Posts Tagged ‘music’

Ah yes. It’s back – Christian marketing.

A while back, Wall Watchers were bemused by a visual onslaught of lovely t-shirts and branding that’s the equivalent of a six-year-old with crayons watching commercials. Today, we find a story that makes the church look a skosh better and a tad more current.

Celebrity endorsements, how novel. But who? Would you believe the Newsboys on a pair of Chuck Taylor Converse All-stars?! I know!

Hey now, you're an all-star... wait, that's not their song!?

Hey now, you're an all-star... wait, that's not their song!?

The band who almost began “borrowing” something for the secular [Originally, their name was “The News” in the 80s, but Huey Lewis may have had something to say] now dawns the most sacred and regaled kicks on the market.

Nice.

“The opportunity to be associated with Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars is exciting,” says newsboys [sic] manager Wes Campbell. “I have personally worn them for years. newsboys is a great choice to break into this market. We launched the shoes on newsboys’ current The Way We Roll Tour, which kicked off October 1 in Greensboro and will run through mid-November.”

Nice plug for the tour, Wes. Only one small issue, boys.

Before you can “Shine” with these shoes, you may want to sell them on your Web site’s store. Just sayin’.

Abercromie & Kvetch

Abercromie & Kvetch

I’m not a big fashion buff. That’s not to say I can’t rock my “Metrosexual.” Child, please.

However, you know the stores with the blaring music that would an airplane engineer scream, “Would you turn that crap off?” Yeah, the same ones that smell like a house of ill repute walked through the place?

In other words, Abercrombie & Fitch. Yeah, it’s just that place. I loathe that store.

And now, apparently so will Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam thanks to this story in Yahoo! news.

Last week the EEOC filed suit against Abercrombie on behalf of Samantha Elauf, a 19-year-old community college student from Tulsa, Okla., who is Muslim. The suit alleges that Abercrombie “refused to hire Ms. Elauf because she wears a hijab, claiming that the wearing of the headgear was prohibited by its Look Policy,” or employee dress code.

The “look policy”. Nice. I hope they are looking when a throng of bow-tie brothers with attitude come banging on their door in the nearby mall because this is borderline comical.

According to Abercromie’s “Look Policy,” associates must wear clothing that is consistent with A&F brand or not wear the color black.

In other words, if you shop in the kids’ section, think underage booty calls are perfectly acceptable or attack your jeans with a rugged hacksaw, welcome to this place.

When contacted for a response, Abercrombie & Fitch issued the following statement: “We cannot comment on pending litigation. We have a strong equal-opportunity policy, and we accommodate religious beliefs and practices when possible. We are confident that the litigation of this matter will demonstrate that we have followed the law in every respect.”

I’m sure they did, but tell me dudes… like, how does a hijab mess with the righteous brand and sweet “look policy” anyway?

If the girl interviewed with a headscarf on, what in the world made you think she would go home, call her Imam and tell him, “My apologies, but this place rocks. So much for the covering. Peace.”

This is a company that sells not clothes and God-awful cologne, but sex. Plain and simple. And I suppose a religious head covering doesn’t really play with that pre-pubescent angst the store managers require.

Either way, this is more of “what goes around, comes around.” Welcome to the real world, Abercromie because Ms. Elauf will go “fitch” her winnings very soon. (Thanks, I’m here all week long).

In this week’s video evangelism, we have a story just in time for Christmas shopping preparations.

Dylan_XmasIt turns out, not every entertainer in Hollywood has done a Yuletide tune. Let’s add Bob Dylan to the mix!

As first reported on the Web site BullyPulpit.com, at least four songs have already been recorded for the album including, “Must Be Santa,” “Here Comes Santa Claus,” “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and “O Little Town of Bethlehem.”

What’s next? “A hard snow’s gonna fall,” “Snowin’ in the Wind” or “It ain’t me, Santa”? Need we remind you this is Bob Dylan (nee Robert Zimmerman), as in really Jewish… singing CHRISTmas songs! Mazel Tov, Bobby.

Mind you, he seems to have returned to the faith. Dylan went through a “born again” Christian phase from 1979-81, releasing several gospel-style albums including “Slow Train Coming” and “Saved.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan… at least when he was coherent to the point somewhere between barely understandable English and a man with 15 cold sores on his tongue.

But how would this sound to a Zionist on a brisk Christmas Eve [cue harp music]:

“Jeeen-guuuulll B-eeeeeels. Jeeen-guuuulll B-eeeeeels. Jeeen-guuuul All… the Waaaaayy.”

Okay, if that didn’t quite make the reference point to you, try this video clip on for size (told you this was Cross Eyed):

Well, it ain’t their faith in God (as we have posted previously on the Wall). And although, both have a propensity for big pimpin’ clothes, where they fancy to shop isn’t it either.

No, according to this story from USA Today, the Pontiff and the Doggfather are label mates. As in Geffen Records.

The Pope has got almost a lullaby tone to the way he sings,” Geffen’s president Colin Barlow told Britain’s Telegraph newspaper, adding that the album will make a “great Christmas present.”

The Pope + A new CD = Ka-Ching!

The Pope + A new CD = Ka-Ching!

Who is he? The Holy See or Luther Vandross?!

What, someone genuflects to kiss his ring, begging for forgiveness of sins and B16 belts out “Give Me the Reason.” Nice.

And naturally, the record label is shilling for stocking stuffers. What else says ‘Merry Christmas’ in a more festive way than singing yuletide tunes in Santa Claus’ native tongue, German.

Ahh… I can smell the beer-encrusted, pretzel-flavored fruitcake already.

The name of the CD will be “Alma Mater,” which will be “featuring the pope’s chants and prayers along with eight original classical compositions.”

Now I know what I bookend my “Chant” CD collection with the dulcet tones of the Benedictine Monks.

Just be wary, your Holiness. Catholics serve wine and uh… well, just swap tunes with the new family and upload “Gin & Juice” on the iPod. Your labelmate is talking about something else entirely. Just sayin’.

So, mark you calendars, Saints. November 16, the CD hits iTunes and the The P-izzle will “dropping it like it’s hot.” West-Syde!

So, I have a Mea Culpa. It’s been way too long since we had an episode of our award-winning brickhouse series, “God Sighting of the Month.”

We had a real trend working. God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary were routinely making cameos in saltine crackers, voyeuristically standing in a hospital window and even making music in the frets of guitars. But, I suppose the telestial troika took the summer off for the holy cottage in the Hamptons because nothing has been in the news.

Not a Cheeto, a slab of jelly with a halo or even some dude blowing his nose and investigating the holiness inside.

Then it hit me. Michael Jackson died! Maybe you heard?

Wacko Jacko is back?!

Wacko Jacko is back?! Maybe?

And with the way dolts in this world deified him (I mean, he was great, but God? Meh?) it made sense. The Prince of Peace must be giving the King of Pop his just desserts.

How do I know? Check this oddball story out of (where else) California where a Stockton family saw an image of God… Michael Jackson in a tree stump.

Although I’m thankful we are consolidating offering up our weekly “Cross Eyed” series and continuing “GSOTM,” seriously?!

These people are barking mad. (Yeah, I have been waiting all week for that line. Why do you ask?)

Here’s Felix Garcia, a 22-year-old resident of Stockton, out trimming his shrubs and like Saul of Tarsus… BAM! There was his revelation, the Man in the Birch Stump Mirror.

And now, half of Nor-Cal is taking numbers to see the hallowed tree. Some taking pictures. Others, plain curiosity. And then there is this nitwit:

“Because Michael Jackson was an icon to us,” said one neighbor. “To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they’re both about even.”

I realize is face was tougher than day-old leather, but resembling a tree? Really?

And then… well, you read the quote. I can’t go on. I’m just going back to my iPod and resist the temptation to say this is the most “Off the Wall” story I’ve heard in a while. 🙂