Posts Tagged ‘plastic surgery’

Listen, before I go on a rant… hey, I’m over here… and sound like I am berating all dog lovers… I said, over here. Yoohoo… I love a good puppy dog as much as the next guy but… YO! Are you listening to me or do I have to remove this picture?!

That’s better.

As reported in the N.Y. Daily News, model Joanna Krupa has been the ire of Christians for her tawdry, sacrilegious pin-up for PETA… and the buzz around the water cooler for dirty old men everywhere.

Rocking angel wings (yeah, those are authentic) and a cleverly positioned Cross, Krupa is the focal point of a new PETA campaign, “Be an angel for animals.”

Needless to say, the Catholic league may have a thing or two to say:

“The fact is that cats and dogs are a lot safer in pet stores than they are in the hands of PETA employees,” Catholic League President Bill Donohue said in a statement. “Moreover, pet stores don’t rip off Christian iconography and engage in cheap irreligious claims. PETA is a fraud. Those who support this organization sorely need a reality check. They also need a course in Ethics 101.”

What’s next? PETCO comes out with some ads featuring a colorful parrot who hates Christians with the “Get your church to stop squawking. Tell them what Polly really wants” campaign?

Perhaps, Petsmart unveils its latest marketing blitz with Snoop Dogg and his female Pit Bull playing in front of a church with the air bubble, “Snoop says, ‘Sit Biyatch’. Jesus loves you and so do I.”

Probably not. Why is it all right to make a mockery of the cross and Christianity. I don’t PETA having Joanna Krupa pose butt naked in a mosque draped in strategically placed slabs of bacon reading, “Fear not, Pigs are our friends too.”

No, because if they did, there would be a Jihad so large, President Obama wold deploy troops to PETA’s headquarters. But, when it comes to the things of Jesus, Christians are church mouse quiet and we have to open the door for the Catholic League and the Pope to defend the rights of all Christians.

Why?

Where is the Christian uproar about this stunt? I realize most shady preachers are too preoccupied with the advertising to worry about the message, but what about the rest of you?! Is this cool with you? Should we not defend the cross, the sanctity of Christ?

No, how does another ad with Krupa naked as the day she was born with a dog in one hand and a rosary dangling in the other grab you?

And that’s supposed to be cool with you? Sure, naked people are Christians too, but do you like you porn with that certain Jesus mystique or regular?

And speaking of Playboy porn starser, contestants from Dancing with the Stars being Christian too, Krupa had something to add:

“It’s understandable that the Catholic League is wary of another sex scandal, but the sex we’re talking about pertains to dogs and cats. As a practicing Catholic, I am shocked that the Catholic League is speaking out against my PETA ads, which I am very proud of. I’m doing what the Catholic Church should be doing, working to stop senseless suffering of animals, the most defenseless of God’s creation.”

Now while, priests everywhere are cheering and feverishly hen-pecking away at their computer figuring out how to spell ‘Chihuahua,’ ‘Dachshund’ or ‘Great Pyrenees’ in hopes of adoption, I call B.S.

MEMO to PETA: You will never see Pope Benedict’s naked behind draped on the cover of AARP with a conveniently located Labrador Retriever saying, “I confess. I love dogs too.” What good does that do other than make millions of people reach for a bottle of Tums?!

Sure, she’s hot. Sure, it will get folks attention. Sure, they don’t care about PR. But stop presuming the Church is stupid. You got a beef against Jesus, and it’s obvious. Wall Watchers, if you care about the cross then say something… or get others to say something.

501 Front St., Norfolk, VA 23510
757-622-PETA (7382)
757-622-0457 (fax)

Ingrid Newkirk, President

I mean, this is a woman who thinks owning a pet is animal slavery so she’s probably not equipped for an intellectual debate about dogma. However, this porn shot should not be tolerable by the Church! The message is fine. The meaning is kind. The method is madness.

And if anyone is wondering, I adopted my puppy, but I assure you I was wearing a good amount of clothing when I did it. Dogs scratch… and bite, you know?

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I suppose this would explain why dirty old men want to practice the "laying on of hands"

I couldn’t fight it any longer! Believe me, I tried, Wall Watchers.

At first, I thought I could ignore Carrie Prejean during the Miss USA imbroglio.

You know, when the Donald “trumped” the news and trotted her out before a sweltering dais of paparazzi, flashing cameras and gay rights activists who wanted to know just who in the h-e-double-hockeysticks would tell Perez Hilton what states should do about same-sex marriages.

(And how in the h-e-double-hockeysticks did get to judge Miss USA anyway?!)

“Well I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one way or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And, you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there. But that’s how I was raised and I believe that it should be between a man and a woman.”

And that started it all.

All the “I think” and “I believe” was fine with me. It’s her opinion, and as a vociferous Bible-tottin’ Christian, who was I to argue?!

That is until she lost her crown, a sex tape popped up (as did Web traffic globally) and launched her whirlwind media tour to deny everything… except that it was just her in said tape (wink wink). Now, porn magnate Vivid has said tapes of her solo affair and wants to make a quick buck.

Yet, I still managed to turn a deaf ear… until now. But. Must. Write. Can’t. Help. Myself. And why? Because we learn Carrie Prejean has Christian boobies. (You read that correctly. Stop laughing and pay attention.)

Thanks to the story in Us, by way of an exclusive with Christianity Today, Carrie is on the public relations trail again. High-HO-Silver (I think that’s an unofficial nickname):

“No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian,” Prejean, 22, says in a new interview with Christianity Today. “I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.

You’re right, Carrie. It’s not in the Bible. I know, I’ve checked. However, since you are so smart, perhaps you could help all of us biblical dunderheads?

  • Abortion isn’t clearly defined either. Cherishing life and “thou shalt not kill” is. Where do you stand on that, Madame Hermeneutics?
  • The Bible tells us to flee from drunkenness, but doesn’t say much about shooting up or freebasing. So, how’s your crack habit these days?
  • Any thoughts on the tens of thousands of Christians who have tattoos? I mean that scripture in Leviticus 19:28 was talking about pagan practices, but meh? I’m sure you got a tramp stamp to justify that one too.

Ah, well. The mysteries of the Bible… and of Carrie Prejean, biblical scholar and excuse-making dimwit. Come to think of it, the Bible isn’t that clear about sex tapes, but who am I to judge.

I said it once, and now I get to say again… anyone remember excommunicated Mormon Chad Hardy?

Hardy is an entrepreneur from Las Vegas who had an epiphany that, if directed to a niche audience, would cause him a winfall of cash money. The idea was a Missionary Beefcake calendar of all those hottie LDS door-to-door salesmen.

And it worked. So much that he was excommunicated from Utah. Yeah, he was a 6th-generation Mormon. Nice.

RNS BYU CALENDAR

Meet Miss May and Cover Girl. I'm sure she's a great cook.

Well, sad for the Mormons, it seems sex really does sell because Hardy is baaaack with something a little Oedipus complex-ish.

TheHot Mormon Muffins: A Taste of Motherhood calendar features 12 mothers who claim membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in vintage pinup picture poses. Each month also has a muffin recipe.

Genius. “Also has a muffin recipe.”

That’s like finding a dirty old man at the magazine rack in a truck stop. Of course, he reads that magazine just for the articles. And by the way, yes, he is just happy to see me.

This “muffin” calendar is the latest in the series of Mormon in print. The problem is that Hardy got the boot from the church, so you know Missus January through December could be next? Was it worth it? It is to Hardy. Just ask him.

“For Mormons, the most holy calling next to missionary work is motherhood,” said Hardy. “But they’re not all the subservient housewives that people think they are.

What? Did someone hurl a Ron Jeremy movie in the DVD player? What’s that mean?

The “Men on a Mission” calendar may have been done with tongue firmly planted in cheek, but this is done with a motive… and a bent. Dude is on a mission to make Mormons look foolish, but this could backfire because how many Atheists will consider flying to Utah just to get a calendar?

The funny thing about this imbroglio is considering the questionable marriage practices in the LDS church, does each month contain the multiple mothers of the same household?

Tami Roberts (seen pictured above) has three girls and is raising them to be devout Mormons.

“I also want them to be open, accepting of other people, know that everybody is not the same and that it’s OK to make your own choices,” said Roberts, who works as a restaurant server and confessed to having a few tattoos, generally considered taboo among Mormons.

Yeah, because having a tramp stamp in the middle of a baptism for some dead guy could be a skosh distracting.

No word from LDS central but something tells me you won’t see Hardy’s calendar on sale in Salt Lake anytime soon at Borders.

 

So, I have a Mea Culpa. It’s been way too long since we had an episode of our award-winning brickhouse series, “God Sighting of the Month.”

We had a real trend working. God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary were routinely making cameos in saltine crackers, voyeuristically standing in a hospital window and even making music in the frets of guitars. But, I suppose the telestial troika took the summer off for the holy cottage in the Hamptons because nothing has been in the news.

Not a Cheeto, a slab of jelly with a halo or even some dude blowing his nose and investigating the holiness inside.

Then it hit me. Michael Jackson died! Maybe you heard?

Wacko Jacko is back?!

Wacko Jacko is back?! Maybe?

And with the way dolts in this world deified him (I mean, he was great, but God? Meh?) it made sense. The Prince of Peace must be giving the King of Pop his just desserts.

How do I know? Check this oddball story out of (where else) California where a Stockton family saw an image of God… Michael Jackson in a tree stump.

Although I’m thankful we are consolidating offering up our weekly “Cross Eyed” series and continuing “GSOTM,” seriously?!

These people are barking mad. (Yeah, I have been waiting all week for that line. Why do you ask?)

Here’s Felix Garcia, a 22-year-old resident of Stockton, out trimming his shrubs and like Saul of Tarsus… BAM! There was his revelation, the Man in the Birch Stump Mirror.

And now, half of Nor-Cal is taking numbers to see the hallowed tree. Some taking pictures. Others, plain curiosity. And then there is this nitwit:

“Because Michael Jackson was an icon to us,” said one neighbor. “To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they’re both about even.”

I realize is face was tougher than day-old leather, but resembling a tree? Really?

And then… well, you read the quote. I can’t go on. I’m just going back to my iPod and resist the temptation to say this is the most “Off the Wall” story I’ve heard in a while. 🙂

A Vatican cheese basket from the Monks

A Vatican cheese basket from the Monks

Monks.

When you consider the robe-trodden people of humble beginnings, you typically consider open-toed Birkenstocks, little oral hygiene and climbing the charts with that ethereal monotone moaning they do.

These are guys of limited resources and don’t ask for much, so when the economy tanked and donations came to a screeching halt, you knew these boys had to mix in a job application or something outside of their six hours of daily prayer.

But according to this story from USA Today, members of the Teresian Carmalites monastery in Worcester, Mass. have cornered the market to help ressurect their philanthropic pitfalls – wrinkle cream?!

First, it was make some brew from their Trappist order in Belgium. No go. Next, they thought to make windmills and sell power, but an ill wind was blowing and that didn’t work.

That’s when one of what Brother Dennis Wyrzykowski calls “God-incidences” connected them with a medical school professor, whose work included patented research into a compound in the human heart that has been found to also fight wrinkles. With the professor’s blessing, the religious community recently started selling a high-end skin cream online based on the compound.

No more homemade jam, cheese and wine, these fellas have broken into the world of Avon, Mary Kay and Maybelline.

For $65, you too can purchase a bottle of Easeamine (online no less) and wash those crows feet away. And if they sell 32,000 tubes of this celestial cream, they break even. Heavenly, ain’t it?

You know, now that I think about it – and stare at myself in the mirror – who needs the cream. How about some Duran Duran. Hit it boys.