Posts Tagged ‘porn’

And before you ask, yes, this is legit sans photoshop.

That is a Playboy magazine cover with what looks like a silly choir boy depicting Jesus Christ holding hands with a half butt-naked, Portuguese model. And although this is completely blasphemous, you think anyone is raising a kerfuffle about this?

What’s that? Haven’t heard this story on CNN? Didn’t catch wind of this through ABC? Was even a mystery on TBN and Daystar, for God’s sake?

Yeppers.

Why did they do something so heinous, so sardonic and so blatant. ‘Cause they can.

Once again, my theory rings true: Christianity is the world’s only legal prejudice – without reprocussion, without fear.

And add to the list the publisher of Playboy Portugal. Well, former publisher as it seems even porno, viagra should-be spokesman Hugh Hefner has scruples, according to MSNBC.

Theresa Hennessy, who is vice president of public relations at Playboy, told the newspaper, “We did not see or approve the cover and pictorial in the July issue of Playboy Portugal,” adding that “it is a shocking breach of our standards and we would have not allowed it to be published if we had seen it in advance.”

“We are in the process of terminating our agreement with the Portuguese publisher,” Hennessy said.

Ya’ think?! Yes, it would be lovely if Christians everywhere united and got off their blessed assurance to call the publication and demand more than just a slight “termination” (because you know the executives will be given jobs at Playboy Ukraine or something like that). But I enjoy living so I don’t think I will hold my breath.

What I will do is this: groan, kick and scream at anyone who bothers to spread the crap a skosh too thin with the half-baked “It’s freedom of press and speech” argument. Can you imagine if that was Muhammad on the cover? Hell, Louis Farrakhan even?

Hef’s brothel would be carpetbombed within the hour! Yet, here we go, back to church on Sunday, “Gurl… can you believe that cover. Child, please. You know God don’t like ugly.”

“Come on HiScrivener. They are cancelling the publication. What more do you want?”

Yeah, not so fast. Here’s the real reason:

The magazine’s Portuguese subsidiary, Frestacom-Lisbon Media Publishing, reportedly neglected to show the cover to Playboy before publication, thereby breaching the licensing agreement between the two companies.

Ah well. So much for scruples.

By the looks of national TV ratings, not many people have been watching the “Miss USA” pageant for the past… decade.

And with the exception of Carrie Prejean and her Christian eh, purchased endowments, no one on earth could name the last nine Miss USAs, save Donald Trump. And he could only do it with his wife’s help.

Enter newly crowned Miss USA 2010 Rima Fakih. Come on down! You’re the contestant on “Something is just not right.”

Sure, she's cute... but look behind her mosque.

According to ABC News (and the aforementioned link… with video), the triumphant walk for the new Miss USA took her straight into controversy as a Muslim woman who flaunts her beauty, and who once flaunted it so well she won a stripper contest.

Shortly after the release of pictures showing Fakih cradling a dozen roses across her strapless white dress while balancing a shimmering tiara on her head, came photos of Fakih in red short shorts, a tiny tank top and towering stilettos while balancing against a pole.

Fakih won the “Stripper 101” contest which was sponsored by a Detroit radio show Mojo in the Morning in 2007.

Well, good times. Had this mess came out about Prejean before the gay marriage hullabaloo, she would have been lampooned. But then again, her mouth and insatiable appetite deserved that ire anyway.

But here is this nice little Muslim girl, and because we can’t hate on any other religion sans those associated Jesus Christ, this ‘private dancer’ gets a pass for earning a quick buck.

Keep it classy, America.

However, since Christians aren’t allowed to espouse any views against this flashdance, then what about her homies in Hezbollah? According to FOX News, meh?

In an interview Tuesday with Lebanese television, Hezbollah official Hassan Fadlallah reportedly had few glowing words to describe Fakih, who became the first Muslim American on Sunday to secure the crown. “The criteria through which we evaluate women are different from those of the west,” Fadlallah told the television station, AFP reported.

In other words, “We haven’t seen the tape yet, but when we do, her USO tour will be interesting.”

Of course, even comparing her with Hezbollah, the hub for terrorism is a farce… and a conservative one at that. Thanks CNN:

“Absolutely not,” Fakih told CNN’s Octavia Nasr. “That is a stereotype and a prejudiced statement made by only one reporter who had made that title before I was crowned Miss USA.” The blogger’s accusation “was completely made up out of her own prejudiced mind,” she said.

So, back to the stripping.

Anyone outraged by this? Not so much because only the people who work for Donald Trump and the families of contestants seem to watch this mess any longer.

However, it is alarming how many people aren’t talking about this. Typically, that number directly reflects the many people who were lighting their torches and arming themselves with pitchforks over what we believed was a kind-hearted Christian speaking her mind and faith.

Can anyone say, “Double standard.”

What Fakih is no more worse than half the women who begin as drunken troglodytes during Spring Break and end up as fodder for “Girls Gone Wild” or something they will surely regret when they reach… sobriety.

Heck, she was wearing more clothes in the video than on stage during the swim suit competition. The premise is the flagrant double standard.

The winners of this competition used to be positioned for role model-hood. Entertaining the masses while showing girls around the world how to be a dignified woman with purpose and passion.

Instead, with the inclusion of silicon valley (no, not the tech place in California) and scruples so elastic, I could slingshot a canoe with them, the Miss USA contest is no more than a contest for 15 minutes and an opportunity to get lots of swag in the name of yourself.

Is that the Arab-American way? Nah, but she’s a step in the right direction. Unfortunately.

Listen, before I go on a rant… hey, I’m over here… and sound like I am berating all dog lovers… I said, over here. Yoohoo… I love a good puppy dog as much as the next guy but… YO! Are you listening to me or do I have to remove this picture?!

That’s better.

As reported in the N.Y. Daily News, model Joanna Krupa has been the ire of Christians for her tawdry, sacrilegious pin-up for PETA… and the buzz around the water cooler for dirty old men everywhere.

Rocking angel wings (yeah, those are authentic) and a cleverly positioned Cross, Krupa is the focal point of a new PETA campaign, “Be an angel for animals.”

Needless to say, the Catholic league may have a thing or two to say:

“The fact is that cats and dogs are a lot safer in pet stores than they are in the hands of PETA employees,” Catholic League President Bill Donohue said in a statement. “Moreover, pet stores don’t rip off Christian iconography and engage in cheap irreligious claims. PETA is a fraud. Those who support this organization sorely need a reality check. They also need a course in Ethics 101.”

What’s next? PETCO comes out with some ads featuring a colorful parrot who hates Christians with the “Get your church to stop squawking. Tell them what Polly really wants” campaign?

Perhaps, Petsmart unveils its latest marketing blitz with Snoop Dogg and his female Pit Bull playing in front of a church with the air bubble, “Snoop says, ‘Sit Biyatch’. Jesus loves you and so do I.”

Probably not. Why is it all right to make a mockery of the cross and Christianity. I don’t PETA having Joanna Krupa pose butt naked in a mosque draped in strategically placed slabs of bacon reading, “Fear not, Pigs are our friends too.”

No, because if they did, there would be a Jihad so large, President Obama wold deploy troops to PETA’s headquarters. But, when it comes to the things of Jesus, Christians are church mouse quiet and we have to open the door for the Catholic League and the Pope to defend the rights of all Christians.

Why?

Where is the Christian uproar about this stunt? I realize most shady preachers are too preoccupied with the advertising to worry about the message, but what about the rest of you?! Is this cool with you? Should we not defend the cross, the sanctity of Christ?

No, how does another ad with Krupa naked as the day she was born with a dog in one hand and a rosary dangling in the other grab you?

And that’s supposed to be cool with you? Sure, naked people are Christians too, but do you like you porn with that certain Jesus mystique or regular?

And speaking of Playboy porn starser, contestants from Dancing with the Stars being Christian too, Krupa had something to add:

“It’s understandable that the Catholic League is wary of another sex scandal, but the sex we’re talking about pertains to dogs and cats. As a practicing Catholic, I am shocked that the Catholic League is speaking out against my PETA ads, which I am very proud of. I’m doing what the Catholic Church should be doing, working to stop senseless suffering of animals, the most defenseless of God’s creation.”

Now while, priests everywhere are cheering and feverishly hen-pecking away at their computer figuring out how to spell ‘Chihuahua,’ ‘Dachshund’ or ‘Great Pyrenees’ in hopes of adoption, I call B.S.

MEMO to PETA: You will never see Pope Benedict’s naked behind draped on the cover of AARP with a conveniently located Labrador Retriever saying, “I confess. I love dogs too.” What good does that do other than make millions of people reach for a bottle of Tums?!

Sure, she’s hot. Sure, it will get folks attention. Sure, they don’t care about PR. But stop presuming the Church is stupid. You got a beef against Jesus, and it’s obvious. Wall Watchers, if you care about the cross then say something… or get others to say something.

501 Front St., Norfolk, VA 23510
757-622-PETA (7382)
757-622-0457 (fax)

Ingrid Newkirk, President

I mean, this is a woman who thinks owning a pet is animal slavery so she’s probably not equipped for an intellectual debate about dogma. However, this porn shot should not be tolerable by the Church! The message is fine. The meaning is kind. The method is madness.

And if anyone is wondering, I adopted my puppy, but I assure you I was wearing a good amount of clothing when I did it. Dogs scratch… and bite, you know?

I suppose this would explain why dirty old men want to practice the "laying on of hands"

I couldn’t fight it any longer! Believe me, I tried, Wall Watchers.

At first, I thought I could ignore Carrie Prejean during the Miss USA imbroglio.

You know, when the Donald “trumped” the news and trotted her out before a sweltering dais of paparazzi, flashing cameras and gay rights activists who wanted to know just who in the h-e-double-hockeysticks would tell Perez Hilton what states should do about same-sex marriages.

(And how in the h-e-double-hockeysticks did get to judge Miss USA anyway?!)

“Well I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one way or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And, you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there. But that’s how I was raised and I believe that it should be between a man and a woman.”

And that started it all.

All the “I think” and “I believe” was fine with me. It’s her opinion, and as a vociferous Bible-tottin’ Christian, who was I to argue?!

That is until she lost her crown, a sex tape popped up (as did Web traffic globally) and launched her whirlwind media tour to deny everything… except that it was just her in said tape (wink wink). Now, porn magnate Vivid has said tapes of her solo affair and wants to make a quick buck.

Yet, I still managed to turn a deaf ear… until now. But. Must. Write. Can’t. Help. Myself. And why? Because we learn Carrie Prejean has Christian boobies. (You read that correctly. Stop laughing and pay attention.)

Thanks to the story in Us, by way of an exclusive with Christianity Today, Carrie is on the public relations trail again. High-HO-Silver (I think that’s an unofficial nickname):

“No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian,” Prejean, 22, says in a new interview with Christianity Today. “I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.

You’re right, Carrie. It’s not in the Bible. I know, I’ve checked. However, since you are so smart, perhaps you could help all of us biblical dunderheads?

  • Abortion isn’t clearly defined either. Cherishing life and “thou shalt not kill” is. Where do you stand on that, Madame Hermeneutics?
  • The Bible tells us to flee from drunkenness, but doesn’t say much about shooting up or freebasing. So, how’s your crack habit these days?
  • Any thoughts on the tens of thousands of Christians who have tattoos? I mean that scripture in Leviticus 19:28 was talking about pagan practices, but meh? I’m sure you got a tramp stamp to justify that one too.

Ah, well. The mysteries of the Bible… and of Carrie Prejean, biblical scholar and excuse-making dimwit. Come to think of it, the Bible isn’t that clear about sex tapes, but who am I to judge.

I said it once, and now I get to say again… anyone remember excommunicated Mormon Chad Hardy?

Hardy is an entrepreneur from Las Vegas who had an epiphany that, if directed to a niche audience, would cause him a winfall of cash money. The idea was a Missionary Beefcake calendar of all those hottie LDS door-to-door salesmen.

And it worked. So much that he was excommunicated from Utah. Yeah, he was a 6th-generation Mormon. Nice.

RNS BYU CALENDAR

Meet Miss May and Cover Girl. I'm sure she's a great cook.

Well, sad for the Mormons, it seems sex really does sell because Hardy is baaaack with something a little Oedipus complex-ish.

TheHot Mormon Muffins: A Taste of Motherhood calendar features 12 mothers who claim membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in vintage pinup picture poses. Each month also has a muffin recipe.

Genius. “Also has a muffin recipe.”

That’s like finding a dirty old man at the magazine rack in a truck stop. Of course, he reads that magazine just for the articles. And by the way, yes, he is just happy to see me.

This “muffin” calendar is the latest in the series of Mormon in print. The problem is that Hardy got the boot from the church, so you know Missus January through December could be next? Was it worth it? It is to Hardy. Just ask him.

“For Mormons, the most holy calling next to missionary work is motherhood,” said Hardy. “But they’re not all the subservient housewives that people think they are.

What? Did someone hurl a Ron Jeremy movie in the DVD player? What’s that mean?

The “Men on a Mission” calendar may have been done with tongue firmly planted in cheek, but this is done with a motive… and a bent. Dude is on a mission to make Mormons look foolish, but this could backfire because how many Atheists will consider flying to Utah just to get a calendar?

The funny thing about this imbroglio is considering the questionable marriage practices in the LDS church, does each month contain the multiple mothers of the same household?

Tami Roberts (seen pictured above) has three girls and is raising them to be devout Mormons.

“I also want them to be open, accepting of other people, know that everybody is not the same and that it’s OK to make your own choices,” said Roberts, who works as a restaurant server and confessed to having a few tattoos, generally considered taboo among Mormons.

Yeah, because having a tramp stamp in the middle of a baptism for some dead guy could be a skosh distracting.

No word from LDS central but something tells me you won’t see Hardy’s calendar on sale in Salt Lake anytime soon at Borders.