’t paying off. I needed something… fast.

Then it happened – My Fair Lady decides to tell me, “You write for churches. You work in the media. Make a blog. Please?” Yeah, so I wasn’t the model Jesus-loving guy five months into my forced sabbatical and her plea of desperation got me strolling toward WordPress.org.

And “The Writing on the Wall” was born. Today, 200,000 hits later, I still write amazed and humbled in God’s grace.

From Madagascar to Mexico, the U.S. to the U.K., Australia to Azerbaijan and all sundry points in between, thank you.

Oh, give thanks to the Lord! Call upon his name; Make known his deeds among the peoples! (1 Chronicles 16:8 NIV)

Consider this post making it known and me giving thanks to the other bricks in the Wall, the ACME Arena, WOW News and the 1000s of e-mails and comments. They all keep me going and focused on what’s real about the Bible and Jesus.

You saved me from going bananas and quite possibly losing hope, faith and love. No joke. The cagey comments. The personal e-mails. The links. The love. All of it has been a source of inspiration and shelter of peace amidst a very tumultuous storm.

Seriously, thank you very much indeed and please keep taggin’.

Peace,

HiScrivener